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Newlywed Worried: Husband Flirting with Coworker Before Wedding - What Should I Do?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |479 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 09, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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i have been married for months and recently found out that my husband is talking secretly with his workmate like 2 months before wedding.i saw all the conversation it seems that both of them are flirting with each other.but then my husband clarify that it was nothing and nothing happened between them but now im literally confuse if i had the right decision of marrying him.And we talk honetly and he told me everything but still i have this doubt esp we will be a long distance again????And he promise he will not talk again with anyone he gave me all his password for all his account and he even buy cctv so that i can monitor him while his away.please help me i dont know what to do i love him dearly and i want to move forward with our future but still have this doubts what if he will do it again????

Ans: The fact that your husband has been open and taken steps to reassure you, like sharing his passwords and even installing CCTV, shows that he's trying to rebuild trust and be transparent. These actions suggest he's serious about addressing your concerns and committed to making you feel secure in the relationship.

That said, rebuilding trust isn't something that happens instantly. It takes time, consistent effort, and ongoing communication. It's important to acknowledge your feelings and give yourself the space to process them. Feeling doubt after something like this is a normal response, but it doesn't have to define your relationship going forward.

It's vital to keep the lines of communication open. Talk openly about your feelings, worries, and needs. This kind of dialogue can help both of you understand each other better and strengthen your bond. You might also find it helpful to discuss and agree on clear boundaries for interactions with others, especially given the long-distance aspect of your relationship. This can help create a sense of security and prevent misunderstandings.

While it's important to acknowledge what happened, try to focus on the present and what you both can do to nurture your relationship moving forward. If you find that your doubts and anxieties are overwhelming, seeking the guidance of a couples' therapist might be beneficial. A therapist can help facilitate deeper conversations and provide strategies to rebuild trust and strengthen your relationship.

It's okay to feel unsure, but also recognize the effort your husband is putting in. Trust takes time to rebuild, but with love, dedication, and mutual effort, you can move forward together. Remember, it's a journey, and it's okay to take things one step at a time.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1431 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 13, 2022

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 Hi I’m 24 years old and have been married for 3 years now.My husband and I thought we had plenty of fights we did made it up and moving on as we love each other a lot. But last year after we had our first child, (even before that) I could see that he has changed a lot.Because of my delivery I came to my parents’ house in my 5th month and till today I’m still here .In this new year I found out that he is talking to the same girl about whom we had a fight when I was 3 months pregnant.He said 'Nothing is going on between us. Please trust me and all' because he claims her to be his friend.This year around New Year when he visited me I got to see the same girl and him taking selfies standing close to each other. And in one pic he also kissed her on her cheeks.My heart broke when I saw that pic. When I confronted him he said that nothing wrong had happened, ‘we are just friends.’ He said ‘It will never happen again I swear on my child.’But he never answered my question on why he had to take such a pic with her that day and that too it was pic taken after my delivery when he left home saying he had some important office work .He loves me with his words. But I’m not able to make out in some situations if it’s true or not.Nowadays he insists that I shouldn’t call him on purpose to ask idiotic questions about my lunch or my health and even to show our baby on call. He said I should call only if there is something important. Even if he calls me, he says he wants to see the baby. He said he wanted some peace from me cause I am torturing him. He said this after we quarelled about that girl.Please help me with what I should do further. I am not able to figure it out. Thanks in advance.
Ans:

Dear SR,

Straight and upfront; how much do you want to make this marriage work?

Do you feel he wants to be in this marriage as well?

Are you being a convenient façade for him to be the loving married husband with a child and then go behind your back to another woman?

Are you allowing yourself to be blackmailed into suppressing your doubts about him so that he will still be in the marriage?

What you can do further is bring in a neutral person to bring his ‘floating on the sky party’ to the ground.

His immaturity at not being able to be a father to his child at the time when his wife needs his emotional support needs to be addressed.

Ask an elder member to step in and bring some much needed sense into him so that there is an effort put into bringing you and him on the talk table for a much needed conversation to set things right.

You can do this, remember, you are a woman and now a mother who is strong and knows what she wants.

Step in and take charge and never allow yourself to be cowed down by anyone.

Be YOU and all the best!

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1431 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

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Hello, I am 41 year old professional. I had met my husband before marriage though social media 5 years back and thereafter maintaining distance relationship and meeting occasionally for 3 years we got married in 2021. It was a struggle for marriage as it was inter caste and inter religious marriage. Everything was smooth in relationship to the fact that I’m responsible for all financial matters as my husband has no job. He is still trying and looking for job. I didn’t mind much but would encourage him to get the job to be mentally and physically fit. Last year we went to his nephews marriage to his village. It was of 7 day programme. On second day I noticed him watching another women ( nephews mother’s sister who has 2 daughters) At that time I didn’t pay attention. After 2 days on a night function I saw my husband texting from far but he looked at that lady again. She also seemed to texting. I became suspicious. Later that night when he came to room I asked to show him his phone he was reluctant. I had to snatch his phone and I saw that he was texting the same lady and in that had asked her to meet her alone. and asking her where he can meet her. I gnashed cried and made a huge scene coz this was not what I had expected. He tried to convince that she was his girlfriend of past and suddenly after seeing her after sometime he only wanted to talk to her. I only asked her ... why alone? He had told me during dating that she had a girlfriend ( never told her identity) and that she has married and moved on. Feeling cheated I could not sleep but only cried that night and in the morning if we can return to our city. Programme had not finished but he agreed and we left. Since then that night and those days still haunt me ; thinking what didn’t I do to love him so much and in return we get cheated. I’m still with him, but mentally I still feel cheated and still am in doubt that he is in touch with her. I am not able to do my duties as part of my mind thinks he cheats me though I have confronted many times on this and he denies that he is not in touch with her Should I leave him or continue with this marriage? We still don’t have any baby.
Ans: Dear Vandana,
Clearly you are more into him than he is into you. Baby or no baby, he seems like someone who isn't going to be steady...what was the need to hide and plan a meeting and if the other lady has moved on, what is doing hanging around her?
And with no financial assurance and stability, he is only tuning his energies to external validation to 'up' his elf esteem...

Isn't it time you actually called him out for his wayward nature and his absolute reluctance to take on some responsibility in the marriage and home? The more you are quiet, the more he is going to feel that you are supporting this nonsense...call it out and NOW! And as for your state of mind, do know that you have it in you to hold your own...don't base you peace of mind on anything outside of you...

All the best!

..Read more

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |500 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 08, 2024

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Hello, I am 41 year old professional. I had met my husband before marriage though social media 5 years back and thereafter maintaining distance relationship and meeting occasionally for 3 years we got married in 2021. It was a struggle for marriage as it was inter caste and inter religious marriage. Everything was smooth in relationship to the fact that I’m responsible for all financial matters as my husband has no job. He is still trying and looking for job. I didn’t mind much but would encourage him to get the job to be mentally and physically fit. Last year we went to his nephews marriage to his village. It was of 7 day programme. On second day I noticed him watching another women ( nephews mother’s sister who has 2 daughters) At that time I didn’t pay attention. After 2 days on a night function I saw my husband texting from far but he looked at that lady again. She also seemed to texting. I became suspicious. Later that night when he came to room I asked to show him his phone he was reluctant. I had to snatch his phone and I saw that he was texting the same lady and in that had asked her to meet her alone. and asking her where he can meet her. I gnashed cried and made a huge scene coz this was not what I had expected. He tried to convince that she was his girlfriend of past and suddenly after seeing her after sometime he only wanted to talk to her. I only asked her ... why alone? He had told me during dating that she had a girlfriend ( never told her identity) and that she has married and moved on. Feeling cheated I could not sleep but only cried that night and in the morning if we can return to our city. Programme had not finished but he agreed and we left. Since then that night and those days still haunt me ; thinking what didn’t I do to love him so much and in return we get cheated. I’m still with him, but mentally I still feel cheated and still am in doubt that he is in touch with her. I am not able to do my duties as part of my mind thinks he cheats me though I have confronted many times on this and he denies that he is not in touch with her Should I leave him or continue with this marriage? We still don’t have any baby.
Ans: Dear Vandana

I understand how heartbreaking it can be to find out your spouse is cheating. I would only tell you one thing- if the thought of leaving him has crossed your mind even once, it is worth sitting down and introspecting. If you happen to come to an understanding that separation would be what's best for you, have an open and clear discussion with your spouse. If he agrees to change his ways, you can give it another shot. But that's completely up to you. No one can force you to give him a second chance. As you said, you don't still have a child and it is best to come to a decision before there is a child in the equation. If your husband does not care about it and sticks to his behavior, there will remain not a shred of doubt that separation is the right choice. But before all of that, take a beat and think. Not from a place of anger and grudge. Calm yourself and think if you are reading too much into the situation or if is it actually as bad as it looks. It will be tough, but it is important because the rest of your life depends on it.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1431 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 28, 2024Hindi
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |479 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2024Hindi
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Hii, my husband and I have a love marriage after 9 years of dating, now it has been 6 years and two children after that, little one is 8months old. He had a brief affair extending to chatting mostly as far as I know to someone who works in the same company but different department to him when my little one was 1 month old, we were in rough patch that time due to child birth difficulties and family drama. Then as I got to know about the same, by casually checking his phone and confronted him he accepted his mistake and said sorry. And said he won't be doing that again but I caught him again somehow chatting and same repeat he said he is wrong and now as per him he have reduced talking to that girl. But as I think he talks to her thoda bhot, as she is his junior position and asks for help once a while. I love my husband a lot, but this thing hurt my self respect and I am in a lot of torture mentally. I know my husband won't leave me, but I don't want to stay in such a relationship which feels a burden to my partner. I want my husband to be happy too. I am very confused what to do. I have talked to him on several times, every time he listen and helps me calm down, some times we fought also. But I am not at peace. Ps that girl is also married to her love just 2 years back. I don't want to harm my husband's reputation in any way. But I am very much hurt also. I have been reading your column for 3-4 now. I am also financially independent. I don't need anything form him, just his love. Sorry for the length, please help me.?
Ans: In your heart, it’s clear that you love him deeply and that, ideally, you want to preserve your family and relationship. However, it’s important not to dismiss your own needs for validation, love, and respect. Sometimes, the process of forgiveness includes setting strong, clear boundaries. Your husband needs to understand that while you’re willing to work on the relationship, trust is fragile and requires commitment to restore. This might mean a commitment on his part to keep all communication with this colleague strictly professional and transparent, or even a decision to minimize interactions with her entirely if necessary. Expressing these boundaries clearly may help him see the gravity of what’s at stake.

It’s also valuable to remember that healing from betrayal is not a quick process. Even with reassurances and boundaries in place, your feelings of hurt, betrayal, and anger may surface unexpectedly. Be gentle with yourself in this process and consider turning inward to strengthen your own resilience. Financial independence is an incredible strength, and leaning into the aspects of your life that bring you personal fulfillment can be grounding. Investing in your own well-being will help you feel more centered, no matter where this journey takes you.

If, at any point, you feel that his actions aren’t aligning with his words and that trust cannot be rebuilt, remember that choosing a path that prioritizes your mental peace is not a failure. Some couples also find that a temporary separation helps provide clarity; this doesn’t have to mean ending the relationship but could be a chance to reset, reflect, and decide if you both are truly aligned in your vision for the future.

In the end, what matters most is that you feel respected, valued, and loved in a way that doesn’t compromise your self-worth. This situation is a challenging chapter, but with clarity, boundaries, and professional support, you can find a path that honors both your love for your husband and your own dignity.

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Harsh Bharwani  |69 Answers  |Ask -

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Is laundry franchise business is profitable?
Ans: The laundry business is a profitable venture due to consistent demand, low entry barriers, and a recurring revenue model. Urban areas, in particular, drive growth with their high population of working professionals, students, and families who prefer outsourcing laundry services for convenience.

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6. Marketing and Customer Care: Build a recognizable brand, use digital marketing to reach your audience, and provide excellent customer service with timely and convenient options.

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1137 Answers  |Ask -

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Pushpa

Pushpa R  |42 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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I’ve been practicing yoga for a while now, but I’ve recently started noticing some discomfort in my lower back, especially after doing forward folds and back bends. I try to listen to my body and not push myself too hard, but sometimes I still feel strain or tightness in my back the next day. I’m especially concerned about preventing any long-term damage, and I’d appreciate some tips on how to protect my back while still getting the benefits of these stretches.
Ans: Discomfort in the lower back during yoga is often due to improper alignment or over-stretching. Here’s how to protect your back while continuing your practice:

Engage Your Core: Always activate your core muscles during forward folds and backbends. A strong core supports your lower back and prevents strain.

Modify Forward Folds: Avoid rounding your lower back. Instead, keep your spine long and bend from your hips, not your waist. You can slightly bend your knees to reduce tension on your lower back.

Gentle Backbends: For backbends, focus on opening your chest rather than over-arching your lower back. Start with smaller poses like Cobra Pose (Bhujangasana) and gradually work towards deeper bends like Camel Pose (Ustrasana) with proper guidance.

Use Props: Blocks or cushions can help reduce strain and improve alignment. For example, place a block under your hands during forward folds.

Stretch Your Hamstrings and Hips: Tight hamstrings and hips can pull on your lower back, causing discomfort. Incorporate poses like Reclined Hand-to-Big-Toe Pose (Supta Padangusthasana) and Pigeon Pose (Eka Pada Rajakapotasana).

It’s crucial to work with a yoga coach who can assess your alignment and suggest modifications tailored to you. This will help you avoid injury and enjoy a safer practice.

R. Pushpa, M.Sc (Yoga)
Online Yoga & Meditation Coach
Radiant YogaVibes
https://www.instagram.com/pushpa_radiantyogavibes/

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Pushpa

Pushpa R  |42 Answers  |Ask -

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Ravi Mittal  |500 Answers  |Ask -

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7478 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2025

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Am currently 50...I dont hv job. .Iam invested in mmt but right now am 15% on my PF....I invested 19lacs on mkt. ...wht shud ido ?
Ans: You have made bold moves in investing Rs. 19 lakhs in the market. Being 15% down on your portfolio is concerning but manageable. Let us evaluate your current position and suggest actionable steps.

Key Concerns
Jobless Situation: Absence of steady income creates financial pressure.

Market Volatility: A 15% loss indicates exposure to high-risk investments.

Emergency Needs: Liquidity might be limited if all funds are in the market.

Long-Term Goals: Planning for retirement is essential at this stage.

Strengths
Investments in Market: Rs. 19 lakhs is a good corpus to build wealth.

Time to Recover: At 50, there is still time for strategic financial planning.

Aggressive Approach: Shows you are willing to take risks, which can be an advantage.

Recommendations
Reassess Portfolio Allocation
Review your investments in mutual funds or stocks.

Shift a portion to balanced or hybrid funds for stability.

Reduce exposure to high-risk segments like small caps or sectoral funds.

Create a Contingency Fund
Set aside Rs. 3-5 lakhs for emergencies.

Use liquid funds or short-term fixed deposits for easy access.

Explore Income Sources
Find part-time or freelance opportunities to ease financial stress.

Rental income, tutoring, or consulting can supplement your needs.

Stop Panic Selling
Do not redeem investments in a downturn.

Hold onto quality assets for market recovery.

Diversify Investments
Avoid putting all money in equities.

Consider fixed income options like Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (when eligible), or debt funds.

Plan for Retirement
Evaluate the gap between your current corpus and retirement needs.

Use Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) later for regular post-retirement income.

Monitor Regularly
Review your portfolio every 6 months.

Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner for rebalancing.

Final Insights
Your situation requires balanced risk-taking and income generation strategies. Preserve capital while focusing on gradual recovery. Discipline and informed decisions will help secure your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |479 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Radheshyam Zanwar  |1137 Answers  |Ask -

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