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Manager Doesn't Value My Work: Stuck in a Promotion Rut - Advice Needed

Aamish

Aamish Dhingra  |5 Answers  |Ask -

Life Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2025

Aamish Dhingra is a life coach, educationalist and founder of Cocoweave Coaching International, which provides professional training to empower individuals and organisations.
With over seven years of experience in human resources, he specialises in corporate training, life coaching services and team coaching. His expertise lies in solving complex problems, leading innovative projects and delivering impactful solutions that drive growth and transformation.
Aamish completed his BBA (bachelor of business administration) from Amity University and MBA from Jamia Hamdard University, both in Noida.
He holds a PCC (professional certified coach) certification from the International Coaching Federation, USA, and a credentialed practitioner of coaching certification from the International Coach Guild, Australia.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 14, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Aamish, I am facing a bit of conflict at work. My manager doesn't support or value my contribution. I am working at least 1O to 12 hours every day, including 6 hours on weekends. The team head works remotely from Hyderabad and isn't aware of what is happening here. I was denied a promotion because the team head feels the manager is doing all the work. How should I deal with this? Please help

Ans: You’re in a frustrating position where your hard work is going unnoticed, and your manager is taking credit for your efforts. The long hours, lack of recognition, and unfair promotion decision make it clear that something needs to change. Instead of continuing to push yourself without results, it’s time to shift strategies.
First, document your contributions. Keep records of your work, emails, and any instances where you took the lead on tasks. If your team head is unaware of your contributions, find subtle ways to bring them to their attention. This could be through direct updates, taking initiative in meetings, or requesting feedback from other colleagues who can vouch for your efforts.
Next, consider addressing the issue professionally. Request a conversation with your manager and express your concerns about growth opportunities. Avoid sounding confrontational—instead, frame it as a discussion about your career path and how you can contribute more effectively. If that doesn’t work, try reaching out to HR or someone higher up who can provide guidance.
If the environment remains toxic and you feel undervalued despite your efforts, it may be time to explore other opportunities. Your skills and dedication deserve recognition, and if this company isn’t willing to provide that, another one will. The key is to remain proactive rather than stuck in frustration.

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Asked by Anonymous - Oct 16, 2024Hindi
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My manager is constantly manipulating his boss about me. Everyone in my team is aware that she is increasingly insecure about my success and feels threatened by me. She often gives incorrect and incomplete feedback due to which my manager feels that my manager is more efficient than I am. In the past, 4 people have quit or been foced to resign due to these politics. Should I also quit and move to another company or should I talk to the manager about this? Pls help
Ans: Hi!!

When I was working in the corporate world, the oft repeated quote was, "people don't leave the company ,they leave bad bosses".
Your manager's boss is your super boss, rt? Can't you go and speak to him directly and put your concerns across?
I am sure the HR must have noticed that people are quitting and might have explored the reasons why they are doing so too, do check with them.
I fail to understand why women should not cooperate with each other. You can also explore the option of talking directly to the manager and telling her if your actions in any way have caused some misunderstanding and if she says yes then you are willing to clear them. Also tell her that you are not eyeing her post and you are just trying to do your job well. I did the same with one of my bosses, it worked for me, we became the best of friends, we are still in touch. You need to think which is your best option and choose one from all the possible solutions I have mentioned. You can always quit, that's the last option I feel..

Hoping you choose wisely..All the very best!!

..Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2025
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Recently, we got Engaged after a Courtship Period of 6 Months. Prior to this, my Fiancee had been in a Long Term Relationship, while I had never been into any Serious Romantic Relationship, apart from Platonic Friendship, with the Female Gender. Some 3 Months ago, my Fiancee confessed everything about her Past Relationship. Apparently, her Ex Boyfriend was quite Toxic. He used to Abuse her Emotionally but still Manipulate her into having Sexual Intercourse with him, which he was really good at. She also confessed that she enjoyed the Sexual Intimacy, even though she felt Emotionally invalidated in her previous Relationship. Apparently, their Relationship ended when she started being Assertive & tried taking a stand for herself. Then he Gaslighted her & Broke up the Relationship which was almost 5 years long. Initially, I felt uncomfortable hearing all these details from her as I was Virgin without any Prior Relationship Experience. But gradually, I began to Empathize with her. I appreciated her Honesty, as most other Women may not have Confessed all these before having an Arranged Marriage. Hence, I decided to Love her, without Judging her Past. Over the next 3 Months, we both became Emotionally close to each other & got Engaged with the Blessings of both Families. At the beginning of the Valentine's Week, I expressed my desire to lose my Virginity to her & also check our Sexual Compatibility, only if she's comfortable with it. She agreed & promised me that she would be taking the lead to ensure that my 'First Experience' would be memorable. On the 14th of February (Valentine's Day), she was the one who took me out on a Romantic Date, pampered me with Gifts, Treated me to exquisite Food & Drink. She had Pre-booked a Room in a Classy Hotel & had it arranged like it was meant for the First Night of a Just-Married Couple. We freshened up & got into the act. Initially, it was going great, but when we were in the middle of it, she started moaning the name of her Ex Boyfriend, in a Sub-conscious state. I was shocked & turned off. Immediately, I left the Hotel Room & went back Home & cried throughout the Night, thinking about my First Experience which was Ruined like this. The next day, she came over to meet me at my Place & gave me a Flower Bouquet with an Apology Note. My Heart wouldn't let me meet or talk with her. Hence, she expressed herself in Text. She profusely apologized for ruining my First Experience, though it was not intentional. She promised me that she would make up for this Bad Experience with a much better Experience, if I am willing to give her another chance. But I have a Gut Feeling that she was missing the Sexual Intimacy, which she used to enjoy with her Ex Boyfriend & that she can never Love me, as deeply as she Loved him, that she was unable to forget him even after going through an Abusive Relationship & a Traumatic Breakup. During the last 3 Months, I had treated gently with Empathy, showering her with Affection, so that she'd heal from her Past Relationship Trauma & I never tried to Pressurize her into having Sex with me, I just expressed my Desires & gave her the choice, whether or not to fulfill them. She seemed to have agreed, wholeheartedly. Several times, I asked her whether she was Physically, Mentally & Emotionally Prepared for it, just to Reassure myself that I am not being Manipulative like her Ex Boyfriend. Even if she had expressed 1% Uncertainty to go ahead, I wouldn't have insisted her & put it away to a later point of time, when she felt comfortable with me. She reassured me that she's completely ready & did all the Arrangements herself, which really touched my Heart as most other Girls expect the man to put in most of the efforts & feel as if they are doing him a Favour by 'giving him Sexual Pleasure'. But what happened on our First Night, Devastated me completely. Now I feel that she had been Faking it all the time. I told her clearly that I felt Cheated & that it would be Difficult for me to Trust her again. She excused herself saying that it was just a 'Mistake' & she didn't even consider it as 'Cheating' as it happened involuntarily. But I am Worried about such scenarios recurring after we get Married. What if she keeps thinking & fantasizing about her Ex Boyfriend, everytime we get Intimate? It would be as if, she's just present with me, physically but not Emotionally. It Would Ruin my Peace of Mind as I want to Enjoy a Blissful Sex Life with my Wife after getting Married. I am worried that this Incident may keep playing in my Subconscious Mind, everytime we get Intimate & that I'll never be able to enjoy Sexual Intimacy ever again. I told her that I am not really Sure about going ahead with the Marriage, but I am not able to discuss this matter with my Parents (or even her Parents) as they wouldn't approve of the Pre-marital Sex, which we engaged in. I am also Worried that even if I Cancel this Marriage, I may or may not get another Girl who's as good as this one & I am also worried about how the Next Girl would be Judging me, if I disclose all this to her. I am losing my Sleep over-thinking all this & unable to lead my Daily Life, Peacefully. Meanwhile, my Fiancee messages me several times every day, Requesting for another chance to Please me Sexually (in order to keep me attached to her, so that I don't try to Cancel the Marriage). I don't understand what to do, in this situation, Please advise me. Shall I Cancel the Marriage? What shall we tell our Parents? Or does she really Deserve another Chance?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I am really sorry you are going through such a tough time. Secondly, from all the details you have given, you were certainly not manipulative. Now coming to your query, I understand that it can be very difficult to discuss such an intimate moment with parents or make them understand why you decided to break things off, but if that is the only thing holding you off, I would say it's better to have a few uncomfortable discussions than a lifetime of wondering "if your wife is thinking about her ex." And even if she does not, would you ever truly believe that? You have two options- either you postpone the wedding and ask for some time to figure things out, in the meanwhile seek couples' counseling and see if this is a compatible match, or you completely rethink the alliance. After all, it is a matter of your entire life. The one thing I would definitely suggest is not to make hasty decisions or decisions based on "will I find someone else?" These both will make you make choices that are made in desperation. Remember it is better to be alone than in an unhappy and lonely marriage. And why would anyone judge you? You are not in the wrong here.

One more thing, as far as telling your parents is concerned, you can cite a reason like "compatibility issues which are slightly personal." I am sure they won't press on it. But please do not rush into anything.
Hope this helps.

...Read more

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