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Aruna

Aruna Agarwal  | Answer  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on May 09, 2023

Aruna Agarwal is a qualified child psychologist and behaviour therapist with over 20 years of experience.
She has a master’s degree in psychology with a specialisation in behaviour analysis. She focuses on children between the ages of 2-10 years who face challenges related to behaviour, language development or attention issues and providing them with the right life skills.
Agarwal is the owner of Kidzee, a pre-primary school, and Mount Litera Zee School that caters to primary students.... more
Trilok Question by Trilok on May 09, 2023Hindi
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Dear Aruna, My child is 16.5 year old and is in 12th Standard. He wanted to pursue JEE and hence we got him admitted to a school who has integrated program where along with CBSE they impart JEE training as well. They also had a hostel facility. We had shifted him to this hostel during his 11th after lot of thinking as he used to waste lot of time gaming and hanging around with his friends...he had got 78% in his 11th and this was because he stayed in the hostel. Now he is saying that he will not go back to the hostel at all and prepare at home. But he does not seem to be serious at all...he has been gaming, hanging around with his friends etc.When asked about all this he says that he is well ware and will do the needful..Off late he started saying that he is not interested in doing JEE and make basket ball as his career...we as parents are very confused...I even have fights with my son because of this...Please advise what needs to be done. I would like that he rejoins hostel as this would make him disciplined and responsible...It is important that he completes his 12th standard with good marks and i feel that staying back home is not going to help at all. he is intelligent and teachers appreciate him a alot..he is also talented but is wasting lots of time...he says that he knows everything and no one need to tell him anything. Whenever he hears abt hostel he gets irritated. This hostel does not allow mobile phones or any electronic gadgets at all.

Ans: As the child is an adolescent and he knows well about the repercussions since he is as intelligent child. You can make the child write down the number of hours he used , let it be as a visual for him on paper. Make a excel sheet for him and ask him to write on this the number of hours being spent on the mobile or gadget each day for next 5 days.

You can also reduce your time incase you spend on gadget and start spending time in the form of games, going out for walks together ( an alternative for not being sent to the hostel)
See that when you are reducing any behaviour, give him a equally reinforcing activity to get the same behaviour down.
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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Hello sir, my son is 18 year old after 10th i took his admission to electrical engineering 1st year of his engineering he is regularly going for college in 2nd semester got 5 subject ATKT due to government bless rule he got admission to 2nd year also but my son started avoiding to going to college hole day just watching mobile not studying for his ATKT subject also saying i dont want to study i want to become a youtuber but doing nothing hole day just watching mobile if i scold him and stop his wifi he is saying i will leave the house he is not bother about food nor about his health nor his Carrier just required WIFI for mobile i am very tense for his carrier and future he dont have friends also please advise how can i make him understand how study is important and how can i complete his engineering to get job to earn money thank you pravin k
Ans: Pravin Sir,

Addition to electronic gadgets is one of the problems, some parents face nowadays.

First of all, approach a good Professional / Qualified Student Counsellor along with your son in your locality. Make sure, the Counsellor has Psychology Background also. There might be some changes. If needed, you can approach a Psychologist, having specialised knowledge in Counselling the children of your son's age.

Follow-up counselling sessions with the counsellors are also important until he changes his attitude.

If possible, visit his college and request for couselling your son. Almost all colleges have counsellors who can help.

Some other tips:

1) Tell him, he also can become YouTuber. But ask him what plans he has to become a YouTuber?
2) Switching off WiFi & being authoritarian will not work.
3) Communicate or interact with him politely whenever possible.
4) Tell him he can use his mobile but, at the same time should focus on his studies as well.
5) Make sure, atmosophere at home is good. Such as, parents also should avoid spending too much time on Electronic Gadgets. Most of the children imitate only their parents.
6) If possible, tell him to participate in physical activities as well.

All the BEST for Your Bright Future.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs’, ask / Follow Us here in RediffGURUS.

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Hi Mam, Hope you are doing well. I am very worried about my son who is now 12.5 years old and studying in 7th standard in a very reputed school. Since childhood, he has no interest in studies, unless we doesn't seat in front of him, he doesn't study. Every teacher from his kindergarten days upto now has the same complaint that he is doesn't pay attention in class and the result is he doesn't get good marks in the exam. When we scold him for studies, he does it for that particular time only and then get back to his non-interest mode again and start to run from studies. He will play video games, goes to play around with his friends, he will find some or the other reason for not doing studies or homework. The irony is that he is not interested in any sports or any other kind of activities. In every summer holidays, we make him to join some sports or music classes, but there also he doesn't show interest and do things just for the sake of showing. From last year, we have started sending him to tuitions also, but no change in attitude. This year we have found a teacher of his reputed school who is retired and taking tuitions, we are sending him to her and she is charging a big amount for tuitions. please guide how can we change his attitude and make him more serious in any activity he does as he doesn't have interest in anything (we have observed doing everything we can).
Ans: Hello Sunil!!

I am doing great, thank you for asking, God bless you!

I can totally understand when you say you are worried.

Your son is 12.5, he will soon be a teenager. There will be different challenges, I want you to read up on parenting a teenager and be ready to handle him well.

The problem as I see it is that everyone of you, his teachers included have made studies like a burden for him.... and subjected the young child to a lot of anxiety, he just wants to run away form it....
"Every teacher from his kindergarten days upto now has the same complaint that he is doesn't pay attention in class".... this statement of yours... it is the teacher's duty to ensure the child listens to him/her, how can she start labeling a child like this. From a young age your son has been conditioned to believe that he is not not good in studies, he doesn't focus and he doesn't sit in one place. All my sympathies are with your son...every child comes with immense potential and it's our duty as parents and teachers to nurture the child.

The following is what I propose so that we bring him back to loving to learn ( not score marks, that should never be the barometer)-
1. Love your child the way he is now
2. Give him lot of positive strokes
3. Have one on one sessions for any activity you plan for him... let him choose the activity, empower him
4. choose a teacher, who can get along with him and help him develop a positive attitude towards studies and life in general
5. look for a school where they nurture him... not just a reputed one...less number of students and a teacher who is invested in her/ his students,

If you can connect with me, I can help him. Have had many a students in this kind situation.
This is my website..
https://transformme.co.in/

Loads of best wishes to the whole family..

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I have been investing in shares for several years and have seen good returns, but with increasing market volatility, I'm considering diversifying into international stocks or alternative assets. What are the potential benefits and risks of each approach?
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International Stocks
Benefits are as follows:
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- Access to High-Growth Markets – Some international markets, particularly emerging economies, may offer higher growth potential.
- Currency Appreciation – If the foreign currency strengthens against the INR, your returns could increase.
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Risks involved in international markets are as follows:
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Alternative Assets (Real Estate, Commodities, Private Equity, etc.)
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I'm now 68 years old. Living with my wife. I have 2 daughters. Both are well settled. I don't have any liability. I'm a pension holder. I'm getting Rs 75,000/- pension pm. I have invested Rs1,50,00,000 in FD. 7lakhs in Mutual funds, 6,50,000 in equity. 12 Lakhs in Sovereign Gold Bond, I'm getting Rs 35,000/- House rent pm. I have 25 lakhs Cash in hand. I want to deposit the above amount. How can I diversified the above amount to deposit?
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Emergency Fund Allocation
Keep Rs. 5L in a high-interest savings account.

Use a liquid mutual fund for another Rs. 3L for easy access.

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Debt Investment for Stability
Invest Rs. 7L in a mix of short-term and medium-term debt mutual funds.

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Index funds only replicate the market and cannot outperform it.

Actively managed funds provide better downside protection.

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Choosing the Right Fund
Look for funds with a history of stable returns.

Ensure the fund has an experienced fund manager.

Avoid funds with frequent manager changes.

Select funds with lower expense ratios among actively managed ones.

Check the rolling returns of the fund, not just past performance.

Tax Considerations
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) taxed at 20%.

SIP investments held for over one year qualify for LTCG benefits.

Plan withdrawals strategically to reduce tax burden.

Final Insights
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Best Regards,

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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