Dear Sir,
I had a good friend at work but, due to the pandemic and some professional disagreements, we are not talking to each other as friends.
We are still working together and talking there but it is very awkward.
I feel we can be friends again.
If not friends, we can have a professional cordial relationship.
I am finding it difficult to work like this.
I have been trying to talk, but the other person does not want to talk, let alone compromise.
If we are in this organisation, we have to work together.
At the moment, I cannot leave and neither can he.
Please advise how to handle this situation.
Thank you.
Name withheld on request.

Ans: You have not mentioned why you stopped talking. Are you married, or is he? What was the reason you stopped talking? You’re obviously in love with him, so why didn’t you pursue things with him? You’ve left out a lot of information, so I can’t really advise you effectively unless you give me the complete picture.

Ans: Direct communication can be a positive step, but it's important to approach the conversation with sensitivity and professionalismApproach the conversation with a calm and neutral tone. Avoid sounding accusatory or confrontational. Express your observations and feelings without blaming the other person. Emphasize the importance of maintaining a professional and collaborative work environment. Reaffirm your commitment to working together productively and professionally. He may not be receptive to such conversations, so be prepared for various outcomes. However, taking the initiative to address the issue demonstrates your commitment to a healthy work environment and can contribute to a more positive atmosphere.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry that you are in such a tough spot. My advice would be to move on. Yes, I realize that it is easier said than done but let's put things into perspective- first, you have no future with this man, and he has made it clear. Are you okay to keep hanging on to him while he builds his own life? I am assuming no, especially since you have a child. Second, what about your self-respect? He is directly telling you that this relationship is headed toward a dead end. Do you believe you deserve to be with someone who does not want to settle down with you? I believe you deserve better.

I am not blaming him because he made no promises. You are not to be held guilty either because you were in a tough spot and you grabbed the first emotional support you found. But the current reality is that he wants out. And convincing him to stay is not an option. At this point, moving on with your head held high is the best decision. If you want to accept his friendship, that is completely fine. But if that's too much for you, you can always decline it. I understand that working in the same space with an ex is difficult, but as long as you avoid interacting outside of the office and keep things professional, there should not be an issue. On the emotional front, I won't lie, it will hurt for a while. But this too shall pass. I strongly recommend you not to value yourself so low that you stop believing that you deserve a person who loves you back as much as you love him.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This thing of 'being friends' is possible only when the feelings have gone away completely...
as for your work, maintain strict professional and personal boundaries while working with him AND as for his parents; the more you link to things that are associated with him, the harder it will get for you to move on...
Now, is there a part of you that is still holding onto him? If Yes, then you are inviting this anxiety thru this association and attachment.
So, be clear as to what you want and it is important to take care of your mind space else you will end up playing games with yourself and he will think that 'being friends' zone is happy and comfortable.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Dear Yusuf,
Dealing with difficult emotions in relationships, especially when it involves mutual friends, can be challenging. Here’s a structured approach to help you manage your feelings and maintain harmony:

Acknowledge your feelings. Recognize that your feelings of upset and anxiety are valid. It’s important to identify why this person’s behavior affects you so strongly. Reflect on specific instances that triggered these feelings and understand what about their behavior is troubling you.

Balance communication with your wife. Have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your feelings towards this mutual friend. Use “I” statements to express how you feel without placing blame, such as, “I feel anxious when the topic of our mutual friend comes up because...”. This way, your wife can understand your perspective without feeling attacked or defensive.

Consider boundaries. Discuss with your wife how you can both maintain boundaries that respect your feelings while allowing her to continue her friendship. This might mean agreeing to limit discussions about this friend or finding times when she can catch up with the friend without it affecting you. It’s about finding a balance that works for both of you.

Develop coping strategies. Find ways to manage your anxiety and upset feelings when the topic of this friend arises. This could include deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, or engaging in activities that help you relax and divert your attention. Additionally, seeking support from a therapist can provide you with tools to handle these emotions more effectively.

Maintaining harmony in your relationship while dealing with this situation involves open communication, mutual respect, and effective coping strategies. By acknowledging your feelings, balancing communication, setting boundaries, and developing coping mechanisms, you can navigate this challenging situation in a way that supports both your well-being and your relationship with your wife.

PS : i hope my ABCD makes sense to you