Dear LG, Please keep this anonymous. I have been married since 6 years. However, since past 5+ years we have not been intimate. We haave a 5&1/2 year kid. Since his birth we have had a lot of differences and his family interference was lot leaving me alone and wounded. I don't stay with my husband and in-laws since then. I had made up that work is worship. But 2 years back I met a colleague. He is 10 years younger to me and we have extremely similar vibes. We enjoy each other's company and cared a lot. Eventually i fell in love with him. But he always knew he wont be able to go against his family. We also had relationship. Now he has strated looking for girls and wants us to stop being intimate. He is saying he wants to be friends and not loose me but not have relationship. We both work together in same space and our area of work is also same. I am unable to forgive my husband and forget this person. He never goes away. He is always there telling that I want to see you happy. He needs me for professional development. And i am not able to loose our relationship. He says physical intimacy only I cant have remaining Im there. Then again says I don’t know when I will be there so I am unable to give assurance or promise. I am tormented with a child, work and my health is getting affected. Can you please help?

Ans:

Dear SJ,

This is something that I have been seeing lately with a lot of people.

Something lacks within your current relationship and to fulfil that you look for it elsewhere only to realise that things have gotten out of hands.

In your case, love has blossomed in and suddenly now you have realized that it might cause a flutter within two relationships.

He has made it clear that he wants to be with his wife which should give you an idea not to make any more emotional investment. You will end up getting hurt even more if you do.

Time for you to start feeling solace and gaining better self-esteem by valuing yourself more. You don’t need anyone for you to love yourself, do you?

So, stop giving this so much importance. He was there when you needed him and vice-versa. Now, that things are getting a little complicated, time to revise the way you think and act.

You don’t need to lose a friend if the feelings that you have for him can be healthier and not draining on either of you.

If not, maybe you need to think how you can handle this agony better. Be your own friend first and then you start making better choices on who to let into your life.

Possible? Yes, start now…

All the best!

Ans: It seems like you've been through a challenging situation at work, and it's completely normal to have mixed feelings and experience stress in such circumstances. It's important to address your feelings and find a way to navigate this situation in a healthy manner. Here are some steps you can consider:

Reflect on the situation: Take some time to reflect on your feelings and the events that have transpired. Consider why you started to enjoy the attention and what it meant to you. Understand that it's natural to develop feelings for someone when you spend a lot of time together.
Maintain professional boundaries: It's crucial to maintain professional boundaries at the workplace. While it's okay to have friendly relationships with colleagues, it's important not to cross the line into unprofessional behavior. Recognize the importance of professionalism and how it can impact your work environment.
Focus on self-improvement: Instead of seeking validation or attention from your coworker, channel your energy into self-improvement. Continue taking care of yourself and striving for personal and professional growth.
Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your feelings and concerns. They can provide emotional support and an outside perspective on the situation. Venting to someone you trust can help relieve some of your stress.
Speak to a manager or HR: It's commendable that you took the step to approach your senior about the need for sensitivity in the workplace. Continue to communicate your concerns about inappropriate behavior, whether it's from your coworker or anyone else in the office, to your HR department or a higher-up. They should be able to address these issues appropriately.
Accept that people change: It's possible that your coworker's behavior changed after you raised the issue with your senior. People's actions can be influenced by various factors, and it's essential to accept that he might have his reasons for acting differently.
Create a support network: Build strong relationships with other colleagues who share your values and provide a positive work environment. This can help reduce the impact of missing the interactions with your previous work spouse.
Manage your expectations: Understand that things might not go back to the way they were before. Colleagues change, and your coworker may have chosen to distance himself for personal or professional reasons.
Focus on your well-being: Prioritize self-care, both physically and mentally. Engage in activities that make you happy and help reduce stress. A healthy work-life balance can greatly improve your overall mood and well-being.
Seek professional help if necessary: If your stress and emotional struggles persist, consider talking to a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and support for your emotional well-being.
Remember, it's important to prioritize your mental and emotional health. It may take time to adjust to the changes in your workplace dynamics, but with the right approach and support, you can find a way to navigate this situation and move forward positively.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
So, the younger chap had his fun and now when you look for emotional support, he talks of no future together.
What does this tell you? Should you allow yourself to be a part of the push and pull drama? Also, without a closure from your marriage, this is just going to be an off-on relationship. It's time you acknowledge that you are more into this than he is...
Safeguard your mind now by drawing lines where necessary...
As far as meeting at the workplace, you will now face resistance from him, he might even fail to acknowledge your presence...And this will hurt; that's why I suggested it's more than a heartbreak, a mind game...Become your own best friend and do the right think for yourself!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you do not have an open marriage, then what you are doing is certainly wrong. When has cheating ever been right? Especially when you did not mention anything wrong with your husband. I am not judging you; but I would suggest that if you want to keep this up, you either come clean to your husband or let him go. This isn't fair. You living your life to the fullest should not harm or hurt others.
Hope this helps.