Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |674 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 16, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Dear LG, Please keep this anonymous. I have been married since 6 years. However, since past 5+ years we have not been intimate. We haave a 5&1/2 year kid. Since his birth we have had a lot of differences and his family interference was lot leaving me alone and wounded. I don't stay with my husband and in-laws since then. I had made up that work is worship. But 2 years back I met a colleague. He is 10 years younger to me and we have extremely similar vibes. We enjoy each other's company and cared a lot. Eventually i fell in love with him. But he always knew he wont be able to go against his family. We also had relationship. Now he has strated looking for girls and wants us to stop being intimate. He is saying he wants to be friends and not loose me but not have relationship. We both work together in same space and our area of work is also same. I am unable to forgive my husband and forget this person. He never goes away. He is always there telling that I want to see you happy. He needs me for professional development. And i am not able to loose our relationship. He says physical intimacy only I cant have remaining Im there. Then again says I don’t know when I will be there so I am unable to give assurance or promise. I am tormented with a child, work and my health is getting affected. Can you please help?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry that you are in such a tough spot. My advice would be to move on. Yes, I realize that it is easier said than done but let's put things into perspective- first, you have no future with this man, and he has made it clear. Are you okay to keep hanging on to him while he builds his own life? I am assuming no, especially since you have a child. Second, what about your self-respect? He is directly telling you that this relationship is headed toward a dead end. Do you believe you deserve to be with someone who does not want to settle down with you? I believe you deserve better.

I am not blaming him because he made no promises. You are not to be held guilty either because you were in a tough spot and you grabbed the first emotional support you found. But the current reality is that he wants out. And convincing him to stay is not an option. At this point, moving on with your head held high is the best decision. If you want to accept his friendship, that is completely fine. But if that's too much for you, you can always decline it. I understand that working in the same space with an ex is difficult, but as long as you avoid interacting outside of the office and keep things professional, there should not be an issue. On the emotional front, I won't lie, it will hurt for a while. But this too shall pass. I strongly recommend you not to value yourself so low that you stop believing that you deserve a person who loves you back as much as you love him.

Best Wishes.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |644 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 04, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi! I want to declutter my mind . Please help me. I am a working married women. One of married collegue in office started appreciating me and i took notice of him. Initially I felt it awkward but later I started enjoying the attention. It went in and I started feeling good. I started to give more time to myself to look good. Then that person is very handsome, and uses slangs that are not appropriate in office. I overlooked everything as he became my favorite. I even overlooked his mistakes. He started coming late , going early also. He helped me in my office work a lot. I felt very comfortable in his company. He was like work spouse for me. He became a habit for me. Than one day there came a situation, one should take responsibility for the wrong decision in office.it was his call and he could have avoided it being reported to my seniors as I helped him previously for same situation but he reported. I still had feelings for him. Now I felt bad. But it was ok. Than one or two times he accidentally touched me , It was not acceptable to me as if I am being taken for granted.i even don't know if it was intentional ... Some other junior also tried to outsmart me. Than I went to my senior and asked the solution for smooth Functioning in office and asked office to sensitize employees for appropriate behaviour. Now that person has for whom I still have crush , took it personally and stopped talking to me properly. Where was I wrong , also I took this step as reminder of sexual harrasment to avoid any further advancement of touching and all . The problem is I still like him and it's a void I am feeling and I feel I miss that happy vibe in office. Things are not normal. I am stressed ...I know I did nothing wrong. How to calm myself and stop longing for him when I see him everyday. I feel like I should talk to him to behave normally but can not do that. What should I do. I am ok when I don't see him but I feel bad when he is talking with others normally . he used to be coordinating with me for all office things but now he does not do that.he does with other. He used to wish me on festival.he stopped doing that too. I really feel bad. Please help me with my thought process.
Ans: It seems like you've been through a challenging situation at work, and it's completely normal to have mixed feelings and experience stress in such circumstances. It's important to address your feelings and find a way to navigate this situation in a healthy manner. Here are some steps you can consider:

Reflect on the situation: Take some time to reflect on your feelings and the events that have transpired. Consider why you started to enjoy the attention and what it meant to you. Understand that it's natural to develop feelings for someone when you spend a lot of time together.
Maintain professional boundaries: It's crucial to maintain professional boundaries at the workplace. While it's okay to have friendly relationships with colleagues, it's important not to cross the line into unprofessional behavior. Recognize the importance of professionalism and how it can impact your work environment.
Focus on self-improvement: Instead of seeking validation or attention from your coworker, channel your energy into self-improvement. Continue taking care of yourself and striving for personal and professional growth.
Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your feelings and concerns. They can provide emotional support and an outside perspective on the situation. Venting to someone you trust can help relieve some of your stress.
Speak to a manager or HR: It's commendable that you took the step to approach your senior about the need for sensitivity in the workplace. Continue to communicate your concerns about inappropriate behavior, whether it's from your coworker or anyone else in the office, to your HR department or a higher-up. They should be able to address these issues appropriately.
Accept that people change: It's possible that your coworker's behavior changed after you raised the issue with your senior. People's actions can be influenced by various factors, and it's essential to accept that he might have his reasons for acting differently.
Create a support network: Build strong relationships with other colleagues who share your values and provide a positive work environment. This can help reduce the impact of missing the interactions with your previous work spouse.
Manage your expectations: Understand that things might not go back to the way they were before. Colleagues change, and your coworker may have chosen to distance himself for personal or professional reasons.
Focus on your well-being: Prioritize self-care, both physically and mentally. Engage in activities that make you happy and help reduce stress. A healthy work-life balance can greatly improve your overall mood and well-being.
Seek professional help if necessary: If your stress and emotional struggles persist, consider talking to a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and support for your emotional well-being.
Remember, it's important to prioritize your mental and emotional health. It may take time to adjust to the changes in your workplace dynamics, but with the right approach and support, you can find a way to navigate this situation and move forward positively.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1733 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 22, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Dear Anu, please keep it anonymous. I am 36 year old , married and with a kid. Though i am married , i have fallen aparr from my spouse and we don’t stay together since many years. In the last couple of years, I fell in love with a much younger person who happens to be my colleague. We are a great couple sharing and caring. We have been intimate too. Now, since two months They are searching for my lover's marriage. There is no resistance from my lover for this. My lover also tell that it was to happen and we have no future, my parents wont allow. Im trying to keep distance but because of work we keep meeting. Everytime the push pull is eating me up...im unable to work. Please advise what should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
So, the younger chap had his fun and now when you look for emotional support, he talks of no future together.
What does this tell you? Should you allow yourself to be a part of the push and pull drama? Also, without a closure from your marriage, this is just going to be an off-on relationship. It's time you acknowledge that you are more into this than he is...
Safeguard your mind now by drawing lines where necessary...
As far as meeting at the workplace, you will now face resistance from him, he might even fail to acknowledge your presence...And this will hurt; that's why I suggested it's more than a heartbreak, a mind game...Become your own best friend and do the right think for yourself!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |674 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 18, 2025
Relationship
Hi i am a married woman aged 45 years, i am happily married and have a loving husband. My husband travels a lot due to work and my son is studying in college in Pune. Everything was going fine in my life, but few months back a MBA graduate boy 23 years joined our office in my team. He had to report to me, and our company send us for sales corporatemeetings to Mumbai and other cities often. Gradually we became close and he confessed he had a crush on me. I was falttered but told him i am much older and married. Although i was very flattered that he found me attractive. I am tall 5ft 7 inches and kept myself very fit and always men keep hitting on me but i always ignore them. On our last trip together we went for a meal and had a few drinks together. Then i told him i was sleepy and needed to go to my room. He accompanied to my room and had a coffee. I had a bavk ache and he said he can massage me for 5 mins. I hesitantly agreed during the massage one thing led to another and we had sex and since then we have started having sex whenever we travel togther often. He says he truly loves me but for next 5 years he cannot marry anyone. I have now started loving him a lot i often fight with my husband. I want to continue this affair but am afraid if my husband finds out or if people in office come to know. Strangely another young man in office has starterd showing interest in me and asked me out for a coffee. He also says he likes me a lot anf is caring, I am confused shall i also go for a simple coffee. what if my husband or younger boyfriend find out. Is what i am doing wrong, i just want to live my life fully am i wrong ???
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you do not have an open marriage, then what you are doing is certainly wrong. When has cheating ever been right? Especially when you did not mention anything wrong with your husband. I am not judging you; but I would suggest that if you want to keep this up, you either come clean to your husband or let him go. This isn't fair. You living your life to the fullest should not harm or hurt others.
Hope this helps.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1733 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 22, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 49 years old married with kids ( 19 and 14) ..have good relations with wife throughout 21 years of marri d life. I was always a bi and with age that part has taken prominance..I have been meeting guys whenever I travel. Thisbwas till manageable but I have fallen in love ( which never happened even when I was unmarried ) with a colleague aged 32 ..he is aware about my orientation. He flirts with me verbally..when we meet or go for vacation we drink, smoke and even share cuddles , pecks on cheek, neck but nothing like a proper physical relationship. He is getting married now..while he says he will always be my friend and will be there for me whenever I need him..I want to distract myself away from him, not sure how. I tried not speaking to him but then he msgs like if I am angry or upset with him...and then I again fell for him..needless to say my intimacy with wife has taken a toll since I have fallen for him. I am not able to handle ..please suggest
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
1. You say that you have always been a bi which means that you are repeatedly going to find yourself in situations where you will be attracted to other men as well like what's happening right now to you
2. Your wife does not know which means that hiding and living a dual life is going to make it highly stressful on you
3. The current guy wants to get married which could mean that he was just experimenting and exploring with you and that after his marriage he may not want to risk any of this
4. The guy wants to stay in touch with you BUT because of 1, 2 and 3 above, you will never be able to have anything stable with him
5. Your intimacy with your wife is bound to get impacted with you dividing your mind time between two people

So, either you 'come out' to your wife and well, that may not end well but you will need to manage the situation carefully OR you continue to choose to live the life that you have been before you knew...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10837 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 13, 2025

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |360 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Nov 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2025Hindi
Money
Sir, I am 39 years PSU employee with monthly net salary of 1.10 lacs. I have a son of 9 years and daughter of 1 year. I am investing in MF through SIPs and lumpsump for last 7 years and my present MF portfolio is 50 lacs with XIRR of almost 18%. Presently I do SIP of 30000 per month. I also have housing loan and my EMI is 42000. I am provided accomodation and medical facilities from my employer. I also have accumulated 18 lacs in PF and Rs. 28 lacs in NPS. I have Term plan of 1.5 crs. I also have liquid funds of 10 lacs in FD for emergency purpose and approx 7 lacs in PPF. Since my child's major education expenses is still 7 to 8 years far for my son and 15 years for my daughter, I will continue my SIP of atleast for next 8 to 10 years without breaking my existing portfolio. Can I generate a corpus of more than 7 crs till my retirement with above funds and will it be sufficient to meet the inflation after 20 years.
Ans: Hi,

You have done and accumulated quite good at your age in different instruments with varied returns. Let us have a detailed look.

1. Emergency Fund - 10 lakhs in FD - good to go.
2. Term Plan - 1.5 crores - good to go.
3. Health Insurance - provided by employer. However, can take a separate personal insurance for yourself and family.
4. PF - 18 lakhs (continue)
5. NPS - 28 lakhs (continue)
6. PPF - 7 lakhs (can stop continuing, invest only bare minimum to keep account active. Close account upon maturity and reallocate these funds in mutual funds)
7. MF Portfolio - 50 lakhs with 30k monthly SIP
8. Home Loan EMI - 42000

Goals:
- Son's education - after 8 years
- Daughter's education - after 15 years
- Retirement - need 7 crores

You are very much on the right track. Your current financials look strong in terms of fulfiling your financial goals.

> Your current MF portfolio can be bifurcated into 2 parts
i. 40 lakhs for your retirement. This amount along with other amount from PF and NPS will finance your retirement forever (inflation adjusted). Additionally you wil lleave behind a great fortune for your kids.
ii. 10 lakhs for your kid's education. Continue your existing SIP of 30k per month and also contribute 7 lakhs from PPF account on its maturity towards this goal. For son, you will have 75 lakhs only from this investment and your daughter's education will have 1.5 crores when she requires.

This way your existing investments can take care of all your goals. Also, do increase your contibution in SIP yearly. It will help in generating a higher corpus for your family.

As your overall investments are more thann 10 lakhs in MFs, it is wise for you to connect with a professional who will assist you and make a dedicated investment plan as per your goals.
Hence, do consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who will guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |360 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Nov 13, 2025

Money
My current age is 41 Years old and private employe in I.T sector. I have five kids of 11,8,7,5 &2 years. My elder daughter is in 7th class now. I have monthly Net salary of 1 lakhs after taxes. I am saving 20/30 thousand monthly. My assets are as follows:- I have one house worth Rs.15 lakhs, Two commercial shops worth Rs, 50 L. Having no loan in the market. Insurance Rs. 50 L term plan for me. Yearly I pay 40k. Health insurance 11 lakh for my entire family from my organisation.Yearly I pay 20k. I maintain an emergency fund 1.5 lac liquid on hand. Would like to make a total fund og 5 Cr by 2035. I have a requirement during higher education for childerns/marriage/Business for my son's and retirement at my age of 51 yrs after 10 years. How to grow my income. I would like to focus on high-growth investment to achieve my goal. But I am planning to invest monthly from my salary. More ever I may get 4lack in next month. Now the thing is how to go about 4lack. Where to invest Am confused what to do. Kindly advise further for more wealth creation. Steady plan. Wealth builds slowly but surely. Can someone help design a withdrawal/Saving strategy to meet your income needs and achieve goal. I would like comfortable retirement with a steady income. Thanks....
Ans: Hi Syed,

Let us have a detailed look below:
- Your monthly income - 1 lakhs, expenses - around 75k , and money for saving - approx. 25k per month.
- Emergency fund - 1.5 lakhs . Would suggest you to make a FD of this fund as emergency fund.
- Term and Health insurance - covered. But sum assured is less for your family. It should be increased.
- One house - 15 lakhs; 2 commercial shops - 50 lakhs.

Requirements:
- Need 5 crores by 2035 i.e. in 10 years
- Need fund for higher education and marriage of 5 children
- Retirement corpus required after 10 years

To achieve all these goals, you need to invest starting right now in aggressive mutual funds with 25-30k left with you. And you can increase your investment with the increase in your income.
Realistically, retirement after 10 years is not possible, but you can try and upgrade your skills to earn more and invest more.

You are also getting 4 lakhs next month. Invest entire amount in aggressive mutual funds. Mutual funds will give you an annual return of 14-15% very easily. This is the best way to build wealth for the goals that you mentioned.
>> Make sure to stay away from LIC policies and ULIPs and other plans which lock your money.

As you are not much aware about mutual funds and investment, you should work with a professional who will draft a plan for you.

Hence, please consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10843 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 13, 2025

Money
Dear Sir I have invested in a 2 BHK apartment in Mumbai Malad East area near Dindoshi court. The builder is GSA Grandeur. The builder promised to handover the flat possession ready to stay in December 2004. Later due to some issues he informed that the Flat shall be ready by December 2005. Now still he is saying that Falt shall be ready by August 2006. In this regard sir please advise what action I should take against the builder. The Flat cost is 1.11 CR plus registration charges from which I have paid him 1 CR. Kindly guide whom to approach for further action. Regards
Ans: You have taken a major financial step by booking an apartment. I appreciate your initiative in seeking advice. As a Certified Financial Planner, here is a structured menu of action you can take — from validating your rights to escalating with the proper authorities. Make sure to review all your documents and decisions with a qualified property lawyer before proceeding further.

» Confirm the agreement details

Check your Agreement for Sale (or Contract) and note the promised possession date: you mention December 2004, then December 2005, and now August 2006.

Verify whether the builder (GSA Grandeur) / promoter has a registered project under MahaRERA (Real Estate Regulatory Authority, Maharashtra).

See whether the project is listed on the MahaRERA website with a registration number.

Check if the builder has issued written communications about delay and extensions (emails/letters) and whether they have acknowledged the original date and the subsequent revised date.

Retain all payment receipts (you paid Rs 1 Cr out of total Rs 1.11 Cr + registration) and keep a record of when each payment was made and as per which schedule of installments.

» Understand your legal rights under the law

Under the Real Estate (Regulation & Development) Act, 2016 (RERA) and corresponding Maharashtra rules, if a promoter delays handing over possession beyond the agreed time, you have a right to compensation or withdrawal (refund) as per Section 18 of the Act.

You may ask the builder to pay interest on the amount you have paid so far for the period of delay. The model agreement under Maharashtra RERA states that if the promoter is unable to deliver within the time-schedule, the promoter should pay interest for every month of delay.

If the builder fails to deliver within a “reasonable” extended time (or fails entirely), you can choose to withdraw and seek refund of your money, along with compensation.

If the project is not registered with RERA (even though it should have been), then you may have additional grounds for legal action under consumer law or contract law.

Please note: recent judgments highlight that the builder’s delay gives you rights; but home-loan interest you paid may not be fully refundable via consumer forum as per recent rulings.

» Immediate practical steps you should take

Write & send a formal letter (by registered post) to the builder (GSA Grandeur) stating:

You booked the 2 BHK apartment in Malad East near Dindoshi Court.

The agreed (original) possession date was December 2004 (as per the agreement) and subsequent revised dates.

You have paid Rs 1 Cr out of total Rs 1.11 Cr + registration charges.

You demand the builder to clearly state the revised firm date of handing over possession, or alternatively offer you the option to withdraw and refund the money if they cannot meet a firm date.

You seek interest on the amounts paid for the period of delay, as per model agreement and RERA provisions.

Keep all your communication in writing and copy all relevant documents: payment receipts, agreement, letters from builder, any announcements, etc.

Check whether the builder has applied for or received Occupancy Certificate (OC) or Completion Certificate for the project/phase. Without OC the handover is legally incomplete.

» Approach the regulatory and legal forums

Check on the MahaRERA website whether the project is registered and find the project registration number.

If registered, you can file a complaint with MahaRERA (Maharashtra Real Estate Regulatory Authority) under the Act. As per FAQs, you may approach them for a refund, compensation and interest for delay.

If the project is not registered or the builder is non-compliant, you may also consider filing a suit in the consumer forum or appropriate civil court/contract tribunal for breach of contract.

Before filing, consult a lawyer specialising in real estate/consumer law so that all your evidence and claims are framed properly.

» Evaluate your options: continue vs withdraw

If the builder now gives you a firm handover date (with OC, all works completed) then you may choose to continue, given that you have already invested a large sum.

However, if the builder is still giving vague dates (August 2006 or beyond) and there are no signs of progress (OC pending, works incomplete), then you should seriously consider withdrawal and refund.

In that event, you must ask for: full refund of amount paid, interest for delay period (and compensation if justified), plus possible damages for alternative accommodation/rent you may have taken.

Monitor whether the builder is proceeding with construction, obtaining approvals, and has conveyed clear timelines.

» Assessing risk & safeguarding yourself

Since you made the payment long ago and the possession is delayed significantly, there is time-value and risk involved.

Make sure your title rights are secure: the agreement must clearly state your unit, floor, parking (if any), and your payments.

Avoid making any further significant payments unless you receive a possession letter and builder gives you the keys and OC/occupancy certificate.

Check for any lien, mortgage or charge on the builder’s property which may delay transfer further.

Note that property/real estate is subject to large delays and builder insolvency risk; hence your proactive action is wise.

» Document checklist for your case

Agreement for Sale (signed by you and builder) with possession date clause.

Payment receipts/Cheque copies of your payments (1 Cr paid) and records of registration charges.

Written communications from builder about revised dates (December 2005, August 2006).

Project registration certificate on MahaRERA (if available).

Status of Occupancy Certificate / Completion Certificate for the building.

Construction status photographs, society formation records, if any.

Correspondence showing builder’s acknowledgment of delay or your demand for possession/refund.

Any rent/alternative accommodation expense you incurred due to delay (if applicable).

» Timeline of action

Immediately send the registered letter to builder demanding firm date or refund.

Within 1-2 months if builder does not respond with firm date, file complaint with MahaRERA or initiate legal action.

Keep monitoring builder’s progress; if there is substantial delay (many years beyond promised date) your case will become stronger.

Maintain all documents and remain proactive; deadlines and records matter in these matters.

» Final Insights
You have a strong basis to assert your rights. The fact that possession was promised years ago and is still delayed means you are well within your rights to demand either speedy handover or refund/compensation. Initiate formal written demand, verify builder registration under MahaRERA, maintain all records, and seek regulatory/legal redress if builder remains non-responsive. With the right approach and evidence, you can compel the builder to perform or compensate you. Your prompt action now will protect your investment and avoid further loss.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
Holistic Investment Planners
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x