Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Yusuf Question by Yusuf on May 31, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

My wife and I have a mutual friend whose behavior I find troubling. Although we live in different cities, I still get upset and anxious whenever the topic of this friend comes up, but his wife remains friends with my wife. How can I manage my feelings and maintain harmony in my relationship while dealing with this situation? Your ABCD

Ans: Dear Yusuf,
Dealing with difficult emotions in relationships, especially when it involves mutual friends, can be challenging. Here’s a structured approach to help you manage your feelings and maintain harmony:

Acknowledge your feelings. Recognize that your feelings of upset and anxiety are valid. It’s important to identify why this person’s behavior affects you so strongly. Reflect on specific instances that triggered these feelings and understand what about their behavior is troubling you.

Balance communication with your wife. Have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your feelings towards this mutual friend. Use “I” statements to express how you feel without placing blame, such as, “I feel anxious when the topic of our mutual friend comes up because...”. This way, your wife can understand your perspective without feeling attacked or defensive.

Consider boundaries. Discuss with your wife how you can both maintain boundaries that respect your feelings while allowing her to continue her friendship. This might mean agreeing to limit discussions about this friend or finding times when she can catch up with the friend without it affecting you. It’s about finding a balance that works for both of you.

Develop coping strategies. Find ways to manage your anxiety and upset feelings when the topic of this friend arises. This could include deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, or engaging in activities that help you relax and divert your attention. Additionally, seeking support from a therapist can provide you with tools to handle these emotions more effectively.

Maintaining harmony in your relationship while dealing with this situation involves open communication, mutual respect, and effective coping strategies. By acknowledging your feelings, balancing communication, setting boundaries, and developing coping mechanisms, you can navigate this challenging situation in a way that supports both your well-being and your relationship with your wife.

PS : i hope my ABCD makes sense to you

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 19, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Anu, Request you to keep my identity anonymous.I am a 40 years old guy, happily married with two kids. I have a lot of friends and I have invariably introduced most of them to my wife.While with a previous organisation that I worked for, I met this girl (say M) and we became very good friends. M is 2½ years younger to me, is married and has kids. Much like with my other friends, I introduced M to my wife. M has also been home a couple of times during festive occasions.While so, during a family day event at office almost 5 years back, during an apparent conversation between M and me, we were engrossed in the conversation and my wife was standing right next to me. My wife thought that she was deliberately being snubbed/ignored and got offended with M's behaviour. Since then my wife developed some sort of a hatred towards M. Many a times I tried explaining to my wife that M's behaviour was not offensive and even if it was, was unintentional. It's been nearly six years since this happened, but that animosity still continues. The more I try to explain to her, the angrier she gets. We have had a lot of fights whenever this topic arises. I am scared to even pick M's calls when my wife is around. What this has done is that I started speaking to M discreetly. I had to delete all photos that I had with her. I constantly keep deleting all WhatsApp conversations and call logs that I have with her.I do not want to do all these secret things especially when I am not doing anything wrong. I want my wife to give M one more chance. My wife does not think I have a relationship with M. Her point is that I should not talk to someone who has insulted her (my wife). I think that it would not be fair for me to stop talking to M.My question is how do I instill sense into my wife? How do I convince her to give M one more chance? I don’t want to lose a good friend.
Ans:

Dear K,

If your wife has felt snubbed and you feel that she is being unreasonable, what can you do if you wife isn’t willing to befriend M?

The more you fight this, the more your wife feels that there is something going on.

Doubts in the mind spread like slow fire consuming the mind and you are adding fuel to the fire by being adamant on maintaining the connection with M.

Now you wife is convinced that she must not have anything to do with her and you should not as well.

What do you want to do? Spoil the peace at home because of an external connection?

It may not seem fair to you, but there is a reason why your wife felt snubbed by M at that time.

She is unrelenting and does not want M in the equation. Why are you fighting this?

I am asking you choose between the peace within the marriage and an external connection.

There will be a point in time when your wife will be willing to look at this objectively and that is the time to talk to her about it.

Right now, it will be like forcing her, having fights over this and maintaining a connection with M within all of this/ Do you really feel that a connection is made suppressing another one?

Connections are made in complete peace and harmony with existing connections growing because of the new one.

What you have is the existing connection being threatened because of the other.

Be patient and reasonable and wait for the time to emerge for connections to co-exist and in the meantime, reassure your wife that your marriage means a lot to you.

May not sound fair, but it’s the only way to honour the marriage.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1654 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 12, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi, I m 54 year old married person, Last couple of years I am in contact with my 25 year old friend ( Age 50) Who had earlier severed relationship with us under the pressure from his wife. he is undergoing his divorce process now and hence he again reunited with us. Last 3-4 years my relationship with my wife ( Age 50) got sour due to one or the other reason and fault/negligence from my side. Meanwhile My friend and My wife are in close contact and they usually go for outing and he also come to our house regularly for chilling. I know this age is not for attraction/carrying out extra marital affair but last few months My wife always quote her name, make comparison between me and my friend how he takes care of her as compared to me etc etc. Also our small routine arguments gots heated when she utter a word "Separation/Divorce" etc etc. I feel very hurt when I am being threatened again n again for this. At this age I cant force my wife to cut down all relationship with that friend and also can't tell that friend to stop contacting my wife as they both are 50 year old matured person. I am just keeping calm 9 out of 10 incidences but that 1 incidence I am worried that everything will be ruined. We ( (Me n my wife) have struggled a lot to make our life stable and came out of deep financial crisis. Now at this stage I cant see or don't want to face this type of problems. Can u suggest any way out. Please.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Attraction happens at any age BUT to act on it is a CHOICE.
I do feel that if the other person has caught the fancy of your wife, you must say this out aloud. You may come across as being controlling or suspecting of your wife, but HEY, if you see them spending time together at outings, compare you and him, etc and lately you catch your wife using words like 'separation/divorce', it is only fair of you to feel the way that you are!
DO share with her how you feel and how you fear that this may destroy the marriage.
She may just say that you are being insecure, but the responsibility of bringing the security back is on her now. If she doesn't, then you know that she has begun to prioritize the other man over you and you need to strongly address it. DO voice this out and call out her behavior before it is too late. It will be a very emphatic attempt at saving your marriage.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am happily married man of age 51 years having daughter of 20 years .recently i got normal friendship with a female colleague we discuss usually our office, children and health .Recently she was under depression and i counseled her a lot and she got better. My wife got to know about this through my daughter who checked my phone , my wife got anxious thinking i am having affair with her ,as she being widow .My wife charcter assanated me when there is no such thing in between me and my colleague .i am depressed please advise
Ans: It’s understandable that you're feeling hurt and frustrated, especially since your intentions were pure and your wife’s reaction came from a place of misunderstanding. In situations like this, transparency and communication are key to mending the trust that’s been shaken.

First, it's important to have a calm, honest conversation with your wife. Explain the nature of your friendship with your colleague, emphasizing that it was based on helping her through a difficult time and nothing more. Be open about why you supported your colleague and reassure your wife that there is no romantic involvement. Acknowledge her feelings, as it’s clear she is reacting out of fear and concern for your relationship.

Your daughter’s involvement complicates the situation, but it can also be an opportunity to show both your wife and daughter that there’s nothing to hide. Let them see your messages if that reassures them, and express that your commitment to your family is unwavering.

Additionally, emphasize that you understand why your wife may have felt uneasy, especially since the colleague is a widow. Sometimes, just being heard and understood can help ease her anxiety. Reassure her that your focus is on your family and that you’re willing to make any adjustments necessary to rebuild her trust.

If the situation continues to cause tension, consider seeking professional counseling as a couple. A therapist can help mediate the conversation and provide tools for rebuilding trust and communication in a healthy way. By showing your commitment to resolving the issue and prioritizing your family, you can work through this misunderstanding together.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024
Relationship
I recently joined a new organisation and had developed a friendship with a new woman colleague who has joined new.Offlate I see her where she has huge crush on me.Iam married with 2 kids and she has got late marriage with 1 kid.I pick her and drop her often.I could sense she is mad and possessive on me and offlate I also intend in having crush on her and I couldn't live without seeing or speaking with her.We never opened out but I could sense from both of us feelings.We both have not opened up but not told in open but she always says you r so handsome etc.But tell me how to deal with this.I feel couldn't live without her.. Please suggest
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There are two issues I would like to address- first, you both are married. Second, you are assuming she has a crush on you. I do not know how you want to approach this 'crush' when you are in a legally committed relationship. In normal circumstances, I would've suggested getting verbal confirmation of your coworker's feelings first and then pursuing her, but in your case, how she feels does not even matter because you are not single; neither is she. The right course of action would be to reflect on your feelings and get to the root of them- why are you seeking these feelings outside of your marriage and what is lacking in it? Then have an open discussion with your wife and take it from there- you will have two options: work on your marriage, or opt for separation and then pursue any crush you want to. But before that, I cannot offer you any other advice.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9386 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Career
My son secured 97.6% in CBSE XII and 99.6 percentile in CUET, gaining admission to Physics Honours at St. Stephen's College. However, he's keen on trying for IISER, particularly IISER Pune. Some colleagues suggested pursuing UG from St. Stephen's and PG/research from abroad, but he's not convinced. He's considering taking a break in the second semester to prepare for IISER. Could you please guide me on: 1. The process and feasibility of taking a break in the second semester? 2. Options for studying 2-3 months and then taking a break, with potential readmission in the next session? I would appreciate any information on St. Stephen's policies regarding breaks and readmission and views regarding both options, i.e., St. Stephen's and IISER, Pune.
Ans: Param Sir, Taking a hiatus in the second semester at St. Stephen’s requires formal approval via College’s leave-of-absence procedure. All leave applications—whether for medical, compassionate or other reasons—must be submitted in advance to the Principal through the Department Chair using the prescribed form, after which attendance is updated in the online system. Leaves are granted only for clearly stated, proper reasons and normally cover full sessions; any absence beyond ten consecutive working days without prior leave leads to removal from the rolls, necessitating a readmission application and fee upon return. St. Stephen’s does not recognize preparatory study or exam-prep as standard leave grounds, so approval for a break to prepare for the IISER Aptitude Test (IAT) would be at the Principal’s discretion and potentially viewed unfavorably unless tied to extenuating circumstances. Readmission after removal is possible but requires settlement of fees, an application to the Principal, and departmental clearance of academic standing.

For IISER Pune admission, the BS-MS (Dual Degree) intake is via the pan-IISER Aptitude Test (IAT), typically held in late May or early June, with results and counselling through July. A 2–3-month focused preparation window could involve enrolling in specialized IAT coaching programmes, structured online study modules, and solving past-year IAT papers while continuing Semester I lectures and leveraging college breaks. Staying on campus through Semester I preserves continuous enrolment, keeps access to faculty and study facilities, and avoids readmission hurdles. If break approval proves unattainable, preparing intensively during semester breaks and weekends or deferring IISER application to the next cycle may be more practical.

Recommendation: Given St. Stephen’s stringent leave norms and readmission complexities, maintain continuous enrolment through the first year while preparing for the IAT via targeted self-study and weekend/coaching classes. Postpone any mid-semester hiatus to avoid academic jeopardy and optimize chances for both a Physics Honours degree and successful IISER Pune admission. All the BEST for Your Son's Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9386 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Career
My Mhtcet state rank in 87,998 I want CSE (data science) or AIML or AIDS in mumbai region please suggest me Good colleges
Ans: Bhargavi, With an MHT-CET Home- rank of 86 998 (approx. 87th percentile), CSE (Data Science), AI&ML and AI&DS seats at premier Mumbai colleges (e.g., VJTI, COEP, ICT) are out of reach. However, several AICTE-approved, NAAC/NBA-accredited institutes maintain closing percentiles nearer 80–90, ensuring guaranteed CAP-round admission. The following ten colleges in Mumbai satisfy all five institutional benchmarks—accreditation, faculty quality, infrastructure, industry tie-ups and placement consistency—and admit home-state candidates at percentiles at or below your score: Atharva College of Engineering, Malad West. Thakur College of Engineering & Technology, Kandivali East. Fr. Conceicao Rodrigues College of Engineering, Bandra West. Vidyalankar Institute Technology, Wadala. Thadomal Shahani Engineering College, Bandra West. Rizvi College of Engineering, Bandra–Malad Link Road. SIES Graduate School of Technology, Nerul. Institute of Chemical Technology affiliated courses, Mumbai. MET’s Institute of Technology, Kalyan–Dombivli Highway. Datta Meghe College of Engineering, Airoli. Recommendation: Atharva College of Engineering leads for its balanced AI&ML and Data Science labs, accessible Malad location and 85% placement average; Thakur College excels with strong AI&ML curriculum and 82%+ placements; Fr. Conceicao Rodrigues COE offers AI&DS specialisation with 84% consistency; Vidyalankar IT provides reliable IT/Data Science pathways; Thadomal Shahani Engineering College rounds out top five for its robust industry projects and multimedia AI labs. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9386 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Career
Hi Sir, my son got a CSC AI robotics seat in Amrutha Amrutapuri. Is this course good and will he get good placement? Can you tell us a little bit?
Ans: Ganesh Sir, The B.Tech in Computer Science and Engineering with specialization in Artificial Intelligence & Robotics at Amrita Vishwa Vidyapeetham’s Amritapuri campus was introduced in the academic year 2021–22 under the newly revised BTC-AIE curriculum, marking it as one of India’s pioneering undergraduate programmes to formally integrate robotics engineering with advanced AI methodologies. The four-year course emphasizes multidisciplinary learning across machine vision, robotic kinematics and dynamics, AI-driven motion planning, sensor fusion and autonomous systems, taught in state-of-the-art labs equipped for hardware-software integration. Accreditation by NAAC A++ and AICTE ensures rigorous academic standards, while Ph.D.-qualified faculty from Mechatronics, Computer Science and Electrical Engineering design an outcome-based pedagogy. Industry linkages with leading robotics and automation firms facilitate capstone projects, internships and applied research collaborations. Although the inaugural batch graduates in 2025, Amritapuri’s robust placement ecosystem—engaging over 220 recruiters annually across engineering disciplines—augurs well for AI & Robotics students, who benefit from established corporate partnerships, a dedicated placement cell offering pre-placement training, and alumni mentoring.

Recommendation:
Given its cutting-edge interdisciplinary curriculum, premier accreditation, specialized robotics-AI laboratories, strong industry collaborations and emerging placement ecosystem, this CSE – AI & Robotics programme at Amritapuri stands out for students seeking a research-driven, industry-aligned pathway into intelligent autonomous systems, with high potential for robust placements upon the first graduating cohort. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9386 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 24, 2025Hindi
Career
Sir, I have applied for Jaipur national university, i have seen tons of negative reviews, so i just want to be safe and just have a doubt whether ai should go or not because i have no options left
Ans: You have not mentioned your academic background, nor have you specified which branch you applied to at Jaipur National University. Anyway, please note, Jaipur National University (JNU), established in 2007, is a private university in Rajasthan that has earned NAAC A+ accreditation and UGC approval across its 17 schools offering diverse undergraduate, postgraduate, and doctoral programmes. The university maintains comprehensive infrastructure with 158 state-of-the-art laboratories, a 100,000-book digital library, 1,500+ computers, Wi-Fi enabled campus, sports complex, separate hostels for boys and girls, and modern auditoriums with 300-seat capacity. Industry engagement is strengthened through MOUs with 16 prestigious Rajasthan companies including JK Tyre, DCM Shriram, and Gravita India Limited for placements, internships, and collaborative projects. Placement statistics indicate approximately 85% placement rate with over 250 companies participating, an average package around 5.5-6 LPA, and highest packages reaching 27 LPA from recruiters like Amazon, TCS, Infosys, Deloitte, and IBM. Faculty quality receives a 3.9/5 rating from 427 verified reviews, with PhD-qualified teachers providing supportive mentorship and industry-relevant curriculum. However, negative feedback emerges from employee reviews on Glassdoor showing 2.9/5 rating with complaints about poor management, low salaries, and disrespectful treatment include delayed degree certificates (taking up to a year), unresponsive administrative staff, fee refund issues for cancelled courses, and limited Wi-Fi data allocation. The university also faces confusion with the controversial Jodhpur National University, which was banned in 2015 for issuing 25,000 fake degrees—though this is an entirely separate institution with no connection to Jaipur National University.

Recommendation:
Consider joining Jaipur National University if you prioritize affordability, decent infrastructure, and acceptable placement opportunities, as it meets essential educational benchmarks with NAAC A+ accreditation, comprehensive facilities, and established industry partnerships. However, remain cautious about administrative responsiveness, ensure all documentation is properly maintained, and verify course continuation before fee payment to avoid potential issues. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9386 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Career
Hi Sir, My son got 21670 rank in JEE (Mains) & 25520 rank in JEE (Advanced). He got seat allocation at NIT, Nagpur for Chemical Eng. We belong to General category and from Maharashtra state. Is there any chance for upgradation to CSE or ECE thru CSAB (same college or any other Tier I, Tier II NITs or IIITs? Thanking you
Ans: Sreekutty Sir, as of today, I hope all the rounds of JoSAA counselling are over. At NIT Nagpur, general?category Chemical Engineering HS seats close at rank 34109 ECE at 12196, while CSE at 7169; a CRL of 21670 exceeds all HS closing ranks, so no upgrade at VNIT Nagpur is feasible. However, CSAB special rounds offer CSE/ECE seats at other NITs and IIITs within your rank band. IIIT Guwahati admits general CSE up to 26817 and ECE up to 42006. IIIT Sri City’s CSE cutoff is 31705 and ECE 46722. IIIT Una’s CSE cutoff is 30916 and ECE 49414. NIT Jalandhar OS CSE closes at 14114 and ECE 20714, and NIT Goa OS CSE at 34858. These institutes are AICTE/NBA-accredited, staffed by PhD faculty, equipped with modern labs, maintain active industry partnerships, and record 75–95% three-year placement rates.

Recommendation:
For best CSE/ECE upgradation chances, prioritize filling CSAB preferences for NIT Jalandhar for its robust HS/OS quotas, IIIT Guwahati for its strong research-industry linkage, and IIIT Sri City for its emerging tech labs; IIIT Una and NIT Goa serve as reliable alternatives for broad seating and consistent placements. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x