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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |566 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Yusuf Question by Yusuf on May 31, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

My wife and I have a mutual friend whose behavior I find troubling. Although we live in different cities, I still get upset and anxious whenever the topic of this friend comes up, but his wife remains friends with my wife. How can I manage my feelings and maintain harmony in my relationship while dealing with this situation? Your ABCD

Ans: Dear Yusuf,
Dealing with difficult emotions in relationships, especially when it involves mutual friends, can be challenging. Here’s a structured approach to help you manage your feelings and maintain harmony:

Acknowledge your feelings. Recognize that your feelings of upset and anxiety are valid. It’s important to identify why this person’s behavior affects you so strongly. Reflect on specific instances that triggered these feelings and understand what about their behavior is troubling you.

Balance communication with your wife. Have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your feelings towards this mutual friend. Use “I” statements to express how you feel without placing blame, such as, “I feel anxious when the topic of our mutual friend comes up because...”. This way, your wife can understand your perspective without feeling attacked or defensive.

Consider boundaries. Discuss with your wife how you can both maintain boundaries that respect your feelings while allowing her to continue her friendship. This might mean agreeing to limit discussions about this friend or finding times when she can catch up with the friend without it affecting you. It’s about finding a balance that works for both of you.

Develop coping strategies. Find ways to manage your anxiety and upset feelings when the topic of this friend arises. This could include deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, or engaging in activities that help you relax and divert your attention. Additionally, seeking support from a therapist can provide you with tools to handle these emotions more effectively.

Maintaining harmony in your relationship while dealing with this situation involves open communication, mutual respect, and effective coping strategies. By acknowledging your feelings, balancing communication, setting boundaries, and developing coping mechanisms, you can navigate this challenging situation in a way that supports both your well-being and your relationship with your wife.

PS : i hope my ABCD makes sense to you

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1568 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 12, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I m 54 year old married person, Last couple of years I am in contact with my 25 year old friend ( Age 50) Who had earlier severed relationship with us under the pressure from his wife. he is undergoing his divorce process now and hence he again reunited with us. Last 3-4 years my relationship with my wife ( Age 50) got sour due to one or the other reason and fault/negligence from my side. Meanwhile My friend and My wife are in close contact and they usually go for outing and he also come to our house regularly for chilling. I know this age is not for attraction/carrying out extra marital affair but last few months My wife always quote her name, make comparison between me and my friend how he takes care of her as compared to me etc etc. Also our small routine arguments gots heated when she utter a word "Separation/Divorce" etc etc. I feel very hurt when I am being threatened again n again for this. At this age I cant force my wife to cut down all relationship with that friend and also can't tell that friend to stop contacting my wife as they both are 50 year old matured person. I am just keeping calm 9 out of 10 incidences but that 1 incidence I am worried that everything will be ruined. We ( (Me n my wife) have struggled a lot to make our life stable and came out of deep financial crisis. Now at this stage I cant see or don't want to face this type of problems. Can u suggest any way out. Please.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Attraction happens at any age BUT to act on it is a CHOICE.
I do feel that if the other person has caught the fancy of your wife, you must say this out aloud. You may come across as being controlling or suspecting of your wife, but HEY, if you see them spending time together at outings, compare you and him, etc and lately you catch your wife using words like 'separation/divorce', it is only fair of you to feel the way that you are!
DO share with her how you feel and how you fear that this may destroy the marriage.
She may just say that you are being insecure, but the responsibility of bringing the security back is on her now. If she doesn't, then you know that she has begun to prioritize the other man over you and you need to strongly address it. DO voice this out and call out her behavior before it is too late. It will be a very emphatic attempt at saving your marriage.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |566 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am happily married man of age 51 years having daughter of 20 years .recently i got normal friendship with a female colleague we discuss usually our office, children and health .Recently she was under depression and i counseled her a lot and she got better. My wife got to know about this through my daughter who checked my phone , my wife got anxious thinking i am having affair with her ,as she being widow .My wife charcter assanated me when there is no such thing in between me and my colleague .i am depressed please advise
Ans: It’s understandable that you're feeling hurt and frustrated, especially since your intentions were pure and your wife’s reaction came from a place of misunderstanding. In situations like this, transparency and communication are key to mending the trust that’s been shaken.

First, it's important to have a calm, honest conversation with your wife. Explain the nature of your friendship with your colleague, emphasizing that it was based on helping her through a difficult time and nothing more. Be open about why you supported your colleague and reassure your wife that there is no romantic involvement. Acknowledge her feelings, as it’s clear she is reacting out of fear and concern for your relationship.

Your daughter’s involvement complicates the situation, but it can also be an opportunity to show both your wife and daughter that there’s nothing to hide. Let them see your messages if that reassures them, and express that your commitment to your family is unwavering.

Additionally, emphasize that you understand why your wife may have felt uneasy, especially since the colleague is a widow. Sometimes, just being heard and understood can help ease her anxiety. Reassure her that your focus is on your family and that you’re willing to make any adjustments necessary to rebuild her trust.

If the situation continues to cause tension, consider seeking professional counseling as a couple. A therapist can help mediate the conversation and provide tools for rebuilding trust and communication in a healthy way. By showing your commitment to resolving the issue and prioritizing your family, you can work through this misunderstanding together.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |553 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024
Relationship
I recently joined a new organisation and had developed a friendship with a new woman colleague who has joined new.Offlate I see her where she has huge crush on me.Iam married with 2 kids and she has got late marriage with 1 kid.I pick her and drop her often.I could sense she is mad and possessive on me and offlate I also intend in having crush on her and I couldn't live without seeing or speaking with her.We never opened out but I could sense from both of us feelings.We both have not opened up but not told in open but she always says you r so handsome etc.But tell me how to deal with this.I feel couldn't live without her.. Please suggest
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There are two issues I would like to address- first, you both are married. Second, you are assuming she has a crush on you. I do not know how you want to approach this 'crush' when you are in a legally committed relationship. In normal circumstances, I would've suggested getting verbal confirmation of your coworker's feelings first and then pursuing her, but in your case, how she feels does not even matter because you are not single; neither is she. The right course of action would be to reflect on your feelings and get to the root of them- why are you seeking these feelings outside of your marriage and what is lacking in it? Then have an open discussion with your wife and take it from there- you will have two options: work on your marriage, or opt for separation and then pursue any crush you want to. But before that, I cannot offer you any other advice.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |553 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Mar 24, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8145 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 24, 2025

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Money
Hello, I am 57 years working out of India and earning 35 lacs annually with PR of that country and having NRI FD of 3.5 crore and mutual fund of 20 lac and sip of 3lac per annum. I have own bungalow and flat in b town of Gujarat. My daughter went to U.S.A for master last year. I want to retire and want to enjoy rest of life exploring the world with wife. Please advise.
Ans: Your goal is clear—retirement and world travel with your wife. You have built a strong financial foundation. Now, structuring your investments for lifelong cash flow is important.

Assessing Your Current Financial Position
Income: Rs. 35 lakh annual income from work abroad.

Assets: Rs. 3.5 crore in NRI fixed deposits, Rs. 20 lakh in mutual funds.

Investments: SIP of Rs. 3 lakh per year.

Real Estate: Own bungalow and flat in Gujarat.

Family Responsibility: Daughter pursuing a master's degree in the U.S.A.

Retirement Goal: Financial independence and world travel.

Key Challenges in Retirement Planning
Cash Flow Management: Ensuring a steady income for expenses.

Inflation Risk: Expenses will rise over time, reducing purchasing power.

Investment Growth: Maintaining and growing wealth to last a lifetime.

Liquidity Needs: Quick access to funds for travel and emergencies.

Tax Efficiency: Minimizing tax burden on withdrawals.

Retirement Corpus Planning
1. Estimating Annual Expenses
Consider monthly lifestyle costs, medical expenses, and travel budgets.

Account for inflation, as costs will rise over time.

Keep an emergency fund to handle unexpected expenses.

2. Generating Regular Cash Flow
Fixed Deposits (FDs): Provide safety but lower returns after tax.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Ideal for steady monthly income.

Dividend-paying Mutual Funds: Useful for passive cash flow.

Corporate Bonds: Can provide stable interest income.

Optimizing Your Investment Portfolio
1. Reducing FD Dependence
Rs. 3.5 crore in FDs is too high. Interest rates may not beat inflation.

Shift a portion into mutual funds with a mix of equity and debt.

Debt mutual funds can provide stability with better tax efficiency.

2. Equity Exposure for Growth
Equity is necessary for long-term wealth growth.

Consider large-cap and multi-cap mutual funds for stability.

Keep a portion in international funds for global exposure.

3. Debt Investments for Stability
Short-term debt funds are good for liquidity.

Corporate bond funds can offer better returns than FDs.

Select tax-efficient debt instruments for fixed income.

Funding Your Travel Goals
Create a dedicated "Travel Fund" for expenses.

Use SWP from mutual funds to generate travel cash flow.

Avoid dipping into principal amount to maintain financial security.

Tax Planning for Retirement
1. Taxation on Withdrawals
SWP from equity mutual funds attracts LTCG tax after Rs. 1.25 lakh gains.

Debt fund withdrawals are taxed as per income slab.

Optimize withdrawals to reduce tax burden.

2. NRI Tax Considerations
Check tax liabilities in India and your resident country.

Double taxation treaties can help reduce excess taxation.

Plan withdrawals carefully to avoid tax inefficiencies.

Estate Planning and Succession
Create a will for asset distribution.

Nominate beneficiaries in mutual funds and FDs.

Consider gifting assets to your daughter for tax benefits.

Final Insights
Reduce FD dependency and shift towards mutual funds.

Maintain a balance between equity and debt investments.

Structure cash flow using SWP and tax-efficient investments.

Plan withdrawals wisely to minimize tax impact.

Set aside a dedicated travel fund for world exploration.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8145 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 04, 2025Hindi
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is right time to invest in mutual funds short term
Ans: Your question on short-term mutual fund investment is important. Let’s assess if this is the right time and how to approach it.

Understanding Short-Term Investments in Mutual Funds
1. Market Conditions and Short-Term Investments
The Indian stock market is currently experiencing volatility.

Global economic uncertainties and interest rate policies are influencing market movements.

Short-term investments depend on market cycles and liquidity needs.

If invested for a short period, market timing plays a crucial role.

2. Risk vs. Reward in Short-Term Investing
Short-term mutual fund investments carry risks due to market fluctuations.

Equity funds may not be ideal for short-term goals due to volatility.

Debt funds can provide stability but may have lower returns than equities.

Risk assessment is necessary before investing for the short term.

3. Ideal Fund Categories for Short-Term Investment
Ultra-short duration funds: Suitable for 3–6 months with lower risk.

Short-duration funds: Ideal for 1–3 years with moderate risk.

Liquid funds: Best for parking surplus funds for a few months.

Corporate bond funds: Offer slightly higher returns but come with credit risk.

Key Factors to Consider Before Investing
1. Investment Horizon
Define the exact period you wish to stay invested.

If less than one year, avoid equity mutual funds.

If 1–3 years, prefer high-quality debt funds.

2. Liquidity Needs
Short-term investments should be easily accessible when needed.

Debt mutual funds offer better liquidity than FDs for short-term goals.

Exit loads and redemption timeframes should be checked before investing.

3. Taxation Impact on Returns
Debt mutual fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Consider post-tax returns while comparing investment options.

Evaluating Alternatives for Short-Term Investments
1. Fixed Deposits vs. Debt Mutual Funds
Bank FDs provide fixed returns but may have lower post-tax returns.

Debt mutual funds offer flexibility and tax-efficient returns.

FDs may be suitable if interest rates remain high.

2. Arbitrage Funds for Short-Term Investment
Arbitrage funds invest in equity but work like debt funds in terms of risk.

Tax-efficient for holding periods beyond one year.

Suitable for those seeking stability with slightly better returns than FDs.

Final Insights
Short-term mutual fund investments require careful selection based on the time horizon.

Debt funds are better suited for stability, while arbitrage funds offer tax efficiency.

Consider liquidity, taxation, and risk factors before investing.

Market fluctuations can impact short-term returns in equity funds.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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