My wife and I have a mutual friend whose behavior I find troubling. Although we live in different cities, I still get upset and anxious whenever the topic of this friend comes up, but his wife remains friends with my wife. How can I manage my feelings and maintain harmony in my relationship while dealing with this situation? Your ABCD

Ans: Dear Yusuf,
Dealing with difficult emotions in relationships, especially when it involves mutual friends, can be challenging. Here’s a structured approach to help you manage your feelings and maintain harmony:

Acknowledge your feelings. Recognize that your feelings of upset and anxiety are valid. It’s important to identify why this person’s behavior affects you so strongly. Reflect on specific instances that triggered these feelings and understand what about their behavior is troubling you.

Balance communication with your wife. Have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your feelings towards this mutual friend. Use “I” statements to express how you feel without placing blame, such as, “I feel anxious when the topic of our mutual friend comes up because...”. This way, your wife can understand your perspective without feeling attacked or defensive.

Consider boundaries. Discuss with your wife how you can both maintain boundaries that respect your feelings while allowing her to continue her friendship. This might mean agreeing to limit discussions about this friend or finding times when she can catch up with the friend without it affecting you. It’s about finding a balance that works for both of you.

Develop coping strategies. Find ways to manage your anxiety and upset feelings when the topic of this friend arises. This could include deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, or engaging in activities that help you relax and divert your attention. Additionally, seeking support from a therapist can provide you with tools to handle these emotions more effectively.

Maintaining harmony in your relationship while dealing with this situation involves open communication, mutual respect, and effective coping strategies. By acknowledging your feelings, balancing communication, setting boundaries, and developing coping mechanisms, you can navigate this challenging situation in a way that supports both your well-being and your relationship with your wife.

PS : i hope my ABCD makes sense to you