
Hello madam,
I am a 35 year-old software Engineer from Pune. I am living with my wife, sister and mother in a joint-family setup. My wife and sister both are working. I got married in Dec 2022. Last year due to project ramp-down, my wife had to move to Hyderabad for work. During that time, only she was living in Hyderabad in a rented flat, I was still trying to search for a job in Hyderabad. But after 6 months, around March 2025, her project in Hyderabad got ramped down again. She tried searching for jobs in pune and hyderabad, but she could only get interview calls from Pune. So ultimately had to settle back with us in pune. She does have a regret moving back to Pune. Now after 2-3 months of moving back to Pune, one night she started picking up a fight with me and she said she doesn't like a joint family setup, and wants to move in a seperate apartment. She is too much attached to Hyderabad City ,that she was forcing me to search for a job in Hyderabad. I explained her that last year also I was trying a lot for a job in Hyderabad, but couldn't get a decent job, and I am still trying to search for a job in Hyderabad but due to tough market situation and some bad luck unable to get a good opportunity. I also said we can move to another rented flat in pune as well, but she is still adamant about moving to Hyderabad. I tried to explain her that it would be easy for me to attend any family emergencies related to my mother or sister of we at least stay in the same city, but nothing works. My sister is suffering from clinical depression and due to this, she is still unmarried. We did tried to search a suitable alliance for her but we were unsuccessful. This also upsets her a lot, and the fact that my mother and my sister are financially and emotionally dependent on me, makes my wife sad and angry. I do always to make things work for her , but the fact that I also have to look after my mother and sister brings problem in our marriage. My mother is a single parent hence the reason she is dependent on me. My sister is working but her income is not that much that if I stopped supporting, the household will work. Now I am highly anxious that if I really don't get a job in Hyderabad, how things will take shape for me and my family. Things do look quite scary at this time, trying to convince my wife to look for rented flat in pune but no luck yet.
Ans: Dear Siddharth,
You seem to be fair in requesting your wife to shift to another place in Pune which will take care of your family and your wife as well...
What seems to be the issue with that for her? What is in Hyderabad that is not there in Pune?
Is she worried that your family will drop by without informing?
Does she worry that you will be neglecting her and attend to only your family?
Anything that seems unreasonable usually has a hidden reason behind it; she's not sharing what exactly the issue is or she is yet to figure it out herself. My suggestion to you is to have a good heart to heart chat with her where you address her concerns and share yours, so that she understands you as well...The only way to solve issues is to come to meeting point and then find a win-win...
All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/