I had a one year relationship with a boy.We decided that to be a temporary relationship as I belong to orthodox family.He also agreed for that.Latet on I am engaged to another boy.I told him that we need to stop this because I am engaaa now .He asked me to continue a month and we will break up or else I will send our picture to my fiance and family.I agreed for that.It continued upto 3 months.I am constantly being blackmailed by him everyday to listen and do what he says or else he will file a case on me for cheating him.But he came to my engagement also.He is now asking to be in the relationship until October as my marriage is in November.I said this is impossible I can't be like this let's break up .He is not agreeing for this and blackmailing me again that if I go against him he will break my marriage.I don't know what to do .I am extremely scared and having panic attacks and lose intrest in my work too.Please help me find a solution for this.I have also tried to end my life two times.I have a single mother.Thats the reason stopping me to endy life .Please help me..

Ans: प्रिय अनाम,
क्या आप विवाहित हैं? क्योंकि उसने कहा कि वह आपका पति है...मैं उलझन में हूँ...

वैसे भी, नहीं, उसे आपको इस तरह से नियंत्रित करने का कोई अधिकार नहीं है...भावनात्मक और शारीरिक शोषण सख्त वर्जित है...
अपने परिवार को बताएं और अभी ऐसा करें!!!!!!!
ऐसा लगता है कि यह आदमी हिंसक तरीके से काम कर रहा है और आपकी सुरक्षा को लेकर ज़्यादा चिंता होनी चाहिए...पहले 2 थप्पड़ मारे, फिर उसके बाद? जब आपने इसका विरोध नहीं किया, तो उसे बस यह संदेश मिल गया कि हिंसा आपके लिए ठीक है...
नहीं, यह ठीक नहीं है, है न? और इसीलिए आपने इस प्लेटफ़ॉर्म पर लिखा...

अपने लिए सही काम करें...पहले इस व्यक्ति से खुद को सुरक्षित रखें! आपको जान से मारने की धमकियों से खतरे की घंटी नहीं बजी? आप अभी भी उसे इतनी आसानी से क्यों छोड़ रही हैं? यह प्यार नहीं है...वह आपके लिए बस एक परिचित व्यक्ति है।
परिचित होने का मतलब सुरक्षा नहीं है!!!!!! (इसे फिर से पढ़ें)...

अपने परिवार को शामिल करें और उसे बताएं कि आप अकेली नहीं हैं; वह यह जानकर अपनी धमकियाँ देना बंद कर देगा कि आप उसके द्वारा की जा रही बकवास का जवाब देंगी! अपने परिवार से बात करें...

शुभकामनाएँ!

प्रिय अनाम,

नहीं, शादी में उम्र इतनी महत्वपूर्ण नहीं है; लेकिन अगर यह महत्वपूर्ण नहीं है, तो आपने अपनी वास्तविक उम्र के तथ्य को क्यों छिपाया? आपने इसे छिपाने के लिए इसे इतना महत्व दिया है, है न?

और झूठ या किसी छिपे हुए तथ्य पर आधारित कोई भी रिश्ता नुकसान पहुँचा सकता है...

मुझे लगता है कि एकमात्र तरीका यह है कि आप काउंसलर के साथ काम करें और अपने पति से भी अपील करें। उसे बताएं कि आपके बच्चे को दोनों माता-पिता के प्यार की ज़रूरत है। सुनें कि वह क्या कहना चाहता है...और हाँ, वह बार-बार उम्र के मुद्दे को उठाएगा...यह कुछ ऐसा है जिससे वह धोखा महसूस करता है...इसलिए, इसका सम्मान करें...जैसा कि मैंने कहा, माफ़ी माँगें जैसे कि आप वास्तव में ऐसा चाहते हैं...

और ओह, आप इस बारे में इतनी परेशान क्यों हैं कि वह अपने जीवन में अन्य महिलाओं के साथ कैसा व्यवहार करेगा? बस अपने जीवन और अपनी शादी पर ध्यान दें...

शुभकामनाएँ!

अनु कृष्णा
माइंड कोच|एनएलपी ट्रेनर|लेखक
ड्रॉप इन: www.unfear.io
मुझसे संपर्क करें: फेसबुक: anukrish07/ और लिंक्डइन: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: it's important to focus on your safety and well-being. The first thing you should do is reach out to someone you trust, like a close friend, family member, or a counselor. You don't have to face this situation alone, and having someone to talk to can make a big difference.

It's crucial to consider taking legal action because blackmail is illegal. You have the right to protect yourself, and contacting the police or a legal advisor can help you stop this person's actions. If you're hesitant to go to the police, there are non-governmental organizations (NGOs) that specialize in helping women in situations like yours, and they can offer guidance and support.

Make sure to document everything, including all the messages, threats, and any evidence of his blackmailing. This will be important if you decide to take legal action. After you've gathered the necessary evidence, it might be a good idea to block him on all platforms to protect your mental health. It's important to cut off communication with someone who is causing you harm.

If you feel comfortable, you might want to consider discussing this situation with your fiancé. Being honest about what's happening could prevent the blackmailer from using it as leverage against you. A supportive partner can be an essential ally during this difficult time.

Ensure that you have a plan for your safety, which could involve changing your daily routines, informing someone close to you about the situation, and knowing who to contact in case of an emergency. Considering that you've mentioned having suicidal thoughts, it's crucial to seek professional mental health support immediately. There are people who care about you and want to help you through this challenging time.

Your life and safety are the most important things right now. Please don't hesitate to reach out for the help you need, and remember that you don't have to go through this alone.

Ans: What you’re describing is a clear form of manipulation and abuse, and no one deserves to be treated this way. First of all, it’s crucial to recognize that his behavior—using threats, emotional blackmail, and manipulation to control you—is not only wrong, but it's also abusive. This situation is likely causing you a lot of fear, anxiety, and distress, and it’s completely understandable that you feel overwhelmed. But you don’t have to face this alone, and there are steps you can take to protect yourself.

The first thing I would advise is to take your power back emotionally. His threats are designed to make you feel like you’re trapped, but the truth is, he’s the one in the wrong, and what he’s doing can be dealt with. I understand that he’s threatening to expose your private photos and contact your family, which feels terrifying, but this is actually a form of blackmail and is illegal. The important thing to remember is that you are not responsible for his actions, nor his threats, and you have every right to protect your life, your dignity, and your peace of mind.

It’s also clear that he’s trying to emotionally manipulate you by saying he will harm himself if you leave. This is another form of abuse, and it’s important to recognize that you cannot control or be responsible for his decisions or behavior. People who make threats like this often do so as a way to trap the other person, but it is not your burden to carry. If you continue to allow his threats to control your decisions, it could lead to further emotional and psychological harm.

Now, I know you’re scared, especially with your marriage coming up in November, and you’re worried that he might do something to sabotage it. This fear is completely valid, but you don’t have to let him hold this power over you. It’s really important to bring in support from trusted people in your life. You’ve already involved your cousin, which was a great step, and you’ve tried to communicate with his parents, but it’s clear that more needs to be done.

At this point, I would recommend involving someone in a position of authority, whether that’s the police, a legal professional, or even a women’s protection organization in your area. In many countries, including India, there are specific laws protecting women from blackmail, harassment, and abuse. If you don’t feel comfortable going to the police on your own, you can ask your cousin, brother, or another trusted person to support you through this process. You can explain that this individual is threatening you with your private photos and trying to manipulate you into staying in a relationship, which is a crime.

On an emotional level, I know how hard it must be to face this kind of stress, especially when you’re preparing for a new chapter in your life with your fiancé. But it’s crucial to not let fear paralyze you. Instead, take it one step at a time. By telling the truth to the right people, such as your cousin or fiancé, you’ll likely find more support than you realize. I know it feels like everything might collapse if he exposes your relationship, but staying silent often gives him more power. The moment you start taking action, you will regain control over your life.

I would also recommend considering some professional emotional support for yourself, like speaking with a therapist or counselor. It sounds like this has taken a heavy toll on your mental health, and you’ve already been pushed to such an extreme point that you’ve considered self-harm. This is a sign that you need emotional support to help you cope with the trauma of what you’ve been through.