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Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 21, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Pankaj Question by Pankaj on Mar 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Am a widower of 55 male with daughter not leaving with me, and how and when i Fall in True Love (No Physical Relations) with a Girl who is 30+ years younger than me and want to convince her My Love but she calls me Uncle then is there any wrong impact with the relationship. I don't live without her i seen affection in her eyes for me. I dream for her only only she is my LOVE. she is working but no financial stability she comes from a lower middle class family but her family doesn't want her but she is Staying with her family on favouringly please reply.

Ans: Dear Pankaj,
Sorry to burst your bubble; but she is perhaps looking for a father figure in you and you have mistaken that love for romance.
Seek companionship in people who have similar interests such as you and are also in a similar phase of life as you.
Why complicate things by involving yourself with a young girl who will grow up and might find men her age attractive...do you really want to put yourself through all of that?
Be the Uncle that she identifies you as and start building relationships outside of this one. You will thank yourself for this...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 23, 2022

Relationship
Hi Anu,Myself Praveen. I appreciate your writings on Rediff. First of all thanks for that.I would like to ask guidance or your thoughts on establishing a relationship with my lady friend. I met her 4 years back in my old office and we got in company soon and started talking and somewhat share most of the personal s***s too. I started having feelings for her. I mean I wish to have a marital relationship with her because I am very comfortable with her. But I was unable to make any move or feared of losing her company if I tell her my love.That time I never knew her age. Later I moved from that job to pursue some personal goals so I moved to some other place without the knowledge of my own family. The only person who knew about it was her. She stood with me and emotionally supported me and was knowing that it was my strong wish of having that dream/goal. We were in touch as nice friends. Her phone calls were happy moments for me because I was alone at my new place where I'd gone to pursue my dream. Someday she called me and during call she was upset. That day she shared some of her personal things and during the conversation I realised that she is 8 years older than me and she is at her mid 30s. Firstly, it was like a shock for me. I wondered why a beautiful girl like she not got into a marriage or any other serious relationship still that age. Okay, that doesn't matter me. However, knowing about most of the complexity in this partnership including support from both family or cliche society thoughts; I decided to have her as my life partner. But still I am not able to make a move like that. Somehow, I had to come back to my homeplace and sorry to say that I failed to pursue my goal which was bit depressing. Still I couldn't make a move to talk her about this. I am getting an odd feeling that she treats me as a brother or a nice friend only. I am confused when she calls me bro. Some days ago she told me that I am her good brother. Frankly I don't like her calling me bro. I still love her and I always see her as my life partner.The thing is I fear that I may lose her company if I express my love for her. Also I fear that she may emotionally get low if she really considering me as her brother. I don't want to give her any pain, but meanwhile I couldn't miss her in my life. Nowadays, we rarely talk on phone or meet because some of her professional engagements. That is not a problem for me. I respect her as well as her personal space. Only thing I want is to communicate her about my mind and having a relationship with her. I know she might also be concerned about our age gap as well as what society may say, but I don't care such rubbish. I strongly believe that I can be a great partner. Share your thoughts on making an approach without giving her any emotional pain or trauma.
Ans:

Dear PB,

Thank you for your kind words on my writings and columns. Highly appreciate it.

I cannot assure you of the fact of her not having any emotional reactions. Her reactions are not something that you can control.

The easiest way to resolve this confusion that you are going through is to simply express it. It’s similar to how children are.

Have you seen them say things without a filter and unfazed by how the other person will react?

Then along came the adults and asked them to keep quiet and then the child in us grew up to become a recluse and ignore our own feelings.

I agree there is an etiquette and social norms to be followed as adults but to not be able to express our feelings is nothing but conditioning from our childhood.

And what did it teach us? It taught us to avoid the rejection and ensuing disappointment.

That’s exactly what you are running away from; all the rejection that may happen and the disappointment from that.

But what use is that love if you can’t express it for fear of rejection. If you feel so strongly about it, approach it boldly and very gently.

Yes, it may shock her and it’s possible she has no feelings or sees you as a brother, but at least you know where the connection stands.

Now whether she is going to be hurt or not is a question of how emotionally mature she is.

So, before you start the conversation, do request her to hear you fully and not judge you for your honesty. This may ease her shock and help her respond rather than react to you.

On your part, keep your expectations to a low and smile through the situation. It helps lighten the load that you might be carrying.

All the best!

(more)
Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |97 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 11, 2023

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Relationship
Hello, I am 45 yrs old, divorced , in love with 29 yrs old girl. We deeply are in love with each other, however Girl’s Parents are not agreeing to our marriage, citing age gap. It’s been 2.5 yrs, have met her Parents many times at their home. Her Parents consider me as a nice guy , but the age gap factor is not letting them to approve our relationship. Am seriously stressed and want to wary that girl only. Request you to kindly suggest 🙏
Ans: It can be challenging when families do not approve of a relationship due to age differences or other factors. However, it's important to remember that ultimately, the decision to enter into a relationship and get married is a personal one that should be based on the feelings and desires of the two people involved.

It's important to continue to communicate openly and honestly with your girlfriend and her parents about your feelings and intentions. Try to listen to their concerns and address them in a respectful and thoughtful way. It may also be helpful to enlist the support of a neutral third party, such as a family counselor or mediator, who can help facilitate a productive conversation between you and your girlfriend's parents.

However, it's also important to recognize that ultimately, you cannot control the decisions of others. If your girlfriend's parents continue to disapprove of the relationship, it may be necessary to consider whether the relationship is sustainable in the long term. It's important to consider not only your feelings for each other, but also the practical realities of your situation and whether you can build a fulfilling and happy life together despite any external challenges.

Ultimately, it's up to you and your girlfriend to decide what is best for your relationship and your future. It may be helpful to continue to work on building a strong foundation of trust, communication, and mutual support, regardless of the outcome with her parents.
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |177 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 25, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Am 54+ and I am in Love with a Women who is 31 years Younger Than me but, we haven't expressed yet that we love each of us she calls me as Kaka i had helped her during her bad times in 2021 after she had got Covid-19 and her parents don't wanted her to be with her as she approached me and told me to keep her with me for the time being till the situation gets normal after discussion how can I as am married single and alone and my daughter living with my in-laws to accomplish her studies in the mean time the girl have'nt disclosed the age but now when I asked about her age then only she told the age. Now what to do I really love her but am afraid (because of unknown of her age she was Looked like Minor in her behavioral nature) of how to convince that I Love her since last 2 years. We get together in City only for Cafeterias Long Drives and also Am taking the class how to Ride Bike (Scooty). Am her Pillon on Back to control I feel As if am with my Wife as she ( of her Pure and Innocent Soul) is no more since she met with an Fatal Car Accident in 2013. What ot do I don't want to Loose her and also Can't Leave without Her. I Also Insisted her to introduce to Her Parents but she says no. And want to clear that we are not in Physical Relationship only pure Soulful relationship. Pl. Reply GURU
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

From your question, I am assuming that she isn't showing the same interest in you. That makes my advice very simple- please leave her alone. You might feel a hundred things about her, but she might not feel the same way. You have every right to love and be loved, but not with this person whom you think might be too young for you. And even if she reciprocates it someday, I would like for you to understand that she doesn't have the emotional maturity of a full-grown adult. Find someone your age, with your maturity level. Let her be; she has her entire life ahead of her and your feelings will do her no good.

There are plenty of women looking for a genuine relationship. It will certainly be best for both of you if you consider dating those women who can give you the right kind of company and emotional support.

Best Wishes.
(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam, I am 40 yrs old. I was divorced 10 yrs ago and since then I never married again. I have been changing my jobs very often and my mind is not Steady. I am not happy at my job and I feel it's my mindset as I frequently get angry, hyper and make rash decisions. I have zero savings and don't own any assets. But all my friends, relatives and colleagues are well settled and enjoying their life at this age.. this is depressing me and I don't know how to over come this ? In the past 3 years I have fallen in love with one of my far relative and both us love each other very truly. She understands me like no other and knows everything and aspect of my life. She is 15 yrs younger to me but she doesn't care about it and wishes to marry me. I feel actually lucky to be loved by her that much. The main problem is that we recently got to know that she becomes my daughter ( cousin brother's daughter ) if we see the family tree side relationship. Though she is not blood brother's daughter but she is some one in the relative side. Both of us discussed about this but both of us love each other so truly that we don't wish to let go each other and marry. Please suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you writing to me to know how to handle the anger issues or whether you must marry this person you have mentioned about?
Anger and impulsiveness stems from the way you have conditioned yourself to handle situations. There is enough and more content on prominent websites that guide you through this whereby you teach yourself to calm down and act in a well-thought out manner.
On the topic of this lady who happens to be a distant relative, you do need to understand the impact this will have medically on children should you decide to have children later...if you have discussed all this in detail and you two know that the marriage can help you grow and evolve, well...you know what to do.

All the best!
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Archana Deshpande  |24 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

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Dear Guru, I work in the technology space, and as with most careers, it is challenging and stressful. I work long hours (10-12hrs on avg). My problem is that I get disturbed sleep and am unable to get work related thoughts out of my mind wherein I even dream about solutions to work problems. I am afraid this is going to hurt my health and burn me out soon. Please advise on how I can detach from work to get a refreshing sleep.
Ans: Dear Bhawik!!

Pat yourself on the back for being a committed employee. The problems you have stated happen to most people who give their 100% to their work. Since you already know what it is to be 100% at work, it is time for you to give your 100% at home and to yourself.
You need to mentally detach yourself from work the moment you step out of the office building.
How will you do this? Adopt the following-
1. before leaving the office list out all the activities for tomorrow , prioritise them and mentally commit to them as tasks for tomorrow.
2. as soon as you exit the office building take three deep breaths , inhale and exhale deeply - this is called a transitioning breath which helps you transition from activity to another
3 establish rituals like listening to music( which you love) the moment you leave the building
4. if your transit form office to home takes some time, then practice being in the moment by looking around - the people, the trees, the sky, let all your senses be involved- use your eyes to see, nose to smell, ears to hear the sounds around, feel the breeze in your hair/ on your skin. This makes you feel 100% alive. Stay in the moment.
5. when you reach home, greet your loved ones with a smile
6. spend a little time doing nothing , just be
7. enjoy your meal mindfully
8.take a small walk after your meal
9.spend min 10 mins doing something that brings you joy, for me it is reading a book, what is it for you?
10.go for a guided "Yog Nidra" before sleeping.

Do not intellectualize these suggestions. Just do them. They are tried and tested methods for a proper demarcation between work and home life.
Best wishes for a life well lived and restful sleep..
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Sunil

Sunil Lala  |178 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |108 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 25, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hi, i have completed my masters in food technology and want to work as freelancers as a auditor in food industry could you guide how to go about doing.
Ans: Transitioning to freelance work as a food industry auditor can offer you flexibility and autonomy in your career. Evaluate your qualifications, experience, and skills in food technology, quality assurance, and auditing. Identify areas where you have expertise and experience that are valuable to potential clients in the food industry. Familiarize yourself with the requirements and standards for food auditing, including regulatory requirements, industry standards (such as ISO 22000, HACCP), and customer specifications. Understand the auditing process, documentation requirements, and audit protocols. Consider obtaining relevant certifications or training in food safety auditing, such as Certified Food Safety Auditor (CFSA), Lead Auditor Training, or other accredited programs. These credentials can enhance your credibility and qualifications as a freelancer. Network with professionals in the food industry, including food manufacturers, suppliers, distributors, and regulatory agencies. Attend industry conferences, seminars, and networking events to connect with potential clients and collaborators. Determine the specific services you will offer as a food industry auditor, such as food safety audits, quality management system audits, regulatory compliance assessments, or supplier audits. Identify your target market, including food manufacturers, processors, retailers, or food service providers. Develop a professional brand identity for your freelance auditing services, including a business name, logo, website, and marketing materials. Highlight your expertise, qualifications, and unique value proposition to attract potential clients. Determine your pricing structure based on factors such as the complexity of audits, scope of services, and industry standards. Establish clear policies regarding payment terms, project timelines, and confidentiality agreements to protect both your interests and those of your clients. Promote your freelance auditing services through online channels, social media platforms, industry forums, and professional associations. Create content related to food safety, quality assurance, and auditing best practices to showcase your expertise and attract potential clients. Cultivate relationships with potential clients by offering value-added services, such as training, consulting, or ongoing support. Build trust and credibility through transparent communication, professional conduct, and delivering high-quality audit reports and recommendations. Establish systems and processes for managing your freelance business, including client communication, project management, invoicing, and record-keeping. Prioritize time management and organization to balance your freelance work effectively. 

Keep learning, networking, and refining your approach to meet the needs of your clients and achieve your professional goals as a freelancer.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |959 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
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Money
I retired earlier now at 53. Invested 7L in ELSS and using 60L on short term equity trading (with monthly average gain 2L) and having own apartment home worth 40L. Having dependent widowed mother, wife with 13 yrs old daughter. Intended to raise daughter as doctor. Please suggest better investment options.
Ans: Congratulations on your early retirement! It sounds like you've made some good initial decisions, but there's definitely room for improvement to secure your family's future, especially considering your dependents. Here's how you can optimize your investments:

Reduce Risk in Short-Term Equity Trading:

While a ?2 lakh monthly gain from short-term trading sounds impressive, it's a very risky strategy. The market can be volatile, and these gains may not be sustainable. Consider allocating a much smaller portion (maybe 10-20%) to short-term trading and focus on more stable options for the majority of your investable assets (?60 lakh currently in trading).
Focus on Long-Term Growth and Stability:

Increase Investment in ELSS: ?7 lakh is a good start, but for your daughter's education and your retirement needs, you'll likely need a much larger corpus. Consider increasing your SIP amount in ELSS or similar diversified equity mutual funds with a long-term horizon (10+ years).
Explore Debt Options for Regular Income:

You mentioned having a dependent mother and daughter's education to plan for. Consider investing a portion (maybe 20-30%) of your investable amount in safer debt options like Public Provident Fund (PPF), Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS) for your mother (if she's above 60), or fixed deposits to generate a regular income stream.
Plan for Daughter's Education:

Doctorate studies can be expensive. Start an SIP in a dedicated child education plan or invest in aggressive equity funds specifically for this goal. Talk to a Certfied Financial Planner for personalized recommendations based on the estimated cost of medical education.
Utilize Your Apartment:

While your apartment fulfills your housing needs, consider if it could generate additional income. Explore options like renting a room if feasible.
Seek Professional Guidance:

Given your multiple financial goals and risk tolerance, consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can be highly beneficial. They can create a personalized investment plan considering your risk appetite, time horizon, and financial goals.
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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