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Boyfriend's Colleague Proposed, Still Chats & Drops Her Home: What Should I Do?

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |147 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Feb 26, 2025

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Shalini! My boyfriend's colleague proposed him and he refused that. He told her about already having a girlfriend (i.e me). But the problem is that he is still chatting with her and sometimes drops her home is what hurts me lot. What can I do? I asked him several times what's going on and he told me that nothing is going on. But I have doubt. I spoke to that girl and she also said sorry but I don't think it was ended from her side. She is still trying to manipulate my boyfriend's mind.

Ans: no one can manipulate anyone - one allows manipulation - and if it happens it is not the girl's fault but your partner who wished for it. please work on your confidence, not doing so will drive him away.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1535 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2022

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Dear Anu, my boyfriend and I are school mates. We studied in the same class. We have been in a relationship for more than 10 years and currently we are working.There is a girl in his life whom we know through common friends. Through one of his friends we got to know that there were a lot of rumours about my BF and her being together earlier. However my BF explained that he treats her like a sister and there is nothing between them.I got the same explanation from that girl as well. So I accepted their relationship stance and went ahead without any doubt.Right now our relationship is very less lively and sparkling. We spend less time together as we are committed in our work and trapped in debt too. Due to family responsibilities, he spends less time with me. He says he has lot of work and hardly meets me. I have been learning over the past few months that my bf and the girl are seemingly growing closer. She calls him daily to ask about his whereabouts and every detail of our life. She knows more about him than me. Recently my BF was out with his family and he was not reachable for a day.When he is out with family, I would give time to let him update me but the girl messaged me to check if my BF updated me where and what he is doing, whether he is safe or not and what time he will be back. For me this concern seems little fishy. Pls advice on this. I am thinking about talking to my BF. I need advice on how to manage the situation and get proper explanation out of it.
Ans:

Dear A,

What more does he need to do for you to see what he is worth at this moment?

Dilly-dallying in the current relationship by relying on external relationship, ain’t fun, yeah?

‘Sister’ is a convenient label used when a man isn’t sure about his feelings for her, or he is sure and doesn’t want his current partner (namely, you) to go nasty on him.

Why she is keen on his whereabouts is anyone’s guess! Did you tell her off and ask her to find out herself? What are you, a messenger between the two of them?

And when you do talk to him, ask him: where is his mind on your relationship and what he plans on telling his ‘sister’?

Oh and if his answers don’t satisfy you or he still comes across as evasive, you know what to do then.

All the best!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2023

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Relationship
Actually I'm in a relationship and he is loving someone already he is getting Marry also her only this everything I know already but he is really happy with me even I love him but he promised to marry her so only he is getting Marry her because that promise he can't break but he loves me so much now we both r crying thinking about this all now what can do
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you and your partner are going through a difficult situation. It can be incredibly painful to be in love with someone who is committed to another person.

It's important to remember that your partner has made a commitment to someone else and is planning to marry that person. While it may be tempting to hold onto the hope that they will leave their current partner for you, it's also important to be realistic about the situation and respect their choices.

It's also important to consider your own feelings and needs in this situation. Are you willing to continue a relationship with someone who is committed to someone else? Are you willing to share your partner's love and attention with someone else? These are difficult questions to consider, but it's important to be honest with yourself about what you're willing to accept in a relationship.

Communication is key in any relationship, and it may be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about how you're feeling and what you want out of the relationship. However, it's important to be prepared for the possibility that your partner may not be able to give you what you want or need.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to continue the relationship or move on is up to you. It may be helpful to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist as you navigate this challenging situation.

..Read more

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1056 Answers  |Ask -

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  | Answer  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 01, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2025Hindi
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Money
I am a 48 year old widow. I have a 21 yr old daughter in college. I had quit my job, but rejoined now and have a monthly take home of 1L 15k. I receive similar pension amount too. But this pension amount will get reduced to 90k after 10 years. I have an own property (apartment bought in 2010) - 14 k rent monthly. I have around 40 L that I wish to invest. I am still coping with the loss and am confused as to what I need to do to get a grip on the finances. I have invested around 12 L in mutual funds. I have applied for a term insurance - around 1 L annual premium for 10 years. I am also repaying the home loan around 15k per month with tenure left for 20 months. I am planning to move out on my own from my sister's place where I am staying now (my own house is not in Bangalore where I work). So, I will definitely need 25k per month for rent if I move out. Please advise on how to manage my finances. Shall I repay the home loan and clear the debt (around 5 L principal outstanding)? Should I invest in some pension plans? Please advise. Thanks!
Ans: Your financial situation requires a structured approach to ensure long-term security. You have multiple income sources, a property, investments, and financial commitments. A clear plan will help manage expenses, investments, and future goals effectively.

Income Sources and Stability
Salary – Rs. 1.15 lakh per month

This is your primary source of income.
It provides stability and helps with regular expenses.
Pension – Rs. 1.15 lakh per month (reducing to Rs. 90,000 after 10 years)

This is a strong financial support.
Future reduction needs to be considered in planning.
Rental Income – Rs. 14,000 per month

This adds to cash flow.
It helps with loan repayment or investment.
Total Monthly Income – Rs. 2.44 lakh (reducing to Rs. 2.19 lakh in 10 years)

This is a good financial position.
A structured approach is required for long-term financial stability.
Home Loan Repayment
Current EMI – Rs. 15,000 per month

The principal outstanding is Rs. 5 lakh.
The loan will be cleared in 20 months.
Should You Prepay?

Yes, if there is no prepayment penalty.
Clearing the loan early gives peace of mind.
It saves on interest costs.
Impact on Finances

Prepaying Rs. 5 lakh reduces financial burden.
Monthly expenses will reduce after the loan is cleared.
Term Insurance Decision
Premium – Rs. 1 lakh per year for 10 years

Term insurance is necessary for your daughter’s security.
Ensure the sum assured is adequate.
Is It the Right Amount?

The premium seems high.
Reassess whether a lower premium plan can provide sufficient coverage.
Living Arrangement and Rent Planning
Current Situation – Staying with Sister

This reduces expenses.
It provides emotional support.
Moving Out – Additional Rs. 25,000 Rent per Month

This will increase monthly costs.
Ensure rental expenses fit within your budget.
Alternative Approach

Consider staying for a while longer to save more.
Delay moving out until your home loan is cleared.
Investment Strategy for Rs. 40 Lakh
Debt and Fixed Income Allocation – 30-40%

Provides stability and liquidity.
Ensures emergency fund availability.
Equity Mutual Funds – 50-60%

Helps with long-term wealth creation.
Beats inflation over time.
Actively managed funds perform better than index funds.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) for Growth

Investing monthly ensures rupee cost averaging.
Builds a strong financial corpus over time.
Emergency Fund

Keep at least 6-12 months’ expenses in liquid assets.
Ensures financial security in case of unexpected events.
Managing Future Financial Stability
Reducing Pension in 10 Years

Plan investments to compensate for lower pension.
Build a corpus that generates passive income.
Retirement Planning

Ensure investments support post-retirement needs.
Avoid pension plans, as they often provide lower returns.
Daughter’s Education and Future

Ensure sufficient funds for higher education.
Create a separate investment plan for this goal.
Finally
Your financial position is strong, but structured planning is key. Clearing the home loan, investing wisely, and managing expenses will ensure financial stability. With a balanced investment approach, you can secure a comfortable future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  | Answer  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 01, 2025

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Money
Sir, I would like to invest 70 lacs in Mutual funds. Also I would like to go for SWP on this amount for Rs 50000 per month. Please suggest a plan for investment
Ans: Your plan to invest Rs. 70 lakh in mutual funds and withdraw Rs. 50,000 per month through SWP is a smart approach. It allows for both capital appreciation and regular income. A well-structured plan will ensure financial stability and long-term wealth preservation.

Key Considerations for Your Investment
Balancing Growth and Stability
Your investment should generate long-term growth while providing stable monthly withdrawals.

Tax-Efficient Withdrawals
A Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) should minimise tax impact while ensuring liquidity.

Inflation Protection
The investment should outpace inflation to maintain your purchasing power over time.

Risk Management
A mix of asset classes will provide stability during market fluctuations.

Asset Allocation Strategy
A well-diversified portfolio will help balance risk and returns.

Equity Mutual Funds – 40-50% Allocation

Ensures long-term capital growth.
Helps beat inflation over time.
Actively managed funds perform better than index funds.
Hybrid Mutual Funds – 20-30% Allocation

Provides a mix of equity and debt for balanced growth.
Ensures stability during market downturns.
Debt Mutual Funds – 20-30% Allocation

Provides steady income and capital preservation.
Reduces portfolio volatility.
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) Strategy
Start Withdrawals After One Year

Ensures long-term capital appreciation.
Avoids short-term capital gains tax.
Withdraw from Debt or Hybrid Funds First

Ensures equity portion continues to grow.
Reduces volatility risk.
Rebalance Portfolio Annually

Adjust allocations based on market conditions.
Ensure sustainability of monthly withdrawals.
Risk Management Measures
Emergency Fund

Maintain 6-12 months of expenses in liquid assets.
Avoids distress selling during market downturns.
Health Insurance

Ensure adequate coverage for medical emergencies.
Protects investment corpus from unexpected expenses.
Periodic Review

Monitor performance regularly.
Adjust allocations as needed.
Finally
Your investment approach should focus on long-term growth and financial security. A structured SWP strategy will provide stability while allowing your corpus to grow. With the right asset allocation and periodic rebalancing, you can achieve a stress-free and financially secure future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  | Answer  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 01, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2025Hindi
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Money
I am 45 years old and plan to retire in the next five years. My financial portfolio includes shares and mutual funds worth ₹65 lakh, a provident fund of ₹30 lakh, a PPF of ₹15 lakh, and gold valued at approximately ₹30 lakh. I also own a house in a metro city and earn ₹18 lakh per annum from my salary, along with ₹70,000 per year in agricultural income. My monthly expenses are around ₹1 lakh. My wife is a homemaker, and we have a child with autism. Given these factors, is my current financial position sufficient for a secure retirement in five years, considering future expenses, inflation, and my family's long-term needs? If not, what steps should I take to strengthen my financial plan?
Ans: You are in a strong financial position. However, with a child who has autism, future expenses may be higher than usual. A structured approach will help ensure financial security for your family.

Current Financial Position
Investments in shares and mutual funds: Rs. 65 lakh
Provident Fund (PF): Rs. 30 lakh
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs. 15 lakh
Gold holdings: Rs. 30 lakh
House ownership: Fully owned in a metro city
Annual salary income: Rs. 18 lakh
Agricultural income: Rs. 70,000 per year
Monthly expenses: Rs. 1 lakh
Your total liquid assets (excluding real estate) amount to Rs. 1.4 crore. This corpus needs to sustain you and your family after retirement.

Key Challenges
High monthly expenses: At Rs. 1 lakh per month, you need a large retirement corpus.
Inflation impact: Expenses will increase over time, requiring a growing income stream.
Child’s long-term care: Special care and education may be lifelong commitments.
Single earning member: Your wife is a homemaker, meaning the entire financial burden is on you.
Retirement Corpus Requirement
Your current expenses are Rs. 12 lakh per year. Post-retirement, expenses will continue and grow due to inflation. Assuming an increase of 6% annually, you will need a significant corpus to sustain your family for 30+ years.

Steps to Strengthen Your Financial Plan
1. Increase Investments for the Next 5 Years
Your surplus savings should go into investments.
Invest an additional amount monthly to build a larger corpus.
A mix of safe and high-growth investments will be ideal.
2. Create a Separate Health and Emergency Fund
Medical costs rise with age.
Allocate Rs. 25-30 lakh for medical emergencies.
Ensure adequate health insurance coverage for yourself, your wife, and your child.
3. Ensure a Dedicated Fund for Your Child’s Future
Set aside a separate corpus for your child's lifelong care.
A mix of fixed-income instruments and mutual funds will work best.
Consider setting up a trust or legal arrangement for long-term financial security.
4. Reduce Gold Holdings and Shift to More Liquid Investments
Gold is not an income-generating asset.
Convert some gold into investments that generate steady returns.
Use this amount to strengthen your retirement corpus.
5. Plan for a Reliable Passive Income Post-Retirement
Your portfolio should generate at least Rs. 1.2-1.5 lakh per month post-retirement.
Fixed-income investments should cover a large portion of your monthly expenses.
Dividend-paying funds and debt instruments will help balance stability and growth.
6. Review and Adjust Your Portfolio Annually
Track expenses and portfolio performance.
Adjust asset allocation based on market conditions.
Reduce risk gradually as you approach retirement.
Finally
Your current financial position is strong, but you need additional investments to sustain your post-retirement life. The next five years are crucial. Focus on disciplined savings, strategic investments, and ensuring long-term care for your child. With the right approach, you can achieve a financially secure and stress-free retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

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