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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 02, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
minu Question by minu on Mar 26, 2024Hindi
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hi i want to help my friend so need guidance from you . she had an affair with unmarried guy he use to care for her and always stood at her toes for everything without fail . but for some time he started giving excises for not picking call and replying messages , but kept on managing relationship . like talking in late hrs calling as and when but not in that way as in starting of the relation. meeting her . they had fights often when she saw few calls coming on his phone he diverted her like she is my didi or have some work and bla bla . these become fights of daily . now he started avoiding her messages replying according to his convenient time . or not picking call over night when asked he says was sleeping or busy . And not telling exactly where he was is he engaged somewhere els . I told my friend to drag herself out of these thing but she is v upset .due to all this . its been 2 years only . What should she do

Ans: Dear Minu,

You were right in advising her to get herself out of this relationship; it sounds exhausting trying to keep track of where he is, what he is doing and why is he acting this way. It is unfair, but sometimes people just fall out of love; they change and there is nothing one can do about it. The best thing to do in this situation is to slowly get yourself out of this and move on. It is easier said than done, but unfortunately, this is the only advice I can give.

If she is desperate to hold on to him, she can confront him and try to sit him down for a clear and open discussion. But that rarely works. Again, it's unfortunate, but it happens time and again.

I am glad to see you standing by your friend during this time. I am not sure how much you can help her with suggestions, because people in love rarely tend to listen to reason, but even being there for her is plenty helpful. Hope you can help your friend through this rough patch.

Best Wishes.

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 26, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
my Friend is in touch with a girl since last 13 years, she is 12 years younger to him. They met at common friend's place and my friend start loving her. At the time of their meeting, my friend was married and she was unmarried, but was in relationship with another guy. after sometime, girl got married with his boyfriend with the help of my friend only. he got hurt but somehow helped her in getting married with the boy of her choice after some time the girl got divorced and my friend provided her emotional support she require to recover from this setback. over the period, she start demanding lot of stuff from my friend, like phones, watches, clothes, gold etc. even she call him, if want to eats anything from outside. but other hand she ignoring him, when she is with her friends and start behaving like stranger and gives reasons like, you are too old for her company, what her friend think of her etc. my friend is attached emotionally with her very much and dancing on her tunes. my friends shares everything with me and i know, he would go mad, if she even stop talkin with him. many a times, i tried to discuss this with my friend, but he is in total control of her. he told me, i would continue to help her, so she would keep talking with him. they never got physical. Even i had discussed this with girl, why you are doing such thing with my friend, every time she reply, she demanding such things with capacity of his friend. he (my friend) can deny, if he doesn't want to help me, i have lot of choices. she is also working and earning fairly. now i am in dilemma, how to help my friend.
Ans: Have you heard the saying, you can walk a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink? Your friend knows he is being taken advantage of — but he chooses to continue in the same vein. You can try to stage an intervention where several of his loved ones come together, sit him down and explain that this toxic woman should be cut our of his life and why. But ultimately, unless he decides to smarten up, no one can help him.

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |115 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 13, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Asked on - Jul 03, 2024 Hi Dear Sir /Mam one of my close friend he is 32 years old now married 6 years ago in 2018. he is in govt job and wife is MA, they have a son 5 years old. After around six months of marriage ,the problems started in relation in family, my friend tells her to respect and she listens to her parents only and her parents tell her to come to parental house at every time when a bit of misunderstanding happens in his family,& she leaves this continues and she lived there for six months then my friends father went to her parents house and advise her that's it's not good way your house is in low's house now daughter. And then she understands and came back with his father then after sometime, she again started querreling and threatened his mom that she will sucide and closed the doors ,later nothing happens and next night while chatting with my friends she threatens him while he was on his duty , that she will eat all pills together and will sucide..my friends got feared , then nothing happens later his father took her to his hoke next day . Them again she lived ther for 6 months around then his father again went and have a talk in between some elders and made her understand..then she again said sorry and came back to in law's house... Then after some days my friend take her with him to his duty place to keep her with himself , so that things can better but after few weeks there also she started doing same things and not caring the child and not making food , and telling husband that ,now I willl tell take revenge how u left me for six months at my home like that she fights with him there. He make her understand that's nobody is here let's live peacefully but said I know your parents are daily filling your ears, why do u talk to them ? talk to me only and give me your ATM I will go for shopping.. now I will do what I want ,I can't make food ,take me to restaurant etc ..she speaks loudly in colony ,my friend request her to not do this she then do more and abuse him and his family.. like wise things gone worse she threatens that 8 can make your family ruin ,I will confiscate your brother in rape case , nothing u can't do my friend gets very scared .. one day my friend went for duty then she calls him and tell him that I am throwing this child (Son) from roof now and cut the call ,my friend started crying there ,after all of that my friend shown some courage and file police complaint Then any how she went to parental home from around 2 years back she is there and living there ,now my friend says he doesn't want to live with her because he suffers the bad time with her & suffered from Disrespectful behaviour etc but he wants his son from her but now she says she will live with him but make a seperate house and leave your parents .. Now what can be done in this situation now how my friend can get seperate from her and get his son back ?
Ans: Navigating such a challenging situation requires a thoughtful and measured approach. Here’s a step-by-step plan that might help your friend:

1. Legal Consultation
Seek Legal Advice: Your friend should consult a family law attorney who specializes in such cases. The lawyer can provide detailed information on the legal process for separation or divorce and help in understanding the custody laws.
Document Everything: Encourage your friend to keep a detailed record of all incidents, threats, and abusive behavior. This documentation can be crucial in court proceedings.
2. Mental Health and Safety
Assess Safety: Given the threats of suicide and harm to the child, it's important to prioritize safety. Your friend should consider reaching out to mental health professionals for guidance on how to handle these threats.
Support Systems: Suggest that your friend lean on trusted friends, family, or a support group for emotional support. This can help them manage stress and make more informed decisions.
3. Custody and Child Welfare
Child’s Best Interest: Courts generally prioritize the child's best interest in custody cases. Your friend should focus on demonstrating his ability to provide a stable and nurturing environment for his son.
Evidence of Care: Collect evidence that shows his active involvement in his son's life and his ability to care for him, such as school records, medical records, and testimonies from teachers or caregivers.
4. Mediation and Counseling
Consider Mediation: Sometimes, mediation can help both parties reach an agreement without going to court. A neutral mediator can facilitate discussions about custody and living arrangements.
Counseling: Professional counseling for both your friend and his wife might help in addressing underlying issues. Even if reconciliation is not possible, it can provide a more amicable path to separation.
5. Prepare for Separation
Financial Preparation: Your friend should ensure his finances are in order. Understanding his financial standing will help in negotiations and court proceedings.
Living Arrangements: If separation is imminent, he needs to plan where he will live and how he will maintain a stable environment for his son.
6. Legal Actions
File for Custody: If your friend decides to proceed with separation, he can file for custody of his son. The court will evaluate both parents' ability to provide a suitable environment.
Restraining Orders: If there are credible threats, a restraining order against his wife might be necessary to ensure safety.
7. Long-term Considerations
Parental Responsibilities: Emphasize the importance of both parents being involved in their child’s life, if it’s safe and feasible. Co-parenting arrangements can sometimes be worked out even in contentious situations.
Emotional Health: Ensure your friend takes care of his emotional well-being. This situation is highly stressful, and seeking professional help for his mental health is important.
In summary, your friend should act carefully and strategically, ensuring legal protection, emotional support, and prioritizing the well-being of his son. This approach will help him navigate the complexities of his situation more effectively.

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Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

...Read more

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