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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |39 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Apr 24, 2025

Dr Upneet Kaur is a medical professional and therapist based out of Amritsar.
After completing her bachelor’s degree in Ayurvedic medicine and surgery from the SKSS Ayurvedic College and Hospital, Sarabha, Punjab, in 2008, she worked as a medical officer at various multi-specialty hospitals in Punjab, handling both physical and mental patient care and clinical decision-making. She spent the next decade leading multidisciplinary teams at various levels.
Since 2022, she has been practising as a clinical psychologist and marriage counsellor.
Dr Upneet also holds an MBA in hospital management from Alagappa University, Tamil Nadu, and an MA in psychology from the Indira Gandhi National Open University.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 06, 2025
Relationship

I am in a relationship with a girl since 2 years, we have a lot of differences like, she is more than 3 years older than me, our castes are different and she is marathi and I am non marathi. But apart from all this she has just got divorced from court legally, till now she was living separately from his ex husband. She had a affair for about 10 years with her ex but they started living separately just after 8 months of marriage. When I met this girl, we both fell in love, but there were 2-3 mistakes from my side during the first year of our relationship. I lied on small things thinking she will get hurt if she knows that. I haven't cheated, not even talked personal things with any other girl. And for the last one year i have been as honest as anyone can be. But I feel she is not like she used to be. I don't know if I can even call this a relationship anymore. Since we are colleagues we talk in office, we go out for dinner, we still talk lot of personal things too, but that spark is not there. I wanted to marry this girl once. What should I do now?

Ans: Hello sir. Sir, since relationships are very sensitive and the decision to marry someone is an important decision which should be taken with lot of patience so that you don't regret it later. And the thing which you said that she has changed, she may have changed due to your lies. I appreciate that now you are honest with her. Spark needs to be created. It will not remain without effort. If she is sincere with you and you are loyal with her and you both feel that you can spend life together, you should go ahead. Nobody remains the same through out the life. Changes always come. Sit patiently with your friend and discuss the options and see work out if you both want to get married. Then take a decision. I hope this solves your problem.
Take care!
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Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 08, 2022

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Hi Anu, I have been going through your column on rediff for some time and I feel you will be able to help me out. I want your advice on my relationship with my girlfriend. We have been in the relationship for 3 years now. I love her a lot and see a future with her. But there are some issues. I think she has some mental health issues. I could never judge in what mood she is in. I look forward everyday to the time we talk or spend together but most often after the meet/ talk I feel low. She almost never misses to find mistakes in everything I do and she blames it on my immaturity since she is 3.5 years elder to me (I am 29). Very rarely I do find out eventually that her judgment was right but most often I feel in all sense she is irrational and I think I am correct. This has taken an emotional toll on me. Now I do not feel like sharing thoughts and things with her because of the fights and emotional toll that I would have to face. I love her a lot and it seems like she too does but might be, I am wrong. I tried breaking up with her thrice. But every time because of some or other urgency or work-related stuff when we reconnect we fall back deeply in love. We are in same field but different organization. I was earlier in the same organisation but she left as she got a better offer. It makes sense to me but sometimes I do feel she could have stayed in same organization). She has been asking me to marry her, but all these things stated above makes me nervous what might be in future if I do marry her. As I take time to think it out she puts it as if I never wanted to marry her. I seek your advice.
Ans:

Dear GP,

A healthy relationship is one where both individuals help each other grow and thrive.

Pointing out the other’s inadequacies can be detrimental to their emotional health.

You keep walking on egg shells around her and have started to keep things away from her for fear of her rebuke and complaints.

How is this healthy when you can’t share your thoughts with your partner? This will become a habit and not a very good one for sure.

Also, age does not define whether one can boss around or not.

She certainly maybe right in most cases, but there is a way to convey the same thing to you.

Love and calmness in communication can actually transform everything and everyone provided the intent is there.

Marriage under these circumstances can be stressful for you.

So I do suggest that the two of you have an honest talk and when she knows how you feel and how keeping things away from her has become your coping mechanism, I do feel she might be able to see the situation in a new light.

Also, things that you might have misinterpreted about her may also surface.

So, please have that necessary talk without wasting anymore time. It will give you good perspectives to work from.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 11, 2022

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Dear Anu, my girlfriend and I have been dating for the past 4 years in a live-in relationship. Before that we were good friends and she's 3 years elder to me. There came a situation that she was depressed due to something and I was supporting her which she thought as my love. We started this relationship although there was no serious commitment from my side.We had a good relationship, good moments. She paid my bills all the time even when I insisted, but there were lots of fights.I feel she never understood me or anything I said or my thought process. I don't think I really love her, because there is no spark and tried ending it many times.In frustration I even started looking for other people so that maybe I can come out of it but she would find out and make me stay with her with some or other reason.She's a very polite and sweet person and I don't want to be hurting her. She's asking me to marry her which is making me nervous. What do I do ?
Ans:

Dear A,

Kindly as yourself: what was the Live-in relationship?

Was it a relationship for her and not for you?

I really don’t understand what you mean by: She thought of your support as Love and that you were not serious commitment from your side.

It’s possible when you both were in a Live-in arrangement, she would have considered this as a relationship and become serious about it.

Since now it has gotten into a marriage stage for her, please respect her mind space and have a serious talk about this.

Take consideration of her feelings when you convey yours.

This is going to take some effort as you ease her into a space where she understands where you are in this connection.

Getting into another relationship for a distraction might not be a great idea; so do spend some time very amicably closing this one where the two of you can be mature about this.

All the best!

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Anu Krishna  |1604 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 11, 2022

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Dear Anu, my girlfriend and I have been dating for the past 4 years in a live-in relationship. Before that we were good friends and she's 3 years elder to me. There came a situation that she was depressed due to something and I was supporting her which she thought as my love. We started this relationship although there was no serious commitment from my side.We had a good relationship, good moments. She paid my bills all the time even when I insisted, but there were lots of fights.I feel she never understood me or anything I said or my thought process. I don't think I really love her, because there is no spark and tried ending it many times.In frustration I even started looking for other people so that maybe I can come out of it but she would find out and make me stay with her with some or other reason.She's a very polite and sweet person and I don't want to be hurting her. She's asking me to marry her which is making me nervous. What do I do ?
Ans:

Dear A,

Kindly as yourself: what was the Live-in relationship?

Was it a relationship for her and not for you?

I really don’t understand what you mean by: She thought of your support as Love and that you were not serious commitment from your side.

It’s possible when you both were in a Live-in arrangement, she would have considered this as a relationship and become serious about it.

Since now it has gotten into a marriage stage for her, please respect her mind space and have a serious talk about this.

Take consideration of her feelings when you convey yours.

This is going to take some effort as you ease her into a space where she understands where you are in this connection.

Getting into another relationship for a distraction might not be a great idea; so do spend some time very amicably closing this one where the two of you can be mature about this.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |596 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam, im a lecturer since 5 years. Im in relationship with a girl from Srilanka. Most of our conversation was through mobile. She is a tutor in srilanka for 10 and below standard students. Now I'm 29, she is 27. Since 5 years we are loving each other. We hardly met. In Krishnagiri Tamilnadu I first met her in a Psychotherapy course, witch was about a month. We were good friends in the beginning of our relationship and at the end of a month course she was flying back to Srilanka, before she goes she kissed on my forehead, from then on im in love with the girl. For first few years we were happy in our relationship, but last two years onwards we fight almost every day. Both sides parents are fixing matches, both us are rejecting all the matches but we never shared with our families. Don't know where our relationship is going to end. Its not that my parents won't accept, but when my parents and siblings ask do you any one whom you want marry, or love some one I am not able to reveal to them. Many times I decided and planned and imagined to speak with my family but when it comes to reality im not able to speak. Other side she also is not revealing anything to her parents. Im rejecting the matches that are coming, she is also rejecting of hers. But both are not speaking properly now a days. Most of the time our relationship is filled with fights. Both are adjusting. Some time im feeling to stop the relationship and not to marry at all. I told her to marry as her parents say, and I don't want marry anyone. She is also saying me to marry some one and she wants remain single. But don't know what is happening between us. Im confused to continue or break up or marry her or not to marry her. Nothing is working in my mind. Recently my parents have brought a proposal who was my childhood crush. Suddenly I am indirectly telling her to marry to whom her parents give. She also getting good proposals but rejecting saying that she needs to work and earn money. Same reason I'm also giving. One more issue is she is tamilian of Srilanka and I'm Telugu from Andra. Both family members can't speak directly also. Unable to take any decisions. Kindly help me
Ans: The fact that you're not able to communicate openly with your families, despite rejecting matches on both sides, shows that there might be some fear or hesitation about fully committing to this relationship. Maybe it’s the distance, the cultural and language differences, or the struggles you’re having recently in your relationship that are making it difficult to move forward.

On the other hand, both of you seem to be stuck in a cycle where you're not happy but also not ready to let go. This might be causing even more stress and frustration, leading to the frequent fights. The decision to stay together or part ways is something only you both can make, but it sounds like there’s a lot of unresolved tension and unspoken fears in your relationship.

One thing to consider is having an honest conversation with each other, not about the fights or current frustrations, but about what you both want for the future. If you're both rejecting matches, it shows some level of commitment, but the real question is whether you both see a future together. Do you still love each other, or are you staying together out of habit and fear of the unknown?

If you both feel there is still something worth fighting for, it might be worth giving the relationship another chance by opening up to your families. This could ease the pressure you're feeling and help you both feel more supported. If, however, the love has faded and the fights have taken over, it may be time to re-evaluate whether staying together is what's best for both of you.

In any case, clarity will only come through open communication—both with her and your family. If you continue to stay in a relationship without making a clear decision, the frustration and confusion will likely grow. Take some time to reflect on what you really want, and then take the courageous step of addressing it with her and your families. This may not be easy, but it’s the first step to finding a resolution and peace in your heart.

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Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8513 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 25, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 24, 2025
Money
Hi Ramalingam Sir, First of all thank you for your replies for my previous queries. I am 41 yrs old private employee earning 1.5 lakhs per month. I and my brother combined constructed a house 5 years back by taking joint loan of 59lakhs with 9.1 interest (floating)for 21 years. We both are paying 50k per month. 25k each. Till now not much principal got reduced. We have opened one joint account and adding some amount of 4k (each 2k) every month and thinking to pay as principal amount at end of year. I don't feel it is good idea but we are not getting any idea. Could you please give us suggestion on how to pay this loan as much as early.? Thanks in advance
Ans: You have done a great thing by co-owning and sharing a loan. It takes planning and commitment. Paying a long-term loan early needs careful steps. A focused strategy will help you save interest and reduce stress.

Below is a complete 360-degree solution. This will help you close the loan faster and stay financially safe.

1. Understanding Your Current Loan Structure

You and your brother took a joint home loan of Rs. 59 lakhs.

Interest is 9.1% (floating). That’s quite high.

You both are paying Rs. 25,000 each, totalling Rs. 50,000 monthly.

The loan tenure is 21 years.

After 5 years, principal reduction is still very low.

This is because in early years, interest eats most of EMI.

Your method of saving Rs. 4,000 monthly to prepay annually is good in spirit.

But in action, it may not create much impact.

Let us explore a better plan.

2. Step-by-Step Review of the Issue

Your interest rate is 9.1%, which is high today.

Loan is 5 years old, so around 16 years are left.

You have already paid around Rs. 30 lakhs in EMIs.

Still, the loan principal hasn’t reduced much.

This means you are in the heavy-interest zone.

Time is the biggest cost here.

Faster principal reduction will save a lot of interest.

You can’t just depend on small yearly prepayment.

3. First Action – Review and Refinance the Loan

First, check your current loan outstanding.

Check your repayment schedule from bank or netbanking.

See how much of EMI is going to interest.

Now consider transferring the loan to a new bank.

Many banks now offer home loans around 8.3% to 8.6%.

A 0.5% difference may look small.

But it can save lakhs over remaining years.

You and your brother must compare 3–4 lenders.

If new bank is ready, shift to a lower rate.

No harm in reducing tenure while transferring.

Even 2–3 years cut in tenure saves a lot.

4. Revisit EMI and Tenure

You are paying Rs. 25,000 monthly.

This may be within your budget.

If yes, try to increase EMI by Rs. 2,000–Rs. 3,000 per head.

Higher EMI cuts principal faster.

Lower tenure means lesser interest burden.

Use the new EMI wisely by combining refinance and increased payment.

Avoid extending the loan tenure again.

If possible, reduce tenure instead of EMI.

5. Rethink the Annual Rs. 4,000 Saving Approach

Saving Rs. 4,000 monthly in joint account is okay.

But idle money doesn’t grow.

Interest in bank account is very low.

Instead, invest this Rs. 4,000 in a short-term debt mutual fund.

Use regular plan through MFD with CFP credential.

Direct plans may look cheaper but lack support and rebalancing.

With regular plan, you get better advice and ongoing help.

At year-end, redeem and prepay lump sum against principal.

Debt funds offer better growth than savings account.

Tax efficiency is also better if used wisely.

6. Create an Emergency Buffer Separately

Prepaying is good, but emergency safety is more important.

Before aggressive prepayment, build a safety fund.

Keep at least 3–6 months of EMI and expenses as emergency fund.

Use liquid mutual funds for this.

This protects your EMI even if job or cashflow is hit.

Avoid using your loan prepayment savings for emergencies.

Keep the two goals separate.

7. Avoid Prepayment from Retirement Corpus

Never touch EPF, PPF or long-term savings for loan prepayment.

That may create future income problems.

Let those assets grow for your retirement years.

Housing loan can be managed with better cashflow planning.

Prioritise steady investments over aggressive prepayment from retirement corpus.

8. Align Investments and Loan Closure Together

If you want to clear the loan faster, balance it with investment goals.

You can run SIPs and prepayment both side by side.

Divide monthly surplus into three:

Some for SIPs in active mutual funds.

Some for yearly lump sum prepayment.

Some for emergencies.

This keeps wealth creation, risk cover, and debt reduction in sync.

Don't stop SIPs completely just to prepay faster.

Mutual funds give long-term growth and liquidity.

9. Tax Benefit Assessment

Home loan offers tax deductions on interest and principal.

You both are eligible for 80C (principal) and 24(b) (interest) benefits.

Check if you are using full benefit.

But don’t keep loan just for tax saving.

Interest outgo is more than tax saved in most cases.

It is better to close loan early and then invest that EMI.

You get better peace of mind and cashflow freedom.

10. Use Bonuses and Extra Income Smartly

You may receive bonus, incentives, or yearly hikes.

Use a fixed portion of that money to prepay loan.

For example, 40% of bonus goes to loan, 40% to investments.

Remaining 20% for personal spending.

This method helps in faster loan closure.

But keeps your future goals also on track.

11. Communicate and Review as a Team

You and your brother are managing the loan together.

That’s a great responsibility and effort.

Keep monthly reviews and open communication.

Review the bank statement, interest paid, and outstanding.

Every prepayment reduces total interest burden.

Celebrate milestones like Rs. 5 lakh principal paid off.

It will keep both of you motivated and united.

12. Don’t Buy More Real Estate Now

Your existing home is already a big commitment.

Avoid investing in second property.

Real estate has poor liquidity and low regular returns.

Maintenance cost, property tax, and legal risk are high.

Don’t stretch finances with multiple loans.

Build wealth through financial assets instead.

13. Take a Certified Financial Planner’s Help Once a Year

Every year review your plan with a Certified Financial Planner.

Check how much principal is left.

Plan SIPs, investments, and prepayment in right proportion.

Review life and health insurance too.

A CFP helps you align your goals with numbers and strategies.

14. Insurance Protection Check

Ensure you and your brother both have term insurance.

This secures the loan liability.

If something happens to one person, the other isn’t burdened.

Term plan is low-cost and covers only risk.

Avoid policies that combine insurance and investments.

15. Track Your Progress Annually

Make a simple tracker in Excel or diary.

Note EMI paid, principal reduced, balance left.

Mark each prepayment.

It motivates and helps fine-tune future decisions.

Share the sheet with your brother too.

Finally

You both have made a good effort so far.

The first five years of a loan are toughest.

Now is the best time to take control.

Don’t let the high interest eat your future savings.

Use a mix of refinance, EMI increase, short-term fund, and lump sum payments.

Don’t compromise on long-term investments and insurance.

Keep your goals clear and emotions away from decisions.

Your loan can be closed 5–7 years early with these changes.

That will free up cash for future dreams and peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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