Dear Anu, my girlfriend and I have been dating for the past 4 years in a live-in relationship.
Before that we were good friends and she's 3 years elder to me.
There came a situation that she was depressed due to something and I was supporting her which she thought as my love.
We started this relationship although there was no serious commitment from my side.
We had a good relationship, good moments. She paid my bills all the time even when I insisted, but there were lots of fights.
I feel she never understood me or anything I said or my thought process.
I don't think I really love her, because there is no spark and tried ending it many times.
In frustration I even started looking for other people so that maybe I can come out of it but she would find out and make me stay with her with some or other reason.
She's a very polite and sweet person and I don't want to be hurting her.
She's asking me to marry her which is making me nervous. What do I do ?

Hi Anu, I have been going through your column on rediff for some time and I feel you will be able to help me out. I want your advice on my relationship with my girlfriend. We have been in the relationship for 3 years now. I love her a lot and see a future with her. But there are some issues. I think she has some mental health issues. I could never judge in what mood she is in. I look forward everyday to the time we talk or spend together but most often after the meet/ talk I feel low. She almost never misses to find mistakes in everything I do and she blames it on my immaturity since she is 3.5 years elder to me (I am 29). Very rarely I do find out eventually that her judgment was right but most often I feel in all sense she is irrational and I think I am correct. This has taken an emotional toll on me. Now I do not feel like sharing thoughts and things with her because of the fights and emotional toll that I would have to face. I love her a lot and it seems like she too does but might be, I am wrong. I tried breaking up with her thrice. But every time because of some or other urgency or work-related stuff when we reconnect we fall back deeply in love. We are in same field but different organization. I was earlier in the same organisation but she left as she got a better offer. It makes sense to me but sometimes I do feel she could have stayed in same organization). She has been asking me to marry her, but all these things stated above makes me nervous what might be in future if I do marry her. As I take time to think it out she puts it as if I never wanted to marry her. I seek your advice.

Dear Anu, my girlfriend and I have been dating for the past 4 years in a live-in relationship. Before that we were good friends and she's 3 years elder to me. There came a situation that she was depressed due to something and I was supporting her which she thought as my love. We started this relationship although there was no serious commitment from my side.We had a good relationship, good moments. She paid my bills all the time even when I insisted, but there were lots of fights.I feel she never understood me or anything I said or my thought process. I don't think I really love her, because there is no spark and tried ending it many times.In frustration I even started looking for other people so that maybe I can come out of it but she would find out and make me stay with her with some or other reason.She's a very polite and sweet person and I don't want to be hurting her. She's asking me to marry her which is making me nervous. What do I do ?

Hi mam, im a lecturer since 5 years. Im in relationship with a girl from Srilanka. Most of our conversation was through mobile. She is a tutor in srilanka for 10 and below standard students. Now I'm 29, she is 27. Since 5 years we are loving each other. We hardly met. In Krishnagiri Tamilnadu I first met her in a Psychotherapy course, witch was about a month. We were good friends in the beginning of our relationship and at the end of a month course she was flying back to Srilanka, before she goes she kissed on my forehead, from then on im in love with the girl. For first few years we were happy in our relationship, but last two years onwards we fight almost every day. Both sides parents are fixing matches, both us are rejecting all the matches but we never shared with our families. Don't know where our relationship is going to end. Its not that my parents won't accept, but when my parents and siblings ask do you any one whom you want marry, or love some one I am not able to reveal to them. Many times I decided and planned and imagined to speak with my family but when it comes to reality im not able to speak. Other side she also is not revealing anything to her parents. Im rejecting the matches that are coming, she is also rejecting of hers. But both are not speaking properly now a days. Most of the time our relationship is filled with fights. Both are adjusting. Some time im feeling to stop the relationship and not to marry at all. I told her to marry as her parents say, and I don't want marry anyone. She is also saying me to marry some one and she wants remain single. But don't know what is happening between us. Im confused to continue or break up or marry her or not to marry her. Nothing is working in my mind. Recently my parents have brought a proposal who was my childhood crush. Suddenly I am indirectly telling her to marry to whom her parents give. She also getting good proposals but rejecting saying that she needs to work and earn money. Same reason I'm also giving. One more issue is she is tamilian of Srilanka and I'm Telugu from Andra. Both family members can't speak directly also. Unable to take any decisions. Kindly help me