Hi Anu, I have been going through your column on rediff for some time and I feel you will be able to help me out.
I want your advice on my relationship with my girlfriend.
We have been in the relationship for 3 years now. I love her a lot and see a future with her. But there are some issues.
I think she has some mental health issues. I could never judge in what mood she is in.
I look forward everyday to the time we talk or spend together but most often after the meet/ talk I feel low.
She almost never misses to find mistakes in everything I do and she blames it on my immaturity since she is 3.5 years elder to me (I am 29).
Very rarely I do find out eventually that her judgment was right but most often I feel in all sense she is irrational and I think I am correct.
This has taken an emotional toll on me. Now I do not feel like sharing thoughts and things with her because of the fights and emotional toll that I would have to face. I love her a lot and it seems like she too does but might be, I am wrong.
I tried breaking up with her thrice. But every time because of some or other urgency or work-related stuff when we reconnect we fall back deeply in love.
We are in same field but different organization.
I was earlier in the same organisation but she left as she got a better offer.
It makes sense to me but sometimes I do feel she could have stayed in same organization).
She has been asking me to marry her, but all these things stated above makes me nervous what might be in future if I do marry her.
As I take time to think it out she puts it as if I never wanted to marry her. I seek your advice.
Ans: Dear GP,
A healthy relationship is one where both individuals help each other grow and thrive.
Pointing out the other’s inadequacies can be detrimental to their emotional health.
You keep walking on egg shells around her and have started to keep things away from her for fear of her rebuke and complaints.
How is this healthy when you can’t share your thoughts with your partner? This will become a habit and not a very good one for sure.
Also, age does not define whether one can boss around or not.
She certainly maybe right in most cases, but there is a way to convey the same thing to you.
Love and calmness in communication can actually transform everything and everyone provided the intent is there.
Marriage under these circumstances can be stressful for you.
So I do suggest that the two of you have an honest talk and when she knows how you feel and how keeping things away from her has become your coping mechanism, I do feel she might be able to see the situation in a new light.
Also, things that you might have misinterpreted about her may also surface.
So, please have that necessary talk without wasting anymore time. It will give you good perspectives to work from.
All the best!
