Is it possible to have love, affection and liking for someone without romance, specifically when the one claiming the absence of spark has experienced it with someone else in the past. Won't it affect the future of a relationship ? If someone says to me that he/she feels love, affection and respect..and feels that we are compatible in every other aspect except the romance thing.. should I proceed with this ?

Ans:

There’s nothing wrong with you, Manav; your love life sounds like that of a normal person.

You’ve had a few serious relationships and you’re only 25.

Being able to move on is a good thing, so stop worrying needlessly.

And yes, attraction and compatibility are a good foundation for any relationship. When that bond grows strong enough that you see yourself with a person for the foreseeable future… well, that’s love!

Hope I answered your question.

Ans: Dear Uma,

Firstly, it's important to understand why you stopped talking to the guy you have feelings for. If it's something that can be resolved through communication, then it may be worth trying to have an open and honest conversation with him to see where things stand. It's possible that he may feel the same way about you, and the two of you could start a relationship.

On the other hand, if the reason for the lack of communication is due to irreconcilable differences or a lack of interest from one party, it may be best to move on and focus on other potential relationships.

Regarding your recent breakup from a two-year relationship, it's important to take time to process your emotions and thoughts before considering jumping into another relationship. It's natural to feel lonely or seek comfort from another person after a breakup, but it's important to ensure that you're not just filling a void and that you're truly ready for a new relationship.

Ultimately, the decision to start a new relationship or continue with an existing one is up to you, and it's important to trust your instincts and make a decision that feels right for you.

Ans: Hi. I understand your frustration. It's completely natural to miss the early stage of romantic intensity in a long-term relationship.

And you're right, romance is an important part of a healthy marriage. It's perfectly valid to want to reignite that spark.

Here are some steps you can take to help your husband understand your concerns:

Communicate effectively

Focus on feelings, not accusations: Instead of saying "You're not romantic anymore!", share how his lack of romantic gestures makes you feel -- unloved, unappreciated, disconnected, unhappy, lonely, ...

Use "I" statements: Express your desire for more romance using phrases like "I would really appreciate it if...." or "I miss when we used to...." so that he does not feel he has to defend himself.

Actively listen to his perspective: Try to understand why he sees things differently. Perhaps work stress is affecting him or he does not know how to express his love differently.

Choose the right time and place: Avoid bringing it up when you're both tired or stressed. Pick a calm moment for a sincere conversation.

Brainstorm together

Instead of demanding specific gestures, discuss what "romance" means to both of you and brainstorm different ways he can express his love that resonate with you.

Schedule "romance time"

Block out dedicated time for romantic activities, even if it's just 30 minutes a week. Take turns planning dates, trying new things or revisiting activities you enjoyed earlier.

Acknowledge his efforts

Appreciate his non-romantic actions that show he cares, like sharing housework. Let him know these actions contribute to your overall feeling of love and security.

Consider professional help

If communication becomes difficult or you struggle to find common ground, consider seeking couples therapy. A therapist can provide a safe space for you both to express your needs and work towards solutions.

You’d get professional help when you are unwell or to file your taxes for example. Why not try it here as well if needed?

Remember:

Love evolves: While the initial passion may change, a deep and meaningful love can grow stronger over time. Focus on nurturing that deeper connection alongside rekindling romantic gestures.

It's a two-way street: Be willing to put in effort as well. Show your appreciation for him, plan romantic gestures for him and be open to his ideas for expressing love.

Be patient: Rebuilding romance takes time and consistent effort. Celebrate small victories and focus on the progress you make together.

Your sister might not fully understand your perspective but your feelings are valid. Don't give up on the romance; instead, find new ways to keep it alive in your marriage.

All the best.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You can skim over aspects that are superficial but how do you turn a blind eye when it's about romance and chemistry. Isn't that one of the major aspects?
I would suggest that the two of you talk this over and let not either of you compromise over this. Because once you do, it's bound to come out in bigger ways later in the relationship. Of course, it does come across as a personal comment and he is possibly trying to cover it up by saying that he is ready to settle. NO! It's not a favor, BUT you also must know whether the two of you are compatible as a couple. Treat this comment of his as a sign that there is something missing. Now how important this is, is something for the two of you to evaluate. But at no point must this become a thing of argument between the two of you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/