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Dating for 4 Years: Missing Romance - Should I Settle?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1725 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello. I am dating someone from almost 4 years. During those years, our relationship has grown to the extent that we know we are pretty much compatible in aspects such as values, friendship, vulnerability, understanding and support. But one or two factors have always been a hurdle in commitment for a marriage which he himself consider as superficial but is not able to completely let go of. So, he suggests that we can compromise on those factors, and focus on other positives. The problem is that he feels that we don't have that romantic spark and chemistry which he had imagined. But he is ready to settle on that, and thus, I also shouldn't expect his 100 percent response in romance. I don't know how to take this statement. I never felt that missing part; I never asked for grand romantic gestures. I did complain sometimes about basic expressions of romance. I feel his approach as if it is some sort of calculation with no instinctive feeling. And how do I not take this comment as personal.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You can skim over aspects that are superficial but how do you turn a blind eye when it's about romance and chemistry. Isn't that one of the major aspects?
I would suggest that the two of you talk this over and let not either of you compromise over this. Because once you do, it's bound to come out in bigger ways later in the relationship. Of course, it does come across as a personal comment and he is possibly trying to cover it up by saying that he is ready to settle. NO! It's not a favor, BUT you also must know whether the two of you are compatible as a couple. Treat this comment of his as a sign that there is something missing. Now how important this is, is something for the two of you to evaluate. But at no point must this become a thing of argument between the two of you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Rishta

Rishta Guru  | Answer  |Ask -

Rishta Guru - Answered on Feb 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
We have been married for two years and in loving relationship before that for two years. My problem is that the love has changed. My husband is no longer the same kind of romantic person. He loves me, he says I love you but the romance is missing. We both work and when we reach home all kinds of practical talks only happens. He is thoughtful, shares the housework, looks after all my needs but I really miss the romantic part that was there earlier and sometimes it makes me irritated and rude. I have tried telling him but he says love changes with time, we are married now and responsible for ourselves. My sister thinks I am being silly but I don’t agree. Why should we have to give up romance? Isn’t it an important part of our life?
Ans: Hi. I understand your frustration. It's completely natural to miss the early stage of romantic intensity in a long-term relationship.

And you're right, romance is an important part of a healthy marriage. It's perfectly valid to want to reignite that spark.

Here are some steps you can take to help your husband understand your concerns:

Communicate effectively

Focus on feelings, not accusations: Instead of saying "You're not romantic anymore!", share how his lack of romantic gestures makes you feel -- unloved, unappreciated, disconnected, unhappy, lonely, ...

Use "I" statements: Express your desire for more romance using phrases like "I would really appreciate it if...." or "I miss when we used to...." so that he does not feel he has to defend himself.

Actively listen to his perspective: Try to understand why he sees things differently. Perhaps work stress is affecting him or he does not know how to express his love differently.

Choose the right time and place: Avoid bringing it up when you're both tired or stressed. Pick a calm moment for a sincere conversation.

Brainstorm together

Instead of demanding specific gestures, discuss what "romance" means to both of you and brainstorm different ways he can express his love that resonate with you.

Schedule "romance time"

Block out dedicated time for romantic activities, even if it's just 30 minutes a week. Take turns planning dates, trying new things or revisiting activities you enjoyed earlier.

Acknowledge his efforts

Appreciate his non-romantic actions that show he cares, like sharing housework. Let him know these actions contribute to your overall feeling of love and security.

Consider professional help

If communication becomes difficult or you struggle to find common ground, consider seeking couples therapy. A therapist can provide a safe space for you both to express your needs and work towards solutions.

You’d get professional help when you are unwell or to file your taxes for example. Why not try it here as well if needed?

Remember:

Love evolves: While the initial passion may change, a deep and meaningful love can grow stronger over time. Focus on nurturing that deeper connection alongside rekindling romantic gestures.

It's a two-way street: Be willing to put in effort as well. Show your appreciation for him, plan romantic gestures for him and be open to his ideas for expressing love.

Be patient: Rebuilding romance takes time and consistent effort. Celebrate small victories and focus on the progress you make together.

Your sister might not fully understand your perspective but your feelings are valid. Don't give up on the romance; instead, find new ways to keep it alive in your marriage.

All the best.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |673 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I am a 35-year-old woman and my husband is 45. we are made for each other couple. we love each other and we do not have any compatibility issues except in romance. he is not very romantic and even throughout my younger years I was also not very romantic and immersed myself in studies and career. He is not very active in sex also. A few years back I told him that I wanted to be romantic after marriage and now we are not, so I missed my college and early office days when I was in my prime and could have been romantically involved with guys. Since I look very young even at 35, he suggested that I still can move around with guys and get romantic and I need not miss anything even now. though initially declining the offer, I moved a little freely toward men, mostly colleagues, and a few social club members. I encouraged late-night messages, coffee meets, movies, etc. I update my husband on every single event that happens. ex, if I went to a movie with a colleague, I will message my hubby " We kissed", if that happened. he encourages me so much and is happy with whatever is happening, cutting a long story short. though I didn't think it would go so far, I am now romantically very active. soft romance-like messages I do with many. Dating I don't say no to my known circle like colleagues, ex-colleagues, college mates, etc and almost 2-3 times a week I end up dating someone in a coffee shop, pub, or a long drive. A few times I initiate a date too. and I must confess that I have regular intimacy with four young men, all from the same office where I work. I have never hidden anything from my hubby and give a complete account every day. I offered to stop everything any moment he said. but he told me till age is there enjoy life!. I am emotionally connected to my husband only and I do all my responsibilities as a woman. Our relationship has grown manifold. My only question is, am I exploiting my husband's innocence or does he have a cuckold fantasy? If I continue the way I continue with no harm to anyone, can I keep doing it ( I love to). or I should stop at once?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

After reading your question I understood that your partner and you have, what we call, an open relationship. As long as both partners are okay with the dynamics of it, and no one is emotionally hurt, or resisting, it should be okay. It isn't exploitation if your husband himself encourages you. You are both consenting adults and not harming each other or anyone else. As for your question, if he has a cuckold fantasy, that is something you should discuss with your husband. An open discussion is better than speculation. Also, at any time if you suspect that your husband is growing concerned about the nature of your relationship, ask him directly. It can help avoid misunderstandings.


Best Wishes

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |636 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 19, 2024
Relationship
Is it possible to have love, affection and liking for someone without romance, specifically when the one claiming the absence of spark has experienced it with someone else in the past. Won't it affect the future of a relationship ? If someone says to me that he/she feels love, affection and respect..and feels that we are compatible in every other aspect except the romance thing.. should I proceed with this ?
Ans: It's absolutely possible to have love, affection, and deep emotional connection with someone without the element of romance, and many people have successful, meaningful relationships based on these qualities. However, if romance is important to you and the person you’re with has experienced it before but doesn't feel it with you, that can be a complex issue to navigate.

In relationships, love can take many forms, but if one partner feels a lack of romantic "spark" while the other values it, that difference could eventually become a source of dissatisfaction or frustration. Romance often plays a key role in fostering emotional intimacy, passion, and physical connection, and without it, the relationship might start to feel more like a friendship or partnership over time.

If your partner has explicitly said that they don’t feel romantic attraction, it's important to reflect on your own needs. Are you okay with having a relationship based more on affection, compatibility, and respect, even if romance and passion are missing? Will this be enough for you in the long term?

While love and compatibility are essential, romance is also a key ingredient for many couples. If it's something you value, you might eventually feel unfulfilled without it. It's worth having an honest conversation about how both of you envision the relationship in the future. Ask yourself: Can I be happy and satisfied without a romantic connection, or is this a fundamental need for me?

If the absence of romance already feels like a compromise, it might affect the future of the relationship. But if you’re both able to communicate openly and align on what you need from each other, it's possible to move forward in a way that honors both of your feelings.

..Read more

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10826 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2025Hindi
Career
Sir maine up board 2025se class12th pass ki thi lekin mere marks 75%se kam hai to ab main nios board april 2026 se dubara 12th kar rha hu to jee mains 2026 aur jee adv.2026 ke form mai 12th appearing likhu ya 12th pass ..passing of year mai 2025 likhu ya 2026.baord ka naam up ya nios ..roll.num.up board vala ya nios vala ..jossa counselling mai koi dikkat nhi aani chahiye ..jee adv.kr form mai kon. Si marksheet upload karu
Ans: Which Status to Select: "12th Appearing" or "12th Pass"? Since you passed class 12 from UP Board in 2025, you should select "12th Pass" (not "12th Appearing") in both JEE Main 2026 and JEE Advanced 2026 forms.??

Year of Passing: Enter 2025 as your passing year since you completed your first 12th examination in 2025. When you retake 12th through NIOS in April 2026, it will be treated as an improvement/supplementary exam, not a new first attempt.?

Board Name & Roll Number - Board Name: Enter UP Board (your original passing board)?. Roll Number: Use your UP Board roll number from your 2025 marksheet??. Important Rule for Dual Board Exam: As per NTA guidelines, when a student appears in 12th from two different boards, the state code where they first passed the qualifying exam (UP Board) determines their eligibility. Your NIOS exam will be considered an improvement exam, and UP Board remains your official board.? JoSAA Counselling & JEE Advanced: No issues will arise during JoSAA counselling if you follow the above. However, JEE Advanced 2026 requires candidates to have passed class 12 in either 2025 or 2026. Your NIOS results (if taken in April 2026) should arrive before counseling.? Marksheet Upload in JEE Advanced: Upload your UP Board 2025 marksheet. Your NIOS marksheet (if obtained) should be kept as supplementary documentation for counselling. Value-added suggestion for you: In addition to JEE, please have 3-4 more back-ups by applying to your State Engineering Entrance Exams/Private Colleges and/or register with some more colleges which accept JEE Score. Avoid relying solely on JEE. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10808 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 03, 2025

Money
muje 10 lakh mutual fund me invest karna hai 10 sal ke liye me risk bhi le sakta hu kripya konse fund me invest karu?
Ans: You are looking at a 10-year time-frame, which is good for equity-oriented growth. Because you are willing to take risk, you can consider higher-growth categories rather than just safe, low-return ones. With a decade ahead, the potential for compounding is significant. However, risk means more volatility, so you must be comfortable with short-term ups and downs and remain invested for the full term.

» Assess risk tolerance and capacity
Since you said you can take risk, it’s important to examine both your emotional ability (how you would feel if your investment falls 20-30 % in a market downturn) and your financial capacity (can you afford not to withdraw for 10 years?). A higher-risk approach means expecting higher potential returns but also higher drawdowns. So ensure you have emergency savings and other safety-nets so the mutual funds can stay invested without needing funds prematurely.

» Asset-mix orientation
In a 10-year horizon with risk appetite, you will likely lean heavily towards equities (i.e., equity mutual funds) but still consider having some portion in lesser-risk assets or diversified strategies for smoothing. For example:

A dominant allocation in equity-oriented mutual fund categories (say 70-90 %)

The remainder in “hybrid” or “multi-asset” or equity + debt balanced funds to reduce pure equity risk.
This mix gives growth but also cushions downturns.

» Mutual fund categories to consider
Given your risk appetite and horizon, you might focus on the following categories of mutual funds:

Equity “growth” oriented funds such as large-cap oriented aggressive funds.

Mid-cap and small-cap oriented funds (higher risk/higher return) – since you are comfortable with risk.

Multi-cap or flexi-cap funds (funds that can invest across market-caps) to give flexibility.

The hybrid or balanced funds mentioned earlier, for the smaller portion of your portfolio.
You should pick funds with strong fund houses, experienced fund managers, consistent track records, and clear alignment with your goals.

» Why favour actively managed funds (not index funds)
Since you are willing to take risk and have a 10-year horizon, actively managed funds make more sense than index funds for these reasons:

Active funds have the ambition to outperform the market benchmark through research, stock-selection and market-cycle timing. Index funds just track the benchmark and do not aim to beat it.

Even though index funds have lower fees, they are limited in scope: they cannot take advantage of manager insight, thematic shifts, undervalued opportunities or agile rebalancing in changing market phases.

In India’s context, some research shows certain active equity funds (especially mid/small/flexi-cap) have managed to provide alpha when chosen carefully. But this requires discipline.

If you rely purely on index funds, you give up possibility of significant outperformance. Since you are in a growth-seeking frame and risk tolerant, you might accept the higher cost for potential higher return.
That said: do understand active funds also come with higher cost (expense ratio), higher manager risk (the fund manager’s decisions matter) and possibly higher volatility.
Hence, carefully select which active funds, how many and monitor them – you should understand what you are investing in rather than blindly going passive.

» Implementation: Regular vs Direct fund route
Because you are investing a sizeable amount (Rs. 10 lakh), you might wonder whether to invest in “direct” mutual fund schemes (no distributor commission) or “regular” schemes via a mutual fund distributor (MFD). Here is how I see it as your Certified Financial Planner:

The direct route has lower costs (no distributor commission) and slightly higher net returns. But it places full burden of fund-selection, monitoring, switching and behavioural discipline on you.

The regular route (via MFD) offers you the benefit of a distributor’s expertise, periodic reviews, reminding you of rebalancing or switching when required, behavioural coaching, and help in navigating tax or scheme changes. For a 10-year horizon and risk approach, having a professional intermediary (MFD working with CFP) adds value beyond just cost difference.

Considering you want a 360-degree solution (covering fund-selection, monitoring, rebalancing, tax planning, discipline), I would lean toward using a regular scheme with a reputed MFD advised by a CFP.

If you are very savvy about mutual funds, keep track, and comfortable making data-based decisions, you could go direct, but ensure you have the time and commitment.
Thus, benefit of regular funds (via MFD + CFP) is in the overall service, advice, risk-management and discipline for the long term.

» Taxation and exit-planning
Since you are planning a 10-year term, it’s critical to understand tax on mutual fund exits. For equity oriented funds, remember: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5 %. Short-term gains (STCG) are taxed at 20 %. If a fund is classified as debt-oriented, gains are taxed as per your income-tax slab.
While you may intend to stay invested for 10 years (thus aiming for LTCG), you must still monitor: if you exit within a short period, STCG tax will apply. Plan exit strategy carefully—whether you redeem, switch, or do partial withdrawals.

» Risk-factors and things to watch
Your 10-year risk profile means you should be alert to the following:

Market downturns: Equity funds can fall 30-50 % in a sharp bear market. You must be psychologically ready to hold through.

Fund manager risk: Active funds rely on the manager’s skill and fund house processes. Past performance is not guarantee of future returns.

Liquidity and fund category bias: Very aggressive small-cap or thematic funds may shine but also fail or underperform.

Expense ratios and hidden costs: Even active funds need to manage cost so that your net return is maximised.

Behavioural risk: With large lumpsum, switching at wrong times or chasing recent winners can erode your return. Discipline is key.

Rebalancing: Over a 10-year period, you may need to rebalance (move profits from high-growth funds to balanced ones, or shift as goals change).

Tax changes: Regulatory/taxation changes may occur and impact your net returns.

Exit plan: At the end of 10 years you may need to plan whether to redeem entire amount, move to lower-risk funds, or maintain some equity.

» Suggested allocation (example only)
While not prescribing specific schemes, here is an illustrative allocation given your risk tolerance:
– Large-cap and core growth equity funds: say ~ 40-50 % of your Rs. 10 lakh. These offer relatively lower risk among equity funds, yet growth.
– Mid-cap/small-cap/flexi-cap funds: say ~ 30-40 % of the corpus. This captures higher growth opportunity, but with higher volatility.
– Hybrid/balanced funds: say ~ 10-20 %. This portion gives some cushioning and diversification away from pure equity risk.
Over time (say every 2-3 years), you could review whether to shift some gains from higher-growth to balanced or conservative funds as you approach the 10-year mark.

» Monitoring & review
Given the active fund approach, you must monitor your portfolio:

Check fund performance relative to category and benchmark (but don’t react to every short-term dip).

Review fund-house stability, manager changes.

Ensure the fund still matches your original objective (risk, horizon, category).

At around year 7-8, you may start reducing risk (i.e., shifting into balanced funds) if you want to protect accumulated gains.

Don’t chase recent winners without checking fundamentals and costs.

Maintain discipline – stay invested through market cycles.

» Other considerations (360-degree view)
• Emergency fund / Liquidity: Ensure you have 6-12 months of expenses in safe liquid assets before locking Rs. 10 lakh into equity growth funds.
• Insurance / Protection: While investing for growth, make sure you have adequate life, health and personal insurance. This reduces risk of needing to withdraw investments prematurely.
• Financial goals: Clarify what you will do with the corpus after 10 years (e.g., children’s education, retirement top-up, big purchase). That clarity helps choose funds with right risk profile.
• Tax planning beyond funds: Consider your overall income tax, other investments (PF, superannuation, etc.) and how mutual fund exit fits into your tax bracket.
• Behaviour & emotion: Stay away from making investment decisions based purely on market noise or short-term hype. Commit to the 10-year horizon and strategy.
• Inflation: Over 10 years, inflation in India can erode value. Equity-oriented growth funds aim to beat inflation plus deliver real wealth.
• Exit strategy: At the end of 10 years you may not want to redeem all at once; you might stagger redemption or move part into more conservative funds depending on your needs at that time.

» Final Insights
You have taken a smart step by planning ahead and being open to risk for potentially higher returns. Over a 10-year horizon with Rs. 10 lakh invested, choosing the right mix of equity-oriented active mutual funds via a regular route (with an MFD under guidance of a CFP) can offer substantial growth potential. You must live with volatility, monitor periodically, rebalance, and keep your emotions in check. Avoid simply picking the scheme of the month; focus instead on categories, fund house strength, clear track record, and alignment with your risk and goal. Remember: tax matters, costs matter, and staying invested matters. With discipline and the right strategy, you are well-placed to build meaningful wealth.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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