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Dating for 4 Years: Missing Romance - Should I Settle?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1794 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello. I am dating someone from almost 4 years. During those years, our relationship has grown to the extent that we know we are pretty much compatible in aspects such as values, friendship, vulnerability, understanding and support. But one or two factors have always been a hurdle in commitment for a marriage which he himself consider as superficial but is not able to completely let go of. So, he suggests that we can compromise on those factors, and focus on other positives. The problem is that he feels that we don't have that romantic spark and chemistry which he had imagined. But he is ready to settle on that, and thus, I also shouldn't expect his 100 percent response in romance. I don't know how to take this statement. I never felt that missing part; I never asked for grand romantic gestures. I did complain sometimes about basic expressions of romance. I feel his approach as if it is some sort of calculation with no instinctive feeling. And how do I not take this comment as personal.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You can skim over aspects that are superficial but how do you turn a blind eye when it's about romance and chemistry. Isn't that one of the major aspects?
I would suggest that the two of you talk this over and let not either of you compromise over this. Because once you do, it's bound to come out in bigger ways later in the relationship. Of course, it does come across as a personal comment and he is possibly trying to cover it up by saying that he is ready to settle. NO! It's not a favor, BUT you also must know whether the two of you are compatible as a couple. Treat this comment of his as a sign that there is something missing. Now how important this is, is something for the two of you to evaluate. But at no point must this become a thing of argument between the two of you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
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Hello sir, I have been following your suggestion quite on this platform, please suggest! My daughter secured 72 percentile in jee main 2026. Her rank is in in 4 lakhs. Secured 180 marks in bitsat 1. What should she further do. Which counselling she should register? She wants to pursue btech in cse or in ai ml. What best university is for her at the moment and best field for her, she has had pcmb with cs in class 12
Ans: Sarita Madam, I noticed you haven’t mentioned your daughter’s home state. Please note that BITS requires a minimum of 250 marks even for its MSc programs and above 300 marks for BE programs. Also, all branches are good; initially, she should choose a branch based on her interest or passion. However, she should remain adaptable as her preferences or job market trends may change by the 2nd or 3rd year. Regarding your daughter’s score, admission to NITs, IIITs, or top-tier GFTIs is unlikely. For general-category female candidates, even CSE-lite branches in newer IIITs usually require ranks under approximately 1.5 to 2.5 lakh. Still, it is advisable to register for JoSAA and CSAB-SPOT for possible core-branch or self-finance options in lesser-known GFTIs. Additionally, state counseling is important for government-aided colleges.

As a backup, consider reputed private engineering colleges in and around your state rather than relying solely on JoSAA or CSAB. All the BEST for Your Daughter's Prosperous Future!

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 30, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 25, 2026Hindi
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Sir my daughter got around 24500 rank in jee mains. We are general category and live in kanpur up. What are some good options for her in nit and iiit considering we are comfortable with mechanical and chemical as well. Also she has a plan to opt for higher studies so a good college tag could rwally help. Also should I tell her to apply for some private universities as well or not?
Ans: Based on your daughter's score, she can target MNNIT Allahabad: 2024 JoSAA HS OPEN female Mechanical closed around 30,734, so she has a fair chance; Production/Industrial and Materials are safer. Chemical at MNNIT may be tougher under available data, but fill it above Mechanical. Also fill MNIT Jaipur Chemical/Civil, NIT Kurukshetra Mechanical/Civil/Electrical as stretch, and NIT Jalandhar Chemical/Mechanical; 2024 data shows these branches often close beyond 24.5k for female/OS or comparable quotas. Also fill MNIT Jaipur Chemical/Civil, NIT Kurukshetra Mechanical/Civil/Electrical as stretch, and NIT Jalandhar Chemical/Mechanical; 2024 data shows these branches often close beyond 24.5k for female/Other State or comparable quotas. For IIITs, top IIIT Allahabad IT/ECE is unlikely at 24.5k, but include lower IIITs/GFTIs in CSAB. Your daughter must also have the following backups: Thapar, LNMIIT, Jaypee Noida, (Shiv Nadar, Manipal, and VIT - North India Campuses.) Prioritize MNNIT tag if higher studies are the plan for your daughter. All the BEST for Your Daughter's Prosperous Future!

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