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Rishta

Rishta Guru  | Answer  |Ask -

Rishta Guru - Answered on Feb 01, 2024

Rishta Guru is a relationship expert whose advice goes beyond romance. Rishta Guru can also guide you about the problems you face at home, with your friends, in your building, at your educational institution or at your workplace.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

We have been married for two years and in loving relationship before that for two years. My problem is that the love has changed. My husband is no longer the same kind of romantic person. He loves me, he says I love you but the romance is missing. We both work and when we reach home all kinds of practical talks only happens. He is thoughtful, shares the housework, looks after all my needs but I really miss the romantic part that was there earlier and sometimes it makes me irritated and rude. I have tried telling him but he says love changes with time, we are married now and responsible for ourselves. My sister thinks I am being silly but I don’t agree. Why should we have to give up romance? Isn’t it an important part of our life?

Ans: Hi. I understand your frustration. It's completely natural to miss the early stage of romantic intensity in a long-term relationship.

And you're right, romance is an important part of a healthy marriage. It's perfectly valid to want to reignite that spark.

Here are some steps you can take to help your husband understand your concerns:

Communicate effectively

Focus on feelings, not accusations: Instead of saying "You're not romantic anymore!", share how his lack of romantic gestures makes you feel -- unloved, unappreciated, disconnected, unhappy, lonely, ...

Use "I" statements: Express your desire for more romance using phrases like "I would really appreciate it if...." or "I miss when we used to...." so that he does not feel he has to defend himself.

Actively listen to his perspective: Try to understand why he sees things differently. Perhaps work stress is affecting him or he does not know how to express his love differently.

Choose the right time and place: Avoid bringing it up when you're both tired or stressed. Pick a calm moment for a sincere conversation.

Brainstorm together

Instead of demanding specific gestures, discuss what "romance" means to both of you and brainstorm different ways he can express his love that resonate with you.

Schedule "romance time"

Block out dedicated time for romantic activities, even if it's just 30 minutes a week. Take turns planning dates, trying new things or revisiting activities you enjoyed earlier.

Acknowledge his efforts

Appreciate his non-romantic actions that show he cares, like sharing housework. Let him know these actions contribute to your overall feeling of love and security.

Consider professional help

If communication becomes difficult or you struggle to find common ground, consider seeking couples therapy. A therapist can provide a safe space for you both to express your needs and work towards solutions.

You’d get professional help when you are unwell or to file your taxes for example. Why not try it here as well if needed?

Remember:

Love evolves: While the initial passion may change, a deep and meaningful love can grow stronger over time. Focus on nurturing that deeper connection alongside rekindling romantic gestures.

It's a two-way street: Be willing to put in effort as well. Show your appreciation for him, plan romantic gestures for him and be open to his ideas for expressing love.

Be patient: Rebuilding romance takes time and consistent effort. Celebrate small victories and focus on the progress you make together.

Your sister might not fully understand your perspective but your feelings are valid. Don't give up on the romance; instead, find new ways to keep it alive in your marriage.

All the best.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |713 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I am a 35-year-old woman and my husband is 45. we are made for each other couple. we love each other and we do not have any compatibility issues except in romance. he is not very romantic and even throughout my younger years I was also not very romantic and immersed myself in studies and career. He is not very active in sex also. A few years back I told him that I wanted to be romantic after marriage and now we are not, so I missed my college and early office days when I was in my prime and could have been romantically involved with guys. Since I look very young even at 35, he suggested that I still can move around with guys and get romantic and I need not miss anything even now. though initially declining the offer, I moved a little freely toward men, mostly colleagues, and a few social club members. I encouraged late-night messages, coffee meets, movies, etc. I update my husband on every single event that happens. ex, if I went to a movie with a colleague, I will message my hubby " We kissed", if that happened. he encourages me so much and is happy with whatever is happening, cutting a long story short. though I didn't think it would go so far, I am now romantically very active. soft romance-like messages I do with many. Dating I don't say no to my known circle like colleagues, ex-colleagues, college mates, etc and almost 2-3 times a week I end up dating someone in a coffee shop, pub, or a long drive. A few times I initiate a date too. and I must confess that I have regular intimacy with four young men, all from the same office where I work. I have never hidden anything from my hubby and give a complete account every day. I offered to stop everything any moment he said. but he told me till age is there enjoy life!. I am emotionally connected to my husband only and I do all my responsibilities as a woman. Our relationship has grown manifold. My only question is, am I exploiting my husband's innocence or does he have a cuckold fantasy? If I continue the way I continue with no harm to anyone, can I keep doing it ( I love to). or I should stop at once?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

After reading your question I understood that your partner and you have, what we call, an open relationship. As long as both partners are okay with the dynamics of it, and no one is emotionally hurt, or resisting, it should be okay. It isn't exploitation if your husband himself encourages you. You are both consenting adults and not harming each other or anyone else. As for your question, if he has a cuckold fantasy, that is something you should discuss with your husband. An open discussion is better than speculation. Also, at any time if you suspect that your husband is growing concerned about the nature of your relationship, ask him directly. It can help avoid misunderstandings.


Best Wishes

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1778 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello. I am dating someone from almost 4 years. During those years, our relationship has grown to the extent that we know we are pretty much compatible in aspects such as values, friendship, vulnerability, understanding and support. But one or two factors have always been a hurdle in commitment for a marriage which he himself consider as superficial but is not able to completely let go of. So, he suggests that we can compromise on those factors, and focus on other positives. The problem is that he feels that we don't have that romantic spark and chemistry which he had imagined. But he is ready to settle on that, and thus, I also shouldn't expect his 100 percent response in romance. I don't know how to take this statement. I never felt that missing part; I never asked for grand romantic gestures. I did complain sometimes about basic expressions of romance. I feel his approach as if it is some sort of calculation with no instinctive feeling. And how do I not take this comment as personal.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You can skim over aspects that are superficial but how do you turn a blind eye when it's about romance and chemistry. Isn't that one of the major aspects?
I would suggest that the two of you talk this over and let not either of you compromise over this. Because once you do, it's bound to come out in bigger ways later in the relationship. Of course, it does come across as a personal comment and he is possibly trying to cover it up by saying that he is ready to settle. NO! It's not a favor, BUT you also must know whether the two of you are compatible as a couple. Treat this comment of his as a sign that there is something missing. Now how important this is, is something for the two of you to evaluate. But at no point must this become a thing of argument between the two of you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |713 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 01, 2024
Relationship
I am a 27 year old female. I am dating a guy for 10+ years, we have become too casual about each other. Its like our relationship has lost the spark after we left college. We are dragging our relationship just because we both arent ready to put efforts in finding new partners. Whenever we meet, we cuddle and sleep and havent had sex since last 2 years. Emotionally we are too close but physical intimacy is kindof lost. Since its time to get married. I am still unsure whether he as of now is the one for lifetime. Should we venture for new partners respectively or are we the one for each other. Please Suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you have to ask "Are we the one for each other?" something must be going really wrong in the relationship. Moreover, you also mentioned dragging it, so reconsidering the relationship can't hurt. There is another option- you can try couple's therapy and get to the bottom of this detachment. It can be time; it happens to many long-term couples. Nothing comes without effort- you will have to work on it every day and explore new things to bring back the spark. If you don't want to let go of this relationship, try these suggestions. But to continue lugging it because this relationship is all too familiar and comfortable now is not the right decision. If it's okay with both of you, take a break and venture out for new partners. See how things pan out. The choice is yours. The only thing that I can confirm is that at this point, you should not rush into getting married and focus on sorting things out first.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11090 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 31, 2026

Money
I am 70 yrs old. No financial commitment right now. Retired from Bank 10 yrs ago. I am expecting around 1.00 cr from immovable property sale. Please suggest, where I can invest.
Ans: You are in a comfortable and strong position at age 70. Having no financial commitments and receiving about Rs 1 crore from property sale gives you a valuable opportunity to create stable income for life and protect capital for future medical needs and family support. This stage requires capital protection first, income second, growth third.

Below is a structured approach suitable for your age and situation.

» First Priority – Keep Emergency Medical Reserve Separate

Before investing the full amount:

– Keep about Rs 10–15 lakh in safe and liquid options
– This amount should be available immediately for health needs
– It should not be linked to market movement
– This gives peace of mind and avoids forced withdrawals later

At age 70, this step is very important.

» Second Priority – Monthly Income Planning

Your investment should generate regular income without risk to capital stability.

Suggested approach:

– Allocate around 40% into conservative mutual funds suitable for income withdrawal
– Start Systematic Withdrawal Plan (monthly income)
– Withdraw only moderate amount so capital lasts longer

This helps create pension-like income without locking money permanently.

» Third Priority – Stability Allocation

Another 30–35% can be placed in safe interest-oriented instruments like:

– senior citizen eligible deposit structures
– post office backed income options
– short-duration debt-oriented mutual funds

Purpose:

– predictable returns
– low volatility
– steady support income

» Fourth Priority – Growth Portion (Important Even at 70)

Even at age 70, some allocation to growth is necessary because:

– inflation reduces purchasing power
– medical costs rise every year
– life expectancy now extends beyond 85

So allocate about 20–25% into carefully selected diversified equity-oriented mutual funds through staggered investment.

This portion protects long-term wealth value.

» Avoid Investing Entire Amount in One Option

Many retirees make this mistake:

– putting full amount into deposits
– locking full amount into one scheme
– giving money for high-return private offers
– lending to relatives without structure

Diversification is the protection shield at this stage.

» Tax Efficiency Planning Is Important

Property sale creates capital gains implications.

So before investing:

– calculate capital gains tax properly
– explore legal reinvestment strategies available
– structure investments in phases instead of lump sum deployment

This preserves more of your wealth.

» Nomination and Estate Planning Must Be Updated

Since you have no commitments now:

– ensure nominee details are correct
– prepare a simple Will
– document investment structure clearly
– inform family members where records are stored

This prevents confusion later.

» Suggested Allocation Structure (Simple Model)

A balanced structure may look like:

– 10–15% emergency reserve
– 30–35% stable income options
– 40% income-support mutual funds
– 20–25% growth mutual funds

This creates:

– monthly income
– liquidity
– inflation protection
– capital safety balance

» Health Insurance Check

Even if you already have coverage:

– review whether coverage is sufficient today
– add top-up if required
– keep separate medical reserve anyway

Medical inflation is the biggest risk after retirement.

» Finally

At age 70, the goal is not maximum return. The goal is steady income, capital protection, and independence with dignity. With proper allocation of this Rs 1 crore, you can comfortably create reliable income support for the rest of your life while preserving wealth for future needs and family support.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11090 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 30, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 30, 2026Hindi
Money
Hi, I am 44 years old salaried having monthly income of 2 lakhs living in Gurgaon, planning to retire by 2030. we are family of 3, me wife & daughter in class 9th. Sharing below details, m i on right track & what advice would help me maximizing gains out of below portfolio. 1- Term plan of 2 crores 2- Family health cover 10 lakhs 3- 2BHK house loan free in Gurgaon having resale price of 1 cr. 5 years old property high rise. 4- 3 BHK house loan free in Gurgaon, current value 1.3 cr. 5- EPF accumulation till now 50 lakhs. 6- SIP accumulation 53 lakhs with monthly SIP of 1,07,000. mix of LC,MC &small cap. 7- OLD lic jeewan anand poly maturing in 2033 - 20 lakhs 8- PPF accumulation till now 11 lakhs 9- SSY for kid accumulation 11 lakhs. 10- Rental income 22k from 2 bhk. Booked another 3 BHK "2 cores", possession in 2028, Bank loan. current EMI is 52k, as loan is partial loan disbursed. Do not posses any inherited property or money. Is it wise to retire by age 50 with above investment. planning to repay bank loan before retirement either by selling 2 bhk & remaining by savings. Monthly expenses including school fees stands 50-60 k today.
Ans: You have built a very strong financial base by age 44. Two debt-free houses, strong SIP discipline, EPF accumulation, child education savings and protection planning show clarity and commitment. Early retirement by age 50 is possible in many cases like yours, but it needs careful adjustment in the next 5 years because your retirement horizon is long (almost 35+ years after retirement).

Below is a structured assessment and improvement roadmap.

» Your Present Financial Strength

– Term cover of Rs 2 crore is appropriate for your income level and responsibilities
– Family health cover of Rs 10 lakh is good, but can be strengthened
– Two loan-free houses worth about Rs 2.3 crore together provide stability
– EPF corpus Rs 50 lakh is a strong retirement backbone
– SIP corpus Rs 53 lakh with monthly investment Rs 1.07 lakh is excellent discipline
– Child education corpus already started through SSY Rs 11 lakh
– PPF Rs 11 lakh adds safe retirement cushion
– Rental income Rs 22,000 supports future passive income planning
– One traditional insurance maturity expected Rs 20 lakh in 2033 adds support

Overall, your base is strong for someone targeting retirement at 50.

» One Important Reality About Early Retirement

Retiring at 50 means your wealth must support:

– Household expenses for 35+ years
– Child higher education and possibly marriage
– Medical inflation
– Lifestyle inflation
– Loan closure before retirement

So the focus now should shift from accumulation only to income sustainability planning.

» Your Current Monthly Expense vs Retirement Need

Today expenses are Rs 50–60k including school fees.

After retirement:

– School fees will reduce later
– But lifestyle expenses increase with inflation
– Medical costs increase after age 55
– Travel and personal goals increase after retirement

Practically, your retirement income target should be higher than today's number.

Your rental income already supports part of this.

That is a strong advantage.

» Impact of the New 3 BHK Purchase

Booking another property worth Rs 2 crore is the only area where caution is required.

Because:

– Loan continues till retirement window
– EMI reduces SIP flexibility
– Possession in 2028 means financial pressure close to retirement year
– Real estate concentration becomes high in total portfolio

Your idea of selling 2 BHK before retirement to close the loan is sensible and practical.

This improves retirement safety significantly.

» Health Insurance Needs Immediate Upgrade

Current cover Rs 10 lakh is not sufficient for a family of three in a metro city.

Suggested improvement:

– Increase family cover to Rs 25–30 lakh using top-up structure
– This protects retirement corpus from medical shocks

This is very important before age 50.

» Education Planning for Daughter

Child is in class 9 now.

Higher education timeline:

– Only 3–5 years away

SSY corpus Rs 11 lakh is a good start.

But education costs may require additional support from:

– SIP accumulation
– LIC maturity Rs 20 lakh (2033)
– Partial EPF later if required

Plan this carefully so retirement corpus is not disturbed.

» Retirement Income Planning Strategy

Your future retirement income sources may include:

– Rental income from one house
– EPF withdrawals after retirement
– Mutual fund SWP income
– PPF maturity support
– LIC maturity amount
– Possible second property decision

Because you already have multiple income sources, retirement at 50 becomes realistic if loan closes before retirement.

» SIP Strategy – Continue Aggressively Till 2030

Your SIP of Rs 1.07 lakh is the strongest engine in your portfolio.

Maintain this for next 5 years without interruption.

Also ensure:

– Allocation remains diversified across large, mid and small companies
– Periodic portfolio review every 12 months
– Avoid stopping SIP during market corrections

This step alone can decide early retirement success.

» EPF Should Be Preserved Till Retirement

Do not withdraw EPF before retirement unless emergency arises.

EPF acts as:

– capital stability layer
– longevity protection layer
– inflation balancing support

This is your safest retirement pillar.

» LIC Policy – Keep Till Maturity

Since maturity is approaching in 2033 and value is reasonable, continue it.

It will support mid-retirement liquidity needs.

» Asset Allocation Observation

Currently your portfolio has:

– strong real estate exposure
– strong equity SIP exposure
– strong retirement accumulation through EPF
– safe allocation through PPF and SSY

This is a balanced structure already.

Only improvement required:

Increase financial asset share slightly over next 5 years.

» Is Retirement at Age 50 Possible?

Yes, possible if these conditions are followed:

– Close housing loan before retirement
– Continue SIP till 2030 without reduction
– Increase health insurance cover
– Avoid additional liabilities
– Preserve EPF till retirement stage
– Plan daughter education separately from retirement corpus

If these steps are followed, retirement at 50 becomes achievable and comfortable.

» Action Steps For Next 5 Years

– Continue SIP Rs 1.07 lakh monthly
– Increase health insurance protection
– Avoid new liabilities
– Close upcoming housing loan before retirement
– Build additional emergency fund equal to 12 months expenses
– Review portfolio once every year with a Certified Financial Planner
– Keep rental income reserved for future retirement buffer

» Finally

You are already ahead of many professionals in your age group.

Your discipline, debt-free properties and strong SIP commitment create a solid base for early retirement success. With small corrections in health protection, loan closure timing and retirement income structuring, retiring at age 50 can become a practical and safe decision instead of a risky one.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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