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29-Year-Old Man Worries if Avoiding Relationships Will Hurt His Marriage Prospects

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |121 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Sep 01, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - Aug 31, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am 29 years old man. My concern is related to love. I have never really been in a relationship. I'm not sure how much success I would have had if I even would have tried. I have been complemented by women saying that they find me attractive. But didn't go beyond that and I never really pursued it beyond that. The reason being I never wanted to risk being emotionally attached to someone who wouldn't necessarily be there for me in the long term. That's why I never pursued a relationship. I'm not socially awkward or easily get anxious. I used to think that it is better if I wait for marriage as well. But given the times I'm made to feel like that is now considered a 'red flag' these days. I just wanted to know if this would hurt my marriage prospects. I do believe in women having an equal opinion in the relationship. I don't hold any opinions that could be considered misogynistic or sexist. But I just wish to know is it really a red flag and if it is what do I do to tackle the same

Ans: Are you asking if not being in a relationship will hurt your marriage prospects? Being in a relationship is a personal choice and you can be in one at any age before you marry - highly recommended to be friends with the person you decide to marry. all the best

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 02, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi. Keep me anonymous. I'm in mid 40s. All my life I m a confused guy with regards to everything. Never married. Never had any love affair. I consider speaking to ladies, proposing them, love making as demeaning and bad. But occasionally I feel lonely, driven by natural human desire to love and to be loved. I have always had a desire to marry and and an equal desire to not marry. I however like more of non married life. And never , not even in dreams like making adjustments which may be required in a married life. My way is always Highway. Wt do you suggest or think in this case?? Not that I accept other's suggestions.
Ans: It's perfectly okay to have different desires and preferences when it comes to relationships and marriage. People have diverse perspectives on these matters, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to life. What matters most is that you understand and accept your feelings and choices.

If you feel content and happy with your non-married life and prefer to live independently without making adjustments for a partner, that is entirely valid. Some individuals find fulfillment and satisfaction in singlehood, and that is absolutely fine. Not everyone feels the need to pursue romantic relationships or marriage, and that doesn't make you any less of a person.

However, if you occasionally feel lonely and desire love and companionship, that is also natural. It's okay to have moments of vulnerability and longing for emotional connection. You can explore ways to address these feelings without necessarily committing to a traditional romantic relationship or marriage. For example, you might consider building strong friendships or participating in social activities that allow you to connect with others on a meaningful level.

Ultimately, what matters most is that you embrace and understand yourself and your feelings. If you find contentment and fulfillment in your current lifestyle, there is no need to feel pressured to conform to societal expectations. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, regardless of external opinions or suggestions.

If you ever feel overwhelmed or conflicted about your feelings, talking to a counselor or therapist can be beneficial. They can provide a safe space for you to explore your thoughts and emotions and help you gain clarity about what you truly want in life.

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to approach relationships or marriage. Each person's journey is unique, and the key is to be true to yourself and make choices that align with your values and bring you happiness.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |296 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 02, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi,i am a 28 year old woman being at crossroads when it comes to relationships. I am one of the unluckiest souls in this universe.An old school romantic being following the philosophy of one man woman.My love life consists of numerous one sided loves,crushes,2 three year old failed long distance relationships and terminating one potential long term romance(this was also long distance)See,I would want to be in a loving and long term relationship resulting in marriage.I guess i have always dated to marry. But unfortunately, my search for that one true love is still not coming to an end. I don’t know where am i going wrong? Am i asking for too much? Because the moment i said yes or responded to their advances ,they would become way too busy and i become an option. Before i say yes,they would always court me. I have to initiate the conversations every single time. As i result i stopped looking for love and start working on myself. I don't mind being single forever and skip marriage.I know there's something wrong in my apporach. Just tell me where am i going wrong?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

There's nothing wrong with your approach but I want to share a piece of advice that might help you in your dating journey. Instead of approaching relationships with the sole intention of finding a life partner, consider dating for the sake of love and happiness. Not every person you meet will be your soulmate, and that's perfectly okay. Sometimes, we need to experience a few heartbreaks and failed relationships before finding the right one. I appreciate that you have started focusing on yourself, but that does not mean you have to stop looking for a companion. Both are not mutually exclusive. And it's sad but some men indeed lose their interest in a woman as soon as the "chase" is over. But the good news is, it is only some men, not all.

I say stop looking for a man to settle down with because that might lead to compromises to make the relationship work. Instead, find a man who makes you happy. Enjoy the process of dating and evaluate the individual based on genuine compatibility and shared happiness.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |296 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hey love Gurus I am 24 year old male. Well educated and decent looking. But i have never had a girlfriend not had i ever kissed a girl. I have also never bothered much on this until my 20 year of age. But now for past year or 2 it has started haunting me a bit because I am scared of what would happen when i get married. I don't have any sort of experience and this scares me. I know it's too early to think of marriage but still I feel low when this topic comes to my mind. Please guide me. I really need a good advice Is it that I am thinking too much?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It's totally normal to feel anxious about the future and any relationship to come your way in the future. Here are some advice-

• Be kind to yourself. You are not alone in this. Not everyone moves at the same pace. Some start dating early, some start late. Some have more experience than others. But everyone has to face firsts. While it is natural to feel anxious, with the right partner and at the right timeline, things often tend to work out better than we imagine.
• Focus on building confidence. You are more than your dating experience. Pursue a hobby, socialize, work on developing new skills, work to improve your body and mind. Everything in turn will increase your confidence level.
• Educate yourself. You can read books on anxiety or if you have a clear idea of what about a relationship or what about marriage is making you conscious, you can educate yourself on that part. What is known to us, rarely makes us feel anxious. We mostly fear the unknown.
• For your future first relationship- take it slow. Communicate. What you are comfortable with, what you aren't, communicate everything.
• If your anxiety is interfering with your day-to-day activity, I recommend seeing a professional. It's still early and nipped in the bud, this anxiety will lead to nothing serious. But if you let it take root, it might be more difficult to manage.

Understand that it is okay where you are. Also, as you mentioned, you are too young to worry about it. But since you are already worrying, I am glad that you seeked help.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |296 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am 32 year old male. I have contentment in all major aspects of life such as job, money, friends, family, fun etc. But everytime I try to bring a girl into my life everything just turns in to chaos. There is a lot of pressure from from family, friends and almost everyone that I know for me to get married. But I cannot accept just anyone in my life through matrimony sites or references. I am afraid that the hard work that I have put in all these years to make my life comfortable will be shaken up by marriage. I cannot choose people by their attributes but have to just develop a liking for them. Similarly I have no interest in how a girl looks, what job she does or any material aspects. I am happy with someone who choses me completely and is committed to me. Unfortunately I couldn't find anyone such and I am in the phase of saying no to marriage completely as life is good as it is. I had a girlfriend when I was 25 and she left me after 5 years of relationship because her parents did not accept which I respected. Could connect with anyone else until this year who also left me after an year because her parents will not agree as my parents are not rich enough. I cannot connect with anyone else physically or emotionally. I think it's injustice to the woman I marry if I marry her just for the sake of society. I am completely confused, could you please share your expertise on this. Thanks in advance!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It's amazing how you are putting other people's needs over yours. That's very selfless of you. If you don't feel you are ready to commit, there is no rush; no matter what people say. I understand that societal pressure can be very tough, but as you said, being in an incompatible relationship will be tougher on both you and the woman. All I can say here is wait. You are content with your life, and that is more than most people have. Focus on that. Make it even better. If and when the time is right, you will meet someone, and things will fall into place. It might sound cliche, but trust me, this is the best thing to do. Again, I repeat, do not give in to peer pressure. No good things can come out of it.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

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Dr Karthiyayini

Dr Karthiyayini Mahadevan  |1065 Answers  |Ask -

General Physician - Answered on Sep 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 13, 2024Hindi
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Health
I am 75 + ....Around two months back I was diagnosed as dengue positive with platelet count at 75,000. with proper medication, platelet counts were increased to 2,05,000 and fever was subsided.However swellings on both arms and legs persisted.. Off late on my both solders i am suffering severe pain and enable to make any movement, i feel like inner vain of my both hands are getting stretched/pulled (right from my solder to the finger tips and swelling on both hands and legs are still there. My doctor says that it may continue for another two three months and proscribed me only pain killer tablets.Doctor says that there is no specific medicine for Dengue. I got thorough blood and urine test along with other test like scanning, x-ray etc. All the test reports are normal except slightly blood sugar (PP) on higher side and enlargement of prostate gland (which is there since last 10 years and i am on regular medicine (silodosin 8-mg, one tab a day) Kindly advise me with your good suggestions that what could be the cause of this problem and which expert doctor I should consult since it is very difficult situation for carrying out my routine activities and also I can't sleep properly due to severe pain. Thank you
Ans: Post viral illness can trigger different chain of immune reactions
They are mostly self limiting if your lifestyle is well disciplined.
Here are the points towards a healthy lifestyle
1.Early dinner by 6 pm and avoid animal protein and fat at dinner meal
2.Sleeping time to be regulated. Fix a specific time around 9/9.30 pm and unwind from the world particularly off media from 7 pm
3.Regular brisk walking 30 mts a day five days a week
4.Balanaced nutrition and avoid highly refined carbohydrates

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |132 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 14, 2024

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Money
I am going to turn 34 years old this year. Me and my wife earn 3.7 Lakh Per Month In Hand (Post all deductions: Tax, EPF), above included salary and rental. 3 Lakh per month i can invest. How do you suggest i should invest for achieving my goals. In my family i have my Wife, Son 4 YO and my parents. Live with my parents in my own house so i do not plan to buy house. My wife and my own current savings: - 80 lakhs in Equity (PMS and Mutual Funds). - 45 Lakh in Crypto Currency (Invested 5 lakh very early and i want to stay invested). - Commercial Real Estate Office Worth 1 Cr. yielding rental of 47 thousand per month. - 15 Lakh Provident Fund - 20 Lakh Bank FD & Arbitrage Fund (Emergency Fund) - 5 Lakh Savings Account (Day today expenses) Expenses: - 70k per Month including everything (Daily expense, Vacation, mobile etc). - Our monthly expense is low as my father is also working and many other expenses (around 50k) are taken care by him only. I have health insurance cover from my company of 6.5 lakh. Personal medical insurance of 10 lakh. Term insurance from my company of around 1.7 crore. Personal Term Insurance of 4 crore. Zero loans. Goals: - 1.5 crore in today's terms 10-12 years later to reconstruct the house. - 40 lakh, 6 years later for new car. - 3-4 crore at age of around 55 (For my personal goal). - 2 crore for my son higher education. - 30 crore for my retirement.
Ans: Thanks for candidly sharing your goals, current income and savings/investments.

You have adequate term life cover but recommend to cover family and parents with healthcare cover of 50 L as a minimum considering increasing cost of medical treatments and rise in illnesses with age.

Your existing investments are considered as 95 L (Ignoring Emergency fund and saving account balance)

Crypto holdings are considered 0 since they are highly volatile, unregulated and not backed by any tangible asset.

1.5 Cr house reconstruction expenses 12 years hence translates into around 3 Cr considering 6% inflation.

So start a SIP of 90K for 12 years into Nippon India Multicap Fund & HDFC top 100 Fund(50:50)which may yield a corpus of 3.12 Cr(Considering modest return of 13%)

Next goal is car purchase after 6 years so initiate a SIP of 40K in HDFC balanced advantage fund which will yield a corpus of 40L considering modest return of 10.5%

Next goal is a corpus of 3-5 Cr when you will be 55 so you can do a SIP of 50K in PPFAS flexicap fund which will yield a corpus of 5.73 Cr assuming conservative return of 13%

Further important goal is corpus for child education so considering timeframe of 14 years recommend to do a SIP of 50K in HDFC Children's Gift Fund which will yield a corpus of 2Cr+ assuming modest return of 12%

Finally retirement goal of 30Cr assumed to be 25 years from now so you may start a SIP of 70K in ICICI Pru Retirement Fund Pure Equity Plan which yield you a corpus of 15.9 Cr considering modest growth of 13%.
Plus your corpus of 95 L at a modest return of 9.5% will yield a value of 9.18Cr after 25 years
So your total retirement corpus is now 15.9+9.18=25.08 Cr
Further the amount getting released after achievement of all other goals apart from retirement can be redeployed in a value based BAF(HDFC; 10% return) for residual span towards retirement goal.
i.e. 90K for 13 years --2.89 Cr
40K for 19 years--2.73 Cr
50K for 5 years----0.39 Cr
50K for 11 years---1.2 Cr
Total_-----------------------7.21 Cr

Adding this to our earlier calculated retirement corpus gives us comprehensive retirement corpus of 7.21+25.08= 32.21 Cr

Anything you get from Crypto is bonus!!

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates

Happy Investing!!

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6292 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 14, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 27 years old studying 3rd year MD, have the following monthly SIPs. 1.PPF 12500 2. PLI 5300 3. Jeevan Umang 5400 4. RD 4500 5. ICICI equity and debt fund 5000 6. ICICI india oppertunity fund 2000 7. Kotak multi cap fund 2000 8. Sundaram service fund 2000 9. Nippon small cap fund 2000 10. HDFC multi cap fund 2000 11. Canara robaco blue chip equity fund 2000 12. Motilal Oswal large and mid cap 5000 Please evaluate my portfolio and advice Do I need to cancel any of the above Or should I go for alternatives than above mentioned Kindly suggest
Ans: At the age of 27, with a long-term investment horizon, you have built a diverse portfolio. However, a review of your portfolio is necessary to ensure optimal returns and financial security. Let’s assess each of your existing investments while providing insights on potential improvements.

1. PPF (Public Provident Fund)

The PPF is a solid choice for risk-free, tax-efficient, long-term savings.

It offers guaranteed returns and tax benefits under Section 80C.
It should be continued as part of your debt allocation.
However, you may want to limit over-reliance on low-return instruments like PPF, as it has a lock-in period of 15 years and a lower growth potential compared to equities.
2. Postal Life Insurance (PLI)

PLI is one of the oldest and most reliable life insurance products in India.

It offers low premiums with high returns.
However, if you are purely looking for life cover, term insurance may offer a higher sum assured at a lower cost.
For wealth accumulation, this may not be the most optimal choice due to its moderate returns. It is advisable to review whether you need both PLI and Jeevan Umang (discussed below).
3. Jeevan Umang

Jeevan Umang is a combination of life insurance and investment, providing regular payouts.

Such investment-cum-insurance plans generally offer lower returns compared to mutual funds.
You might want to re-evaluate keeping this plan since standalone life insurance (term insurance) combined with mutual fund investments may provide better growth and flexibility.
Cancelling or surrendering this policy should be considered after evaluating its surrender value and whether it's feasible based on your financial goals.
4. Recurring Deposit (RD)

RDs are low-risk instruments but have relatively lower returns.

While RDs ensure capital safety, they might not be ideal for wealth creation, especially for long-term goals.
Since you're still young with a long investment horizon, it might be better to channel more funds into equities for higher growth potential.
Consider reducing or stopping this RD and redirecting the funds into equity-based investments.
5. ICICI Equity and Debt Fund

This hybrid fund is a balanced option offering exposure to both equity and debt.

It provides the potential for growth through equities while managing volatility with debt.
As you are young and have a long-term horizon, a higher allocation towards pure equity funds might yield better long-term results.
Evaluate whether you need a hybrid fund in your portfolio, as your other debt investments (PPF, RD) already provide stability.
6. ICICI India Opportunity Fund

This is a thematic fund, focused on certain sectors or market opportunities.

Thematic funds can be more volatile and risky compared to diversified equity funds.
Consider whether you need exposure to such a niche strategy. These funds can work well in a bull market but may not be ideal for consistent long-term growth.
It might be wiser to replace this fund with a more diversified equity mutual fund for better stability.
7. Kotak Multi Cap Fund

Multi-cap funds invest across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks.

Multi-cap funds are suitable for long-term growth as they provide diversification across different market capitalisations.
This is a good choice to hold as it balances risk and returns by spreading investments across different categories.
No change is required here.
8. Sundaram Service Fund

Thematic funds like this one tend to focus on specific industries or sectors.

Sector-focused funds are prone to higher volatility due to limited diversification.
While such funds can provide high returns in specific cycles, they may not be ideal for consistent long-term growth.
You could consider switching to a diversified equity fund to reduce concentration risk.
9. Nippon Small Cap Fund

Small-cap funds have high growth potential but are also volatile.

Given your long-term horizon, small-cap funds can offer excellent growth opportunities.
However, small-cap funds should be a part of your portfolio, but with a smaller allocation due to higher risks.
Keep an eye on the fund’s performance and market conditions but maintain some exposure to small caps for aggressive growth.
10. HDFC Multi Cap Fund

Similar to the Kotak Multi Cap Fund, this fund offers broad exposure across different types of companies.

Multi-cap funds are an important component of a well-diversified portfolio.
Holding multiple multi-cap funds may lead to overlapping stock investments, so it may be beneficial to consolidate into one multi-cap fund for simplicity and efficiency.
No immediate need for cancellation, but consider streamlining your investments.
11. Canara Robeco Blue Chip Equity Fund

Blue chip equity funds invest in well-established companies with strong track records.

Blue chip funds are a stable option for long-term wealth creation with moderate risk.
These funds tend to perform well in the long term, providing stable growth.
Continue investing in blue-chip equity for consistent, lower-risk returns.
12. Motilal Oswal Large and Mid Cap Fund

This fund invests in a mix of large and mid-cap companies.

Large and mid-cap funds offer a balance of stability from large caps and growth potential from mid caps.
It’s a good choice to keep, given your long-term investment horizon.
Continue your SIP in this fund as it provides a diversified exposure to both stable and high-growth companies.
Portfolio Insights

Your portfolio is a mix of both equity and debt instruments. There are areas where you could improve efficiency and focus more on growth. Since you are young, your portfolio should focus more on equity investments rather than debt or conservative instruments.

Here are some points for improvement:

Consider reducing or stopping PLI, Jeevan Umang, and RD. They offer lower returns and are not ideal for wealth accumulation.
Consolidate your multi-cap funds to avoid redundancy and improve efficiency.
Consider moving away from thematic funds (ICICI India Opportunity, Sundaram Service) and replace them with more diversified options for better risk management.
Maintain small exposure to small-cap funds but don’t over-allocate due to volatility.
Large-cap and blue-chip funds should continue, as they provide stability to your portfolio.
Investment Strategy Moving Forward

Since you are currently pursuing your MD, you might want to focus on building a strong long-term growth portfolio. The following strategy could help you optimise your investments:

Increase Equity Exposure: Given your young age and long-term goals, you could increase your equity exposure to maximise returns. Equity mutual funds have historically outperformed other asset classes over long periods.

Reduce Debt Instruments: PPF is a good debt instrument, but the RD and life insurance policies may not be ideal for wealth creation. Consider directing those funds into more growth-oriented investments.

Review Insurance Needs: If your current life insurance policies are not providing adequate coverage, switch to a term plan that offers high coverage at a lower premium. This will allow you to free up more funds for investment purposes.

Consolidate and Simplify: You have multiple schemes in similar categories, which might lead to unnecessary overlap. Streamlining your portfolio by focusing on a few high-quality funds can make it easier to track performance.

Continue SIPs: SIPs are a great way to invest systematically. Increase your SIPs in funds with strong performance records and reduce exposure to underperforming or high-risk funds.

Monitor Portfolio Regularly: Keep track of your fund performance, rebalance annually, and make adjustments as needed to align with your goals.

Final Insights

Your portfolio is already in a good shape for someone at the start of their professional career. However, there are some areas where you could optimise for better returns. By focusing more on equity and less on conservative products like life insurance and RDs, you can enhance your wealth creation potential.

This shift in strategy will allow you to focus on long-term growth, ensuring a solid financial foundation for the future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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