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Should I Compromise on Romance for a Marriage?

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |169 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Aug 19, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Shubhi Question by Shubhi on Aug 19, 2024Hindi
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You posted: Hello. I am dating someone from almost 4 years. During those years, our relationship has grown to the extent that we know we are pretty much compatible in aspects such as values, friendship, vulnerability, understanding and support. But one or two factors have always been a hurdle in commitment for a marriage which he himself consider as superficial but is not able to completely let go of. So, he suggests that we can compromise on those factors, and focus on other positives. The problem is that he feels that we don't have that romantic spark and chemistry which he had imagined. But he is ready to settle on that, and thus, I also shouldn't expect his 100 percent response in romance. I don't know how to take this statement. I never felt that missing part; I never asked for grand romantic gestures. I did complain sometimes about basic expressions of romance. I feel his approach as if it is some sort of calculation with no instinctive feeling. And how do I not take this comment as personal.

Ans: Not sure if I understood the last 4-5 sentences - whilst i get that you are compatible and things are great - but there are concerns over a few things which you see as a concern and he does not - I dont get what are the concerns for me to be able to address this request.
Asked on - Aug 19, 2024 | Answered on Sep 22, 2024
He has this strong affinity towards some personality traits.. for example fluency and frequency in spoken English. I prefer talking in Hindi most of the time as I feel more comfortable in it conveying my feelings. Thats one part. Secondly, he feels that I don't let go of my inhibitions to freely enjoy..be it dance or singing. I am shy. Its not that I am all closed. Now he feels that it was wrong on his part to try to change someone and he is ready to make peace with it. But in response to that, I should also not expect the full expression of romance from him because his ability to do so comes naturally from the part he is ready to compromise.
Ans: it is tough to respond to all of this over text, a conversation will be much helpful

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |624 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2024Hindi
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Hi I am a 35-year-old woman and my husband is 45. we are made for each other couple. we love each other and we do not have any compatibility issues except in romance. he is not very romantic and even throughout my younger years I was also not very romantic and immersed myself in studies and career. He is not very active in sex also. A few years back I told him that I wanted to be romantic after marriage and now we are not, so I missed my college and early office days when I was in my prime and could have been romantically involved with guys. Since I look very young even at 35, he suggested that I still can move around with guys and get romantic and I need not miss anything even now. though initially declining the offer, I moved a little freely toward men, mostly colleagues, and a few social club members. I encouraged late-night messages, coffee meets, movies, etc. I update my husband on every single event that happens. ex, if I went to a movie with a colleague, I will message my hubby " We kissed", if that happened. he encourages me so much and is happy with whatever is happening, cutting a long story short. though I didn't think it would go so far, I am now romantically very active. soft romance-like messages I do with many. Dating I don't say no to my known circle like colleagues, ex-colleagues, college mates, etc and almost 2-3 times a week I end up dating someone in a coffee shop, pub, or a long drive. A few times I initiate a date too. and I must confess that I have regular intimacy with four young men, all from the same office where I work. I have never hidden anything from my hubby and give a complete account every day. I offered to stop everything any moment he said. but he told me till age is there enjoy life!. I am emotionally connected to my husband only and I do all my responsibilities as a woman. Our relationship has grown manifold. My only question is, am I exploiting my husband's innocence or does he have a cuckold fantasy? If I continue the way I continue with no harm to anyone, can I keep doing it ( I love to). or I should stop at once?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

After reading your question I understood that your partner and you have, what we call, an open relationship. As long as both partners are okay with the dynamics of it, and no one is emotionally hurt, or resisting, it should be okay. It isn't exploitation if your husband himself encourages you. You are both consenting adults and not harming each other or anyone else. As for your question, if he has a cuckold fantasy, that is something you should discuss with your husband. An open discussion is better than speculation. Also, at any time if you suspect that your husband is growing concerned about the nature of your relationship, ask him directly. It can help avoid misunderstandings.


Best Wishes

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello. I am dating someone from almost 4 years. During those years, our relationship has grown to the extent that we know we are pretty much compatible in aspects such as values, friendship, vulnerability, understanding and support. But one or two factors have always been a hurdle in commitment for a marriage which he himself consider as superficial but is not able to completely let go of. So, he suggests that we can compromise on those factors, and focus on other positives. The problem is that he feels that we don't have that romantic spark and chemistry which he had imagined. But he is ready to settle on that, and thus, I also shouldn't expect his 100 percent response in romance. I don't know how to take this statement. I never felt that missing part; I never asked for grand romantic gestures. I did complain sometimes about basic expressions of romance. I feel his approach as if it is some sort of calculation with no instinctive feeling. And how do I not take this comment as personal.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You can skim over aspects that are superficial but how do you turn a blind eye when it's about romance and chemistry. Isn't that one of the major aspects?
I would suggest that the two of you talk this over and let not either of you compromise over this. Because once you do, it's bound to come out in bigger ways later in the relationship. Of course, it does come across as a personal comment and he is possibly trying to cover it up by saying that he is ready to settle. NO! It's not a favor, BUT you also must know whether the two of you are compatible as a couple. Treat this comment of his as a sign that there is something missing. Now how important this is, is something for the two of you to evaluate. But at no point must this become a thing of argument between the two of you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |624 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024Hindi
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Hello Ravi. Im a 33 year old female, in search of life partner. Through matrimony groups I was shared a contact of a guy and we spoke over call. Initially there was interest from both ends we messaged each other and asked for calls. As we came to know about each other, he is more of an extrovert, enjoys socializing ,consumes alcohol etc. Although Im exposed to cosmopolitan culture I come from a more disciplined/simple/traditional upbringing. Not orthodox but would have preferred someone without those habits. I did not judge him based on his habits, I clearly told that we may try to give each other a chance and I do consider all the other good things in him like being ambitious, attached to his family, independent, cooks for himself , has a good routine, a person who enjoys life and seemed like a happy and cheerful guy. But he kind of judged me for expressing that I looked at alcohol as not a very good habit etc . He had past relationships and asked my opinion on continuing with them as friends, again I said that its past so if he is over it and doesn't let it hamper his future I wouldn't look at it negatively. Although seems like he even had physical relations I dint dig deep or asked any questions. I felt like I did give it a shot and wanted to take a chance bcoz of few good aspects considering we both are of similar backgrounds (the way we were exposed to mixed cultures etc growing up), have satisfied each others non negotiables , have same opinions on joint family, kids etc. He also expressed dilemma over being in different cities cant get to know each other etc and I was like we can meet if we wish to and if we want to take it forward, its not an impossible task. The last time we spoke he said he needs time and he wasnt sure, also suggested that we speak to other people as well. now its been 2 months and neither of us contacted each other. I assumed as he asked for time if he was interested he would get back, he even was seeing all my WA status updates until some time back. So I dint contact, also even while we were talking most of the times it was me initiating msgs asking for call etc. He even acknowledged the same that Im putting efforts and he is unsure etc . So should I really contact him now and check what he though or have self respect and ignore thinking that he is not interested (which looks like the case as he dint contact in 2months). The problem is Im also finding very difficult to find right guys and I feel in certain aspects he is good and should I really give it a chance and try from my side ? Parents are not involved as seems entire decision is of the guy. Im not on dating apps etc, never been in relationship and only looking for a person who can commit and Im in no space to do trial and error or want to get into online dating at this point of time because Im an emotional person and attaching-detaching is not easy for me. I guess Im attached to this person also somewhere and constantly thinking if I should msg or ignore. I was open to talk to others and see but unfortunately nothing worked out and dint get to talk to anyone else in this time. Please advise me, these thoughts are eating me up.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am glad that neither one of you decided to rush into committing to one another. Let me address all the issues one by one

First, I understand that you are not judging his lifestyle, but that does not mean you are not allowed to be concerned about it. We all have our preferences and there is nothing wrong with that.

Second, why should you be the only one putting in the work? A healthy connection is forged when both parties take an equal part in building it. Moreover, don't you think you deserve someone who would love to put some effort into building a relationship with you?

Third, if he isn't sure about this marriage, it is okay. But that does not mean he should leave you hanging. If it has been over two months and you are finding it difficult to give him any more time and space, you can communicate that to him. You can ask him if he has made up his mind and what his intentions are.

Fourth, please do not build a relationship with a person you are not entirely satisfied with because you do not have a better option right now. Do not set your bar low. Lack of options should not be the reason you choose him; you should only decide to marry him when you firmly believe that he is the right man for you.

Best Wishes.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I would like to stay anonymous. Im 27F, recently got engaged and my wedding is in 5 months from now. This match is arranged by my parents within our community. Initially things went well, but after the engagement when we went outside for dinner he was speaking well but before leaving he said this is a suggestion from my end and told that there is slight space between my two teeth in the front and while smiling it creates black image in the photos. So it would be best if i would use invisible aligners so that before wedding it would be fixed adding to this he said he will take care of the expenses and he said he had this thought for a week so its better to disclose it with me. He also said that he didn't tell this to his parents he wanted to check my thoughts on this first, also he said he wanted myself to look very very pretty on the wedding and his relatives should say "Wow, we have never seen such a pretty bride", also he commented about my hair being short actually its medium length but i like to keep my hair short. I really got frustrated when he said all those things this got me very irritated. I didn't speak much, i said i wanted to leave and he dropped me at my place. The next day i asked him if we can meet again to get clarification on this thing, when i asked him the next day about this he said "its just a suggestion if you can take it its fine or you can leave it its upto you". He never accepted that he hurted me or made a wrong statement he kept on saying he didn't mean that way i took it very personally and im creating unnecessary ruckus. at last he said i could have said things differently but he didn't ask for sorry at all. I thought he wont talk about my features again but then after a week he again asked me you were eating outside food for a week you should have gained weight(trying to be funny here), i said no. Because him and his mother already asked about my weight like "why are you so thin? you could have put up some weight know"? I have been in this weight for many years, how much ever i eat my weight remains the same its because of the genetics. But people dont understand this and easily ask some body shaming questions. After this event he is not talking like before and even i dont push him, one of my friend asked me to take initiative and make calls to stop this awkward situation and i took lead called him four times in a week he spoke but he didn't bothered to call me again he was only texting after that too im okay with that but still i feel he might ask me to make changes in my feature, weight etc before the wedding. Im not sure how to deal with this.
Ans: When someone loves and accepts you, they don’t focus on “fixing” things about you to meet external standards, whether it’s for wedding photos or to impress relatives. His insistence that you should look “very, very pretty” for others’ approval shows that his priorities might not align with yours. You weren’t looking for a makeover; you were looking for a life partner who values you for who you are.

His response when you tried to talk about it also speaks volumes. Instead of acknowledging your feelings and reassuring you, he dismissed your concerns, making it seem like you were overreacting. A partner who truly cares would have listened, understood why you felt hurt, and taken responsibility for how his words affected you. Instead, he shifted the blame onto you for "creating unnecessary ruckus," which shows a lack of emotional maturity.

The weight comments, too, are unnecessary and inconsiderate. Genetics determine body type, and no one should feel the need to change themselves to meet someone else’s expectations. His family’s remarks about your weight, combined with his attitude, suggest that this won’t stop after the wedding. If they’re already making you feel self-conscious now, imagine the expectations and unsolicited “suggestions” that might continue in the future.

The distance that has formed between you both after this conversation isn’t just about awkwardness—it’s about emotional disconnection. A strong relationship is built on respect, comfort, and mutual appreciation, not on one person feeling judged and the other acting indifferent. The fact that you had to take the lead in calling him multiple times, while he didn’t reciprocate the effort, says a lot. A healthy relationship should feel mutual, not one-sided.

Right now, you need to ask yourself: Can you truly be yourself in this relationship, or will you constantly feel pressured to meet his and his family’s expectations? Do you feel emotionally safe with him, or do you feel like you have to defend your choices, your body, and your appearance?

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and your peace of mind matters. If his attitude is already making you question yourself and feel frustrated, you have every right to reconsider. You don’t need to “deal” with this by adjusting to his expectations—you need to decide if this is the kind of relationship you want to spend your life in.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9508 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

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CSE in Akhilesh Das Gupta or CSE in JECRC. Which one is better?
Ans: Amit Sir, An evaluation across accreditation and ranking, placement performance, faculty and curriculum infrastructure and industry exposure, and research and innovation reveals distinct profiles for JECRC Foundation’s CSE program and ADGITM’s CSE offering. JECRC Foundation is AICTE-approved and affiliated to Rajasthan Technical University, with NBA accreditation for its engineering streams and a NAAC B+ grade; it secured #62 in India Today’s 2024 Private Engineering rankings and #214 in B.Tech by India Today 2025. Its dedicated placement cell records 80–90% CSE placements annually, yielding over 2 000 offers and 1 400+ recruiters including Amazon, Microsoft, Cognizant, and Flipkart, with average packages of ?6–8 LPA and 2230+ offers in 2024–25. The curriculum emphasizes outcome-based education, multidisciplinary projects, industry-linked labs, and a 300-hour soft-skills program. The 32-acre campus houses advanced computing clusters, green infrastructure, incubators, and a robust advisory board fostering corporate partnerships.

ADGITM, affiliated to GGSIPU, is AICTE-approved with a NAAC A+ grade, and placed among the top 3% of Indian universities in QS metrics. Its CSE placements hover at 70–80%, with an average CTC of ?5.1 LPA and highest offers up to ?48 LPA; leading recruiters include Infosys, TCS, IBM, and Accenture. The curriculum aligns with IPU-CET and JEE Main cutoffs for CSE (closing ranks ~18 000–55 000), featuring specializations in AI/ML, Data Science, and cybersecurity. The urban campus offers digital and physical libraries, modern labs, sports facilities, an auditorium, and a CRC for internships and industry engagements. Research output is growing through student projects and seminars, though less extensive than JECRC’s funded initiatives.

Recommendation: JECRC Foundation is preferable for its stronger accreditation balance, higher placement consistency, extensive research grants, and expansive corporate network, while ADGITM offers solid infrastructure, specialized CSE tracks, and a supportive urban campus environment that suits students seeking Delhi-NCR exposure. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9508 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2025Hindi
Career
Hello sir.My daughter is getting electronics and vlsi in SVNIT surat through jossa counselling from ZEE mains.With HerKCET ranking she is getting PES RR campus Bangalore ece branch.which would be a better choice.
Ans: SVNIT Surat is an established NIT, government-funded and NAAC/NBA accredited, with a 250-acre campus offering world-class labs, centralized computer centers, and digitized libraries. The Electronics and VLSI program is highly specialized, with 70% placement rates in the electronics branch and an average package around ?10.72L for 2025, as well as robust industry links for core VLSI and electronics roles. The department emphasizes deep technical and design-oriented skills in VLSI and electronics system modeling and offers exposure to national projects, research platforms and a multidisciplinary environment.

PES University, RR campus, is among the highest ranked private engineering institutions in India, accredited by NAAC (A grade) and ABET for the ECE program, reflecting global standards and international recognition. ECE placements are consistently 85–95%, supported by extensive corporate recruiting from Amazon, Microsoft, Google, and Infosys, as well as compulsory internships and strong training for soft and technical skills. The campus boasts state-of-the-art research centers, modern classroom technology, well-furnished hostels, and high exposure to the Bangalore tech hub, facilitating internships and broad career prospects. Faculty are industry-oriented and the ECE curriculum covers core and advanced topics, preparing graduates for both IT and core electronics/communication roles.

Recommendation: Choose PES University, RR campus ECE if high placement consistency, global accreditation, and proximity to the Bangalore technology ecosystem are priorities for your daughter's career aspirations. Opt for SVNIT Surat Electronics and VLSI if preference is for a highly specialized, research-driven national institute experience with strong placement in core engineering fields and government recognition. Both choices are excellent, but PES RR’s industry connections and placement record make it a slightly more versatile and dynamic environment for future opportunities. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9508 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2025Hindi
Career
Sir I can also get Dayanand Sagar College of Engineering ( CSE ), Kumarswamy layout or BMSIT ( CSE ) which would be a ideal choice? Thank you sir!
Ans: Based on the following insights/information, choose the more suitable option for you: Both Dayananda Sagar College of Engineering (DSCE), Kumaraswamy Layout and BMS Institute of Technology and Management (BMSIT), Yelahanka, provide strong platforms for CSE, with each excelling across the essential aspects of accreditation, placement, faculty quality, infrastructure, and industry interface. DSCE is autonomous, approved by AICTE, affiliated to VTU, and boasts NAAC ‘A’ accreditation (CGPA 3.42) and NBA-accredited CSE, backed by experienced faculty with research-led curriculum. Placements in CSE at DSCE have ranged from 67% to 91% in recent years, with leading recruiters like Bosch, Amazon, and TCS; the campus houses advanced labs, extensive research centers, robust Wi-Fi, and personalized mentoring systems, fostering a supportive academic environment. BMSIT matches these with NAAC ‘A’ accreditation, NBA-accredited CSE, and an autonomous, AICTE-approved status under VTU. Its CSE placement rate has consistently hovered around 77–85% in the last three years, supported by vibrant recruiter engagement from Google, Cred, Philips, and Deloitte. BMSIT is known for modern classrooms, well-equipped CSE labs, and a lush 21.5-acre campus, with outcome-based learning and broad industry exposure, often topping surveys for industry collaboration and student satisfaction. Faculty at both institutes are highly qualified, with BMSIT particularly emphasizing outcome-based education and deep student mentoring. Infrastructure at both colleges is state-of-the-art, but BMSIT is also highly rated for industry engagement, sustainability, and holistic student support.

Recommendation: BMSIT CSE stands out slightly for its consistent placement rates, robust industry ties, and campus environment favoring innovation, making it an ideal choice for career-focused students, while DSCE remains an excellent alternative for its academic rigor, research orientation, and comprehensive curriculum. Both are solid, but BMSIT’s industry engagement gives it a unique edge for CSE aspirants. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9508 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

Career
my son through lateral entry got ece in Anna University ceg campus and eee in ssn please suggest
Ans: A comparison between Electronics and Communication Engineering (ECE) at Anna University’s CEG campus and Electrical and Electronics Engineering (EEE) at SSN College of Engineering—both through lateral entry—shows distinct strengths for each. CEG, Anna University, holds a top state and national ranking, is NAAC A++ and NBA-accredited, and is renowned for its distinguished faculty, advanced labs, and rich alumni base. The ECE program at CEG emphasizes both fundamentals and emerging fields, securing placement rates of 85–95% over the last three years, with over 2,000 students placed recently and a steadily improving trend. Infrastructure includes modern research facilities, high networking opportunities, and access to diverse extracurriculars, and the campus is centrally located, which appeals to recruiters and enhances industry interaction. SSN, also highly ranked (just behind CEG in recent state tallies), offers an NBA-accredited EEE department and is known for its well-maintained campus, dedicated mentorship, and industry-linked curriculum. SSN’s EEE branch has achieved consistent placement rates of 80–89% in the last three years, with strong corporate and research collaborations, industry-focused training, and faculty support. However, core engineering careers in EEE typically trail high-demand profiles in ECE, especially regarding roles in IT, telecommunications, and electronics design. Both colleges offer transparent fee structures and excellent support for lateral entry students.

Recommendation: CEG Anna University’s ECE program should be preferred for its superior national reputation, broader placement opportunities, stronger industry interface, and large alumni network, making it an especially robust choice for long-term career prospects, while SSN’s EEE branch remains a commendable alternative for focused mentoring and core-electrical career orientation. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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