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Should I Compromise on Romance for a Marriage?

Shalini Singh |134 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Aug 19, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Question by Shubhi on Aug 19, 2024Hindi

Relationship

You posted: Hello. I am dating someone from almost 4 years. During those years, our relationship has grown to the extent that we know we are pretty much compatible in aspects such as values, friendship, vulnerability, understanding and support. But one or two factors have always been a hurdle in commitment for a marriage which he himself consider as superficial but is not able to completely let go of. So, he suggests that we can compromise on those factors, and focus on other positives. The problem is that he feels that we don't have that romantic spark and chemistry which he had imagined. But he is ready to settle on that, and thus, I also shouldn't expect his 100 percent response in romance. I don't know how to take this statement. I never felt that missing part; I never asked for grand romantic gestures. I did complain sometimes about basic expressions of romance. I feel his approach as if it is some sort of calculation with no instinctive feeling. And how do I not take this comment as personal.

Ans: Not sure if I understood the last 4-5 sentences - whilst i get that you are compatible and things are great - but there are concerns over a few things which you see as a concern and he does not - I dont get what are the concerns for me to be able to address this request.

Asked on - Aug 19, 2024 | Answered on Sep 22, 2024

He has this strong affinity towards some personality traits.. for example fluency and frequency in spoken English. I prefer talking in Hindi most of the time as I feel more comfortable in it conveying my feelings. Thats one part. Secondly, he feels that I don't let go of my inhibitions to freely enjoy..be it dance or singing. I am shy. Its not that I am all closed. Now he feels that it was wrong on his part to try to change someone and he is ready to make peace with it. But in response to that, I should also not expect the full expression of romance from him because his ability to do so comes naturally from the part he is ready to compromise.

Ans: it is tough to respond to all of this over text, a conversation will be much helpful

RelationshipReply

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Mohit Arora | Answer |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Jan 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 18, 2024Hindi

Relationship

How to respond when the person you have been dating since 4 years shows commitment issues but also occasionally talked about marriage stuff. At this point of life, I want only commitment, nothing else, no time pass things. All such hardness to control my emotions and setting boundaries is reflecting in my nature too. I'm becoming more cranky all the time and avoiding talking to people. Additionally, this biological clock pressure is always ticking in my mind. Please suggest.

Ans: I understand your perspective. However, you can't force anyone to marry you. If he isn't ready, find someone else if marriage is your priority.

Ravi Mittal |349 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi I am a 35-year-old woman and my husband is 45. we are made for each other couple. we love each other and we do not have any compatibility issues except in romance. he is not very romantic and even throughout my younger years I was also not very romantic and immersed myself in studies and career. He is not very active in sex also. A few years back I told him that I wanted to be romantic after marriage and now we are not, so I missed my college and early office days when I was in my prime and could have been romantically involved with guys. Since I look very young even at 35, he suggested that I still can move around with guys and get romantic and I need not miss anything even now. though initially declining the offer, I moved a little freely toward men, mostly colleagues, and a few social club members. I encouraged late-night messages, coffee meets, movies, etc. I update my husband on every single event that happens. ex, if I went to a movie with a colleague, I will message my hubby " We kissed", if that happened. he encourages me so much and is happy with whatever is happening, cutting a long story short. though I didn't think it would go so far, I am now romantically very active. soft romance-like messages I do with many. Dating I don't say no to my known circle like colleagues, ex-colleagues, college mates, etc and almost 2-3 times a week I end up dating someone in a coffee shop, pub, or a long drive. A few times I initiate a date too. and I must confess that I have regular intimacy with four young men, all from the same office where I work. I have never hidden anything from my hubby and give a complete account every day. I offered to stop everything any moment he said. but he told me till age is there enjoy life!. I am emotionally connected to my husband only and I do all my responsibilities as a woman. Our relationship has grown manifold. My only question is, am I exploiting my husband's innocence or does he have a cuckold fantasy? If I continue the way I continue with no harm to anyone, can I keep doing it ( I love to). or I should stop at once?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

After reading your question I understood that your partner and you have, what we call, an open relationship. As long as both partners are okay with the dynamics of it, and no one is emotionally hurt, or resisting, it should be okay. It isn't exploitation if your husband himself encourages you. You are both consenting adults and not harming each other or anyone else. As for your question, if he has a cuckold fantasy, that is something you should discuss with your husband. An open discussion is better than speculation. Also, at any time if you suspect that your husband is growing concerned about the nature of your relationship, ask him directly. It can help avoid misunderstandings.

Best Wishes

Anu Krishna |1193 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 19, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hello. I am dating someone from almost 4 years. During those years, our relationship has grown to the extent that we know we are pretty much compatible in aspects such as values, friendship, vulnerability, understanding and support. But one or two factors have always been a hurdle in commitment for a marriage which he himself consider as superficial but is not able to completely let go of. So, he suggests that we can compromise on those factors, and focus on other positives. The problem is that he feels that we don't have that romantic spark and chemistry which he had imagined. But he is ready to settle on that, and thus, I also shouldn't expect his 100 percent response in romance. I don't know how to take this statement. I never felt that missing part; I never asked for grand romantic gestures. I did complain sometimes about basic expressions of romance. I feel his approach as if it is some sort of calculation with no instinctive feeling. And how do I not take this comment as personal.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You can skim over aspects that are superficial but how do you turn a blind eye when it's about romance and chemistry. Isn't that one of the major aspects?
I would suggest that the two of you talk this over and let not either of you compromise over this. Because once you do, it's bound to come out in bigger ways later in the relationship. Of course, it does come across as a personal comment and he is possibly trying to cover it up by saying that he is ready to settle. NO! It's not a favor, BUT you also must know whether the two of you are compatible as a couple. Treat this comment of his as a sign that there is something missing. Now how important this is, is something for the two of you to evaluate. But at no point must this become a thing of argument between the two of you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ravi Mittal |349 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hello Ravi. Im a 33 year old female, in search of life partner. Through matrimony groups I was shared a contact of a guy and we spoke over call. Initially there was interest from both ends we messaged each other and asked for calls. As we came to know about each other, he is more of an extrovert, enjoys socializing ,consumes alcohol etc. Although Im exposed to cosmopolitan culture I come from a more disciplined/simple/traditional upbringing. Not orthodox but would have preferred someone without those habits. I did not judge him based on his habits, I clearly told that we may try to give each other a chance and I do consider all the other good things in him like being ambitious, attached to his family, independent, cooks for himself , has a good routine, a person who enjoys life and seemed like a happy and cheerful guy. But he kind of judged me for expressing that I looked at alcohol as not a very good habit etc . He had past relationships and asked my opinion on continuing with them as friends, again I said that its past so if he is over it and doesn't let it hamper his future I wouldn't look at it negatively. Although seems like he even had physical relations I dint dig deep or asked any questions. I felt like I did give it a shot and wanted to take a chance bcoz of few good aspects considering we both are of similar backgrounds (the way we were exposed to mixed cultures etc growing up), have satisfied each others non negotiables , have same opinions on joint family, kids etc. He also expressed dilemma over being in different cities cant get to know each other etc and I was like we can meet if we wish to and if we want to take it forward, its not an impossible task. The last time we spoke he said he needs time and he wasnt sure, also suggested that we speak to other people as well. now its been 2 months and neither of us contacted each other. I assumed as he asked for time if he was interested he would get back, he even was seeing all my WA status updates until some time back. So I dint contact, also even while we were talking most of the times it was me initiating msgs asking for call etc. He even acknowledged the same that Im putting efforts and he is unsure etc . So should I really contact him now and check what he though or have self respect and ignore thinking that he is not interested (which looks like the case as he dint contact in 2months). The problem is Im also finding very difficult to find right guys and I feel in certain aspects he is good and should I really give it a chance and try from my side ? Parents are not involved as seems entire decision is of the guy. Im not on dating apps etc, never been in relationship and only looking for a person who can commit and Im in no space to do trial and error or want to get into online dating at this point of time because Im an emotional person and attaching-detaching is not easy for me. I guess Im attached to this person also somewhere and constantly thinking if I should msg or ignore. I was open to talk to others and see but unfortunately nothing worked out and dint get to talk to anyone else in this time. Please advise me, these thoughts are eating me up.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am glad that neither one of you decided to rush into committing to one another. Let me address all the issues one by one

First, I understand that you are not judging his lifestyle, but that does not mean you are not allowed to be concerned about it. We all have our preferences and there is nothing wrong with that.

Second, why should you be the only one putting in the work? A healthy connection is forged when both parties take an equal part in building it. Moreover, don't you think you deserve someone who would love to put some effort into building a relationship with you?

Third, if he isn't sure about this marriage, it is okay. But that does not mean he should leave you hanging. If it has been over two months and you are finding it difficult to give him any more time and space, you can communicate that to him. You can ask him if he has made up his mind and what his intentions are.

Fourth, please do not build a relationship with a person you are not entirely satisfied with because you do not have a better option right now. Do not set your bar low. Lack of options should not be the reason you choose him; you should only decide to marry him when you firmly believe that he is the right man for you.

Best Wishes.

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Milind Vadjikar |373 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 09, 2024Hindi

Money

Hi Sir/Maam, I'm currently working in a US based company since 1.5 years and my employers says that they don't have PF law in US so PF will not be deducted from my salary so my PF account is inactive since 1.5 years. UAN portal shows that my bank details aren't updated so I entered the bank details and submitted in UAN portal. This has to be now approved by my previous employer as my current employer has not created a PF account. However, I had left my previous organization after a fight with my boss so it was not a smooth exit and I didn't even serve the notice period there. I just dropped my resignation email and walked out of the office on the same day. Now my previous employer has not approved my bank KYC details since 3 months and I even cannot reach out to them, as my exit from there was very unpleasant. PF office is saying that they can't do anything from their end and it has to be approved by my previous employer but I can't go back to them requesting to approve. Please suggest me how can I withdraw my PF amount?

Ans: Hello;

You may try to talk to the HR people at your previous organisation.

Regret for the improper exit and try to see if you can make things work.

Sorting out things amicably is suitable option for both.

Else you may lodge a grievance on EPFO grievance management portal EPFiGMS.

If this doesn't resolve the matter you may escalate it to Ministry of Labour through CPGRAMS.

You will get your EPF money no doubt about it.

Best wishes!!

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 10, 2024

Question by priti - Oct 10, 2024Hindi

Relationship

I am 48 years old woman and married for 11 yrs with a son of 9 yrs . my husband changed his gender 5 yrs ago without my and family consent but discloses it only 3 yrs back. i moved from my inlaws place with my son. none of us filed divorce.what should i do.what should be the terms and conditions if i file divorce. and how should i deal with my son..is this will have an impact on him.please advice

Ans: Dear Priti,
This is a question for a legal expert in case you are thinking of divorce as an option. The expert will be able to guide you accordingly...
Children do bear the brunt of their parents' separation but it can be handled with a lot of care...both the parents must be involved in his emotional highs and lows when he realizes that his parents are not going to be living under the same roof anymore...
It requires a lot of love, care and most importantly reassurance for him to know that he will never be ignored and will always have access to both parents...talk it out with your spouse and come up with a plan that keeps in mind the child and his emotional wellbeing.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Milind Vadjikar |373 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi

Money

Hello, My current age is 42. Our combined post tax salary is around 6.25 lakhs. We have around 50L in mutual funds, 80L in direct stocks, 14L in gold, 30L in NPS, 31L in PPF, 21L in SSY and 2.5cr in real estate. Our current household expenses are around 1.5L per month and we are contributing 1L/month to NPS, 2L/month to SIP, 20K/month to direct stocks,1.5L/yr to PPF, I.5L/yr to SSY. We have an EMI of 50000/month for next 5 years .Our kids are 12 years and 10 years. We want a corpus of 4 cr for their higher education and of 1cr for their marriage. We are living in a company provided accommodation and plan to live in it till requirement.We want a 4L monthly pension and don't have a home right now. If we are planning to retire at 55, how should we manage our finances?

Ans: Hello;

Since NPS will be available only after you reach 60 and no info. about any rental income from real estate investment hence both are kept out of our purview.

1.Higher education goals for children typically start after 12th so we have 6 to 8 years for kid's education financial goal(4 Cr) attainment.

I have split it in two tranches:
A. 2 Cr after 6 years
B. 2 Cr after 8 years

For achieving target A following will work:
Direct stocks corpus of 80 L will grow into a sum of 1.5 Cr after 6 years. (Moderate return of 11% assumed)

PPF corpus and contributions will grow into a sum of 50 L+ after 5 years block when you may withdraw this corpus towards this goal. (6.9% return considered)

So 1.5 + 0.5=2 Cr

For fulfilling target B following will work:
MF corpus of 50 L will grow into a sum of 1.15 Cr after 8 years. (11% return considered)

50% of SSY corpus eligible for withdrawal expected to be around 27.85 L. (8% return assumed)

Direct stock monthly sip of 20 K will grow into a sum of 30.85 L in 8 years.(11% return considered)

Gold corpus of 14 L will grow into a sum of 24.05 L. (7% growth assumed)

So 1.15+27.85+30.85+24.05~~2 Cr

2. Target for Marriage of offspring:
1 Cr.
3. Retirement pension: 4 L per month
13 years from now.
Investible surplus left after all monthly investments utilized for fulfilling above targets should be immediately redirected to monthly SIPs in mutual funds. That includes 20 K direct stock sip, 12.5 K/pm SSY investment after 8 years from now and 12.5 K/pm PPF investment 5 years from now.

Also the 50 K getting free from loan EMI after 5 years should be converted into a mutual fund SIP.

After accounting for monthly expenses and monthly investments, from the balance 80 K, I would suggest you to deploy 50 K into MF sip since it will help in target achievement.

So summarily 12.5 K/8 yr, 12.5 K/5 yr, 20 K/5 yr, 50 K/8 yr and 250 K/13 yr will yield you a comprehensive corpus of 9.89 Cr. Add balance 50% SSY corpus of 27.5 L to this and your total corpus comes to 10.16 Cr. (MF returns assumed at a modest 11%)

Earmark 1 Cr for offspring wedding as envisaged.

Net retirement corpus will be 9.16 Cr. An immediate annuity at 6% will yield you a monthly income of 4.58 L from the age of 55 as planned.

You may use commutable corpus of NPS(60%) to buy your house. While NPS annuity portion(40%) may yield you a delta per month so as to have post tax income of 4 L per month.

This looks achievable because you have managed your finances and investments outstandingly well.

I discourage people to take direct stocks exposure especially when they are nearing the retirement but if you have the knowledge and temperament you may dabble into it subject to some minimum amount earmarked as risk capital.

I am sure you have adequate insurance cover for life and health.

Kudos again to your meticulous fiscal planning and execution.

Happy Investing!!

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

Ramalingam Kalirajan |6558 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 10, 2024

Question by Pratik - Oct 10, 2024Hindi

Money

How can I invest in Silver?

Ans: You can invest in silver through Silver ETFs. These are funds that track the price of silver and offer a convenient way to invest without holding physical silver. Silver ETFs are:

Easy to buy and sell on stock exchanges.
Cost-effective with no storage or insurance concerns.
Offer exposure to silver's price movement and potential for diversification.
Silver ETFs provide a hassle-free way to benefit from silver's growth potential without the complexities of physical ownership.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

Nitin Narkhede |19 Answers |Ask -Follow

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi

Money

Hi all, Im 35, married and 4yr kid, and hav just started my investment journey in 2024 and i would like to invest to acquire corpus of 5CR

Ans: Hi Friend,
First of all, I would like to congratulate you for considering being financially independent and finding out your requirement for a corpus of 5 CR . you are at the age of 35, which means you have another horizon of 25 years, considering you are going to retire at 60. Second, you said your kid is 4 years old, which means the kid will graduate in the next 14 Years—post-graduation in 20 Years and marriage in 23 to 25 Years, that is, by your retirement time.
To achieve your goal of a Rs 5 crore corpus, it's important to have a structured investment plan that balances risk and growth over time. Here's a strategy to help you move toward that goal:
Set Clear Timeframes. Investing in Equity Mutual Funds, such as Large-cap, Mid-cap, and small-cap funds, Index funds, and flexi-cap funds, can help you diversify while mitigating risk.
If you invest Rs 1 lakh per month with an expected annual return of around 12% (CAGR), you could reach a corpus of Rs 5 crore in approximately 20 years. However, you need to review your investments regularly to stay on track.
Regards, Nitin Narkhede Founder of Prosperity Lifestyle Hub https://Nitinnarkhede.com
Free Webinar https://bit.ly/PLH-Webinar

Milind Vadjikar |373 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 10, 2024

Question by priti - Oct 10, 2024Hindi

Money

I am 48 yrs working women and want to invest in SIP.Can you guide me where n how much should i invest.I can spare 10000 p.m in th nameof my minor son age 9 yrs.

Ans: Hello;

You may consider investing in a aggressive hybrid (equity oriented) mutual fund.

Most solution oriented mutual funds for children are of this type. Only point to be noted about these children gift funds is that they have mandatory 5 year lock-in.

If you do a monthly sip of 10 K in a fund of this type say for eg. ICICI equity and debt fund(Growth) (No lock-in here) then you may expect to have a corpus of 16.92 L after 8 years. (A modest return of 13% is assumed)

If you are ok with 5 yr lock-in then you may consider investing in HDFC Children's gift fund.

The calculation will remain same.

Happy Investing!!

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

Milind Vadjikar |373 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 09, 2024Hindi

Money

Hi Jinal ji, I am 41 years old and want to calculate my retirement corpus. My monthly expenditure is 50K per month and I plan to retire at an age of 55 years. The life expectancy in my family is about 80 years. Pls help me calculate my retirement corpus. It will be kind of you to provide the calculations so that I can try out various possible scenarios by myself. Thanks in advance.

Ans: Hello;

Your current monthly expenses of
50 K would rise to 1.13 L in 14 years time by the time you retire.(6% inflation considered)

Therefore you would need a retirement corpus of 4.5 Cr invested in an equity savings type mutual fund(Moderate risk)

You may do an SWP at the rate of 3% which will yield you monthly income of around 1.13 L(Inflation adjusted expenses).

The corpus will keep on growing at a net rate of 6% after deducting 3% towards SWP.(A modest return of 9% pa is assumed from equity savings type fund).

After 25 years you will have a corpus of 19.82 Cr, after accounting for SWP withdrawals of 7.86 Cr spread over 25 years.

It will still yield monthly payout of 4.95 L to cover inflation indexed expenses at the age of 80 years for you.

You can use many online tools available for retirement planning to do your various calculations, as desired.

Happy Investing!!

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

Milind Vadjikar |373 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 09, 2024Hindi

Money

Hi Vivek ji, I am 41 years old and want to calculate my retirement corpus. My monthly expenditure is 50K per month and I plan to retire at an age of 55 years. The life expectancy in my family is about 80 years. Pls help me calculate my retirement corpus. It will be kind of you to provide the calculations so that I can try out various possible scenarios by myself. Thanks in advance.

Ans: Hello;

Your current monthly expenses of
50 K would rise to 1.13 L in 14 years time by the time you retire.(6% inflation considered)

Therefore you would need a retirement corpus of 4.5 Cr invested in an equity savings type mutual fund(Moderate risk)

You may do an SWP at the rate of 3% which will yield you monthly income of around 1.13 L(Inflation adjusted expenses).

The corpus will keep on growing at a net rate of 6% after deducting 3% towards SWP.(A modest return of 9% pa is assumed from equity savings type fund).

After 25 years you will have a corpus of 19.82 Cr, after accounting for SWP withdrawals of 7.86 Cr spread over 25 years.

It will still yield monthly payout of 4.95 L to cover inflation indexed expenses at the age of 80 years for you.

You can use many online tools available for retirement planning to do your various calculations, as desired.

Happy Investing!!

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

Anu Krishna |1193 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 10, 2024

Question by Santosh - Oct 10, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hello.. I am 44 years old and been happily married for 15 years with 14 years old son. My wife left home alone after some misunderstanding and the she left kid with me and after 02 month she sent me a divorce notice on the ground of drinking and smoking. kindly advice me what should i do

Ans: Dear Santosh,
You have not shared whether the allegations your wife made on you are true or not. Based on that, the way your lawyer can take up the case will change. So, seek a lawyer and tell him/her your entire story and proceed accordingly.
But, I would also suggest that you meet with your wife once to sort out misunderstandings if any and request her if the two of you can reconcile differences.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1193 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 10, 2024

Relationship

Hi, I am not yet mairred. I used to like a man and after a month we decided to get married. He was of my caste so I thought my parents won't deny this mairrage. I used to talk to and wanted to let him know everything about my past so that we can built a strong root of our relationship. I spoke every detail of my past life to him. Then before he proposed me for mairrage I went for a vacation with my male friend to dehradun. I didn't tell him that day as he didn't proposed me till that day then why would I tell everything about me to anyone. He was noone to me at that time. After that he came to visit me in Delhi and on the same when he was on train a friend of mine along with his fiance came to meet me after a very long time. I asked him and he didn't denied. After returning home he blocked me. I cried and cried, called multiple times but he didn't received my call. Even I went to his location and waited for almost 3 hr but he didn't came. Then I asked my sister to call him. Then he talked to me but he said me so much of harsh and vulgar words that I went in shock. I cried a lot but he went on humiliating me. But somehow I convinced him to stay with me. I never talked to that friend ever. Then I told my parents about him that I want to get married with this men. Being a girl's father my father enquired about him by being annonymous. And trust me noone has said anything good about him. Later on we get to know that his father has a murder case on him of his brother in law. But then I wanted to get married. Finally my parents agreed only for my happines. Meanwhile I was never being respected by him. He always doubt me, humiliate me, abuse me mentally and physically, and when I was like I don't want to be with you he used to say sorry and begged me to be with him. He even used to restrict to visit my uncle aunty. His mother wants used to defend him and never used to make him realise that he was wrong. Then before engagement we went to Kolkata to buy dress. Yes one more thing I have informed him on the very first day that I used to drink and smoke occassionally. So whenever he used to visit me he always wanted to drink with me whether I want it or not. He always used to abuse me and humiliate me in front of everyone after drinking, so after a period of time I used to avoid drinking. Then he used to fight with me for that also that why will you not drink. In kolkata the same thing happen. We stayed there for 3 days and he was convincing to go to club from the very first day but I refused. On 3rd he hit me. After engagement his family asked for dowry. After a lot of dealing my parents agreed for an amount. But I felt betrayed. I stopped talking. After after when I initiated the conversation he picked up a fight and said he won't marry. I tried to convince. But when everyone was blaming me then I broke my silence and said everything about him to my parent. But he manipulated everything and made me villain. My parents want me to get married as the society will insult our parents. I am getting married in November only for my parents but I have already made up my mind that I'll divorce him after 1 year of mairrage and will live my life alone. Am I thinking right? What should I do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No, you are not thinking right at all...This man is all RED FLAGS...
Are you actually thinking of spending one year with a person who physically abuses you? Seriously?
And then you expect him to agree to that divorce without any fuss? What world are you in? No compromises on your life please...
Be wise and protect yourself...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

See more questions »

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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