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Planning a Secret Trip with Ex: Help!

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |485 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Ashish Question by Ashish on Nov 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

please help me i am planning to go out station with my ex girl friend she is willing to go with me now the issue is this we are hiding this trip from both the families can you pls help

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I can't tell you if you should go on or not, but if you both are consenting adults, then it should be okay. You have to assess the risk factors and everything else associated with this trip, especially since you are hiding it from your family. That's all I can suggest.

Best Wishes.

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 13, 2022

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Dear Love Guru, I’m in my early twenties. I’ve had some nice relationships over the years that had their own timespan. But this girl I am seeing now is something else. We’ve been seeing each other for over a year and it’s the longest I’ve been in a relationship. She’s really special. She is crazy, unconventional, smart. People think she is rude; I think she says it as it is. She’s not a great believer in family relationships. In my family, that is very important. We are not talking marriage or anything like that, we are too young for that. But I want to introduce her to my family. And I want to be introduced to hers. I want each other to part of family events. She’s not in favour of the idea. What do you think? And what if we go ahead and she really brushes my family the wrong way -- ie they misunderstand her? What if her family thinks I am not the right guy? Aarav
Ans:

Dear Aarav,

Your girlfriend may well be a good match for you and I’m happy you’re so taken with her, but I do think there are a few red flags here that you shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss.

First off -- whatever must be said to someone can be said nicely. There’s no need to rub people the wrong way with what you have to say.

Telling it like it is may be one thing but if most folks find her rude, then yes, she probably is rude.

It’s not nice to hurt someone’s feelings. You can be smart and unconventional and still polite.

Second, about the family angle. Maybe she doesn’t want to get overfamiliar with your relatives before things are official between the two of you.

You said yourself that you’re too young for marriage, and she probably doesn’t want pressure from all quarters, which can well be the norm in our society.

But why doesn’t she believe in family relationships?

If you’re more a family-oriented person and she’s more a loner who prefers things remaining between the two of you, that is another potential problem in future.

Work this out with her and do it sooner rather than later.

As the sheen wears off new romances, the seemingly smaller issues can take on magnified proportions.

 

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |463 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 27, 2024

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Relationship
Hey mam please help me. I was in a relationship with a boy but things didn't work out.we got separated. Now I am relationship with another boy. My ex came to know and he is tracking that new boy and my ex is also thinking to tell this to my mother. My parents are very strict plz help me
Ans: I understand how stressful and upsetting this situation must be for you. Dealing with an ex who is invading your privacy and threatening to tell your parents about your new relationship can be very challenging, especially if your parents are strict. Here’s how you can navigate this situation with care and tact.

First, consider addressing the issue directly with your ex. Choose a calm and private setting where you can talk without interruptions. Explain to him that your relationship has ended and that it is important for both of you to respect each other's new lives. You might say something like, "I understand that this situation is difficult for you, but I need you to respect my privacy and my current relationship. It's important for both of us to move on in a healthy way." Be firm but respectful, emphasizing the need for mutual respect and boundaries.

If your ex continues to intrude on your privacy, it may be necessary to take further steps. Document any instances of harassment or invasive behavior, as this can be important if the situation escalates. In some cases, you might need to consider blocking him on social media and other communication platforms to prevent further intrusion.

Regarding your parents, honesty, and preparation are key. If you believe there is a significant chance that your ex will contact them, it might be best to address the situation yourself first. Think about how you can explain your situation to them in a way that emphasizes your maturity and responsibility. You could say something like, "I want to talk to you about something important. I was in a relationship that didn't work out, and I've started seeing someone new. My ex might try to contact you, but I want you to hear this from me first."

Prepare for their reaction by considering their concerns and having thoughtful responses ready. Show them that you are making responsible decisions and that you are capable of handling your personal relationships. This approach can help demonstrate your maturity and hopefully lead to a more understanding response from them.

Finally, lean on your support system. Friends, trusted family members, or even a counselor can provide valuable advice and emotional support as you navigate this difficult situation. It's important not to go through this alone and to seek out those who can offer guidance and encouragement.

Remember, you have the right to move on and be happy in your new relationship. By addressing the issue head-on, maintaining your boundaries, and preparing for conversations with your parents, you can navigate this challenging time with strength and dignity.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |485 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi sir, I’m planning to start a new life with my girlfriend for rest of my life leaving our both families aside. Reason to do that is, I’m recently married with other girl, and my gf married to other guy. We both didn’t even completed 6 months. We are not happy with our life partners. The reason we Got married to other is lack of courage to fight elders by my girlfriend but now she is ready to do fight or even leave them aside for me and start a new complete life.I’m a simple corporate working guy. We are completely decided to live together whatever happens. Our parents wont accept us as they are thinking about our married partners. Whats the best advice you would give to us to start new life in other state?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

This is a huge decision. First, I would advise both of you to think this through. I am not discouraging you because a broken marriage is far better than a forced one. But if you have even the slightest tinge of doubt, don't rush it. A lot of people are involved in this.

Here are my two cents-

Respect your current marriage- Even if you decide to leave your spouses, you have to handle this situation responsibly and with respect. You are in love with each other, but your current partners are going to suffer for it, through no fault of their own. The least you can do is part ways with kindness and integrity.

Legalities- Divorces can be a long and complicated process. It takes a financial and mental toll on people. Be prepared for that, especially since you do not have the support of your family.

Mental health- Here I am not only talking about your mental health, you need to consider your current spouse's mental health too. And though leaving behind your family seems to be the only option, it is still a big decision. Make sure both you and your girlfriend are in the right frame of mind when you finalize the decision.

As for building a new life in a new city, as exciting as it is, it will be equally challenging. Plan everything to the last detail- finances, living arrangements, job, etc. Before you make the move, make sure both of you are financially independent and self-sufficient. That's the only way to tackle any hurdles.

My best advice is to make this decision very carefully and approach the situation with empathy for all parties involved. I urge you to be honest with your current partner, instead of ever resorting to gaslighting. This is on you, but it would be easy to pin this on your spouse. Don't take the easy route. Take the right one.

I hope things work out for you with no one getting irreparably hurt.

Best wishes.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1422 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 31, 2024Hindi
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1422 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 31, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
after 11 years of courtship i married my boyfriend with parents permission after convincing them .We have been married for 1 year now and in this one year i saw many changes in him.he gives importance to his mother takes decisons without discussing with me but with his mother.To please his mother he talks about me like she dint do that particular thing.Now he went abroad for job and i am pregnant .I left my job and shifted to my parent's place.He doesnt even talk to me or message me.I only have to message him.If i tel any of my pregnancy complaints he either tells his mother or says i am overthinking.Now he said if I dont follow his house rule i better stay in my parents place only .I am so upset and devastated.What should I do
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What according to you have caused these changes in him and that too after 11 years of courtship? Did any instance cause him to act differently than before? And were there no indications of him acting different during your courtship days?
Why I ask this is that it is difficult for anyone to pretend for 11 long years! He would have displayed his current behavior sometime in the past and maybe you simply decided to overlook it?
Courtship days and marriage days are vastly different and what seemed okay during the courtship time becomes an issue after marriage. If this is not the case, it's quite possible that some incident which was seemingly small became a huge issue in his head causing him to act different?
Now, why am I going into this so much is because most often we overlook reasons that can be worked on. So, do think hard on this...
It is also time to involve your parents who can talk to his mother and figure out why her son is acting all weird. Surely, your mother-in-law needs to know that her interference the way it is, is going to destroy her son's marriage. So, get your parents to talk to her. And in the meantime, as hard as it may seem, do take care of your health for yourself and your baby.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |485 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am in a relationship with a girl since last 1.5 years, i told her everything regarding my financial status,my past ,everything.......she was also in a relationship for 5 years and she told me intially her ex mistreats her, abuse her , sexually force her and she hates him etc all this stuff.....but i found that she herself called her ex and then told me after 4 months...i forgive her but from last 2 months her behaviour is changed , now she is finding too many problems in how i look, my financial status and compare with other boys that they have car and they took their gf to long drives etc( her ex contacted her again and told her he got a job since then she starts all this stuff? She triggered my insecurities and i am feeling most useless and worst person... what should i do, does she really loves me? Please guide me ...i am started feeling depressed .......
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's address the most important thing first, does she really love you? I am not sure about that. It's neither a solid yes or a solid no. But therein lies the challenge. If there is confusion, there is concern. Moreover, the habit of drawing comparisons with other people and how they treat their partners is an indication of a toxic relationship. I would urge you to rethink this relationship.

There will always be someone better out there- with a better car, a better-paying job, or even better looking, but that doesn't mean we stop loving our partner and leave them for that "better someone." Loving your partner is a choice you make every day. Having said that, it is okay if she wants someone "better." Let her. You deserve better too.

Please reconsider this relationship, especially if it is causing you so much sorrow.

Best wishes.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |485 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 26, 2024
Relationship
Hi i am 30yr old man i was in relationship with girl from school time since15 year with different caste in 2023 marriage proposal from another girl comes that time i talked with my family about my love they refused for marriage to her i did not put aggressive effort as i also don't want to hurt them after my marriage in a month i am remembering her continuously and start taking to her again i also told my wife about it she doesn't want to leave me (i also told her before our marriage but that time i told her that we broke up) after a year in this November her marriage is fixed by her parents now she is married since 2 month but she also don't want to live with her husband and want to come back We both wanted to come back to each other what should we do.??
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that it is a tricky situation. I am sorry I cannot tell you what you should do, but I can tell you that you have to handle this very carefully because it's a sensitive matter and involves too many people and their emotions. You can discuss the same with your family; you might be worried about upsetting them but at the end of the day, it's your life and you will have to live a long long time with the decisions you make. Sort your priorities- ask yourself these simple questions: what would hurt you more- hurting your parents and making your wife collateral damage because of your confusion or not living the rest of your life with the woman you love? Once you can answer these truthfully, it will be easier to make a choice.

Hope this helps

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |485 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024
Relationship
I love my boyfriend very much but the thing is i am not a virgin and my boyfriend doesn’t know that , he thinks i am a virgin and he wants me to be virgin only , i am completely loyal to him I don’t have any type of contact from my ex boyfriend and i really want to marry my boyfriend and live a healthy and loyal life , my boyfriend doesn’t like lies but i really can’t tell him the truth as it will affect my relationship which i don’t want to happen, he will come to know that i am not a virgin but the main problem is my ex bf what if he comes in my life again and tries to spoil my relationship by telling my bf the truth? And i really don’t want this to happen what should i do? I myself don’t want to loe to my bf but this is the thing i really can’t tell him it will break my relationship and other than this there is nothing that i lied i am just afraid what if my ex blackmails me and when my bf comes to know and he will be heartbroken i don’t want to break his trust
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that your virginity is important to him and you should not have kept this from him, but do you understand that your virginity is your choice? Why does he have a say in it? He is your partner- he loves you, but he doesn't own you. And what you did in your past is not something he can judge you by; why should that affect your relationship? I know that you love him but it's better to tell him the truth and accept the outcome than to keep lying and feel guilty about something you should not even be worrying about.

I am sure he has many great qualities but being so concerned about your virginity seems a little concerning. You are a person with so many other attributes. Why would he ignore all of that and care only about something that you have no control over? I suggest you tell him, but please remember, no matter what he says, you are not at fault here. It's in your past, a time when he did not exist for you.

Best Wishes

...Read more

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1118 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7408 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Money
Hello everyone, I need some advice on investments. I’m planning to invest around 25k monthly in equity mutual funds and stocks through a Demat account in my mother’s new demat account. I already have my own account as well. The investment amount for my mother’s account will come from rental income generated from a property owned by my father. Is this approach acceptable, or could there be any issues with the investment process or the inflow of funds into my mother’s account? My plan is to invest for the long term, approximately 12-15 years.
Ans: Your plan to invest Rs 25,000 monthly in equity mutual funds and stocks is commendable.

A 12-15 year horizon is ideal for equity investments.
Investing through your mother’s Demat account is possible but requires careful attention.
Let us examine the key aspects and potential issues in this approach.

Fund Source and Ownership Implications
Using rental income from property owned by your father raises ownership considerations.

Ensure the rental income is legally transferred to your mother’s account.
If your father remains the legal owner, document the transfer as a gift or allowance.
This clarity avoids tax-related complications in the future.
Proper documentation ensures that the funds in your mother’s account are not questioned.

Taxation of Rental Income
Rental income received by your father will be taxed under his name.

Transferring funds to your mother does not change the tax liability.
Your father will continue to report this income in his tax returns.
Ensure all transactions are clear and traceable for compliance.
This ensures transparency and avoids potential legal issues.

Taxation on Investments in Your Mother’s Name
Investing in your mother’s name offers certain tax advantages.

If your mother has no other significant income, her tax liability will be lower.
Long-term capital gains on equity funds above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.
Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.
This can reduce the overall tax burden on the portfolio returns.

Choosing the Right Investment Vehicles
Your strategy includes equity mutual funds and stocks. Diversify carefully for consistent growth.

Allocate a significant portion to actively managed equity funds for steady returns.
Avoid index funds due to their passive nature and lack of adaptability.
Use multi-cap or diversified funds to manage risks effectively.
For stocks, focus on blue-chip and fundamentally strong companies for long-term wealth creation.

Avoiding Risks with Direct Funds
Direct funds lack the guidance of an expert.

Without a Certified Financial Planner, portfolio decisions may not align with goals.
Regular funds through a trusted distributor offer better support and insights.
This ensures professional management of your investments.

Monitoring and Rebalancing
Investments require periodic monitoring to stay aligned with goals.

Review the portfolio annually for performance and sector allocation.
Rebalance to maintain the desired equity-debt ratio as market conditions change.
This keeps your portfolio on track over the long term.

Legal and Practical Considerations
Using a separate Demat account in your mother’s name is acceptable.

Ensure that account documentation reflects her as the sole holder.
Clearly separate her investments from your personal portfolio.
This avoids confusion and ensures clarity in ownership.

Suggestions for Long-Term Wealth Creation
Your investment horizon of 12-15 years supports growth-focused strategies.

Allocate 60% to actively managed equity mutual funds for high potential returns.
Reserve 20% for hybrid funds to balance risks and provide stability.
Keep 10% in international equity funds for diversification.
Use 10% for direct stocks in stable and high-growth sectors.
This diversified approach balances risks and maximises returns over time.

Final Insights
Your investment strategy is promising and aligns with long-term wealth creation. Document the fund transfers clearly to avoid tax and legal complications. Avoid index funds and direct funds due to their limitations. Engage a Certified Financial Planner to optimise fund selection and monitoring. A diversified portfolio will help you achieve your financial goals efficiently.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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