Dear Love Guru,
I’m in my early twenties.
I’ve had some nice relationships over the years that had their own timespan.
But this girl I am seeing now is something else. We’ve been seeing each other for over a year and it’s the longest I’ve been in a relationship. She’s really special.
She is crazy, unconventional, smart. People think she is rude; I think she says it as it is.
She’s not a great believer in family relationships. In my family, that is very important.
We are not talking marriage or anything like that, we are too young for that. But I want to introduce her to my family. And I want to be introduced to hers.
I want each other to part of family events.
She’s not in favour of the idea.
What do you think?
And what if we go ahead and she really brushes my family the wrong way -- ie they misunderstand her? What if her family thinks I am not the right guy?
Aarav
Ans: Dear Aarav,
Your girlfriend may well be a good match for you and I’m happy you’re so taken with her, but I do think there are a few red flags here that you shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss.
First off -- whatever must be said to someone can be said nicely. There’s no need to rub people the wrong way with what you have to say.
Telling it like it is may be one thing but if most folks find her rude, then yes, she probably is rude.
It’s not nice to hurt someone’s feelings. You can be smart and unconventional and still polite.
Second, about the family angle. Maybe she doesn’t want to get overfamiliar with your relatives before things are official between the two of you.
You said yourself that you’re too young for marriage, and she probably doesn’t want pressure from all quarters, which can well be the norm in our society.
But why doesn’t she believe in family relationships?
If you’re more a family-oriented person and she’s more a loner who prefers things remaining between the two of you, that is another potential problem in future.
Work this out with her and do it sooner rather than later.
As the sheen wears off new romances, the seemingly smaller issues can take on magnified proportions.
