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Should I Start a New Life with My Girlfriend, Leaving Our Families Behind?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |403 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi sir, I’m planning to start a new life with my girlfriend for rest of my life leaving our both families aside. Reason to do that is, I’m recently married with other girl, and my gf married to other guy. We both didn’t even completed 6 months. We are not happy with our life partners. The reason we Got married to other is lack of courage to fight elders by my girlfriend but now she is ready to do fight or even leave them aside for me and start a new complete life.I’m a simple corporate working guy. We are completely decided to live together whatever happens. Our parents wont accept us as they are thinking about our married partners. Whats the best advice you would give to us to start new life in other state?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

This is a huge decision. First, I would advise both of you to think this through. I am not discouraging you because a broken marriage is far better than a forced one. But if you have even the slightest tinge of doubt, don't rush it. A lot of people are involved in this.

Here are my two cents-

Respect your current marriage- Even if you decide to leave your spouses, you have to handle this situation responsibly and with respect. You are in love with each other, but your current partners are going to suffer for it, through no fault of their own. The least you can do is part ways with kindness and integrity.

Legalities- Divorces can be a long and complicated process. It takes a financial and mental toll on people. Be prepared for that, especially since you do not have the support of your family.

Mental health- Here I am not only talking about your mental health, you need to consider your current spouse's mental health too. And though leaving behind your family seems to be the only option, it is still a big decision. Make sure both you and your girlfriend are in the right frame of mind when you finalize the decision.

As for building a new life in a new city, as exciting as it is, it will be equally challenging. Plan everything to the last detail- finances, living arrangements, job, etc. Before you make the move, make sure both of you are financially independent and self-sufficient. That's the only way to tackle any hurdles.

My best advice is to make this decision very carefully and approach the situation with empathy for all parties involved. I urge you to be honest with your current partner, instead of ever resorting to gaslighting. This is on you, but it would be easy to pin this on your spouse. Don't take the easy route. Take the right one.

I hope things work out for you with no one getting irreparably hurt.

Best wishes.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi
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To start with i live abroad . I was married in 2009 with 1 kid and divorced later in year 2017 abroad only as i got into a new love relationship and married after 1 yr with no kids my present wife knows about my past and moreover we trying to have baby but due to medical conditions and diabetic myself unable and have to hear negative things she is working well and independent but due to all this i befriended another girl and had developed a feeling towards her and had relationship with her as well she knows about that i am married but cant leave my gf want to marry her we had good communication as well between us but at times we fight due to issues that i am married still not divorced and moreover she doesnot know about my 1st marriage either sometimes i feel embrassing whag ppl will think of me i am tired of my life being the only child of my mom i cant do anything as she is too old 85 yrs and heart patient. I am 42 currently married with wife 41 yrs age but seems lost interest in her and often fight shd doesnt live with me as i am away for 3 years and goes home 1 a year. The new gf is 35 yrs old but dont want to lose her we have been to nany trips together in about 5 to 6 countries . I am having mentally stress what to do sometimes feel to end up my life
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I don't mean to sound judgemental here...but what exactly are you stressed about? You seem to be hopping about from one relationship to another without working on things when they get stressful.
Did it occur to you that when things sour between two people that it is possible with some effort to work on things? The answer does not lie in running away and jump into the arms of another women.
There's a clear pattern of possible 'escapism' when things get uncomfortable...So, STOP and reevaluate what you are running from, what comfort do you run towards and how is this actually helping your mental state...
Do the right thing for yourself and your wife...take care of your marriage first before jumping into another relationship; you will only find something wrong with that as well...So, please STOP and check what exactly is happening...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Guru g, I am a merchant Navy professional, I have just married, But things in my family were not good before my marriage and after marriage the things are same , like fights of my mother with my grandmother, my father and mother fights, there is a toxic environment in my house, my time I have tried to neutralise the things but I can't change them it's in there basic nature, I don't want to live anymore with my parents, because in Village people all-around fill their minds with different things and they bing it to our house , because some people here can't see us growing, so I have decided that I will not live here, Then I left with two options either I move to city or go abroad, of I choose the first one then how would I convince my parents to go to city with them, what should I tell them so that they also didn't get hurt and allow me to take this step and also how can I find a good society because we are newly married couple and security is my main concern because I am very afraid of cities because there criminal activities are more than villages , and If I choose the 2nd option then I have to spend a lot of money but I wanted to do business in India because there is a lot of scope here and expenses to live a life is less here, so kindly help me take decision, I will be very thankful to you .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You don't prefer the 'toxicity'!
You are afraid of big cities as criminal activities are more than the cities!
Your parents may not move in to the city but you also find the environment they are in toxic!
You feel some people can't see you growing!
You don't prefer going abroad as you want to business in India!

Can you see how you have restricted yourself? This is called having a dream BUT clipping one's own wings. How can you make a decision when there are so many self-imposed constraints?
I suggest:
- Drop down all the options possible
- List down the pros and cons of each
- Choose the one that is financially viable
- Let your parents choose where they want to live

You have just started your family life; focus on what's best from a growth perspective...take decisions that help your marriage and career grow...And oh, you can choose to see the crime in the city OR you can choose to see opportunities...where is your focus?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 05, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I wanted to get clarity on my situation. I am 24yr old and i am working person. I am loving a girl in my office since two years and she also accepted. We are from intercaste and her parents accepted. But my parents are not in a way to get convinced no matter what. They want the caste to be same also and they are completely saying that what society will tell if you are doing like this and we cant live if you do like this. But i loved the girl the most and took care of her and being with her each and every second. I dono what to do. The only idea i m having is to go away from home , do my job and be with her. Now my parents are not allowing me to go to job also instead they asked me to take wfh. Please give me some suggestions on this. Please mam. Whenever i think of her that i left her and came i m getting so much chest pain which i cant bear. please help me with this. Constraints they are saying is its intercaste and age difference as she is 3yrs elder to me. But we feel that we are more compatible and more understanding. Girls side family agreed for this as they want their daughters happiness, but from myside they are doing emotional blackmail that they cant live if i do this and all. I am in hopeless situation, please help me with some suggestions.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At the risk of sounding judgemental, I am going to say this...you can wait a few more years to actually get married. It will offer you financial stability which can act in your favor when you actually take the news to your parents. With financial stability, comes a certain level of confidence that you can use to stand your ground and make a decision. After all, you are an adult.
Caste beliefs are very strongly etched into minds in our society and take an entire generation change to accept a person from another caste/faith/religion...
So, you can either succumb to what your parents want OR wait patiently to tell them what your decision is. But whatever it is, make sure you don't make the girl wait and them 'dump' her after a few years...that is not OKAY! Stay firm and proceed. And as for the emotional blackmail from your parents on how they will live if you do this etc, it's a very unhealthy way of holding on to what they believe and want to to be pressured by all that drama. To counter this drama, you are falling back on your financial position and the confidence that comes with it.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Nripen

Nripen Bhatt  |6 Answers  |Ask -

Start-Up Expert - Answered on Nov 10, 2024

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Sir, I have got your contact from RediffGurus. I approach you to guide me in my present situation. I have more than 30 years experience in export sales and also import procurement. Have been successful in developing new export markets and also importing quality material from abroad at competitive prices. All these activities have been under employment only, Where employers earned a lot, and brought me only wah wah, shabash, but no financial gains. Now I am retired, but still quite active mentally and physically. I have an idea which if backed with right financial background, can be a money spinner . The idea is to deal in metal import export trading. I can source international standard quality copper, aluminium, stainless steel etc., from China and other countries at 20 to 30% below market price. These can be sold to hungry Indian buyers here. I can assure, subject to investment, a profit of approx. Rs. 5 to 10 crore in first year itself. And of course a huge, unlimited market exists for these metals in vast Africa, where I have travelled many times and understand how business is conducted there . Now may I request you to tell me if it is possible to get a silent investor. For security purpose, I am ready to conduct entire business in investor's or his company's name, provided my interests are safe. Wahaj Nuri.
Ans: Dear Wahaj,

Your proposition is definitely sounding interesting, but as you have laid your idea and thoughts randomly here, it is not translating into a viable business. Have you prepared a comprehensive Business Plan? Have you worked on Business Frame work?
I would suggest to complete your offerings on papers, write/overwrite/correct/cut/revise and then bring a conclusive business proposition which none can refuse.
Regards

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Nripen

Nripen Bhatt  |6 Answers  |Ask -

Start-Up Expert - Answered on Nov 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 08, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hi Nripen Sir, I am started my own market research(Secondary Research) firm bootstrapped without team and working on it. I want to know how to do customer or client acquisition. I have 10 years of market research experience. I am sole person to handle this. Also, I want to know do i need investment for this type of firms.
Ans: Let me congratulate you first, it is an excellent initiative you have taken, there are several firms in Market Research but there is always a demand for a genuine data driven research firm.
Initially you do not need a big team, you can handle solo, and when you require first go for management undergraduates as interns.
If you work smart client acquisition and retention will be really easy and smooth you can go step by step:
Create a one-page professional website, keep your clients’ segment in view and develop the content accordingly. Define methodology and tools in such a way that potential clients should relate immediately with their requirements. Don’t write lengthy content. Be precise be crisp.
Use business email id only.
Get very smart stationary printed, letterheads over 100 GSM, nice envelops, attractive business cards etc.
Search the websites where startups are registered such as startup India, start in up, istart etc., you will find a lot of startups who are in Launch phase or in Growth Phase, both look for secondary market research.
Exporters can be your potential clients.
Tourist planners.
Medical startups.
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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