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Trapped After Marriage: Husband Prioritizes Mother, Neglects Pregnant Wife

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1488 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 31, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

after 11 years of courtship i married my boyfriend with parents permission after convincing them .We have been married for 1 year now and in this one year i saw many changes in him.he gives importance to his mother takes decisons without discussing with me but with his mother.To please his mother he talks about me like she dint do that particular thing.Now he went abroad for job and i am pregnant .I left my job and shifted to my parent's place.He doesnt even talk to me or message me.I only have to message him.If i tel any of my pregnancy complaints he either tells his mother or says i am overthinking.Now he said if I dont follow his house rule i better stay in my parents place only .I am so upset and devastated.What should I do

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What according to you have caused these changes in him and that too after 11 years of courtship? Did any instance cause him to act differently than before? And were there no indications of him acting different during your courtship days?
Why I ask this is that it is difficult for anyone to pretend for 11 long years! He would have displayed his current behavior sometime in the past and maybe you simply decided to overlook it?
Courtship days and marriage days are vastly different and what seemed okay during the courtship time becomes an issue after marriage. If this is not the case, it's quite possible that some incident which was seemingly small became a huge issue in his head causing him to act different?
Now, why am I going into this so much is because most often we overlook reasons that can be worked on. So, do think hard on this...
It is also time to involve your parents who can talk to his mother and figure out why her son is acting all weird. Surely, your mother-in-law needs to know that her interference the way it is, is going to destroy her son's marriage. So, get your parents to talk to her. And in the meantime, as hard as it may seem, do take care of your health for yourself and your baby.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Hi Anu, I got married in Jan 2019 and it was an arranged marriage. Before marriage my husband loved me and we used to meet often and go out. But after marriage i got to know that his parents are extremely controlling and strict, they brainwashed him. A week into marriage we started fighting, and since then it's been a see-saw of love and hate. Soon we found out that he is impotent, but I helped him get over it, be it doctor's appointments or medicine, I took care of everything, it took us a year but we finally consummated our marriage. Then due to covid we moved to my in-laws’ house at his request. And then this marriage became hell to me, my in-laws started verbally abusing me every day though my husband tried to protect me but failed. I thought after the baby they would stop but it got worse so I took my 1-month-old baby and moved into my parents’ house. My husband came and begged me to not leave him, he said we'll move out to our own place. I agreed but then he called and told me that we'll go to another city after a year and I should stay with my mother till that time. BTW I am taking care of the baby all on my own financially, he won't do it unless I start living with him. I am financially independent. I don't know whether I should leave him or not, help?
Ans:

Dear S,

Time this one out! Which means, drop a deadline by having a conversation with your husband as to when your family will finally have a chance to function independently from in-laws or any other external circumstances.

Dropping deadlines means, both of you will be under the pump to put down a plan as to what needs to be done to clear out the existing muck and how beautifully you will create a loving environment for your baby to grow.

Not taking care of the baby or you, is not an option for him; but I guess it has become a convenient arrangement for him as you live with your parents and he does not need to take care of the fights and expenses as well.

This could only mean he is escaping reality and finding peace in avoiding it. Put him in the face of reality and that goes for you as well.

Being too accommodative can also become a habit where you rely on the comfort of what it brings to you; in this case the comfort at your parents' home.

For the sake of the baby, work together as a team and create a beautiful relationship; which will help the baby grow healthy, physically and emotionally.

All the best!

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello..I am 36 hrs old, a doctor, got married for 2nd time in Apr 2022. My 1st marriage was with a doctor in 2011 but we hardly stayed together for 1 month since he was away in another state for higher education. Indifference arose and we got separated soon after 6 months and got divorced 5 yrs later. Then i did job on off and finally finished my post graduation in 2024. During my post graduation i wanted to desperately get married for 2nd time as my age was increasing and i was feeling very lonely and wanted to settle down n have kids. I met a guy (he too a doctor and divorced) on matrimony. He approached me. We started talking, meeting. Everything was going good. But his mother was against our relationship. In between the guy too cut the contact with me. But i was wo trully in love with him that I wanted to marry him only. Somehow we got connected again. He came to my place and we lived together. He said he can't get married so soon. He said he would marry me only of i wl get pregnant.then i got pregnant and finally he married me in temple. Soon i delivered our child and his parent's accepted me n i went to his house to stay. There we used to have lots of fights as he revealed his true nature of being extremely KANJUS. his whole family was extremely kanjus. My husbnd doesn't like to spend a single Rs too and he doesn't like it if i spend my money too. We used to have frequent fights. Then hardly after 2 months, his mother called my parents and she told them that their sje could not tolerate me and i should leave tbeor house ASAP! I became very furious as my baby was jst 4 months old. Where would i stay alone with my child as i was studying. I called police to intervene and my mother in law got very angry, she cursed me in front of police- she called me a pros***ute. (This was her thinking- any woman who marries for 2nd time is a pros***ute!!!) Finally that night around 10pm i left her house with my child and some essentials. My parents stayed with me to look after my child. My husbnd kept visiting me on weekends. But my husbnd used to avoid me, block my calls. He never paid for my daughter's expenses too. A year have been passed. I have sent my baby to my parents house 6 months back as they wanted to go back as they stay in different state. Now my husbnd has cut all the ties, he has blocked me everywhere and he never called to enquire about our child in last 8-9 months. Last time when my father called him- he said he didn't wanna stay with me and I either can keep our child with me or i can give the child to him for rest of the life. I slipped into depression after all these. I messed up in my exams. I'm so disturbed that i had thought of ending my life many times but i reminded myself about my child. Now I don't know what to do. I talked him about divorce but he said he won't give me a single Rs aftr divorce since i am also earning. My parents too don't want me to go for a divorce 2nd time in my life as they are worried- our relatives and society will shame them. I want to bring my child back but i am worried- how will i take care of my baby since i am working. Please help. Keep me anonymous please.
Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing. It sounds like you're in a very difficult situation, but please know that there are options available to you and support systems that can help you through this.

Firstly, it's important to prioritize your and your child's safety and well-being. Given the circumstances, it might be beneficial to seek legal advice from a lawyer who specializes in family law. They can help you understand your rights and options regarding custody, child support, and divorce.

Regarding your depression, it's crucial to seek professional help. Depression is a serious condition that requires treatment, and there are therapists, counselors, and support groups available to provide you with the support you need.

In terms of bringing your child back, you may need to explore options for childcare that accommodate your work schedule. This could include hiring a nanny, enrolling your child in daycare, or seeking help from family members or friends.

As for the societal pressure and fear of judgment from relatives, remember that your well-being and your child's well-being are the most important considerations. It's essential to prioritize your own happiness and safety rather than worrying about the opinions of others.

Please don't hesitate to reach out to support services such as hotlines, counseling services, or support groups for assistance and guidance. You're not alone, and there are people who can help you navigate through this challenging time.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1488 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 20, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I got married in December 2012. Love marriage, we met in the office. I clearly told him that if I get married I would need to give one years salary to my dad as he has loan installments to pay and also told him my dad would do good wedding arrangements however no dowry should be asked. When his parents came to see me for the first time they came all prepared to finalize the relationship however we weren't aware. Me and my parents thought they are just coming to see me and the family. But when they started off with basic rituals that is when we were stunned but then went along. His father asked dowry from my dad and he was speechless but when I denied my father spoke to them and said he will bear all their expenses too but won't be able to give dowry. When I confronted my husband he said he wasn't aware that his dad will ask for dowry. We got married and when we visited his hometown his father confessed that he was not aware that me and my husband had discussed no dowry part otherwise he would not have asked my father. I was infuriated but I let it go. Soon after an year my salary started coming in and he would tranfer it in his account. I did not pay attention to it. Soon all the money was in his control. There came a situation in my family, my sister's wedding was called off by groom's end three days before the wedding and it was a shock. My husband asked us to write a letter stating all about the situation so that it can be submitted to the police. My husband kept a copy of that letter with him. During the lockdown my father asked for some monetary help from me but my husband denied to help him, and I started hating him to my core. Soon my mother in law moved in with us when my father in law expired. Since then our relationship sucked. She would always manipulate his son. I got so furious I started putting sugar in my husband's milk as he is diabetic and then later confessed it to him. Now he is threatening me of releasing that letter to my sister's husband and also has kept all the money in his control. He says he will make me feel sorry for what I did and also we are just living in my home but we have no relation and he does not talk to me. I don't want this relationship to flourish anyways but I need to know what can I do if I can get half of the assets. Please suggest what I can do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Since you have decided not to stay within the marriage, the best recourse would be to seek legal advice and move ahead. He/She will advice you on assets split, custody etc.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi
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My child will be appearing for NEET UG 2025 for the fourth time. Each time his performance has been abysmal, which, I know, is going to be repeated this year too. We have already asked him to move ahead but he is adamant on appearing in NEET which is beyond his calibre. He doesn't have any idea what to do next, has never thought of a Plan B,C or D. Kindly guide as to how plan a career ahead for him. Is there any sort of psychoanalysis to know what is the right study option for him and where to get it done. I can't afford crores of rupees in pvt. medical colleges/abroad .I can take professional assisstance . Kindly give me contact number/ email ID. Thanks.
Ans: Hi Sir,

Don't worry. First, it's important to counsel him.

The health sector is a promising field, which is why I believe your son is so determined to appear for the NEET exam, even though this will be his fourth attempt. It’s natural for him to feel a bit worried. I think he needs to reflect on why he hasn't been able to succeed so far. It's crucial for him to analyze where the problems lie. For example, if he's struggling with chemistry, he should focus more on that subject, as well as the others he finds challenging.

He has a lot of homework to do, including taking mock tests and learning effective strategies rather than just simple ideas.

I have one question: Has he enrolled in any study or coaching center for NEET preparation? If so, it would be beneficial to discuss ways to improve his performance.
If he has prepared himself, kindly approach the best coaching center near your area. For more information about us, you can contact the admin.

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