Dear Love Guru,
I’m in my early twenties.
I’ve had some nice relationships over the years that had their own timespan.
But this girl I am seeing now is something else. We’ve been seeing each other for over a year and it’s the longest I’ve been in a relationship. She’s really special.
She is crazy, unconventional, smart. People think she is rude; I think she says it as it is.
She’s not a great believer in family relationships. In my family, that is very important.
We are not talking marriage or anything like that, we are too young for that. But I want to introduce her to my family. And I want to be introduced to hers.
I want each other to part of family events.
She’s not in favour of the idea.
What do you think?
And what if we go ahead and she really brushes my family the wrong way -- ie they misunderstand her? What if her family thinks I am not the right guy?
Aarav

Ans: It’s great that you and your boyfriend have a loving relationship and are thinking about the future. However, the concerns raised by your parents about the differences in family setups are valid, especially since they can play a big role in your day-to-day life after marriage.

Before making any decision, have an open conversation with your boyfriend about what life will be like in a joint family. Discuss expectations, privacy, and how involved his family will be in your marriage. It's also important to reflect on how flexible you both are when it comes to navigating these differences. While love is crucial, adapting to different family dynamics can impact your happiness long-term.

Ultimately, the question is whether both of you can work together to balance your individual expectations while maintaining harmony with his family. If you feel confident in your ability to communicate and compromise, and that he will support you through this, it could work. However, if you foresee these cultural differences causing too much strain, it’s important to weigh that carefully before moving forward.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I can't really tell you whether you should or shouldn't marry him, but I understand that moving from a nuclear family to a joint one can be a big adjustment. I would suggest not to rush into any decision. Take some time to think- 1) Are you willing to make big life changes for your partner? 2) If so, how far are you willing to go? 3) Do you think these changes will negatively affect your mental health and your relationship in general? 4) Are these differences worth breaking up with your partner? 5) Take a look at the big picture- do not focus on momentary happiness or sorrow.
It is indeed a big decision and it is one you should be making with your partner. Communicate your fears to your partner- let him come up with solutions. But, in the event, you are certain you will never be able to adapt to their lifestyle, don't let anyone manipulate you into getting married to him. It will only ruin both of your future.

Best wishes.

Ans: Marriage is not just about love between two people—it’s about aligning values, fostering respect, and building a shared vision for the future. If your girlfriend continues to express "anti-family" sentiments or encourages separation as a solution, it’s worth exploring whether this stems from unresolved fears, insecurities, or deeper incompatibilities in how you both view family relationships. These issues won’t magically resolve after marriage; in fact, they often intensify when unaddressed.

The key here is open communication. Have an honest, non-confrontational conversation with her about your concerns. Share how much it means to you that she respects your family and how her current attitude makes you feel. Equally, try to understand her perspective without judgment. This discussion isn’t about assigning blame but about finding common ground and exploring whether you both can work through these differences.

At the same time, reflect deeply on your own expectations and boundaries. Consider what a happy and fulfilling marriage looks like for you. If respect for your family and shared values about how to navigate family relationships are non-negotiables for you, it’s essential to make that clear and see whether she is willing to meet you halfway.

If these issues feel too difficult to resolve alone, seeking pre-marital counseling or relationship therapy can provide a safe space to address them constructively. Sometimes, having a neutral third party facilitate these conversations can lead to breakthroughs that are hard to achieve on your own.

Remember, marriage is a lifelong commitment, and entering into it with unresolved doubts or concerns can lead to deeper struggles later on. Take the time to ensure that both of you are ready not just to marry but to build a life that respects and honors each other's values and families.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well if you have decided what to do, great then! You seem to have figured out what is to be done.
That's why I don't see why you actually reached out on this platform and what is the concern to understand...You do realize that a few things that you have mentioned don't work in the real world. But hey, you know what is to be done...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/