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Kanchan Rai  |287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 27, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Butterfly Question by Butterfly on May 27, 2024Hindi

Hey mam please help me. I was in a relationship with a boy but things didn't work out.we got separated. Now I am relationship with another boy. My ex came to know and he is tracking that new boy and my ex is also thinking to tell this to my mother. My parents are very strict plz help me

Ans: I understand how stressful and upsetting this situation must be for you. Dealing with an ex who is invading your privacy and threatening to tell your parents about your new relationship can be very challenging, especially if your parents are strict. Here’s how you can navigate this situation with care and tact.

First, consider addressing the issue directly with your ex. Choose a calm and private setting where you can talk without interruptions. Explain to him that your relationship has ended and that it is important for both of you to respect each other's new lives. You might say something like, "I understand that this situation is difficult for you, but I need you to respect my privacy and my current relationship. It's important for both of us to move on in a healthy way." Be firm but respectful, emphasizing the need for mutual respect and boundaries.

If your ex continues to intrude on your privacy, it may be necessary to take further steps. Document any instances of harassment or invasive behavior, as this can be important if the situation escalates. In some cases, you might need to consider blocking him on social media and other communication platforms to prevent further intrusion.

Regarding your parents, honesty, and preparation are key. If you believe there is a significant chance that your ex will contact them, it might be best to address the situation yourself first. Think about how you can explain your situation to them in a way that emphasizes your maturity and responsibility. You could say something like, "I want to talk to you about something important. I was in a relationship that didn't work out, and I've started seeing someone new. My ex might try to contact you, but I want you to hear this from me first."

Prepare for their reaction by considering their concerns and having thoughtful responses ready. Show them that you are making responsible decisions and that you are capable of handling your personal relationships. This approach can help demonstrate your maturity and hopefully lead to a more understanding response from them.

Finally, lean on your support system. Friends, trusted family members, or even a counselor can provide valuable advice and emotional support as you navigate this difficult situation. It's important not to go through this alone and to seek out those who can offer guidance and encouragement.

Remember, you have the right to move on and be happy in your new relationship. By addressing the issue head-on, maintaining your boundaries, and preparing for conversations with your parents, you can navigate this challenging time with strength and dignity.

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Anu Krishna  |1044 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 27, 2023

Hi mam... I was in a relationship with a boy for 2 years but for those two years he blackmailed me and threatened me and did this even after the break up. He calls my acquaintances almost every day and asks about me. If he finds any information about me, he will continue to blackmail and threaten me. I liked another boy even though I didn't talk to him But I am so afraid that if the blackmailed boy calls him and asks something about me and this boy says something , What will I do then?
Ans: Dear Dipanwita,
And you want to live a life filled with fear? Fear is what makes these boys/men do more of this bullying and blackmailing. Kindly report the matter to your family (with no fear). Yes, they might be upset with you for being in a relationship but surely they will support you to protect you.
If they don't approach a female relative who can guide you to an NGO, who will help you with the police complaint.
Keep a record of all his threatening messages on your phone/email/text chats etc. This can help the police nail him as well. Do not threaten him back but collect enough information as he threatens and blackmails you. It is time to put an end to this. So instead of jumping into another relationship, please end the previous one. And please, give yourself a break to find your happiness within you rather than moving from one to the other. I say this only because one has messed with your mind with fear and this needs to be removed. Be strong and focus on yourself. You owe a peaceful and happy life to yourself!

All the best!

..Read more


Ravi Mittal  |253 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
i’m 18 and live in the states and basically my parents have known i have a boyfriend for a while now thru their own snooping and my mom has even told me once or twice that she knows about him but today I was trying to go out this morning to a outting with two friends and him and they asked who is coming and if he is coming and then my dad got really angry and started saying things like “you want me to get you married now” and that we were acting like husband and wife because he saw that i have a picture of us in my wallet also for some context he is chinese but he’s the topper of my grade of 500+ students incredibly smart and just perfect guy all around. i don’t want to break up with him, what should i do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that maintaining a relationship when parents disapprove can be very tricky. But you must also understand that their worries come from love for you; you might be an adult but you are still their child. Having said that, let's see some practical ways to deal with this-
- Understanding what's worrying them can help you give them a solution that might work in your favor. Their concerns can stem from cultural expectations. They might be concerned about your safety. Figuring out their concern will help you better navigate the situation.
- Communicate your feelings. Don't get mad when they express their opinions. It won't help your case. Find the right time to discuss this with your parents. And make them feel heard. Their concerns can give you a new perspective too.
- Highlight your partner's positive traits like his academic achievements. And focus on your studies too. If your parents see that he is a positive influence on you, they might reconsider their stand.
- When the time is right, introduce him to your parents. Seeing him in person will humanize him.
- Strike a balance. Your relationship should not interfere with your relationship with your parents or hamper your studies.

Most importantly, be patient. These things take time. You are too young to be so bothered.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

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