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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 12, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 12, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi ma'am, I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday because he's not fully sure that he'll be able to convince his parents for the marriage. I am a Schedule caste and he's a Brahmin. I don't want to continue because it will make difficult for me to move on afterwards. Neither can I give up on him. He has been crying since last night but I think if he ever loved me he ought to take a stand for me.

Ans: i'm really sorry you're going through this. Breaking up with someone you love is incredibly hard, especially when it's due to societal and familial pressures. Your decision to step back reflects your strong understanding of your needs and boundaries, given the challenges of an inter-caste relationship.

Your boyfriend's distress shows he cares deeply, but it’s also clear that he’s struggling between his love for you and his family's expectations. Love involves making tough choices, and it’s valid to want a partner who can take a stand for you.

Take time to reflect on what you truly want and seek support from those close to you. Consider having an honest conversation with him to gain clarity about your future together. Remember, prioritizing your well-being and values is crucial, even when it means making difficult decisions.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2023Hindi
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Hii Ma'am my boyfriend said our relationship will not be possible because of intercaste relationship and he told me his parents will not agree and my parents too. As I'm from schedule caste family and he is from general, his mother doesn't like me and she wants us to break up our relationship. So my boyfriend had break up with me, what should I do?
Ans: Hello Ms,
sorry to hear that you're going through a challenging situation. Inter-caste relationships can sometimes face societal and familial pressures, which can be difficult to navigate Try to understand the pressures your boyfriend may be facing from his family. Similarly, share your feelings and concerns with him. Empathy and understanding can be crucial in such situations. Consider your own values and priorities in a relationship. It's important to be with someone who respects and supports you despite societal norms. Assess whether you and your boyfriend share common values and are willing to navigate these challenges together.While it's important to fight for love, it's equally important to respect each other's choices. If, despite your efforts, your boyfriend is not willing to continue the relationship, it may be necessary to accept his decision and focus on healing. Remember, it's essential to be in a relationship where both partners feel respected and valued. If your boyfriend is unwilling to reconsider the relationship, it might be important to prioritize your own happiness and well-being in the long run. Take care of yourself emotionally and mentally. Breakups can be tough, and it's crucial to prioritize self-care during this period. Surround yourself with positive influences and engage in activities that bring you joy.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |676 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 07, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir, am a 28 years old IT employee and my lover is 29 with the same profession. We have informed our love with our parents and we both belong to different castes. As we are different castes, his family is not supporting our love. His mom is very adamant and his entire family is against us. My mom is a government employee and my father retired from the private sector. My sisters were well settled in a good family after their marriage. My sister also does intercaste marriage. The problem is now my lover is not willing to marry me. He was the one who advised me to tell my parents about our love. He was strong till the beginning of August but he got emotionally stuck with his mom. I understand that I can't force him to get married to me but I loved him after all! I don't want to lose our relationship just because of caste and horoscopes. Caste is not in my hand as well as the horoscope. Can you please guide me on this?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are stuck in a very challenging situation, but as you mentioned, you cannot force him to get married. I know it hurts, but you will soon realize that you deserve to be with someone who would prioritize you over caste and horoscope. While it is difficult to convince parents or go against their wishes, it is also important to stand your ground, especially if you are committed to the relationship. His lack of effort to make this relationship work is a little concerning.

Take your time and reflect on the relationship and your partner's efforts. If it seems good enough for you, or you can excuse his inactions, try to communicate with him and ask if he wants to give this one last try. But I would strongly suggest against trying to convince him. You do not need to convince someone to pick you; it should come naturally.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1745 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2025

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Iam 27 years old .me and my boyfriend were in relationship from the last 5 years.he is my childhood class met.during corona time we reconnected through social media .we are from same place .initially we both were good friends later we decided to start our relationship.i belong to low caste.and he belongs to upper caste.in those 5 years we shared our happiness, sorrows together .he was with me in every situation.he helped me emotionally mentally and financially.every thing went well .we planned out future together.later our parents got to know about our relationship.i convinced my parents.but his parents are not accepting our love because of my low caste..i even took my father and brother along with me to talk with his mother . I even begged his mother by touching her feet to accept our love.she told me that she wants to do his sons marriage with a girl who belong to their caste. His parents are telling him that they will leave the home town and go somewhere else if he marries me.my boyfriend is telling me that his parents especially his mothers health will be effected if he marry me and asking me to move on..I asked me that whether he is ok to marry the girls of their parents choice..he told me that he doesn't have any option other than listing to his parents..I'm totally devasted .I'm suffering with anxiety, depression and continuous thoughts ..i want him.he also loves me but he is not daring to marry mee.he is worrying about his parents..how to deal with this situation..pls help mee
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Honestly, drop him...the reason for this must be obvious to you by now. When he is not willing to take a stand for his love, what makes you think he's ever going to support you later in life?
Also, maybe he does not want to or fears going against his family. How can you change that? Surely your love isn't enough to convince him of being with you in this relationship; then what else can?

It's going to be hard to get away from all those feelings BUT you are better off without someone who is unable to take a stand for you. And when it comes to anxiety, practice deep breathing...it does help...If this is getting unbearable, then do seek professional help from someone who can guide you through this break-up and thereafter healing.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1837 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 05, 2025

Career
Dear Sir, I did my BTech from a normal engineering college not very famous. The teaching was not great and hence i did not study well. I tried my best to learn coding including all the technologies like html,css,javascript,react js,dba,php because i wanted to be a web developer But nothing seem to enter my head except html and css. I don't understand a language which has more complexities. Is it because of my lack of experience or not devoting enough time. I am not sure. I did many courses online and tried to do diplomas also abroad which i passed somehow. I recently joined android development course because i like apps but the teaching was so fast that i could not memorize anything. There was no time to even take notes down. During the course i did assignments and understood the code because i have to pass but after the course is over i tend to forget everything. I attempted a lot of interviews. Some of them i even got but could not perform well so they let me go. Now due to the AI booming and job markets in a bad shape i am re-thinking whether to keep studying or whether its just time waste. Since 3 years i am doing labour type of jobs which does not yield anything to me for survival and to pay my expenses. I have the quest to learn everything but as soon as i sit in front of the computer i listen to music or read something else. What should i do to stay more focused? What should i do to make myself believe confident. Is there still scope of IT in todays world? Kindly advise.
Ans: Your story does not show failure.
It shows persistence, effort, and desire to improve.

Most people give up.
You didn’t.
That means you will succeed — but with the right method, not the old one.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |676 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 02, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My married ex still texts me for comfort. Because of him, I am unable to move on. He makes me feel guilty by saying he got married out of family pressure. His dad is a cardiac patient and mom is being treated for cancer. He comforts me by saying he will get separated soon and we will get married because he only loves me. We have been in a relationship for 14 years and despite everything we tried, his parents refused to accept me, so he chose to get married to someone who understands our situation. I don't know when he will separate from his wife. She knows about us too but she comes from a traditional family. She also confirmed there is no physical intimacy between them. I trust him, but is it worth losing my youth for him? Honestly, I am worried and very confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand how difficult it is to let go of a relationship you have built from scratch, but is it really how you want to continue? It really seems to be going nowhere. His parents are already in bad health and he married someone else for their happiness. Does it seem like he will be able to leave her? So many people’s happiness and lives depend on this one decision. I think it’s about time you and your BF have a clear conversation about the same. If he can’t give a proper timeline, please try to understand his situation. But also make sure he understands yours and maybe rethink this equation. It really isn’t healthy. You deserve a love you can have wholly, and not just in pieces, and in the shadows.

Hope this helps

...Read more

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