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Inter-Caste Relationship: Seeking Advice for Marriage Approval from Both Families

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |673 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024Hindi
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Dear mam. Im in relationship about 6 years .my caste is charys bc nd his caste sc. This is major role in my story . Full of tears in my eyes now present searching person for my marriage in my caste. I recently told my parents about love but they said to me forget him. But I can't I want to marry him with my parents nd his parents acceptance only....what can I do. Now

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am very sorry to see you standing in such a difficult position. All I can suggest is to try and convince your parents to overlook the caste part and focus on the positives of your relationship like how happy he makes you, how you two are so committed to each other for so long, and other positive aspects of your partner- preferably a strong career and such. That is the only way to change their minds.

Going against a family's wishes can be very difficult. I hope things work out in the end.

Best Wishes.
Asked on - Oct 07, 2024 | Not Answered yet
Really Thank you for suggesting sir ..me nd my love both are willing to do marrige only with my both families acceptance only. But in my family atleast they can't ready to listen my words about this words also only with your acceptance only we can go a head like that. If anything I want to start the matter they only used to talk like don't ruin my prestige in society nd my dad said if you do we are ready to die . But, They didn't know only for my family iam avoided that boy nd I stopped my feelings about him by thinking my parents happiness.but they didn't understand me that what is make me happy I'm really in depressed state know I'm in this position atleast I can't share my thoughts to my family. Atleast no choice to talk about love or marriage I didnt understanding my current situation.i think may be another someone trusted person or anyone can tell to my family about me nd my boy about they can't live happy if you won't accept .if you do marrige to your daughter with another some person she don't live happily she used to cry every day nd sacrifice her whole life only for you. Then May be my family can think about me ..... I know it is really very difficult in my home about castes .. iam really scared what happens to my parents when I reaveal my love matter to them. Iam really full of fear In that situation....

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Love Guru

Love Guru   | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2024Hindi
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Hi..I just saw your page and found this is the right page where I can get answer.. I am so confused and so my thoughts coming in my mind and noone in my life which I can tell. However, I found you hopefully you'll get my answer I want to marry with my partner but he is not earning as much and I'm also earning but we both started our career in 2023. And my parents wants I should get Marry with someone and he is searching. But I told my parents that I love someone but the issue is he is not from my caste that is not the big issue main issue is that my partner belongs from very nuclear family like his mother and sister is there and noone is there in his family and my parents also saying the boy is not earning a good salary and noone is there in his family how will you be happy and I don't think so he is good for you.. but my partner loves me so much he loves me till 6 years and he waited for me also. My question is that for getting a married is all this stuff matters ? My parents is arising so many questions somehow she denied..should I convince to my parents or they are saying right ??
Ans: The salary is not a problem, if he doesn’t have misplaced ego about his wife earning more than him; some men are broad-minded enough to even be proud of their wives earning more. Nor is caste; love has no fixed faith. But this nuclear family business is a red flag; I would strictly advice not living under the same roof with his mother and sister. There is bound to be friction. Then relations sour and your marriage gets strained. If he is willing to step out from under their shadow and live separately with you, and the money-making is not an issue for him, you’re making the right choice of partner. If either of the above is not realistic, I would suggest you stop trying to convince your parents and listen to what they have to say.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1725 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

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hello ma'am I'm 27 independent girl . i want to marry my partner but my parents not agree due to intercaste i tried to convinced my mom last three year but she not agree and last month i told my father about him. he is not agree with my whole family denied to marry him because to caste. he is independent and his family dont have any issue regarding anything.my parents are said that they will not given their permission for intercaste marriage due to what people will say.because of my family have name in society. my partner family also have name in society. my elder cousin refuse to help me. from last 3 year i was so emotionally tried and sometime i dont want to live . he love me so much i dont want to lose him or cheat him .i dont want are relationship end like that. he never ever forgive me if i leave him.he waiting for me from last 4 years and in 4 years he is loyal with me. i dont understand what to do i feel heavyheartness and low .i can't sleep and eat ,forget things easily now i am exhausted all of this.please reply me as you can with best solution .
Ans: Dear Albatross,
Inter-religion marriages are still a taboo in society; so you are dealing with what has been normalized in society.
If you looking at your parents' approval, it may never happen. So decide how you want to go about it...Of course, you can try to patiently work with your parents and your partner. Think about how to get the two of them together so that your parents get a chance to meet him and interact with him.
Still, be prepared for things not to work out, but do make that humble attempt!
Make a decision that seems the best and stick with it...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |636 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam, I am in relationship with a guy who is from different caste. It's been three years but his family is not agreeing due to family status and intercaste. My family is ready as I am the eldest daughter of my family and unturned 30 this year. I have no time but he can't marry me without his parents concent. My family is searching a boy for my marriage. I can't marry with another guy. what shall I do to marry him to convince his family or what should he do his monther is so rigid. Please ???? support us what should we do? Two lives will be spoiled bcz of this. The only problem is upper and lower caste.
Ans: Navigating a relationship where cultural norms and family expectations conflict is challenging, but it's crucial to approach it with empathy and patience.
You're deeply committed to your partner despite the pressure from his family due to caste differences. While your family supports your marriage, his family, especially his mother, is firm in their opposition. You're also facing time constraints and societal pressure, making the situation urgent and stressful.
Your partner needs to have ongoing, respectful conversations with his parents, emphasizing your love and commitment. He should explain why you are the right person for him and how you positively impact his life. Understanding and addressing their specific concerns, whether they are about societal judgment or family honor, is crucial.
Sharing personal stories and demonstrating the depth of your bond can help his parents see beyond the caste issue. Highlighting your shared values and how you both support each other can make your relationship more relatable to them.
Seek help from a trusted family member or friend who can mediate and help his parents see the relationship from a new perspective. A respected family elder who has navigated similar challenges can also be influential.
Changing deep-seated beliefs takes time. Your partner should continue to gently and persistently show his parents that his happiness lies with you. Patience will be key as they may need time to adjust to the idea
Engage with support groups or counselors experienced in intercaste relationships. They can provide valuable advice and emotional support.
Discuss potential scenarios if his parents don’t approve. Consider whether options like elopement or giving them time to come around could work for both of you. These conversations should be open and honest to ensure mutual understanding.

Throughout this process, maintain strong communication and support each other emotionally. Navigating these challenges together will strengthen your bond and help you both find a path forward that honors your relationship and family ties.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10810 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello, I am 30 year old female and am currently suffering because of credit card and app based loans from last three months. The loans amount to 3lakh and my monthly salary is not sufficient. I have considered enrolling with lawyer panel for loan settlement as I am facing harassment from recovery people calling if I miss emi even for two days. Its causing me great distress. I dont want my parents to suffer and also my job. I earn more than 50k per month. Guide me kindly on whether i should enrol for settlement and if not how do I become debt free.
Ans: First, thank you for sharing this openly. It takes courage to talk about financial distress. You’re not alone — many good earners fall into debt traps because of high-interest credit cards and instant app-based loans. You can come out of this with structure and patience. I’ll guide you step by step.

» Understand your situation clearly

You owe around Rs. 3 lakh and earn about Rs. 50,000 per month. That means your debt is roughly six times your monthly income — manageable with proper planning, but it needs strict discipline. The main issue is not the amount, but the interest rate and harassment from unregulated lenders.

» Avoid informal “loan settlement panels” or unverified lawyer groups

It is risky to enroll in private settlement panels or so-called “lawyer panels” unless you’ve verified their legitimacy through a trusted source. Many such agencies:

Charge high upfront fees.

Promise settlement but fail to negotiate effectively.

May worsen your credit score or even lead to legal complications.

Instead, always deal directly with your bank/NBFC. If the app-based loan is from a registered NBFC, you can file a complaint with the RBI Ombudsman if harassment continues.

» Take these first actions immediately

1. Stop taking new loans.
Do not take any new app loan to pay another. This only deepens the trap.

2. Create a clear list of your debts.
Write down:

Lender name

Total due

Interest rate

EMI amount

Remaining tenure

Once it’s all on paper, clarity replaces panic.

3. Prioritise debts.
Pay highest-interest debts (credit cards or app loans) first. Keep making minimum payments on others to protect your credit score.

4. Negotiate directly with lenders.
Call your credit card customer care and ask for a one-time settlement or EMI conversion plan.

Most banks will convert dues into a lower-interest monthly plan if you explain hardship honestly.

Never ignore calls. Always request written communication.

Keep records of all calls and emails.

5. Deal with app-based recovery harassment properly.
If recovery agents threaten or harass:

Record the call.

Report it to the National Cyber Crime Portal or RBI Sachet portal.

Many instant loan apps are unregulated or even illegal — you can refuse unlawful demands and lodge a complaint.

» Build a repayment structure

Your take-home pay is Rs. 50,000. Let’s keep your plan practical.

• Basic expenses: Around Rs. 25,000–28,000 per month for living needs.
• Debt repayment: Start with Rs. 15,000–18,000 monthly.
• Emergency & family contribution: Rs. 3,000–5,000 for safety.

With Rs. 15,000–18,000 monthly repayment, you can close Rs. 3 lakh debt within 18–20 months if you secure reduced-interest restructuring.

You can:

Combine smaller loans into one personal loan at lower interest (from your salary bank) to simplify repayment.

Avoid co-signing or using family credit.

Once repaid, never borrow from credit cards or loan apps again — rebuild only with emergency funds.

» Manage your credit cards

If your debt is mainly on credit cards:

Request EMI conversion or balance transfer to a lower-interest card or bank loan.

Stop using the card until the balance is zero.

Ask the bank for temporary interest waiver if financial hardship is documented.

» Psychological and job safety

Debt stress affects sleep, health and job focus. Recovery agents try to shame people into paying faster — ignore emotional blackmail.

Block harassing numbers after noting details.

Tell them to contact you only through official email.

Never let them involve your office or parents. That’s illegal under RBI’s Fair Practices Code.

If harassment becomes severe, file a police complaint under IPC Section 506 (criminal intimidation) or approach a local Legal Services Authority (free legal aid) for guidance.

» Steps to rebuild after clearing debt

Once loans are closed, take written closure letters and update CIBIL.

Keep one credit card with very low limit and pay full amount monthly to rebuild score.

Start a small emergency fund — Rs. 1,000–2,000 monthly until you have at least 3 months of expenses.

Then slowly begin investing in safe mutual funds or recurring deposits — never in credit-like products.

» Finally

You don’t need any paid settlement service. You can recover on your own with patience and structured repayment.
Avoid app loans, avoid quick-fix “lawyer settlements”, and use official channels only.
You have income, youth, and awareness — that’s your biggest advantage. In one to two years, you can be fully debt-free and emotionally free too.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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