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Inter-Caste Relationship: Seeking Advice for Marriage Approval from Both Families

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear mam. Im in relationship about 6 years .my caste is charys bc nd his caste sc. This is major role in my story . Full of tears in my eyes now present searching person for my marriage in my caste. I recently told my parents about love but they said to me forget him. But I can't I want to marry him with my parents nd his parents acceptance only....what can I do. Now

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am very sorry to see you standing in such a difficult position. All I can suggest is to try and convince your parents to overlook the caste part and focus on the positives of your relationship like how happy he makes you, how you two are so committed to each other for so long, and other positive aspects of your partner- preferably a strong career and such. That is the only way to change their minds.

Going against a family's wishes can be very difficult. I hope things work out in the end.

Best Wishes.
Asked on - Oct 07, 2024 | Not Answered yet
Really Thank you for suggesting sir ..me nd my love both are willing to do marrige only with my both families acceptance only. But in my family atleast they can't ready to listen my words about this words also only with your acceptance only we can go a head like that. If anything I want to start the matter they only used to talk like don't ruin my prestige in society nd my dad said if you do we are ready to die . But, They didn't know only for my family iam avoided that boy nd I stopped my feelings about him by thinking my parents happiness.but they didn't understand me that what is make me happy I'm really in depressed state know I'm in this position atleast I can't share my thoughts to my family. Atleast no choice to talk about love or marriage I didnt understanding my current situation.i think may be another someone trusted person or anyone can tell to my family about me nd my boy about they can't live happy if you won't accept .if you do marrige to your daughter with another some person she don't live happily she used to cry every day nd sacrifice her whole life only for you. Then May be my family can think about me ..... I know it is really very difficult in my home about castes .. iam really scared what happens to my parents when I reaveal my love matter to them. Iam really full of fear In that situation....

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Love Guru

Love Guru   | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2024Hindi
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Hi..I just saw your page and found this is the right page where I can get answer.. I am so confused and so my thoughts coming in my mind and noone in my life which I can tell. However, I found you hopefully you'll get my answer I want to marry with my partner but he is not earning as much and I'm also earning but we both started our career in 2023. And my parents wants I should get Marry with someone and he is searching. But I told my parents that I love someone but the issue is he is not from my caste that is not the big issue main issue is that my partner belongs from very nuclear family like his mother and sister is there and noone is there in his family and my parents also saying the boy is not earning a good salary and noone is there in his family how will you be happy and I don't think so he is good for you.. but my partner loves me so much he loves me till 6 years and he waited for me also. My question is that for getting a married is all this stuff matters ? My parents is arising so many questions somehow she denied..should I convince to my parents or they are saying right ??
Ans: The salary is not a problem, if he doesn’t have misplaced ego about his wife earning more than him; some men are broad-minded enough to even be proud of their wives earning more. Nor is caste; love has no fixed faith. But this nuclear family business is a red flag; I would strictly advice not living under the same roof with his mother and sister. There is bound to be friction. Then relations sour and your marriage gets strained. If he is willing to step out from under their shadow and live separately with you, and the money-making is not an issue for him, you’re making the right choice of partner. If either of the above is not realistic, I would suggest you stop trying to convince your parents and listen to what they have to say.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

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hello ma'am I'm 27 independent girl . i want to marry my partner but my parents not agree due to intercaste i tried to convinced my mom last three year but she not agree and last month i told my father about him. he is not agree with my whole family denied to marry him because to caste. he is independent and his family dont have any issue regarding anything.my parents are said that they will not given their permission for intercaste marriage due to what people will say.because of my family have name in society. my partner family also have name in society. my elder cousin refuse to help me. from last 3 year i was so emotionally tried and sometime i dont want to live . he love me so much i dont want to lose him or cheat him .i dont want are relationship end like that. he never ever forgive me if i leave him.he waiting for me from last 4 years and in 4 years he is loyal with me. i dont understand what to do i feel heavyheartness and low .i can't sleep and eat ,forget things easily now i am exhausted all of this.please reply me as you can with best solution .
Ans: Dear Albatross,
Inter-religion marriages are still a taboo in society; so you are dealing with what has been normalized in society.
If you looking at your parents' approval, it may never happen. So decide how you want to go about it...Of course, you can try to patiently work with your parents and your partner. Think about how to get the two of them together so that your parents get a chance to meet him and interact with him.
Still, be prepared for things not to work out, but do make that humble attempt!
Make a decision that seems the best and stick with it...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam, I am in relationship with a guy who is from different caste. It's been three years but his family is not agreeing due to family status and intercaste. My family is ready as I am the eldest daughter of my family and unturned 30 this year. I have no time but he can't marry me without his parents concent. My family is searching a boy for my marriage. I can't marry with another guy. what shall I do to marry him to convince his family or what should he do his monther is so rigid. Please ???? support us what should we do? Two lives will be spoiled bcz of this. The only problem is upper and lower caste.
Ans: Navigating a relationship where cultural norms and family expectations conflict is challenging, but it's crucial to approach it with empathy and patience.
You're deeply committed to your partner despite the pressure from his family due to caste differences. While your family supports your marriage, his family, especially his mother, is firm in their opposition. You're also facing time constraints and societal pressure, making the situation urgent and stressful.
Your partner needs to have ongoing, respectful conversations with his parents, emphasizing your love and commitment. He should explain why you are the right person for him and how you positively impact his life. Understanding and addressing their specific concerns, whether they are about societal judgment or family honor, is crucial.
Sharing personal stories and demonstrating the depth of your bond can help his parents see beyond the caste issue. Highlighting your shared values and how you both support each other can make your relationship more relatable to them.
Seek help from a trusted family member or friend who can mediate and help his parents see the relationship from a new perspective. A respected family elder who has navigated similar challenges can also be influential.
Changing deep-seated beliefs takes time. Your partner should continue to gently and persistently show his parents that his happiness lies with you. Patience will be key as they may need time to adjust to the idea
Engage with support groups or counselors experienced in intercaste relationships. They can provide valuable advice and emotional support.
Discuss potential scenarios if his parents don’t approve. Consider whether options like elopement or giving them time to come around could work for both of you. These conversations should be open and honest to ensure mutual understanding.

Throughout this process, maintain strong communication and support each other emotionally. Navigating these challenges together will strengthen your bond and help you both find a path forward that honors your relationship and family ties.

..Read more

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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |44 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Jun 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 05, 2025
Relationship
Hello gurus.. I have a friend who has been married for 10 years and with 2 kids one 8 yr old daughter and a two year old son. His wife whom he loved and trusted so much had cheated on him with one of her friends for almost 3 years which he came to know about last year. Though he could not digest that and thought of divorcing her but thinking about his children's future he changed his mind and told her to end all communication with him in order to save this marriage .She too had agreed . He hadn't told about this to anyone except me including her parents whom he respected a lot and hence didn't want to hurt them ... But after 3 months he came to know that she was still in contact with her friend using another phone without his knowledge and her affair also had not stopped . This time he couldn't tolerate and told this to her parents and told them that he would be filing for divorce. Her parents literally begged with him not to do so and requested him to give one last chance as they would mend her this time . He told them that even after giving her a chance to mend herself she has cheated again and broken his trust and that he couldn't live with her without trust . So he had decided to move on but his wife and her mother threatened him that they will have no other choice but to commit suicide if he doesnt forgive his wife. He was also worried about his children's future without their mother .. Based on some elders and friends (including mine )advice he gave her one last chance but on condition that there should not be any communication with her affair partner in future and if he comes to know about them being in any kind of contact he would be filing for divorce . His wife and her parents agreed to this and he took her back though not wholeheartedly but due to circumstances. Though they lived under one roof they did not live a harmonious life and lived like strangers and there used to be quarrels very frequently between them . This sometimes had gone physical and on many occasions his wife had threatened him with suicide... And in March this year he came to know that she was in contact with her affair partner secretly using another phone. When confronted she told they were just talking and nothing else...Though there may not be any physical contact this time my friend is very upset and adamant that he wouldn't live with her and want a mutual divorce ...His wife is not agreeing for it and threatening that she would write his name and end her life if he goes for a contested divorce. My friend is too worried about the legal complications if such a thing happens . He is also concerned about his kids especially his daughters future if he goes for a contested divorce based on adultery , the impact it would have on his daughter s future ..He doesn't want to spoil his daughters future ..At the same time he says he cannot imagine living with his wife again after being cheated on twice... Kindly advice what should I advise him ...
Ans: Hello sir. I understand the situation. The prime thing in this is that your friend should go directly to police station and should file a report that if anything of this sort happens, including harm to his in laws or wife then he will not be responsible and that they are regularly threatening him. This will make your friend legally safe and then he can take a mutual divorce if he wants telling his wife and in laws that he has already filed a complaint.
This is the primary step. Once done you can message again.
Regards

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8913 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 13, 2025
Money
Hi Ramalingam, I'm 33 and married, expecting a baby due in couple of months. I have a homeloan of 60L with EMI of 55k and tenure of 18 year to go. I have started investing in MF recently. Index fund(nifty 50 and nifty defense): 3.9L Large: 1L Large and midcap: 4.6L Flexi:3.2L Multicap: 1L Midcap: 85k Small: 1.75L Tech sector: 50k Equity infra sector: 1.7L SBI psu: 1.4 EPF Balance: 8L Savings: 10L Please advise how should I allocate my SIP moving forward if I have saving of around 5L per month. I want to invest in MF for better returns instead of clearing off the homeloan which has a lower interest rate. I'm looking to have funds for retirement. Please advise.
Ans: You are 33, expecting a baby soon, and wisely planning both your loan and future funds. You already have strong savings and investments. This outlook gives us a great base to build a 360-degree plan for retirement, goal purposes, and balanced wealth growth. Let’s go step by step.

1. Financial Snapshot Summary
Age 33, married, expecting a baby

Home loan: Rs.?60?lakh, EMI Rs.?55k monthly, 18 years remaining

Monthly savings ability: about Rs.?5?lakh

Existing investments:

Index funds (Nifty 50 and Nifty Defence): Rs.?3.9?lakh

Large cap: Rs.?1?lakh

Large & mid cap: Rs.?4.6?lakh

Flexi cap: Rs.?3.2?lakh

Multi cap: Rs.?1?lakh

Mid cap: Rs.?85k

Small cap: Rs.?1.75?lakh

Tech sector: Rs.?50k

Infra sector: Rs.?1.7?lakh

PSU fund: Rs.?1.4?lakh

EPF balance: Rs.?8?lakh

Savings account: Rs.?10?lakh

You are already diversified across equity categories and hold good liquidity. Excellent discipline.

2. Understanding Your Priorities
Baby’s arrival and early family needs

Retirement corpus building

Managing home loan without rushing to pre-pay

Growing assets wisely rather than clearing low-interest debt

Your home loan interest is low compared to market returns possible via equity investments. Therefore, shifting focus to wealth creation is sensible.

3. Risk & Liquidity Assessment
Your savings of Rs.?10?lakh plus existing liquidity provide good emergency buffer

EPF of Rs.?8?lakh ensures retirement base

Continue to maintain liquidity of 6 months’ expense in safe instruments

Keep updating emergency cushion as family expands

This ensures you avoid disrupting your investment in case of unforeseen needs.

4. Why Not Clear Home Loan Early
Home loan interest is relatively low (~8–9%)

Equity returns over long term can outperform that

Paying loan early sacrifices the benefit of compounding growth

Instead of clearing, channel money into goal-based investments

Continue standard EMI payment to maintain discipline

You can review part-prepayment later if you receive a bonus or surplus income.

5. Reconsider Index Fund Exposure
You hold index funds tracking Nifty 50 and a sector index. But:

Index funds lack active intervention during downturns

No flexibility—mirror entire index performance

Sectoral index funds are highly volatile and cyclical

You already hold sector funds (Tech and Infra) separately

Actively managed funds offer better downside management

They can allocate, exit, and adjust as economic conditions change

Recommend gradually transitioning index allocations to active large-cap or balanced funds with guidance from CFP-led distributor.

6. Asset Allocation & SIP Repositioning
You aim to invest Rs.?5?lakh monthly and build a long-term wealth engine. Here's a refined strategy:

Equity Allocation (60–65%)

Large / Flexi Cap Active Equity: Rs.?1.25?lakh

Mid Cap Active Equity: Rs.?50,000

Small Cap Active Equity: Rs.?25,000

Multi / Hybrid Equity (Balanced Advantage): Rs.?50,000

ELSS Tax Saver: Rs.?25,000

Debt Allocation (25–30%)

Short-to-Intermediate Debt Funds: Rs.?50,000

Children’s Hybrid Fund (short horizon bucket): Rs.?25,000

Other

Allocation to overseas or thematic equity capped at 5–10% through active funds

This structure offers growth and risk balance while keeping liquidity.

7. Children’s Goal Fund Planning
Your baby arrives soon. Early-stage costs include delivery, essentials, childcare. For 1–2 year need:

Create a “Baby Care Fund” of Rs.?3–4?lakh

Use short-term debt or hybrid mutual funds

Systematically invest Rs.?50k monthly or use part of savings

This ensures funds ready around the time needs arise

Post that, start “Education & Future Security” goal fund via mid/large-cap SIPs.

8. Maintaining SIP Priorities
Your current investment portfolio includes various equity exposures. To make it cohesive:

Reassess index fund exposure and reduce gradually

Continue and increase active equity SIPs as outlined

Use CFP advice to choose 3–4 high-conviction active funds

Avoid direct plans—use CFP-backed distributor for discipline

Balanced funds help cushion during volatile periods

As you invest Rs.?5?lakh monthly, implement the above allocation gradually, not abruptly.

9. Why Avoid Direct and Index Funds
Direct Funds: No expert support, fund monitoring, exit guidance.
Index Funds: No flexibility, follow blind script, no crisis management.
Agile Active Funds via CFP: Strategic stock moves, timely shifts, tailored for your risk.

Your goals need proactive fund management, not auto-pilot passive tools.

10. Retirement Corpus Plan
You are 33, planning retirement maybe at age 60. You have about 27 years of horizon.

Using structured SIPs and portfolio growth, you can:

Build a strong corpus via equity

Maintain a stable allocation of 60–70% equity + 30–40% debt

Gradually tilt towards debt as you near retirement

Regularly review portfolio health fall under CFP supervision

Keep monitoring inflation-adjusted goal progress

This method ensures a secure retirement plan.

11. Insurance & Protection
You didn’t mention insurance. With a baby on the way:

Health insurance – at least Rs.?10–15?lakh family floater

Term life insurance – Minimum Rs.?1–2?crore to cover loan and dependents

Avoid ULIPs or endowment plans—go for pure term and health

Take these via CFP recommended provider and cover soon

Insurance protects your financial plan against sudden events.

12. Debt Management after EMI
Your EMI of Rs.?55k runs for 18 years.

After baby and higher expenses:

Continue EMI as is

Avoid prepayment unless you receive a sizable bonus

When EMI ends, recalculate funds available for SIPs and goals

Use that opportunity to increase SIP amounts further

Use part of EMI funds towards retirement or asset-building

This planned shift after EMI end creates space for accelerated growth.

13. Liquidity, Reserves, and Top-Ups
Your current savings and surge capacity of Rs.?5?lakh enable flexibility:

Continue keeping liquidity of 4–6 months’ expenses

Keep separate corner for baby fund and emergency

Use surplus income for goal-linked investments

Avoid unnecessary lifestyle inflation despite high income

Top-up SIPs when salary or bonus increases

Discipline in surplus use will compound your wealth efficiently.

14. Tax Planning & Gains
Use ELSS SIPs for 80C benefits

Equity fund LTCG taxed 12.5% above Rs.?1.25?lakh per annum

Debt / hybrids taxed as per income slab

Use balanced and debt funds to optimise taxable interest

File ITR, claim deductions, and plan redemptions to control tax incidence

This keeps tax bite minimal and saves more for your goals.

15. Monitoring & Rebalancing
Review portfolio performance and fund objectives every six months

Rebalance asset mix when any category drifts >5%

Stop or shift under-performing funds after review

Avoid knee-jerk reactions—stay thought-through

CFP guidance ensures structured portfolio management

Consistent monitoring protects you from drift and decay.

16. Asset Creation vs Real Estate
You didn’t mention owning other real estate. But goal stated flat purchase may fit as goals.

However, central financial focus is investing in financial assets:

Equity, hybrid, and debt instruments remain central

Property can be considered separately once you hold large financial corpus

Keeping financial assets liquid allows better flexibility

Avoid overloading liquidity for real estate purchases

Enhancing financial assets comes first—it empowers freedom and choice.

17. Lifestyle & Support
Your surplus income supports lifestyle well.

Avoid big-ticket impulsive spending

Use value-based spending for travel, family events

Invest in skills or certification to grow income

Create additional income streams (freelance, side projects)

This increases your saving ability further

Lifestyle and income both support your wealth journey.

18. Succession & Estate Planning
With a baby on the way, important to secure your legacy:

Ensure you have proper nomination for all investments

Create a will or simplified estate plan

Appoint guardians, trustees as needed

This ensures smooth wealth transfer and peace of mind

These administrative steps protect your family and planning.

19. Roadmap Execution Timeline
Prioritize and allocate baby fund in short-term debt

Shift index and sectoral funds gradually to active funds

Structure SIP allocation for retirement and hybrid safety

Purchase insurance soon for protection

Continue EMI; use part payment only if surplus

Post-EMI, increase SIP allocation with added liquidity

Review portfolio semi-annually for performance and rebalance

Plan for education/long-term goals via systematic planning

Keep emergency reserve intact and live beneath means

Write a will and estate file once baby arrives

Stay consistent with your 5-lakh monthly allocation. The structure supports multiple goals.

Final Insights
Your income and savings are robust—very encouraging

Shift towards active, goal-based funds guided by CFP

Maintain discipline in EMI, insurance, and liquidity

Create dedicated buckets for family and retirement

Monitor and rebalance regularly, not reactively

Invest in yourself and grow income to amplify wealth

Be flexible—adjust plans as baby's arrival and life shifts

This structured 360-degree approach balances family, future, and financial freedom.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |6244 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 10, 2025
Career
Integrated M Tech in Software Engineering or B Tech Electrical and CSE with Minor AI & ML (Both from VIT Chennai) - Which one to choose for better career options?
Ans: Both the Integrated M.Tech in Software Engineering and B.Tech Electrical and CSE with Minor in AI & ML at VIT Chennai offer strong academic and placement prospects, but they serve different career goals. The Integrated M.Tech in Software Engineering is a five-year program with about 70% placement rate, focusing on deep software engineering skills and providing a direct pathway to advanced roles in the IT sector, but it limits flexibility if you wish to switch fields later. The B.Tech Electrical and CSE with Minor in AI & ML is a four-year program, nearly 90% of students are placed, and it offers broader exposure to both core engineering and software, with the added advantage of specialization in high-demand AI/ML domains. Both programs benefit from VIT Chennai’s strong placement ecosystem, with top recruiters like Microsoft, Amazon, and Qualcomm, and average placement rates above 80% in recent years. The B.Tech with CSE and AI/ML minor provides more flexibility, industry relevance, and better prospects for diverse roles in both software and technology sectors, making it the preferable choice for most students seeking strong career options in a rapidly evolving job market. All the BEST for the Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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