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Should I Choose a Working Partner?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |358 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Vikrant Question by Vikrant on Jul 15, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam...i m feeling peer pressure that all my knowns are getting married to working partners but I m getting marriage proposals from non working partners! What should I do?

Ans: Hello Vikrant,It's natural to feel pressured when you see others marrying working partners while your proposals are from non-working ones. Remember, your journey is unique, and what matters most is finding a partner who aligns with your values and goals.

Reflect on what you truly want in a partner. Is having a working partner essential, or are other qualities more important? Understand your needs and desires without comparing yourself to others. Financial stability and future plans can be achieved in many ways, and a non-working partner now might grow and contribute differently in the future.

Have open conversations with potential partners about expectations and aspirations. Focus on finding someone who complements your personality, shares your values, and is committed to building a life together.

Don’t let societal norms dictate your choices. Trust your path, practice self-compassion, and be patient. Your happiness and well-being are paramount, so prioritize what feels right for you. The right partner will come into your life when the time is right.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2023Hindi
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Dear Mam, Kindly note that i am a 39 yrs old guy who is not married yet. The reason behind me not getting married are basically coz i m unable to get a match at my age and none of proposals that i have seen so far, none of dem have turn positive. Now i feel like even though i want to get married, i ll end up alone in life coz at 39 i feel i will not get any match. I am very scared to living the rest of life alone.So mam i want you to help me out ways to live life alone. How to cope up with peers, relatives and colleagues pressure to get married?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's address your concerns:
1. "I want to get married or I'll end up alone.": This is not a reason to get married and you know that. Get married to build a team, a family together where you help each other grow. Incidentally, you also have a companion and lonely days instead become days filled with happy cheer and sometimes challenges as well. So, change your mindset while looking for prospects for marriage so that when you are in conversation with someone who is a match, you don't come across needy but instead focus on how the two of you grow together.
Your fear is right now pulling you into marriage rather than for more positive reasons.

2. Pressure from relatives and peers: Is it their life that you are leading? NO! Then stop focusing on what they tell you and focus on how you can make the best use of matrimonial sites or dating apps (if you choose that). Also, request your friends to set you up with someone that they might know since they know you well.

You can also join groups and communities online (beware of scams and scamsters here) where you might find like-minded people to meet and interact with. Being part of some hobby class or adventure camps may also allow for similar meeting points where you can hit it off with people who hold similar interests as yours.

Lastly, don't give up...when the time is right, it is...So, don't lose hope BUT certainly lose your current fearful mindset and embrace a mindset that is joyful and cheerful and selfless.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |358 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 20, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam.I am 20 yrs old. I got engaged by the forcing of parents. But I don't want to marry i want to continue my studies. Then what I do
Ans: The first thing you need to acknowledge is that your feelings are valid. It’s your life, and while your parents may have had good intentions in arranging this engagement, it’s crucial that you stand up for what’s right for you. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and entering into it when you’re not ready or when it conflicts with your goals can lead to long-term unhappiness, not only for you but also for the other person involved.

It’s important to have an open and honest conversation with your parents. I understand this can be intimidating, especially when they are the ones pressuring you, but they need to understand where you’re coming from. Explain that you deeply respect their wishes but that your heart and mind are focused on continuing your education. Share with them your aspirations and how marriage right now would prevent you from fulfilling those dreams.

When you approach this conversation, try to be calm and clear about your intentions. Sometimes parents need to hear more about why something is important to you in order to better understand your perspective. They may be acting out of concern or societal pressure, but once they see how determined and committed you are to your studies and your future, they may begin to see things differently.

If the conversation doesn’t go well the first time, don’t give up. You might need to have multiple discussions, and if you feel comfortable, involving a trusted family member who supports your goals could help make your case more compelling.

At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that your life’s direction should be in your hands. You deserve to pursue your education and dreams without being rushed into something you’re not ready for. If your parents truly want the best for you, they will eventually understand that supporting your education and your happiness is the most important thing.

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2024Hindi
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Hi Madam. I am married from last one and half years now, there has been numerous fights in between small and big ones both. In between this time I have become a mother, and, my baby is 7 months old now. My husband does nothing, did nothing in past one and half years. He is only occupied with his work all the time, he goes to office everyday mostly. Right now my baby is 7 months old and from last 7 months me and my parents are taking care of the baby. And, he absolutely shows no understanding when it comes to looking after the baby. Am also a working person. Moreover I pay all the bills when it comes to getting household stuff, paying rent, all the expenses related to baby. He is so shameless that he just doesn’t care too, when I pick these topics or raise concerns about handling the baby he gets abusive. I am not sure what to do now! How insensible can a person get if no one sees my husband would never feel that person like him exist in this world. I feel like filing a divorce petition now. He was the one who wanted to have baby so soon. I was never ready. Now when I have the baby I am the only person along with my parents and sister looking after the baby.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your husband wants a family without responsibilities and that's why neither is he interested in the baby nor in paying the bills...This is not just insensitivity but lack of emotional immaturity and the unwillingness to take on responsibilities head on...Approach a senior male member within the family who is someone that has been a role model to others in terms executing family responsibilities and is also caring and affectionate. This person can appeal to your husband and talk some sense into him.

If there's no one that fits the bill, the only option is to go to a professional for Couples Therapy. There's a reason why your husband avoids his duties as a husband and father and that needs to be uncovered and sorted out. It will also help the two of bond and connect better. Make this attempt before jumping into divorce; separating is a whole different world that comes with its own set of challenges and with the baby now in the picture, work at the marriage and putting things together.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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