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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 22, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

My long distance bf of 2 years asked me to send videos of my body parts even though I refused countless times. He would act all sad. I started losing feelings for him eventually and I wasn't in a position to break up because I was having exams and didn't have my phone with me all the time. This went on for 10 months and by the time I started to develop a crush on someone but I never acted upon it or ever tried to talk to him. I was guilty for that. My bf started asking for more videos and he never deleted the ones I sent him. When I got to know this I broke up with him. After break up my friend sent me the profile of the boy I had a crush on, and I accidently sent a request to him even if I didn't want to. I cancelled my request and never thought about him again. My mind is messed up. My now ex bf didn't value my no-s. Did I do the right thing to break up with him? About the crush I had, was I not loyal to my ex bf? It was my first relation too

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Stay off boys/men for a while. I guess you need to start valuing yourself first before jumping into relationships.
You are worried about you ex not valuing you No-s...then why did you not say NO to him when he asked you for private videos? And here you speak of loyalty? Obviously your ex's obsession over only the physical aspect has upset you and you looked for a more deeper connection which you hoped will happen with the new person. So, what if you had a crush? And that too after you had a break-up...Chill...
Take stock of your mind, stop sending images or videos over the phone...you don't know who is going to use them and how they will use them. Be careful and draw neat and clear boundaries where no one can overstep them without your permission. Once you do this, you will come across people who value you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |605 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am a 22 year old female with an engineering graduation passed before 6 months. I had an long term relationship with my boyfriend since 4.5 years. We both are from different cities of KA and currently in it's capital city. I socialize with my male friends, which my bf does'nt like and whenever we meet it always turns into a fight. During my college graduation day, I was told not to participate which I did'nt agreed yet participated. During this my bf saw me with my friends around me and slapped me in public. This happened many times. Even though I have had quite a intimate time with one of my classmate and kissed another one. I never had real S*x with anyone. The intimacy was only to show my anger on my bf. Now I changed my location after graduation, broke with my bf and now I have a deeper understanding & relationship with a man of 42 aged-married-2 kids and a yet good being. We both had good time, no trust issues, no s*x, yet intimacies for couple of times. He keeps me happy, joyful, helping me towards my profession and goal, respects, looks me well and yet never forced me for penetration. He has plans to fly to UK after 3-5 years and promised to take me with him supporting my profession. I was really contented and happy with this relationship. He even assured that marriage can happen between us, If I agree and If I can wait until he gets divorced from his wife. But one day, my ex bf friend called and said that he has met with an accident and is in severed health issues like (piles, kidney stones). He is basically a drunkyard. Seeing this I got agitated. Now I wanted to breakup with the current man and go back to by ex-bf because he is left alone and we had 4.5 years of relation. I don't whether I am correct or not, Please advise.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am not sure if you are right either way. Being in a relationship with a married man, who is yet to get divorce, is ethically incorrect, whether there is physical intimacy or not. At the same time going back to your ex merely because you feel sad for him is also not the right choice. You are yourself admitting that he is a drunkard and he was also controlling and above all he slapped you; there's no excuse for any form of physical abuse in a relationship. Being in love does not make it okay to hit your partner. Please understand that.

In my opinion, you should take some time to reflect on the choices you are making. I truly believe you deserve better than a man who hits you, tries to control you, and a man who is already committed to someone else. Please think about it and make better choices that will allow you to feel true happiness.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |164 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Mam, me and my bestfriend were in a relation for 2 years. everything was going smooth until he asked me to send video of my chest. When i denied he became emotional and asked- we are going to marry right? then whats the problem in sharing those. everyone does that. I'm not that kind of a girl. whenever i said no he used every ways to make me do that despite my discomfort. I told him many times I am uncomfortable but he chose to ignore them. he was the one who promised me that he will never make me uncomfortable. Since then I started to not like his touches. I loved him truly and he was there with me during my dark times . when i was at hostel which allowed phone only 2 days a week because I was planning to write CLAT that year, i seriously felt distant from him. he said he would wait just to hear my voice. i was allowed phone for only 30 minutes and he wanted me to talk to him more than my parents when i needed them most. I gradually started losing hope and i didnt want to create a scene which will affect my exam. But the thing is after gradually losing trust in him i developed a crush at my centre. i never knew his name, never talked , nothing. My mental health was completely messed up. I passed my CLAT exam last year and i never acted upon the crush i had, i broke up with my bf right after the exam because I couldnt handle that relation anymore. to be clear i never broke up with him because i had a crush, even though i was guilty. i broke up because of how he forced me into things he liked and how he never valued my opinions and how i lost trust eventually when he said he had photos of me with him. I broke up for my peace but why do i feel like I've cheated on my ex because i had a crush even though i never acted upon it. Please help me
Ans: You were uncomfortable and moved away from the individual - more power to you. It takes time to come to terms or get over such situations - when breakups happen we all go through self doubt, anger, sadness- this is a phase - they come and pass. Focus on your emotional and mental wellbeing - take care

..Read more

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |164 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Mam, me and my bestfriend were in a relation for 2 years. everything was going smooth until he asked me to send video of my chest. When i denied he became emotional and asked- we are going to marry right? then whats the problem in sharing those. everyone does that. I'm not that kind of a girl. whenever i said no he used every ways to make me do that despite my discomfort. I told him many times I am uncomfortable but he chose to ignore them. he was the one who promised me that he will never make me uncomfortable. Since then I started to not like his touches. I loved him truly and he was there with me during my dark times . when i was at hostel which allowed phone only 2 days a week because I was planning to write CLAT that year, i seriously felt distant from him. he said he would wait just to hear my voice. i was allowed phone for only 30 minutes and he wanted me to talk to him more than my parents when i needed them most. I gradually started losing hope and i didnt want to create a scene which will affect my exam. But the thing is after gradually losing trust in him i developed a crush at my centre. i never knew his name, never talked , nothing. My mental health was completely messed up. I passed my CLAT exam last year and i never acted upon the crush i had, i broke up with my bf right after the exam because I couldnt handle that relation anymore. to be clear i never broke up with him because i had a crush, even though i was guilty. i broke up because of how he forced me into things he liked and how he never valued my opinions and how i lost trust eventually when he said he had photos of me with him. I broke up for my peace but why do i feel like I've cheated on my ex because i had a crush even though i never acted upon it. Please help me. Was I cheating on him. When we broke up he said I'm like other girls always playing the victim card, he called me names and said he lost respect and felt petty about me when I said I had nothing else to talk on this matter.
Ans: this has been responded to

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I was in a relationship with my bestfriend for 1 and half years. Eventually I got to know that he liked physical intimacy more than emotional connection which is opposite to my concept. My feelings started to fade but I couldn't muster up courage to break up with him. While all this was going on I started to develop a crush on someone else but I never knew his name or never approached him in any ways and always kept my distance. Now it's been months since I broke up with my bf and about the crush I had I still hadn't approached it and I'm never planning to. I'm feeling that as I had a crush while being in a relation I cheated on my bf even though I hadn't approached or talked to the other person. Please clear it out. Have I cheated. I have never intended to hurt anyone but now I think I'm a cheater and I'm not able to sleep. I had to undergo therapy sessions right after break up due to the guilty and I've been diagnosed with depression too. Please tell me was I a cheater. I need a clear cut answer otherwise I won't able to live peacefully. Please help me
Ans: let me assure you that you're not a cheater. Having a crush or being attracted to someone else, especially when you're in a relationship where your emotional needs aren't fully met, is a natural human experience. What defines cheating is action—whether you pursued or acted on those feelings in a way that would break the trust and commitment of the relationship.

From what you described, you never approached or engaged with this person, and your feelings of guilt stem from the internal conflict of having a crush while still with your partner. It’s important to recognize that you didn’t cross any boundaries of betrayal. Emotional distance from your boyfriend due to differing needs is something that naturally can cause feelings to shift. Your realization that the relationship wasn’t aligned with your values speaks more to your integrity and self-awareness than to any notion of cheating.

The fact that you're struggling with these feelings shows how much you value honesty and loyalty. Sometimes, our minds create unnecessary guilt because we hold ourselves to very high standards. What you’re going through emotionally is tough, but it's important to differentiate between unintentional thoughts and intentional actions. You haven't betrayed anyone, and I hope this understanding helps you find some peace as you continue working on healing and your well-being.

It's clear you care deeply about not wanting to hurt others, but you also deserve self-compassion

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I was in a relationship with a boy(he is 35 yrs old man, and a lawyer but not practising in a court, he had a lot of relationship during our relationship and after break up , I had changed 4, 5 women or used them physically) for 3 years. It has been three-four months. We are not in a relationship. We have broken up. I told him to delete our personal pics and videos. He is not deleting them and is not blackmailing me either. I told him that since we don't want to be together, we don't have a future together, then delete them. He is not deleting them and is not blackmailing me either and I want him to delete them. Who knows what will come to his mind in the future and what will happen. If we don't continue, he has no right to Keep the pics in your mobile, whatever video is personal to us, don't delete it and don't blackmail me either. I am not able to understand what should I tell him, although I have requested him a lot to delete it but he is not doing it either, so what should I do, please guide me. I know I had made a huge mistake to love him and gave him right to keep personal pics or videos..
Ans: You’ve already made a reasonable request for him to delete the material, but his refusal is an indication that he is not respecting your boundaries. His actions—or lack of action—are now about him choosing his convenience over your emotional security. This is a painful and difficult dynamic to navigate. The next step is to recognize that, while you can’t control his behavior, you absolutely have the right to continue asserting your needs. It might be helpful to make your request one more time, but this time with a sense of finality. Clearly express that you are no longer comfortable with him holding onto any part of your shared past, and that you expect him to respect that. Be firm, but also protect yourself emotionally by being clear that this is non-negotiable.

If he continues to refuse or ignore your request, consider taking further action. This could involve seeking legal advice on how to protect your privacy. In many places, there are legal avenues to protect against the non-consensual sharing or retention of intimate material, even after a relationship ends. Legal action is, of course, a more extreme measure, but if you feel your privacy is at risk or that the situation is escalating, it may be necessary to explore this option.

Throughout this process, be kind to yourself. It’s easy to slip into self-blame when someone else disrespects your boundaries, but remember that you are entitled to make choices about your body, your image, and your privacy at any point in your life. Trust yourself to learn from this experience and move forward with stronger boundaries in future relationships. You’ve already taken a healthy first step by recognizing the need for change, and now you’re moving toward regaining control of the situation. Keep focusing on your wellbeing, and know that your feelings and needs matter.

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Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9251 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 27, 2025

Money
Hi sir iam 34 year old invest SIP 5000 in large mid small cap flexcap fund ,i need to one fund for balancing my port polio plz suggest SBI contra or SBI PSU or Invesco contra or sector like icici Prudential technology or icici Prudential infrastructure which one is better kindly give your opinion sir
Ans: You are only 34 years old.
That gives you good time to grow your wealth.
Investing in flexicap, largecap, midcap and smallcap is a smart mix.
This structure supports both stability and long-term compounding.
Rs. 5000 SIP is a steady commitment at this stage.

Now you want to add one more fund for better balance.
That’s a wise move. But selection must be done with care.

Let’s evaluate the options in front of you.

Understanding Contra Funds and Their Role

Contra funds follow a different style of investing.
They invest in unpopular or underperforming sectors or companies.
They believe those areas will turn around in future.

Contra strategy works well in volatile or sideways markets.
It needs patience and long-term holding to see results.
Not suitable for short-term goals or conservative investors.

A contra fund can be used by mature investors with experience.
But for many young investors, it brings complexity and delay in returns.

So, if you select contra fund, invest with patience for 7 years or more.
And make sure the rest of your portfolio is stable.

What About Sector-Based Funds Like Technology or Infrastructure?

Sectoral funds invest in just one theme or sector.
Like technology or infrastructure or pharma.
They carry high risk and high return potential.

If the sector performs, returns are very strong.
But if sector fails, returns may be poor for many years.

These funds need right timing and sector understanding.
They are not suitable for core portfolio.
You should not use these for balancing your main holdings.

Use them only if you have surplus money for experimental investing.
Limit exposure to 5% of your total portfolio only.

So, if you have Rs. 5,000 monthly SIP,
Sector funds should get no more than Rs. 250 per month.

What About PSU-Themed Funds?

PSU-focused funds invest in government-run companies.
These companies usually operate in banking, oil, power, etc.
Their returns depend on government policy and reforms.

They may perform well during economic growth and PSU revival cycles.
But they underperform when reforms are slow or global issues rise.

PSU funds are very cyclical.
They are not meant for steady long-term compounding.
They are also not suitable as a core fund in your structure.

Like sector funds, keep PSU exposure low.
These should not disturb your main diversified portfolio.

How to Choose the Right Balancing Fund

At your age and SIP stage, you need one thing: stability with long-term growth.
So, adding a fund that works across market cycles is better.

The right choice is not theme-based, not sectoral.
Instead, go with a well-managed diversified fund with active strategy.
This gives smoother returns and keeps your portfolio well-balanced.

Diversified funds have exposure across all sectors.
The fund manager shifts allocation as per market needs.
This is safer and more effective than single-theme funds.

Also, make sure your investment is in regular plan through Certified Financial Planner.
Regular plan gives you expert support and monitoring.

If you invest directly, you miss timely rebalancing and expert advice.
Direct funds look cheaper, but harm you with wrong fund choices.
With regular funds, the CFP helps in tracking and review.

That helps you stay on track with your goals.

What to Do If You Still Want Exposure to a Thematic Idea

If you still want to invest in a contra or sector idea,
Limit your exposure to 5% or 10% of total SIP only.
This helps you take benefit if the theme works.
But it does not disturb your main portfolio.

Always consult your Certified Financial Planner before investing in themes.
Don’t go by news, YouTube or peer suggestions.
Proper review is important before adding such funds.

Make sure your core portfolio has at least 80% in diversified funds.
This includes flexicap, largecap, and balanced allocation funds.
Only 20% or less should go into thematic funds if needed.

Final Insights

You are doing very well with your current strategy.
Age 34 is ideal time to focus on building strong investment base.
Your mix of flexi, large, mid and small cap is balanced.

Now you are thinking of adding one more fund.
That is fine, but avoid sector and PSU-based funds for this purpose.

Instead, go with a diversified active fund under regular plan.
That gives you smoother returns and risk-managed growth.

If still curious about contra or sector-based funds,
Use them only for experimentation. Keep exposure very low.
Monitor performance every 6 months. Don’t add more if not performing.

All your SIPs should be tracked by a Certified Financial Planner.
This gives you 360-degree support for risk, tax and goals.
Avoid random suggestions and social media-based fund ideas.

Invest with a purpose, review regularly and act with discipline.
That’s how real wealth is created over time.

For scheme-specific recommendation, please contact an MFD-CFP one-on-one.


Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Anu I'm 35, recently widowed. My husband passed away in a road accident. I was in a state of shock when he left me. I took a break from everything and resumed office only six months ago. A young man from my office, whose engagement was cancelled last year, has started showing interest in me. I don't know if he is doing it out of sympathy that I am a widow. But I am beginning to enjoy his company. I am surprised and also worried if it is too soon. I never believed there would be another guy in my life after my husband. Do you think I am feeling lonely? He's 37, gentle and respectful. We haven't kissed or got intimate. No flirting either. We like each other's company and there is an instant spark how we light each others' lives. I don't know if I am open to love, if this relationship will work. I don't know yet but how do I check if I am emotionally vulnerable? My family and in-laws would disapprove if I moved on 'so soon.' Is it wrong to date someone so early? I am feeling guilty too.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry for your loss.
And NO, it is not wrong to date someone; early or not is something that is very subjective in nature. It is possible that family and in-law may disapprove of you moving on, but over time when they realize that you are searching for a true companion and if the person is someone that they can trust, there maybe no reason why they will object.

Now, here comes a reality check questions;
- Are you jumping into another relationship after you have healed from your grief and you feel that you are ready for a new journey
OR
- Are you impulsively giving into your feelings of loneliness and this gentleman seems to fit the label of someone who is caring and keeps you distracted from your grief?

If it's the first case, then I am sure you know that it feels right; then it's just a matter of your family understanding it when they can...
But if it's the second case, please exercise caution as it can backfire leaving you feeling more lonely and less fulfilled...

Evaluate it keeping your emotions aside and I am sure you will come to the right decision.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |7115 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2025Hindi
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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