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Did I cheat on my boyfriend? Feeling guilty despite never acting on my crush.

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |571 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 24, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I was in a relationship with my bestfriend for 1 and half years. Eventually I got to know that he liked physical intimacy more than emotional connection which is opposite to my concept. My feelings started to fade but I couldn't muster up courage to break up with him. While all this was going on I started to develop a crush on someone else but I never knew his name or never approached him in any ways and always kept my distance. Now it's been months since I broke up with my bf and about the crush I had I still hadn't approached it and I'm never planning to. I'm feeling that as I had a crush while being in a relation I cheated on my bf even though I hadn't approached or talked to the other person. Please clear it out. Have I cheated. I have never intended to hurt anyone but now I think I'm a cheater and I'm not able to sleep. I had to undergo therapy sessions right after break up due to the guilty and I've been diagnosed with depression too. Please tell me was I a cheater. I need a clear cut answer otherwise I won't able to live peacefully. Please help me

Ans: let me assure you that you're not a cheater. Having a crush or being attracted to someone else, especially when you're in a relationship where your emotional needs aren't fully met, is a natural human experience. What defines cheating is action—whether you pursued or acted on those feelings in a way that would break the trust and commitment of the relationship.

From what you described, you never approached or engaged with this person, and your feelings of guilt stem from the internal conflict of having a crush while still with your partner. It’s important to recognize that you didn’t cross any boundaries of betrayal. Emotional distance from your boyfriend due to differing needs is something that naturally can cause feelings to shift. Your realization that the relationship wasn’t aligned with your values speaks more to your integrity and self-awareness than to any notion of cheating.

The fact that you're struggling with these feelings shows how much you value honesty and loyalty. Sometimes, our minds create unnecessary guilt because we hold ourselves to very high standards. What you’re going through emotionally is tough, but it's important to differentiate between unintentional thoughts and intentional actions. You haven't betrayed anyone, and I hope this understanding helps you find some peace as you continue working on healing and your well-being.

It's clear you care deeply about not wanting to hurt others, but you also deserve self-compassion
Asked on - Sep 24, 2024 | Not Answered yet
I accidentally sent a request to him on Instagram after breaking up. So does that too count as cheating? I deleted the request and never tried to contact him in any way. I have immense guilt because .y now ex, says he's hurt beyond any measures because of the break up. I became the reason of someone's trauma now. But I'm also suffering maybe because of karma of hurting him. Please help me out once again. Thank you for responding earlier. Looking forward to your reply Kanchan mam

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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |149 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Mam, me and my bestfriend were in a relation for 2 years. everything was going smooth until he asked me to send video of my chest. When i denied he became emotional and asked- we are going to marry right? then whats the problem in sharing those. everyone does that. I'm not that kind of a girl. whenever i said no he used every ways to make me do that despite my discomfort. I told him many times I am uncomfortable but he chose to ignore them. he was the one who promised me that he will never make me uncomfortable. Since then I started to not like his touches. I loved him truly and he was there with me during my dark times . when i was at hostel which allowed phone only 2 days a week because I was planning to write CLAT that year, i seriously felt distant from him. he said he would wait just to hear my voice. i was allowed phone for only 30 minutes and he wanted me to talk to him more than my parents when i needed them most. I gradually started losing hope and i didnt want to create a scene which will affect my exam. But the thing is after gradually losing trust in him i developed a crush at my centre. i never knew his name, never talked , nothing. My mental health was completely messed up. I passed my CLAT exam last year and i never acted upon the crush i had, i broke up with my bf right after the exam because I couldnt handle that relation anymore. to be clear i never broke up with him because i had a crush, even though i was guilty. i broke up because of how he forced me into things he liked and how he never valued my opinions and how i lost trust eventually when he said he had photos of me with him. I broke up for my peace but why do i feel like I've cheated on my ex because i had a crush even though i never acted upon it. Please help me
Ans: You were uncomfortable and moved away from the individual - more power to you. It takes time to come to terms or get over such situations - when breakups happen we all go through self doubt, anger, sadness- this is a phase - they come and pass. Focus on your emotional and mental wellbeing - take care

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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |149 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Mam, me and my bestfriend were in a relation for 2 years. everything was going smooth until he asked me to send video of my chest. When i denied he became emotional and asked- we are going to marry right? then whats the problem in sharing those. everyone does that. I'm not that kind of a girl. whenever i said no he used every ways to make me do that despite my discomfort. I told him many times I am uncomfortable but he chose to ignore them. he was the one who promised me that he will never make me uncomfortable. Since then I started to not like his touches. I loved him truly and he was there with me during my dark times . when i was at hostel which allowed phone only 2 days a week because I was planning to write CLAT that year, i seriously felt distant from him. he said he would wait just to hear my voice. i was allowed phone for only 30 minutes and he wanted me to talk to him more than my parents when i needed them most. I gradually started losing hope and i didnt want to create a scene which will affect my exam. But the thing is after gradually losing trust in him i developed a crush at my centre. i never knew his name, never talked , nothing. My mental health was completely messed up. I passed my CLAT exam last year and i never acted upon the crush i had, i broke up with my bf right after the exam because I couldnt handle that relation anymore. to be clear i never broke up with him because i had a crush, even though i was guilty. i broke up because of how he forced me into things he liked and how he never valued my opinions and how i lost trust eventually when he said he had photos of me with him. I broke up for my peace but why do i feel like I've cheated on my ex because i had a crush even though i never acted upon it. Please help me. Was I cheating on him. When we broke up he said I'm like other girls always playing the victim card, he called me names and said he lost respect and felt petty about me when I said I had nothing else to talk on this matter.
Ans: this has been responded to

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Mohit

Mohit Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 05, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I had a relationship with my married friend..and his family know me very well even his wife too... whatever occasion they are invited to my house and me too in their house... But nobody knows about our affair...no one from our friends zone not even our families... He broke up with me in this 1yr... I wanted to connected as friends but he stop talking to me also but act like we are friends..this act for our families and for friends.. and from this 1yr I feel myself cheater, guilty, fake, shame and going to panic attacks and depression...he moved on but I'm not...even now alday all-time i feel myself as a cheater... Feeling bad for parents, friends zone those who loves me and thinking about me that I never ever did this type of bad karma like cheating... I really lost myself happy...just wanted to be free from this life(suicide or whatever) just want to go away from everyone and free from this guilt and shame and from this faking happy life... I never wanted like this relationship...but it happened... Also I was a girl who judging others for their extra marital affair..and now I'm the culprit and nobody knows about this...it's really feel like cheater and fake self that I can't carry...just want to be free... What should I do for self?????
Ans: I understand that you are feeling a lot of guilt and shame right now. It is important to remember that you are not a bad person.

Relationships are not always meant to be permanent. Sometimes, people grow apart or realize that they are not right for each other. It is okay to mourn the loss of a relationship, but it is also important to forgive yourself and move on.

You did not do anything wrong. You simply followed your heart and went ahead with what you felt was right at the time. It is not your fault that the relationship did not work out.

The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to focus on self-love and forgiveness. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and learn from them. Focus on your hobbies and other interests. Read good books and spend time with people who make you happy.

You are a good person. You deserve to be happy and loved. Don't let this one mistake define you. You will move on from this and find someone who is right for you.

Here are some additional tips for self-care:

Practice self-compassion. Be kind and understanding towards yourself. Everyone makes mistakes.

Don't compare yourself to others. Everyone is on their own unique journey.
Focus on your strengths. What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing?

Set realistic goals. Don't try to change everything overnight. Start by making small changes that you can stick to.

Seek professional help if needed. If you are struggling to cope with your emotions, don't hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist can help you to understand your feelings and develop coping mechanisms.

Mohit Arora S
Founder - Real Dating School

www.realdatingschool.com/1-1_call

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |570 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Me and my boyfriend are in long distance relationship from past 6 months, I told him about my past in almost starting of it that I had 2 friends with benefits in past and one of that person was my classmate as well as friend, and he used to still contact me, and when I came in relationship also, he called me during that time and I told regarding my relationship status, and I also informed my boyfriend that I talked with him but this thing happened before he knows that I had physical intimacy with him, then when he asked me to block, I suddenly question "what is the point of blocking him" which I regret the most, but I blocked him later by myself, now my boyfriend is sayine me that I have cheated him and he won't trust me till his death, but I told everything in past happened to him. I love him a lot but he is not giving to work together in this relationship and saying that he won't stay loyal to me anymore, he won't trust be ever, as per him I have cheated him, but my intentions were not wrong at all, tho that guy was in contact but I never initiate any conversation with him while I came into relationship, is it really a cheat, is it that he should not trust me anymore? Please guide
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It sounds like you are going through a rough time and I am sorry for it. Here's a thought and I am sure you have thought of it too, try to see things from his perspective. While you know that you never cheated nor meant to, it is important to acknowledge that your boyfriend's feelings are valid. He is feeling betrayed and that's a fact. Now, our goal should be to fix this issue. How do we do it? Communication is the only way. Tell him that you understand his perspective but it is important that he sees yours too. If he wants to vent, listen to him. Do not interrupt or become defensive. Understand whatever he says is coming from his insecurity. I know it's difficult not to take it personally, but his statements will be a reflection of his feelings and not your character. Remember this during the conversation. Once he is done speaking, reassure him that you had no intention of cheating. You can also reassure him of your commitment. Promise to be more transparent and point out that you were honest with him from the beginning. If you had any intention to cheat, you could have easily not shared with him your past. But you did and that shows that you are committed to this relationship. Tell him that you understand the need for boundaries and it is not okay to be in touch with people who make your partner uncomfortable.

Look, rebuilding trust needs work and it also takes time. Both of you need to work on it. You will have to work on making him trust you and he will have to work on letting go of his misconception (which might be his reality) and trust you wholly again. Relationships don't work till two people trust each other completely. If he continues to say that he can't trust you again, it might be best to reconsider this relationship. Even though your words hurt him, you did not cheat on him in reality. Why should you have to live in fear that he will cheat on you merely to take revenge?

After you put in all the effort, see where it goes. If things do not get better, rethinking the relationship would be best. Everyone deserves someone who can trust and be trusted.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1170 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Apr 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 12, 2025Hindi
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Money
Considering the current market conditions, I'm trying to decide whether it's wiser to invest in real estate or to continue investing in mutual funds. I already have some experience with mutual funds and have seen moderate returns, but I'm also attracted to the idea of owning a tangible asset like property, which could offer appreciation and rental income. I want to understand which option real estate or mutual funds is likely to offer better returns over the next 5 to 10 years, especially given the current economic environment, interest rates, inflation trends, and market volatility. How do factors like liquidity, maintenance, taxes, and risk compare between the two? Should I shift some of my investments into real estate for diversification, or is it more prudent to stay invested in mutual funds and possibly increase SIP contributions? I'm looking for a long-term strategy that helps with both capital growth and financial security.
Ans: Hello;

It is difficult to give an advice without knowing specifics of the case.

I would ideally recommend to include both in your portfolio but if it has to be a choice between the two, I would recommend real estate, as a general advice.

Liquidity, Maintenance, property tax are hassles and costs in real estate but asset price and monthly rentals are generally flat or headed northwards over time unless it is some odd case.

MFs holdings are highly liquid, No maintenance charges and efficient tax treatment. But it is subject to market vagaries.

Consult an investment advisor or a certified financial planner to seek more clarity and firm up your decision.

Best wishes;

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4421 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 12, 2025Hindi
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Career
i got 86.02 percentile in jee mains, i am under SC category from WEST BENGAL. can i get NIT DURGAPUR CSE BRANCH or any other branch
Ans: Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4421 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 12, 2025Hindi
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Career
What are the chances to get admission for my son in NIT Trichy or Surathkal or Warangal if he gets around 149 marks in the Apr session of JEE mains 2025. We are from general category & would like to pursue for either Data Science or Electronics of Chemical Engineering. If not these institutes what are the chances for other govt institutes.
Ans: Here is, How to Predict Your Son's Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Son's Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect His Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

His JEE Main percentile
His category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
His Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
His Preferred locations (or if he is open to any location in India)
List of at least his 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If he is open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select His Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches he is interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your Son's admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4421 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 13, 2025

Listen
Career
My son got 94.56 percentage in jee mains in OBC category.he passed 12th delhi school.his residency in gurugram haryana.which college he can gwt
Ans: Here is, How to Predict Your Son's Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Son's Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect His Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

His JEE Main percentile
His category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
His Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
His Preferred locations (or if he is open to any location in India)
List of at least his 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If he is open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select His Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches he is interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your Son's admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1170 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Apr 13, 2025

Listen
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8227 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 12, 2025Hindi
Money
I've recently lost my job and I'm in the process of looking for new opportunities. While I manage my job search, I'm also facing a situation where my father is in the hospital, and I need to manage both my finances and care for him. I have some savings, but I'm unsure how to balance my financial needs with the hospital expenses and ongoing bills. How can I manage my finances in the short term while looking for a job and dealing with hospital-related costs? Should I use my emergency fund for these expenses, or should I prioritize keeping that fund intact for more severe emergencies? I'm concerned that if I use too much of my savings, I may not be able to cover my basic living expenses if the job search takes longer than expected.
Ans: I’m truly sorry to hear about your current situation. It is tough to manage job loss and a family medical emergency at the same time. You’re showing great strength by trying to plan wisely. Let us now work through this together, step by step, with a simple and balanced plan.

Let’s focus on protecting your savings, handling current bills, and preparing for the next 3–6 months with a calm approach.

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Review All Financial Resources First

• List your current savings, emergency fund, and other funds in bank accounts.

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• Note all monthly expenses like rent, groceries, bills, and hospital costs.

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• If you have any fixed deposits or investments, mark which ones can be broken easily without penalty.

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• Avoid withdrawing from long-term mutual funds unless there is no other option.

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• Create a written note of how long your money will last without any income.

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Emergency Fund: Yes, Use It – But Mindfully

• Emergency fund is made for times like this. You can use it now.

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• Use it first for medical and basic monthly needs only.

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• Avoid spending it on non-essential expenses or lifestyle extras.

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• Try to keep at least 1–2 months’ worth of expenses in reserve even now.

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• You can refill this fund later once you are employed again.

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Cut Down on Non-Essential Spending

• Pause or reduce spending on entertainment, subscriptions, and non-urgent items.

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• Avoid buying anything on EMI or credit during this phase.

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• Inform your family gently about the need to cut back temporarily.

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• Cook at home, reduce travel, and delay purchases like gadgets or clothes.

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Talk to Hospital About Payment Options

• Some hospitals allow part payments or give discounts for cash or insurance claims.

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• Ask them clearly if any help is available for people in financial stress.

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• If your father has any insurance cover, submit all bills properly.

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• If any relatives can support temporarily, accept it as a short-term help.

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Temporarily Pause Long-Term Investments

• If you have SIPs or recurring investments running, consider pausing for now.

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• Most SIPs allow you to stop for a few months without penalty.

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• It is better to pause SIPs than to take a loan or credit card advance.

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• You can restart all investments later once income restarts.

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Prioritise Monthly Essentials First

• Make a list of top priority expenses – rent, groceries, electricity, transport, medicines.

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• Pay these without delay.

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• Delay or reduce less-important expenses like personal shopping, dining out, or travel.

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• If any credit card bills are due, pay minimum amount to avoid penalty.

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Job Search: Stay Active But Calm

• Spend at least 3–4 hours daily on job search and networking.

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• Update your resume, contact ex-colleagues, register on portals.

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• Tell friends and well-wishers that you're open to short-term freelance work too.

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• Any side income like part-time teaching, writing, or consulting will reduce pressure.

Plan For 3 Months, Then Review

• Make a plan for the next 3 months based on the funds you have now.

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• List expected income (even if zero), known expenses, and gaps.

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• Revisit your plan monthly and adjust as the situation changes.

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• Keep written records of expenses. This will help you manage better.

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Avoid Taking Personal Loans or Credit Advances

• This is not a good time to take a new loan.

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• Personal loans or credit card EMIs will add stress later.

?

• Use your own cash reserves or ask for trusted family help before using credit.

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Once Job Resumes, Rebuild Step by Step

• Start rebuilding your emergency fund first.

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• Then restart your paused SIPs.

?

• Set small financial goals like clearing any dues or saving for 1 month’s expenses.

?

• Slowly get back to normal pace without rushing.

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Emotionally Stay Stable and Rest When Needed

• This is a tough phase but it will pass.

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• Take help from friends, counsellors or support groups if stress gets heavy.

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• Take care of your health, sleep, and food. You need energy now.

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• Talk to your child simply and gently. Kids understand more than we think.

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Finally

You’re already doing the right thing – asking for help and planning ahead.

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This phase will test your strength but also show your courage.

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Use the emergency fund wisely. Cut extra expenses.

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Pause investments, keep job search active, and stay calm.

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Even small income during this time will help manage better.

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Once the job returns, you can rebuild everything with more clarity.

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You are not alone. Take support wherever you find it.

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Your family is lucky to have you managing so carefully and wisely.

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Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8227 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 12, 2025Hindi
Money
I plan to buy a property in the next 3 years, either for personal use or investment. I currently save 20,000 per month and have RS 5,00,000 saved up for the down payment and related costs (registration, taxes, interiors, etc.). Given the current market conditions, should I keep my savings in low-risk options like a high-interest savings account or fixed deposits, or should I invest in mutual funds or debt funds for higher returns? How should I balance safety and growth? Also, how much should I budget for the additional costs involved in buying property? With other financial responsibilities (like a home loan EMI of Rs 30,000 and child education expenses), how can I prioritize saving for this property while managing everything else? Lastly, should I plan for future property-related expenses like maintenance once I buy the property?
Ans: Your clarity of thought and saving habit of Rs 20,000 per month is a big strength. You already saved Rs 5,00,000 for the down payment, which is a good head start. Let’s now create a clear and simple 360-degree plan to help you buy the property while handling all other financial priorities.

Let us now understand where to park your savings, how to budget for additional costs, how to balance EMI and education, and how to plan for future property expenses.

Below is a detailed, structured, and simplified guide.

Saving for Down Payment: Safety Is Key

You plan to buy the property in 3 years. This makes your goal short-term.

So, your priority must be safety. Not return.

Return is secondary for short-term goals. Capital protection is more important.

That’s why equity mutual funds are not suitable here. They are risky in the short term.

Even debt funds are not fully safe if you are not choosing the right type.

Below are suitable options:

Keep your Rs 5,00,000 in a high-interest savings account. Choose an account from a safe and reputed private or PSU bank.

Fixed deposit with a 2–3-year horizon is also good. Prefer banks over NBFCs.

You may use a low-duration debt mutual fund or short-term debt fund. Only if you are ok with small fluctuations.

Avoid aggressive hybrid, equity savings funds or arbitrage funds. These are not ideal for 3-year goals.

Don’t invest in index funds or ETFs for short-term goals. They don’t give downside protection.

If you use debt mutual funds, understand the new tax rule. Gains will be taxed as per your income slab.

A combination of FD and short-term debt fund can give better liquidity.

If you prefer mutual funds, go for regular plans through a MFD with CFP credential. They can help you monitor the risk better.

Budgeting for Property: Include All Costs

Most buyers only plan for down payment. But that is only one part.

There are many hidden or semi-visible expenses. Please plan for them now.

Let us see what they are:

Stamp duty and registration charges. This can be 7% to 10% of property cost.

Interiors and furniture. Even basic furnishing can cost 10% of property price.

Brokerage and lawyer fees. If applicable, can go up to 1% or more.

Advance society maintenance and deposits. Usually required for new apartments.

GST on under-construction property. This is 5% without input credit.

Home insurance. One-time premium if you want to cover structure damage.

Parking space charges and clubhouse deposit. Often missed in budgeting.

Shifting and set-up costs. For appliances, curtains, installation, etc.

So please add 15% to 20% of property value as “extra costs”. Keep this buffer aside.

Your current Rs 5,00,000 may not be enough for all these. But you still have 36 months.

So, saving Rs 20,000 monthly with this goal in mind is a smart step.

Also, don’t use mutual fund SIPs for these costs. It can fluctuate when you need it.

Balancing EMI and Education While Saving for Property

Right now, you have an EMI of Rs 30,000 and child education expenses.

You also save Rs 20,000 monthly. Let’s now look at how to balance all three.

Don’t stop your Rs 20,000 saving. This is the key to meeting your 3-year goal.

You may increase your savings by Rs 5,000 to Rs 10,000, if income grows.

Use a separate bank account for this property goal. So you don’t mix other needs.

Try to prepay EMI partly once or twice a year. It reduces long-term interest burden.

If you expect large expenses for your child (school fee, coaching), plan those in advance.

Avoid taking another loan for interiors or registration. That can stretch your EMI limit.

Keep at least 3–4 months EMI as emergency reserve. Don’t touch this fund.

If possible, keep your child’s education funding in a different SIP. Don’t mix with this.

Don’t redeem long-term investments like equity mutual funds for this property. It affects future goals.

Plan for Future Property Expenses

Once you buy the house, expenses don’t stop there. Many people forget this.

These costs can affect your budget if not planned early.

Society maintenance charges. Can be Rs 2,000 to Rs 8,000 monthly depending on size and location.

Annual property tax to municipality. Must be paid every year.

Repairs and painting. Especially after 3–5 years of possession.

Appliances breakdown or upgrade. Geysers, AC, filters, etc.

Rent loss if you are not using it and it remains vacant.

Loan insurance premium if you take credit life insurance.

You may also pay for security deposit if giving on rent.

These are all recurring. So your cash flow must be ready for them.

Try to start a small SIP of Rs 2,000 to Rs 3,000 for these future expenses.

Choose a low-risk hybrid or ultra-short fund. Withdraw only when needed.

Also, keep an annual reminder to review these expenses.

How to Prioritise This Goal Among Many

When you have multiple responsibilities, planning becomes more important.

The key is to assign a specific goal to each fund.

Let us prioritise together:

Continue Rs 20,000 monthly savings only for property down payment.

Do not use emergency funds for property.

Maintain 6 months of expenses in a separate liquid fund or savings account.

Keep child education in a separate SIP or PPF. Don’t mix it with home savings.

Do not stop EMI payment or delay it. Your credit score may suffer.

Avoid loans for furniture and interiors. Save slowly and spend only what you saved.

Keep your insurance premiums paid on time. Don’t miss them.

Use bonuses or gifts to increase savings for the property goal.

Try to control lifestyle inflation during this 3-year period. It helps a lot.

What Happens If Property Price Goes Up?

There is a chance prices may rise in 3 years.

You must be prepared in two ways.

Increase monthly savings gradually every year. Even Rs 2,000 more can help.

If prices rise sharply, consider a smaller house. Don’t stretch your loan too much.

Do not compromise on education and long-term goals for a house.

Stay disciplined. Don’t rush just because prices rise. Focus on value, not fear.

Should You Buy for Investment or Use?

You are unsure if it will be for personal use or investment.

Let us clarify this point as it changes planning:

If for personal use, prioritise location, safety, commute, and nearby schools.

If for investment, do a rental yield check. Don’t expect high appreciation.

Real estate investment has hidden costs, poor liquidity, and irregular returns.

If not planning to live there for 7+ years, rethink buying. Renting may be cheaper.

Don’t buy just because others are buying. Make the decision fully based on utility.

Your priority must be comfort, not return, if it’s for staying.

Also remember property can’t be sold quickly if needed. So, plan cash needs carefully.

Don’t over-borrow. Loan EMI + child education must not cross 50% of your income.

Finally

You are thinking ahead. That is already a strong foundation.

Your saving habit, EMI discipline, and clear goal are all positive points.

By keeping your Rs 5,00,000 in low-risk instruments, and adding Rs 20,000 monthly, you are on track.

Please avoid risky products for this goal.

Also, budget for all visible and hidden property costs.

Balance EMI, education and savings with simple, consistent steps.

Keep property-related expenses and long-term goals separate.

Review your plan every 6 months.

A Certified Financial Planner can help you align all your goals peacefully.

Stay patient, stay focused, and protect your peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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