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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |523 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, I am a 22 year old female with an engineering graduation passed before 6 months. I had an long term relationship with my boyfriend since 4.5 years. We both are from different cities of KA and currently in it's capital city. I socialize with my male friends, which my bf does'nt like and whenever we meet it always turns into a fight. During my college graduation day, I was told not to participate which I did'nt agreed yet participated. During this my bf saw me with my friends around me and slapped me in public. This happened many times. Even though I have had quite a intimate time with one of my classmate and kissed another one. I never had real S*x with anyone. The intimacy was only to show my anger on my bf. Now I changed my location after graduation, broke with my bf and now I have a deeper understanding & relationship with a man of 42 aged-married-2 kids and a yet good being. We both had good time, no trust issues, no s*x, yet intimacies for couple of times. He keeps me happy, joyful, helping me towards my profession and goal, respects, looks me well and yet never forced me for penetration. He has plans to fly to UK after 3-5 years and promised to take me with him supporting my profession. I was really contented and happy with this relationship. He even assured that marriage can happen between us, If I agree and If I can wait until he gets divorced from his wife. But one day, my ex bf friend called and said that he has met with an accident and is in severed health issues like (piles, kidney stones). He is basically a drunkyard. Seeing this I got agitated. Now I wanted to breakup with the current man and go back to by ex-bf because he is left alone and we had 4.5 years of relation. I don't whether I am correct or not, Please advise.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am not sure if you are right either way. Being in a relationship with a married man, who is yet to get divorce, is ethically incorrect, whether there is physical intimacy or not. At the same time going back to your ex merely because you feel sad for him is also not the right choice. You are yourself admitting that he is a drunkard and he was also controlling and above all he slapped you; there's no excuse for any form of physical abuse in a relationship. Being in love does not make it okay to hit your partner. Please understand that.

In my opinion, you should take some time to reflect on the choices you are making. I truly believe you deserve better than a man who hits you, tries to control you, and a man who is already committed to someone else. Please think about it and make better choices that will allow you to feel true happiness.

Best Wishes.
Asked on - Feb 19, 2024 | Answered on Feb 27, 2024
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Thank you, I might again need your honest advice again.
Ans: You are welcome :)

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 26, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I'm unable to decide what to do with my life like I'm totally stuck emotionally...I am having a 1.5 years relationship but I'm confused in that relationship to go forward or end....last year everything was ok...my boyfriend had a past which he shared me before starting of our relationship only...i accepted his past and only continued to move forward in our relationship....but his ex was in touch with him...when I was out of station they planned a team out with their mutual friends and I came to know after seeing their pics...he have explained the situation and I agreed that ....but somehow I couldn't accept the that...and it continuously triggered me...later his mother took the help of that girl for her personal things ....like she used to come to his house and I was not aware of it....when I questioned that he said it was his mom's choice she said the same to him when he asked his mom.... sometimes I had physical with him...from past 4 months we are not having any physical not even a kiss or touch ........my family is pressuring for marriage and he is still in career settling process....I'm unable to decide what to do ....i cannot trust any man further and I don't know I would be able to accept any man in future and start a family with.... please guide me correctly.... express your pov
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is very clear that the Ex did have a way with him and his mother. They seemed to have some sort of a bond that is still strong and they make no move to loosen it knowing that there is a new person now...

How is it the son and mother haven't had an inkling that their cozying up to the Ex, can prevent a new relationship from growing?
It's a nice thought to be all mature about the Ex, but only when such a conversation has happened before.
Did your boyfriend not think that this might cause issues in his relationship with you?
Did he not think that a conversation that he is in touch with his Ex should come up?

What is a red flag here is the fact that he assumes that his action will be okay with you...Isn't that taking you for granted?
It is easy to skim over this as nothing and maybe it is really nothing, but if you have felt triggered, do not shove this under the carpet. What feels uncomfortable to you, must be addressed by your boyfriend. What he does or doesn't will have a direct impact on you and your relationship with him. So address it ASAP before it grows branches and trees in your mind.
And of course, there is no way of preventing what his mother does. You might have to ignore it as she is her own person and has the right to maintain her relationships even if is with her son's Ex...it will be uncomfortable for you, but do let it be...
Trust is one of the pillars in any relationship and if any action or inaction disturbs that trust, address it immediately. Please have that chat with your boyfriend and acknowledge that there is a RED FLAG. Also, discuss your future...if he has reservations settling down, I am sure you know what to do...It's your life, make wise choices...

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I'm 18years old girl.from last 4years one guy is loving me.he is 23years old right now.we didn't met but we are chatting in online and we are talking in mobiles also.he is behind of my house.we exchange our numbers also. but,actually i like him like a friend.but,he is loving so much to me.after that i got a praposal from our college senior.but,i didn't accept his praposal. we are changing our numbers and chatting and talking in mobiles.but,one day i accept him.actually i have an friend before i said who loves me from last 4years.now my friend is saying i want to marry you from last 2years.but,i didn't love him.he is caring like my mother from last 4years.he never misbehaving with me.he never talk rudely.but i said to him,I'm already in relationship since 3months with one guy.but,his said don't tell any thing to me.im loving you since last 4years.why did not accept my praposal.why you accept to him.he just you know from since 3months.but,im loving and caring from last 4 years.why you not accept me and why you accept his... I already spoke with him I'm in relationship with the guy who is of my college senior.but,he is not understanding.he said i love you and i want you only.i dont want any one.i need only you,he told me like that... Please tell me what will i do....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Please get away from this guy who says he has been in love with you for 4 years. He seems obsessed with you and you can be in a relationship with anyone that you wish to...
But also, you don't seem to be sire as to what you want to do...at 18, relationships can be confusing...why don't you focus on having more friends at college rather than getting into a serious relationship? There's always time for that seriousness later in life...build a good friend circle and put your energies into studying well and in a year or two when you display that maturity, you will be able to have better relationships...

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |523 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, I am not yet mairred. I used to like a man and after a month we decided to get married. He was of my caste so I thought my parents won't deny this mairrage. I used to talk to and wanted to let him know everything about my past so that we can built a strong root of our relationship. I spoke every detail of my past life to him. Then before he proposed me for mairrage I went for a vacation with my male friend to dehradun. I didn't tell him that day as he didn't proposed me till that day then why would I tell everything about me to anyone. He was noone to me at that time. After that he came to visit me in Delhi and on the same when he was on train a friend of mine along with his fiance came to meet me after a very long time. I asked him and he didn't denied. After returning home he blocked me. I cried and cried, called multiple times but he didn't received my call. Even I went to his location and waited for almost 3 hr but he didn't came. Then I asked my sister to call him. Then he talked to me but he said me so much of harsh and vulgar words that I went in shock. I cried a lot but he went on humiliating me. But somehow I convinced him to stay with me. I never talked to that friend ever. Then I told my parents about him that I want to get married with this men. Being a girl's father my father enquired about him by being annonymous. And trust me noone has said anything good about him. Later on we get to know that his father has a murder case on him of his brother in law. But then I wanted to get married. Finally my parents agreed only for my happines. Meanwhile I was never being respected by him. He always doubt me, humiliate me, abuse me mentally and physically, and when I was like I don't want to be with you he used to say sorry and begged me to be with him. He even used to restrict to visit my uncle aunty. His mother wants used to defend him and never used to make him realise that he was wrong. Then before engagement we went to Kolkata to buy dress. Yes one more thing I have informed him on the very first day that I used to drink and smoke occassionally. So whenever he used to visit me he always wanted to drink with me whether I want it or not. He always used to abuse me and humiliate me in front of everyone after drinking, so after a period of time I used to avoid drinking. Then he used to fight with me for that also that why will you not drink. In kolkata the same thing happen. We stayed there for 3 days and he was convincing to go to club from the very first day but I refused. On 3rd he hit me. After engagement his family asked for dowry. After a lot of dealing my parents agreed for an amount. But I felt betrayed. I stopped talking. After after when I initiated the conversation he picked up a fight and said he won't marry. I tried to convince. But when everyone was blaming me then I broke my silence and said everything about him to my parent. But he manipulated everything and made me villain. My parents want me to get married What should I do
Ans: Dear Akriti,
After reading your question I can only give you one advice, please do not marry him no matter what people say. Even if we overlook every other red flag that he has exhibited, abuse of any form is unacceptable. Why are you trying to convince your parents to marry a guy who hits you? Do you think you deserve it or anyone, for that matter, deserves that?
Now, no matter who tries to manipulate you, or however much they try to convince you, get out of the relationship for the love and self-respect you have for yourself. It is a big decision but in your case, it is worth making that big decision. I'd normally never tell people they should this or they shouldn't do that, but in your case, no sane person would ever suggest you marry this man and be subjected to abuse for the rest of your life.

Please make the right choice.

Best Wishes

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |523 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, I am not yet mairred. I used to like a man and after a month we decided to get married. He was of my caste so I thought my parents won't deny this mairrage. I used to talk to and wanted to let him know everything about my past so that we can built a strong root of our relationship. I spoke every detail of my past life to him. Then before he proposed me for mairrage I went for a vacation with my male friend to dehradun. I didn't tell him that day as he didn't proposed me till that day then why would I tell everything about me to anyone. He was noone to me at that time. After that he came to visit me in Delhi and on the same when he was on train a friend of mine along with his fiance came to meet me after a very long time. I asked him and he didn't denied. After returning home he blocked me. I cried and cried, called multiple times but he didn't received my call. Even I went to his location and waited for almost 3 hr but he didn't came. Then I asked my sister to call him. Then he talked to me but he said me so much of harsh and vulgar words that I went in shock. I cried a lot but he went on humiliating me. But somehow I convinced him to stay with me. I never talked to that friend ever. Then I told my parents about him that I want to get married with this men. Being a girl's father my father enquired about him by being annonymous. And trust me noone has said anything good about him. Later on we get to know that his father has a murder case on him of his brother in law. But then I wanted to get married. Finally my parents agreed only for my happines. Meanwhile I was never being respected by him. He always doubt me, humiliate me, abuse me mentally and physically, and when I was like I don't want to be with you he used to say sorry and begged me to be with him. He even used to restrict to visit my uncle aunty. His mother wants used to defend him and never used to make him realise that he was wrong. Then before engagement we went to Kolkata to buy dress. Yes one more thing I have informed him on the very first day that I used to drink and smoke occassionally. So whenever he used to visit me he always wanted to drink with me whether I want it or not. He always used to abuse me and humiliate me in front of everyone after drinking, so after a period of time I used to avoid drinking. Then he used to fight with me for that also that why will you not drink. In kolkata the same thing happen. We stayed there for 3 days and he was convincing to go to club from the very first day but I refused. On 3rd he hit me. After engagement his family asked for dowry. After a lot of dealing my parents agreed for an amount. But I felt betrayed. I stopped talking. After after when I initiated the conversation he picked up a fight and said he won't marry. I tried to convince. But when everyone was blaming me then I broke my silence and said everything about him to my parent. But he manipulated everything and made me villain. My parents want me to get married What should I do
Ans: Dear Akriti,
After reading your question I can only give you one advice, please do not marry him no matter what people say. Even if we overlook every other red flag that he has exhibited, abuse of any form is unacceptable. Why are you trying to convince your parents to marry a guy who hits you? Do you think you deserve it or anyone, for that matter, deserves that?

Now, no matter who tries to manipulate you, or however much they try to convince you, get out of the relationship for the love and self-respect you have for yourself. It is a big decision but in your case, it is worth making that big decision. I'd normally never tell people they should this or they shouldn't do that, but in your case, no sane person would ever suggest you marry this man and be subjected to abuse for the rest of your life.
Please make the right choice.

Best Wishes

..Read more

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Janak

Janak Patel  |15 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 10, 2025Hindi
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Advice Needed: Transitioning Back to India & Financial Planning Hello, I’m currently in the process of transitioning back to India after spending the last 15 years abroad. My family includes my wife (early 30s) and our 1-year-old baby. We are staying with my parents for now but are planning to move into a larger, more comfortable residence, either by buying or renting. I’d love to hear some perspectives on my financial situation, as I’m trying to figure out the best course of action in this new chapter. Here’s a quick summary of where I stand: 1. Cash Savings: We’re consolidating assets from both India and abroad, and will have about ₹4 crore in liquid funds. 2. Retirement Savings: I have a PPF-equivalent account of around ₹70 lakhs, which I can only access at age 65. I’m hoping the modest returns from this will be sufficient for my retirement. 3. Inherited Assets: I’ve inherited ancestral properties valued around ₹30 crore. I’m not planning to liquidate these assets or touch them for at least the next 10 years. 4. Career: I work in IT and expect a salary of about ₹1.3 lakh per month (after tax) in India. My wife is in the early stages of her career, so we’re still deciding whether she will work here or possibly start her own small business. Given all of this, here’s where I’m at: * Investment options: I’m considering investing the ₹4 crore in commercial real estate to generate passive income. I’ve seen a couple of properties with rental guarantees of ₹1.5 lakh per month, with a 5% annual increase. * Housing preference: My family prefers to live in a gated community, so I’m not really inclined to invest in residential property for passive income. * Housing decision: Should I buy an apartment or villa now, betting on my career certainty here, or focus on creating more financial freedom first before making career moves in India? In my heart, I feel that achieving financial independence should be my first priority before diving into career opportunities or starting a business here. What would you do in my situation? I'd love to hear your thoughts or any advice you can offer!
Ans: Hi,

Welcome back to India and Congratulations on taking this big decision to move back to India.

Before I start my response to your queries, just want you to know we share a couple of things in common. I was abroad for a considerable time and returned back to India and I was also in the IT field at that time, before I moved ship to Personal Finance and Financial Planning. So I can relate to some of your concerns, queries and thought process in that regard.

This may be a bit long but hopefully its helpful.
Your current Financial summary -
Cash/Liquid funds - INR 4 Crores
PPF equivalent - INR 70 Lakhs available at age 65
Inherited properties - valued at INR 30 crores no plan to liquidate as of now
Salary/Income - INR 1.3 lakhs per month in hand

As a few critical data points are not mentioned but with few indicators in queries, I will make some assumptions for the same - Age 37 years, Location for housing/work - Metro/2nd tier city.

Lets get a couple of things kept aside for this discussion -
PPF equivalent - INR 70 lakhs > for retirement can grow to an amount between INR 2 Crores (@4% returns) to INR 4.5 Crores (@7% returns), will cover this again when I mention Retirement below.
Inherited Properties - as there is no plan for liquidation, excluding this completely.

Decisions to be made -
1. Investment Options
2. Housing Buy/Rent
3. Financial freedom/independence

Lets go through each of these and I will add more for your consideration as they will have a weightage on all future decisions.

1. Investment Options
A> Commercial real estate with investment on INR 4 Crores and return of INR 1.5 lakhs per month
Pros -
Regular month income
Commercial Real Estate asset

Cons -
Return on Investment is 4.5% before reducing charges for maintenance, may be below 4% net in hand
Rental Income is taxable (added to other incomes and taxed as per slab rate) expect highest tax rate of 30% as total income will exceed INR 30 lakhs (Salary + rent)
All available funds will be deployed

Note - Commercial real estate appreciation is primarily based on location. Capital gains on Commercial real estate attract tax at 20% as of now.

B> Lets consider an alternative approach assuming investment is for a long term which is usually for real estate assets e.g. 20 years
Invest INR 4 Crores in Mutual funds.
A well diversified portfolio can generate 12% returns over the long term. The Corpus after 20 years will be over INR 38 Crores.

But considering your requirement for a monthly income from this investment, lets do another approach. Split your Investment.
Invest INR 2 Crores in a well diversified Mutual Funds portfolio expecting a 12% return - Corpus at the end of 20 years = INR 19+ crores
For regular income, Invest INR 2 Crores in Balanced Advantage mutual funds and considering a modest return of 10% (last 10 years data will show higher returns). Keep investment for 1 year before withdrawing to attract Long term Capital Gains tax (tax efficient approach). After 1 year you can receive INR 1.5 lakhs per month (increasing at 5% annually) for the next 20 years.

Pros -
Investment generates higher rate of return, Corpus growing/compounding at 12% return
Regular month income
Investment returns are more tax efficient
Flexibility to deploy all or partial funds towards building a corpus
Corpus can be liquidated in future much faster and easily than Real estate

Cons -
No real estate asset

Recommendation - Approach B is recommended as this will provide liquidity and appreciation towards wealth creation. This will also provide availability of funds for a new venture as and when required if that becomes a viable option in the future.

2. Housing Buy/Rent
If you plan to stay in India for long and settle down (not clearly indicated considering career options), you can consider buying a house property. But if the work location is not what you believe to be the place where you would like to settle down, then start with a Rental option and over time reconsider location for buying option.

Buying Property
Pros -
Asset is generated
Stability of residence if/when self occupied
Some amount of tax deductions/exemptions can be claimed if Loan is taken

Cons -
A large amount of funds required/blocked for full payment / partial payment (with loan)
EMI on Loan reduces income/funds in hand
EMI is much higher than rent
Locked to the property, change will be expensive

Renting Property
Pros -
Capital is not deployed immediately
Rent can be claimed for tax benefits
Provide opportunity to consider long term housing decision
Difference between EMI and Rent can be Invested to generate a good corpus
Flexibility to move jobs across locations

Cons
No Asset is generated
Rent is an expense
No sense of ownership in the house you stay

So in summary, the decision is more individual and how you perceive the house property as an asset. For flexibility to settle down in your career in India I can recommend to start with a Rental option and I am sure in a few years you will know where and what to buy (if at all) towards your house property. Also Location is again critical towards budget and type of housing to consider.

3. Financial freedom/independence
This is probably more important than we realize. With time if we accumulate debt through loans, and expenses, this is one goal which takes a back seat.
Assuming you have worked on the above 2 goals and finalized your options/approach for them, I would strongly recommend you plan your monthly expenses and cash in/outflows to understand what amount you have in hand that can be considered towards savings for the future.
With a long road ahead in your work life (another 20+ years), Asset allocation needs to be considered when planning to deploy your savings. Equity based investment can provide health returns for investments that are for more than 7 years and a well diversified Mutual Fund portfolio can achieve this. For requirements within 5-7 years do consider debt products to park your money and earn modest returns giving priority to liquidity and safety.

Few very important points are not mentioned but I would like to highlight and you should start considering them immediately.

1. Life Insurance - Buy a Term Life plan for yourself and once your wife starts earning, for her too. The amount needs to be calculated and my final recommendation (last para below) will cover this. Start with INR 50 lakhs and keep adding based on the Financial plan.

2. Health Insurance - Buy a good coverage for Family (even though you may have some with your employer). Recommend to go upto 1 Crore (and there are multiple options Base cover + Top-up covers for this).

3. Emergency Funds - Keep aside at least 6-9 months of expenses as emergency funds in a safe and liquid investment e.g. Fixed Deposits.

4. Your child's education - Within another 1.5 years schooling (pre-primary) will start and the education expenses are not as easily managed now. They will require a plan as they escalate very quickly as the child moves towards higher levels of education. Education inflation is in the range of 12% ~ 15% on average. So depending on what your decide for the school/education institute, this becomes a considerable amount and if unplanned may erode your corpus very quickly.

5. Though you have mentioned Retirement briefly, the PPF-equivalent amount will not be sufficient for retirement. Retirement typically at 60 years of age demands a corpus to cover the next 20-25 years of lifespan. Considering inflation may be just getting covered by the modest returns on your INR 70 lakhs fund, you are definitely short on the retirement side.

As you can see we have not considered the inherited property in this discussion, it can have a considerable impact towards your over financial plan.

Though I have provided some responses to your individual queries, this will still need a more comprehensive Financial Planning.
Hence I strongly recommend you approach a Certified Financial Planner and go through the process to arrive at a Financial plan which will be in sync with your Life plan. A CFP will take into account all aspects of your personal preferences and guide you towards various options and alternatives you can consider. The comprehensive Financial plan will include/cover all aspects of Investment management, Risk management (life and health Insurance), Retirement planning and Tax management - a tax efficient approach towards your requirements. Please remember just as Life is ever changing and evolving for each of us, so will your Financial plan require the changes and evolution to stay relevant for you, and this is where a CFP will add the most value when you have a long association. A CFP will plan and re-plan your goals and its requirements over the years and provide options and recommend the amounts and product categories to consider for each of them.

Best wishes for you to settle down and hope the above has provided a start towards it.

Thanks & Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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