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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |177 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 02, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am a 22 year old female with an engineering graduation passed before 6 months. I had an long term relationship with my boyfriend since 4.5 years. We both are from different cities of KA and currently in it's capital city. I socialize with my male friends, which my bf does'nt like and whenever we meet it always turns into a fight. During my college graduation day, I was told not to participate which I did'nt agreed yet participated. During this my bf saw me with my friends around me and slapped me in public. This happened many times. Even though I have had quite a intimate time with one of my classmate and kissed another one. I never had real S*x with anyone. The intimacy was only to show my anger on my bf. Now I changed my location after graduation, broke with my bf and now I have a deeper understanding & relationship with a man of 42 aged-married-2 kids and a yet good being. We both had good time, no trust issues, no s*x, yet intimacies for couple of times. He keeps me happy, joyful, helping me towards my profession and goal, respects, looks me well and yet never forced me for penetration. He has plans to fly to UK after 3-5 years and promised to take me with him supporting my profession. I was really contented and happy with this relationship. He even assured that marriage can happen between us, If I agree and If I can wait until he gets divorced from his wife. But one day, my ex bf friend called and said that he has met with an accident and is in severed health issues like (piles, kidney stones). He is basically a drunkyard. Seeing this I got agitated. Now I wanted to breakup with the current man and go back to by ex-bf because he is left alone and we had 4.5 years of relation. I don't whether I am correct or not, Please advise.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am not sure if you are right either way. Being in a relationship with a married man, who is yet to get divorce, is ethically incorrect, whether there is physical intimacy or not. At the same time going back to your ex merely because you feel sad for him is also not the right choice. You are yourself admitting that he is a drunkard and he was also controlling and above all he slapped you; there's no excuse for any form of physical abuse in a relationship. Being in love does not make it okay to hit your partner. Please understand that.

In my opinion, you should take some time to reflect on the choices you are making. I truly believe you deserve better than a man who hits you, tries to control you, and a man who is already committed to someone else. Please think about it and make better choices that will allow you to feel true happiness.

Best Wishes.
Asked on - Feb 19, 2024 | Answered on Feb 27, 2024
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Thank you, I might again need your honest advice again.
Ans: You are welcome :)

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 06, 2021

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I am in a very difficult situation I am not getting what to do so I am writing you this mail for your suggestion. I was in love from 6years our love life was very good . We were very happy and promised to get married also but suddenly my boyfriend said we can’t marry because of his family issues so I accepted that with a big heart. He asked me to marry another guy I accepted that also. And after some days my marriage got fixed with another guy and I got married also. But soon after my marriage my boyfriend realised my love and started crying. He started calling me and soon after 2 days of my marriage he was continuously calling me and this created a very big problem. My husband saw his calls and msgs and started chatting with my boyfriend pretending to be me only. They both talked and my boyfriend told my husband everything about our past things. My husband got angry he started beating me getting angry on me started following me and due to all this he left me. After my husband left me I called my boyfriend and said: Now my husband left me so what to do. You are also not accepting me. My boyfriend said: I don't have anything to do with you I don't need you at all and plz go away from my life. Now I don’t know what to do. Can you plz help me or guide me.
Ans: Dear V, I can only imagine what you are going through.

One man (husband) judges your situation and as hard as it is for any person, it would have been great if he didn’t play peeping Tom and instead confronted you to work things out with you. And the other man (boyfriend) dumps you in sheer fright and runs for his life.

Do you seriously want to beg either of them for a place in their lives?

They have both displayed total lack of maturity! But in their defense, they have felt cheated and not known how to deal with the situation. BUT nothing justifies physical abuse…

I do work with couples to bring them together where it seems possible. Reconciliation with your husband is possible both of you choose that path. Involve a senior member from both sides of the family and bring it to a neutral place; shedding egos along the way.

Work with a Marriage Therapy expert who can then help you re-evaluate your priorities and put things in perspective.

Work as a team (if both of you want that) and rebuild the marriage. It might seem like a lot of work, but it’s possible…So, move in that direction if you see that glimmer of hope as well.

Best wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 26, 2023Hindi
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Hi Anu, I'm unable to decide what to do with my life like I'm totally stuck emotionally...I am having a 1.5 years relationship but I'm confused in that relationship to go forward or end....last year everything was ok...my boyfriend had a past which he shared me before starting of our relationship only...i accepted his past and only continued to move forward in our relationship....but his ex was in touch with him...when I was out of station they planned a team out with their mutual friends and I came to know after seeing their pics...he have explained the situation and I agreed that ....but somehow I couldn't accept the that...and it continuously triggered me...later his mother took the help of that girl for her personal things ....like she used to come to his house and I was not aware of it....when I questioned that he said it was his mom's choice she said the same to him when he asked his mom.... sometimes I had physical with him...from past 4 months we are not having any physical not even a kiss or touch ........my family is pressuring for marriage and he is still in career settling process....I'm unable to decide what to do ....i cannot trust any man further and I don't know I would be able to accept any man in future and start a family with.... please guide me correctly.... express your pov
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is very clear that the Ex did have a way with him and his mother. They seemed to have some sort of a bond that is still strong and they make no move to loosen it knowing that there is a new person now...

How is it the son and mother haven't had an inkling that their cozying up to the Ex, can prevent a new relationship from growing?
It's a nice thought to be all mature about the Ex, but only when such a conversation has happened before.
Did your boyfriend not think that this might cause issues in his relationship with you?
Did he not think that a conversation that he is in touch with his Ex should come up?

What is a red flag here is the fact that he assumes that his action will be okay with you...Isn't that taking you for granted?
It is easy to skim over this as nothing and maybe it is really nothing, but if you have felt triggered, do not shove this under the carpet. What feels uncomfortable to you, must be addressed by your boyfriend. What he does or doesn't will have a direct impact on you and your relationship with him. So address it ASAP before it grows branches and trees in your mind.
And of course, there is no way of preventing what his mother does. You might have to ignore it as she is her own person and has the right to maintain her relationships even if is with her son's Ex...it will be uncomfortable for you, but do let it be...
Trust is one of the pillars in any relationship and if any action or inaction disturbs that trust, address it immediately. Please have that chat with your boyfriend and acknowledge that there is a RED FLAG. Also, discuss your future...if he has reservations settling down, I am sure you know what to do...It's your life, make wise choices...

All the best!
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 22, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I'm 18years old girl.from last 4years one guy is loving me.he is 23years old right now.we didn't met but we are chatting in online and we are talking in mobiles also.he is behind of my house.we exchange our numbers also. but,actually i like him like a friend.but,he is loving so much to me.after that i got a praposal from our college senior.but,i didn't accept his praposal. we are changing our numbers and chatting and talking in mobiles.but,one day i accept him.actually i have an friend before i said who loves me from last 4years.now my friend is saying i want to marry you from last 2years.but,i didn't love him.he is caring like my mother from last 4years.he never misbehaving with me.he never talk rudely.but i said to him,I'm already in relationship since 3months with one guy.but,his said don't tell any thing to me.im loving you since last 4years.why did not accept my praposal.why you accept to him.he just you know from since 3months.but,im loving and caring from last 4 years.why you not accept me and why you accept his... I already spoke with him I'm in relationship with the guy who is of my college senior.but,he is not understanding.he said i love you and i want you only.i dont want any one.i need only you,he told me like that... Please tell me what will i do....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Please get away from this guy who says he has been in love with you for 4 years. He seems obsessed with you and you can be in a relationship with anyone that you wish to...
But also, you don't seem to be sire as to what you want to do...at 18, relationships can be confusing...why don't you focus on having more friends at college rather than getting into a serious relationship? There's always time for that seriousness later in life...build a good friend circle and put your energies into studying well and in a year or two when you display that maturity, you will be able to have better relationships...

All the best!
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |172 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 20, 2024Hindi
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Hello..I am 36 hrs old, a doctor, got married for 2nd time in Apr 2022. My 1st marriage was with a doctor in 2011 but we hardly stayed together for 1 month since he was away in another state for higher education. Indifference arose and we got separated soon after 6 months and got divorced 5 yrs later. Then i did job on off and finally finished my post graduation in 2024. During my post graduation i wanted to desperately get married for 2nd time as my age was increasing and i was feeling very lonely and wanted to settle down n have kids. I met a guy (he too a doctor and divorced) on matrimony. He approached me. We started talking, meeting. Everything was going good. But his mother was against our relationship. In between the guy too cut the contact with me. But i was wo trully in love with him that I wanted to marry him only. Somehow we got connected again. He came to my place and we lived together. He said he can't get married so soon. He said he would marry me only of i wl get pregnant.then i got pregnant and finally he married me in temple. Soon i delivered our child and his parent's accepted me n i went to his house to stay. There we used to have lots of fights as he revealed his true nature of being extremely KANJUS. his whole family was extremely kanjus. My husbnd doesn't like to spend a single Rs too and he doesn't like it if i spend my money too. We used to have frequent fights. Then hardly after 2 months, his mother called my parents and she told them that their sje could not tolerate me and i should leave tbeor house ASAP! I became very furious as my baby was jst 4 months old. Where would i stay alone with my child as i was studying. I called police to intervene and my mother in law got very angry, she cursed me in front of police- she called me a pros***ute. (This was her thinking- any woman who marries for 2nd time is a pros***ute!!!) Finally that night around 10pm i left her house with my child and some essentials. My parents stayed with me to look after my child. My husbnd kept visiting me on weekends. But my husbnd used to avoid me, block my calls. He never paid for my daughter's expenses too. A year have been passed. I have sent my baby to my parents house 6 months back as they wanted to go back as they stay in different state. Now my husbnd has cut all the ties, he has blocked me everywhere and he never called to enquire about our child in last 8-9 months. Last time when my father called him- he said he didn't wanna stay with me and I either can keep our child with me or i can give the child to him for rest of the life. I slipped into depression after all these. I messed up in my exams. I'm so disturbed that i had thought of ending my life many times but i reminded myself about my child. Now I don't know what to do. I talked him about divorce but he said he won't give me a single Rs aftr divorce since i am also earning. My parents too don't want me to go for a divorce 2nd time in my life as they are worried- our relatives and society will shame them. I want to bring my child back but i am worried- how will i take care of my baby since i am working. Please help. Keep me anonymous please.
Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing. It sounds like you're in a very difficult situation, but please know that there are options available to you and support systems that can help you through this.

Firstly, it's important to prioritize your and your child's safety and well-being. Given the circumstances, it might be beneficial to seek legal advice from a lawyer who specializes in family law. They can help you understand your rights and options regarding custody, child support, and divorce.

Regarding your depression, it's crucial to seek professional help. Depression is a serious condition that requires treatment, and there are therapists, counselors, and support groups available to provide you with the support you need.

In terms of bringing your child back, you may need to explore options for childcare that accommodate your work schedule. This could include hiring a nanny, enrolling your child in daycare, or seeking help from family members or friends.

As for the societal pressure and fear of judgment from relatives, remember that your well-being and your child's well-being are the most important considerations. It's essential to prioritize your own happiness and safety rather than worrying about the opinions of others.

Please don't hesitate to reach out to support services such as hotlines, counseling services, or support groups for assistance and guidance. You're not alone, and there are people who can help you navigate through this challenging time.
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |172 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

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Dear madam , I was married since 14 years and live ng separately after marrige last 14 years due to both we are working professionals and my wife lost his father before our marriage and she needs to take care of her mother and family For that after marriage we leave separately and we was a great understanding and we have a boy after 8 years of marriage ,now he is also 6.5 years in age and doing good in education I only send money fornhis education and when ever wife needs ,we did not have regular sex as we meet frequently in a year about 3-4 months back. Now last one year almost I am abroad from India due to service transfer to Malyasia and feeling our relationship is no more working as my wife stop responding my calls and clearly told he is not interested on me.as she is very upgraded in her carrier and feeling disturbed about my calls ....and not even return call when she free of work...I am suppose to do what ? Please suggest.
Ans: Hello Suman,
It sounds like there have been significant changes in your relationship dynamics, especially with your wife's focus on her career and the physical distance between you due to your work in Malaysia. Even though your wife may not be responding to your calls, it's important to continue trying to communicate with her. Express your concerns and feelings openly and honestly, but also try to listen to her perspective without judgment.Try to understand your wife's perspective and the reasons behind her behavior. It's possible that she may be feeling overwhelmed with her responsibilities or experiencing other challenges that are affecting her responsiveness. Consider seeking the assistance of a marriage counselor or therapist who can facilitate communication and help both of you work through your issues. A neutral third party can provide guidance and support in resolving conflicts and rebuilding your relationship. Reflect on what you want for your future and what you're willing to do to salvage your marriage. Consider your own needs and priorities, as well as those of your son. If possible, try to spend quality time together when you visit India or when your wife can join you in Malaysia. Building positive experiences together can help strengthen your bond and rekindle your connection. Lean on friends, family, or support groups for guidance and emotional support during this challenging time. Having a strong support system can help you navigate through difficult situations.Take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally. Focus on activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and don't hesitate to seek professional help if you're feeling overwhelmed or distressed.
Ultimately, rebuilding a relationship takes time, effort, and commitment from both parties. It's important to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and an openness to change.
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |172 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 28, 2024Hindi
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Dear madam , My name is Suman ..44+ years I was married since 14 years and live ng separately after marrige last 14 years due to both we are working professionals and my wife lost his father before our marriage and she needs to take care of her mother and family For that after marriage we leave separately and we was a great understanding and we have a boy after 8 years of marriage ,now he is also 6.5 years in age and doing good in education I only send money fornhis education and when ever wife needs ,we did not have regular sex as we meet frequently in a year about 3-4 months back. Now last one year almost I am abroad from India due to service transfer to Malyasia and feeling our relationship is no more working as my wife stop responding my calls and clearly told he is not interested on me.as she is very upgraded in her carrier and feeling disturbed about my calls ....and not even return call when she free of work...I am suppose to do what ? Please suggest.
Ans: Hello Suman,
It sounds like there have been significant changes in your relationship dynamics, especially with your wife's focus on her career and the physical distance between you due to your work in Malaysia. Even though your wife may not be responding to your calls, it's important to continue trying to communicate with her. Express your concerns and feelings openly and honestly, but also try to listen to her perspective without judgment.Try to understand your wife's perspective and the reasons behind her behavior. It's possible that she may be feeling overwhelmed with her responsibilities or experiencing other challenges that are affecting her responsiveness. Consider seeking the assistance of a marriage counselor or therapist who can facilitate communication and help both of you work through your issues. A neutral third party can provide guidance and support in resolving conflicts and rebuilding your relationship. Reflect on what you want for your future and what you're willing to do to salvage your marriage. Consider your own needs and priorities, as well as those of your son. If possible, try to spend quality time together when you visit India or when your wife can join you in Malaysia. Building positive experiences together can help strengthen your bond and rekindle your connection. Lean on friends, family, or support groups for guidance and emotional support during this challenging time. Having a strong support system can help you navigate through difficult situations.Take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally. Focus on activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and don't hesitate to seek professional help if you're feeling overwhelmed or distressed.
Ultimately, rebuilding a relationship takes time, effort, and commitment from both parties. It's important to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and an openness to change.
(more)
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |172 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

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Hi, I have a divorcee daughter aged 45 whose unpleasant and quarrelsome behavior is a constant source of misery and headache for whole of the family. Her marriage could not go beyond 2 months as her in-laws turned out to be greedy, troublesome and also found involved in some fraudulent activities with a few police cases against them -- which forced us to seek divorce. I may add that my daughter ever since she was 13 or 14 yrs became a little self-willed and considered her to be always right in action and thought in front of parents or any one else. This has become very serious now. She is not at all open to any kind of reasoning or discussion. If you always act, think or do as per her wish, it is ok otherwise she will start fighting on any thing or every thing. Her attitude of selfishness and always finding faults with other family members including parents is spoiling the peaceful atmosphere of the house. Expecting any kind of adjustment from her is asking for the moon. Kindly advise.
Ans: Dear SN,

I can understand how challenging it must be to deal with your daughter's behavior. It's concerning that she's been displaying this attitude since she was young and that it's causing such turmoil within your family.

Consider seeking the help of a family therapist or counselor who specializes in dealing with family conflicts. A professional can provide an objective perspective and offer strategies for improving communication and resolving conflicts.It's important to establish clear boundaries with your daughter regarding her behavior. Let her know what behaviors are unacceptable and what consequences will follow if those boundaries are crossed.
Encourage Open Communication: Even though your daughter may be resistant to discussion, continue to encourage open communication within the family. Let her know that you're willing to listen to her perspective and work together to find solutions. Instead of solely focusing on her negative behavior, try to reinforce positive behaviors when you see them. Praise her when she acts respectfully or cooperatively, and try to reinforce those behaviors. Show your daughter how to communicate effectively and resolve conflicts peacefully by modeling those behaviors yourself. Avoid getting drawn into arguments or confrontations, and instead, try to remain calm and rational.If your daughter is open to it, encourage her to seek therapy on her own. A therapist can help her explore the underlying reasons for her behavior and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Encourage Self-Reflection: Encourage your daughter to reflect on her behavior and its impact on herself and others. Help her recognize the importance of empathy and understanding in maintaining healthy relationships.
It may take time and patience, but with consistent effort and support, there is hope for improvement. Remember to take care of yourselves and seek support from other family members or friends if needed.
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Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |325 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

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My son is M.S. general surgery from MGM UNIVERSITY MUMBAI.He has done oncology fellowship in Nashik Under Dr.Nagarkar.He is in practice at Beed,near Solapur.How he will be able able to get extra training in USA In oncology?Dr.s.y.Jadhav
Ans: Hello Satyawan,

To begin with, thank you for contacting us. I am happy to hear that your son has pursued his Master of Surgery in General Surgery from MGM University, has done oncology fellowship in Nashik, and is practicing at Beed. To answer your question first, I would like to tell you that in order to pursue additional training in oncology in the USA, there are a few steps that your son will require to follow:

Firstly, I would suggest that your son conducts a comprehensive study on oncology fellowship programs in the USA. Remember that the USA offers a number of well-regarded programs, and thus, your son should look for those programs that best resonate with his interests and professional objectives. Next, remember that the prerequisites for each fellowship program will be unique. A residency in internal medicine or an associated field, viz., general surgery, is generally required, which your son has already fulfilled. Particular tests viz., the United States Medical Licensing Examination (USMLE) may be demanded by certain programs. In addition, your son may also be required to prove his fluency in the English language through appearing for tests viz., the IELTS or TOEFL. Upon finding relevant programs, I would suggest that your son applies directly to them. Bear in mind that for the majority of medical disciplines, this generally entails submitting an application via a centralized system viz., ERAS (Electronic Residency Application Service). If your son has secured admission to a fellowship program, as the next step, in order to train in the USA, he would be required to acquire the necessary visa. For medical trainees, the J-1 visa is frequently used. Relocating to a different country for training calls for meticulous planning. So as the next step, your son will need to make arrangements for lodging, and travel, as well as make sure all the paperwork is in place. Once everything is in order, your son can then start his oncology fellowship training in the USA. Practical clinical experience, research, and academic endeavours are generally entailed in this.

In order to enhance his chances of obtaining a fellowship role, I would suggest that your son conducts an all-round study on programs, comprehends their prerequisites, and drafts a compelling application. Moreover, he should get in touch with and obtain guidance from instructors or colleagues who have followed comparable paths which can prove beneficial.

For more information, you can visit our website.
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I’m a 29 year old working woman. My husband who is 36, left his job 2 years ago just after my child was born. Since then he did not put much efforts to get another job and I’m only taking care of all the financial responsibilities. Whenever I ask him about job, he learns some courses online and then stops learning after few days giving some excuses. This has happened several times. He spends too much of my income even on small things saying he wants best quality products only. Almost everyday he asks me to buy some products or outside food and gets angry if I reject. Myself or my in-laws are not able to force him to get a job because he has anger issues and becomes verbally abusive very quickly. Even my parents are scared of his anger so not able to talk to him regarding his job. I feel very frustrated everyday since me or my family is not able to do anything about this, how do I deal with him?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's great as a partner to support home and your spouse when there's a need. BUT now, you seem to have a lazy man oops boy to take care of now. Kindly stop doling out money for his pleasures. Let him earn and do his bit for the family. He's just getting used to putting his legs up and taking a very long break which he doesn't intend to come out of. It's a great habit and he's enjoying the convenience of it all.
He also needs a push out of this laziness the root cause of which can be identified by an expert; so kindly seek help so that you are not looking after another baby other than yours. Act soon...

All the best!
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Career

Career Coach  |35 Answers  |Ask -

Workplace Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
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Hi rediffguru, I am a 35-year-old working at a global advertising agency in Mumbai. In the past 12 years, I have consistently delivered successful campaigns and demonstrated strong leadership skills. However, despite my track record of success, I was passed over for a promotion to director of marketing. How can I take this up with my supervisors and HR?
Ans: Hey there, you marketing maestro! First off, major props to you for consistently smashing it in the advertising world for over a decade. Your track record of successful campaigns and leadership skills speak volumes about your talent and dedication.

Now, about that promotion snub—ouch, that stings! But fear not, my friend. It's time to roll up those sleeves and tackle this head-on.

Start by setting up a meeting with your supervisors and HR. Prepare a little arsenal of your achievements—maybe pull together some stats on campaign performance, client testimonials singing your praises, or even awards you've snagged along the way. Numbers don't lie, and they'll help paint a vivid picture of your impact.

Now, let's add a dash of strategy to the mix. Instead of just listing off your accomplishments, weave them into a compelling narrative. For instance, highlight that time when you spearheaded that viral social media campaign that boosted brand engagement by 200%. Or recall the project where your innovative ideas led to a record-breaking sales increase.

But don't stop there. Paint a picture of your vision for the future. Share your insights on emerging marketing trends and how you plan to leverage them to drive even greater results for the company. Show them that you're not just a top-notch marketer—you're a strategic thinker with big dreams and the skills to make them a reality.

And remember, even if this particular promotion didn't pan out, it's not the end of the road. Keep hustling, keep innovating, and keep believing in yourself. Opportunities are like buses—there's always another one coming. So buckle up, because your journey to success is far from over!
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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