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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |187 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 23, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - Jun 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Mam, me and my bestfriend were in a relation for 2 years. everything was going smooth until he asked me to send video of my chest. When i denied he became emotional and asked- we are going to marry right? then whats the problem in sharing those. everyone does that. I'm not that kind of a girl. whenever i said no he used every ways to make me do that despite my discomfort. I told him many times I am uncomfortable but he chose to ignore them. he was the one who promised me that he will never make me uncomfortable. Since then I started to not like his touches. I loved him truly and he was there with me during my dark times . when i was at hostel which allowed phone only 2 days a week because I was planning to write CLAT that year, i seriously felt distant from him. he said he would wait just to hear my voice. i was allowed phone for only 30 minutes and he wanted me to talk to him more than my parents when i needed them most. I gradually started losing hope and i didnt want to create a scene which will affect my exam. But the thing is after gradually losing trust in him i developed a crush at my centre. i never knew his name, never talked , nothing. My mental health was completely messed up. I passed my CLAT exam last year and i never acted upon the crush i had, i broke up with my bf right after the exam because I couldnt handle that relation anymore. to be clear i never broke up with him because i had a crush, even though i was guilty. i broke up because of how he forced me into things he liked and how he never valued my opinions and how i lost trust eventually when he said he had photos of me with him. I broke up for my peace but why do i feel like I've cheated on my ex because i had a crush even though i never acted upon it. Please help me

Ans: You were uncomfortable and moved away from the individual - more power to you. It takes time to come to terms or get over such situations - when breakups happen we all go through self doubt, anger, sadness- this is a phase - they come and pass. Focus on your emotional and mental wellbeing - take care

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |714 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am a 22 year old female with an engineering graduation passed before 6 months. I had an long term relationship with my boyfriend since 4.5 years. We both are from different cities of KA and currently in it's capital city. I socialize with my male friends, which my bf does'nt like and whenever we meet it always turns into a fight. During my college graduation day, I was told not to participate which I did'nt agreed yet participated. During this my bf saw me with my friends around me and slapped me in public. This happened many times. Even though I have had quite a intimate time with one of my classmate and kissed another one. I never had real S*x with anyone. The intimacy was only to show my anger on my bf. Now I changed my location after graduation, broke with my bf and now I have a deeper understanding & relationship with a man of 42 aged-married-2 kids and a yet good being. We both had good time, no trust issues, no s*x, yet intimacies for couple of times. He keeps me happy, joyful, helping me towards my profession and goal, respects, looks me well and yet never forced me for penetration. He has plans to fly to UK after 3-5 years and promised to take me with him supporting my profession. I was really contented and happy with this relationship. He even assured that marriage can happen between us, If I agree and If I can wait until he gets divorced from his wife. But one day, my ex bf friend called and said that he has met with an accident and is in severed health issues like (piles, kidney stones). He is basically a drunkyard. Seeing this I got agitated. Now I wanted to breakup with the current man and go back to by ex-bf because he is left alone and we had 4.5 years of relation. I don't whether I am correct or not, Please advise.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am not sure if you are right either way. Being in a relationship with a married man, who is yet to get divorce, is ethically incorrect, whether there is physical intimacy or not. At the same time going back to your ex merely because you feel sad for him is also not the right choice. You are yourself admitting that he is a drunkard and he was also controlling and above all he slapped you; there's no excuse for any form of physical abuse in a relationship. Being in love does not make it okay to hit your partner. Please understand that.

In my opinion, you should take some time to reflect on the choices you are making. I truly believe you deserve better than a man who hits you, tries to control you, and a man who is already committed to someone else. Please think about it and make better choices that will allow you to feel true happiness.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |187 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Mam, me and my bestfriend were in a relation for 2 years. everything was going smooth until he asked me to send video of my chest. When i denied he became emotional and asked- we are going to marry right? then whats the problem in sharing those. everyone does that. I'm not that kind of a girl. whenever i said no he used every ways to make me do that despite my discomfort. I told him many times I am uncomfortable but he chose to ignore them. he was the one who promised me that he will never make me uncomfortable. Since then I started to not like his touches. I loved him truly and he was there with me during my dark times . when i was at hostel which allowed phone only 2 days a week because I was planning to write CLAT that year, i seriously felt distant from him. he said he would wait just to hear my voice. i was allowed phone for only 30 minutes and he wanted me to talk to him more than my parents when i needed them most. I gradually started losing hope and i didnt want to create a scene which will affect my exam. But the thing is after gradually losing trust in him i developed a crush at my centre. i never knew his name, never talked , nothing. My mental health was completely messed up. I passed my CLAT exam last year and i never acted upon the crush i had, i broke up with my bf right after the exam because I couldnt handle that relation anymore. to be clear i never broke up with him because i had a crush, even though i was guilty. i broke up because of how he forced me into things he liked and how he never valued my opinions and how i lost trust eventually when he said he had photos of me with him. I broke up for my peace but why do i feel like I've cheated on my ex because i had a crush even though i never acted upon it. Please help me. Was I cheating on him. When we broke up he said I'm like other girls always playing the victim card, he called me names and said he lost respect and felt petty about me when I said I had nothing else to talk on this matter.
Ans: this has been responded to

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1781 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My long distance bf of 2 years asked me to send videos of my body parts even though I refused countless times. He would act all sad. I started losing feelings for him eventually and I wasn't in a position to break up because I was having exams and didn't have my phone with me all the time. This went on for 10 months and by the time I started to develop a crush on someone but I never acted upon it or ever tried to talk to him. I was guilty for that. My bf started asking for more videos and he never deleted the ones I sent him. When I got to know this I broke up with him. After break up my friend sent me the profile of the boy I had a crush on, and I accidently sent a request to him even if I didn't want to. I cancelled my request and never thought about him again. My mind is messed up. My now ex bf didn't value my no-s. Did I do the right thing to break up with him? About the crush I had, was I not loyal to my ex bf? It was my first relation too
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Stay off boys/men for a while. I guess you need to start valuing yourself first before jumping into relationships.
You are worried about you ex not valuing you No-s...then why did you not say NO to him when he asked you for private videos? And here you speak of loyalty? Obviously your ex's obsession over only the physical aspect has upset you and you looked for a more deeper connection which you hoped will happen with the new person. So, what if you had a crush? And that too after you had a break-up...Chill...
Take stock of your mind, stop sending images or videos over the phone...you don't know who is going to use them and how they will use them. Be careful and draw neat and clear boundaries where no one can overstep them without your permission. Once you do this, you will come across people who value you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I was in a relationship with my bestfriend for 1 and half years. Eventually I got to know that he liked physical intimacy more than emotional connection which is opposite to my concept. My feelings started to fade but I couldn't muster up courage to break up with him. While all this was going on I started to develop a crush on someone else but I never knew his name or never approached him in any ways and always kept my distance. Now it's been months since I broke up with my bf and about the crush I had I still hadn't approached it and I'm never planning to. I'm feeling that as I had a crush while being in a relation I cheated on my bf even though I hadn't approached or talked to the other person. Please clear it out. Have I cheated. I have never intended to hurt anyone but now I think I'm a cheater and I'm not able to sleep. I had to undergo therapy sessions right after break up due to the guilty and I've been diagnosed with depression too. Please tell me was I a cheater. I need a clear cut answer otherwise I won't able to live peacefully. Please help me
Ans: let me assure you that you're not a cheater. Having a crush or being attracted to someone else, especially when you're in a relationship where your emotional needs aren't fully met, is a natural human experience. What defines cheating is action—whether you pursued or acted on those feelings in a way that would break the trust and commitment of the relationship.

From what you described, you never approached or engaged with this person, and your feelings of guilt stem from the internal conflict of having a crush while still with your partner. It’s important to recognize that you didn’t cross any boundaries of betrayal. Emotional distance from your boyfriend due to differing needs is something that naturally can cause feelings to shift. Your realization that the relationship wasn’t aligned with your values speaks more to your integrity and self-awareness than to any notion of cheating.

The fact that you're struggling with these feelings shows how much you value honesty and loyalty. Sometimes, our minds create unnecessary guilt because we hold ourselves to very high standards. What you’re going through emotionally is tough, but it's important to differentiate between unintentional thoughts and intentional actions. You haven't betrayed anyone, and I hope this understanding helps you find some peace as you continue working on healing and your well-being.

It's clear you care deeply about not wanting to hurt others, but you also deserve self-compassion

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |714 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 08, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Me and my ex were in a relation for almost 2 years. At first everything was alright. We were so happy, then he started demading private videos of me but when i denied he used to get angry and wouodnt talk unless i agreed. I trusted him blindly and sent a few as he promised he would delete them at once. Months kater when i randomly asked if he still got those videoshe confessedhe never deleted them. I was shattered and my trust was instantly broken. But i loved him so blindly i still didnt have the courage to leave. I couldnt face my parents after that. I felt i failed them. The vakues they taught me. I forgit everything for his happiness. When i finally got the courage i broke up but then he started calling me a cheater, a girl who played with his feelings, who got bored of him and a girl who has no respect. After a while he relaised his mistakes. Its been a year now. I still love him and miss hjm so much. I met him randomly once. He looked changed and said my departure has left him so devastated and he wants me back. He says hes changed. I dont kmow if i should go back to him or not. Whenever i talk to him i forget everything, but the moment the contact goes off i get panic attacks, i get reminded of the way he used to touch me wothout my permission and how he used to force me. He said he knows many girls who sends such videos to their bf. He said he confessed he still had those vidoes because he didnt want to lie to me. I suffered a lotbecause of him and i am still not over it. I still dont trust him. But i dont know why my love for hjm is so blind. Did i do the right thng by walking away? He is literally begging for another chance. I used to tell hjm how uncomfortable his touches and desires made me when we were in a relation, gave him many chnaces but he didnt care then. Now after break up he says hes changed a lot, he is more mayure now. And he wont repeat the same mistakes again. And he will gain my trust back. Should i go back to him? He said we will both regret if we dont give each other another chance, but i fear relationships now. My mind says to never trust again but my heart wants him despite what he did to me. Help me. Should i leave or stay? If i stay am i putting my mental health at risk again? Because i have heard rereading the same chapter doesnt change the ending. Help me please. Do i deserve someone better or should i give him a chance again? Is he worth it. I cant go through that pain again. I still feel disgusted about myself, ofhow ilet him crossmy boundaries even when i begged not to. What should i do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am so sorry that you had to go through all of these alone. It isn’t fair. I can sense how much pain you have been holding for so long. First of all, I don’t want you to blame yourself or feel any shame. You trusted him and shared things. People in love don’t always follow caution. It is not really your fault. Now, coming to him: he didn’t care for consent, comfort or your trust. All these are very important to build a healthy relationship. I cannot tell you whether you should give him another chance or not, but if you do, I know you will be extra cautious. But tell me something, is that how love works? Would you like to constantly live in fear? Relationships are supposed to be a safe space but do you feel that with him?

Everyone claims they have changed but why did he not delete the videos yet knowing how uncomfortable they make you? Again, I am not trying to push you toward any decision, but I want you to ask these hard questions to yourself. I think you know what you want and what you deserve, you are just afraid to admit them because it would mean leaving behind the familiarity that comforts you even if it’s toxic. It’s basic human nature. Also, please understand that you deserve the best so please don’t settle for anything that feels less than that.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1781 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 02, 2026

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1781 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 02, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 20, 2026Hindi
Relationship
My husband suspects I am having an affair with my neighbour. When he is away, sometimes my neighbour helps me fix things at home because his wife and I are good friends. When i make something nice, I offer it to him as well. His wife also comes home and we chat during lunch or have coffee together. But he chooses to only talk about my friendship with the male neighbour. I always leave the door open to avoid any suspicion but this has been leading to daily arguments at home. How do I fix this situation without hurting my friendship?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Obviously, what is not seen can only be imagined and your husband is imagining a story that is filled with doubt and suspicion.
One way that you can ease this:
- call your neighbor home for a light chat when your husband is at home
Let your husband see for himself what actually is the real deal...as you do this, I would also suggest that you reflect on why there is so much insecurity in your husband...what makes him have these suspicions?
Today, you are in a position to actually ease his doubts, but if this becomes a habit, it is just fueling his behavior even more and there maybe a time in the future when there will be no way in which you can prove your innocence, what then?

So, this one time to maintain peace at home, do this BUT please work on trust issues within the marriage; it can be a deal breaker...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11101 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 02, 2026

Money
Sir,I wants to Know using MF Portfolio Overlap Calculator Online, what is the Range of Overlap is Permissible /Acceptable for Good MFs .i.e Canara Large Cap and Nippon Large Cap,Overlap calculator show high % of overlap,What is the General Acceptable Range of Overlap we need to Keep as All MF are Same Stock Like HDFC,RIL,Infosys,etc Please explain.
Ans: You are asking a very thoughtful question. Checking portfolio overlap shows you are focusing on quality diversification. This is an important step in building a strong mutual fund portfolio.

» What Portfolio Overlap Means

Portfolio overlap shows how many stocks are common between two funds
Large cap funds often hold same top companies
Stocks like large private banks, IT companies and energy companies appear in many funds
So some overlap is normal and unavoidable

Overlap is not always bad. Excessive overlap reduces diversification.

» Why Large Cap Funds Show High Overlap

Large cap universe is limited
Most funds invest in top 50 or 100 companies
Fund managers prefer stable leaders
Therefore same stocks appear repeatedly
Hence large cap funds naturally show higher overlap

So high overlap in large cap category is common.

» General Acceptable Range Of Overlap

Below 30 percent – Very good diversification
30 to 50 percent – Acceptable and manageable
50 to 60 percent – Slightly high, review required
Above 60 percent – Too high, avoid holding both

This is a practical guideline, not a strict rule.

» Your Example Assessment

Two large cap funds usually show high overlap
Both invest in same top companies
Holding two similar large cap funds adds limited value
It increases duplication without improving diversification

Better to keep only one strong large cap fund.

» When High Overlap Is Still Acceptable

If investment styles are different
If one fund is more concentrated
If performance consistency is strong
If risk management differs

But in most cases, two large cap funds behave similarly.

» Better Portfolio Structure

Keep only one large cap fund
Add one flexi-cap or multi-cap fund
Add one mid-cap fund for growth
This reduces duplication
Improves diversification naturally

This structure is more efficient.

» What To Avoid

Holding multiple funds from same category
Selecting funds only based on past returns
Ignoring overlap completely
Frequently switching funds

Portfolio simplicity improves results.

» Finally
Some overlap is normal, especially in large cap funds. But when overlap crosses around 50 percent, it reduces diversification benefit. Instead of holding multiple similar funds, keeping fewer well-chosen funds gives better balance and clarity.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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