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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |144 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 23, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - Jun 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Mam, me and my bestfriend were in a relation for 2 years. everything was going smooth until he asked me to send video of my chest. When i denied he became emotional and asked- we are going to marry right? then whats the problem in sharing those. everyone does that. I'm not that kind of a girl. whenever i said no he used every ways to make me do that despite my discomfort. I told him many times I am uncomfortable but he chose to ignore them. he was the one who promised me that he will never make me uncomfortable. Since then I started to not like his touches. I loved him truly and he was there with me during my dark times . when i was at hostel which allowed phone only 2 days a week because I was planning to write CLAT that year, i seriously felt distant from him. he said he would wait just to hear my voice. i was allowed phone for only 30 minutes and he wanted me to talk to him more than my parents when i needed them most. I gradually started losing hope and i didnt want to create a scene which will affect my exam. But the thing is after gradually losing trust in him i developed a crush at my centre. i never knew his name, never talked , nothing. My mental health was completely messed up. I passed my CLAT exam last year and i never acted upon the crush i had, i broke up with my bf right after the exam because I couldnt handle that relation anymore. to be clear i never broke up with him because i had a crush, even though i was guilty. i broke up because of how he forced me into things he liked and how he never valued my opinions and how i lost trust eventually when he said he had photos of me with him. I broke up for my peace but why do i feel like I've cheated on my ex because i had a crush even though i never acted upon it. Please help me

Ans: You were uncomfortable and moved away from the individual - more power to you. It takes time to come to terms or get over such situations - when breakups happen we all go through self doubt, anger, sadness- this is a phase - they come and pass. Focus on your emotional and mental wellbeing - take care

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |526 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 23, 2023

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Relationship
I am 12th passed student and I had a bf around feb .Everything was perfectly fine in the starting but then somehow our talks got less and i asked him if everything was ok bcoz i felt strange whenever we talked through texts. He said he is tired and doesn't wanna talk and did not know what happened to him ... Plus exams were ongoing so I supported the way I can but i knew something was off ... As the time passed things got worse. I asked how much time u need to be urself .. u are going out with ur friends but don't wanna talk to me neither u asked how i am for past dew weeks or a month . In the last he said leave I am not good enough for you. Everything thing we talked was on snapchat app. I was so depressed plus my exam result were less then expected. I stopped using any social media.. There wasn't a single day i missed him or thought of seeing the snaps but somehow i made myself I understand that If u were imp he wouldn't talk about leaving...ig ... But still I do miss him when everything was started and ended by him... On 14th My frnd texted me asking abt my result and she said she will ask him aswell( she doesn't know abt us dating) ... And after a week i.e today i downloaded the app and i saw that he sent me snaps till 14th and they all were deleted and after that there was nothing. Somehow i feel that there must be some conversations between my frnd and him. But what i feel now is that i regret why i didn't saw his msgs when i missed him. It makes me feel regret and sad . Whenever i think about it i forget all that disrespect but at the same time something stops me . Idk what kind of feeling is this ... All ik that there was a little communication between us that was also gone ... I just wanna overcome but i cant . Its gonna be a month and these emotions are really making me feel depressed. I even start making scenarios and stories in my mind . Idk what is happening to me . Pls help me overcome this what should i do ?
Ans: Dear Radha,

I understand that you are experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions at the moment, but listen to me, this too shall pass. You won't feel this way three months from now. Six months from now, you will find it funny that you even felt this way once, and you might even regret focusing on your ex than your exams. Two years from now, you will even forget how you felt on this day; you will forget the sorrow, you will forget how lonely and helpless you felt. You will move on. Everyone does. Look at the bigger picture and these feelings that you are experiencing today will seem small.

Now, coming to how you can deal with it at present- focus on your studies; everything can wait, but your career won't. Hang out with your friends; tell them how you are feeling. Talking about pain is known to give some kind of relief. No one can take it from you, but having someone to listen to it can help. Focus on your health- mental and physical; workout a bit. It helps. And, in the end, let time do its magic.

P.S. If he says he's not good enough for you, believe it. You deserve better; even your ex thinks so. So why don't you?

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |526 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am a 22 year old female with an engineering graduation passed before 6 months. I had an long term relationship with my boyfriend since 4.5 years. We both are from different cities of KA and currently in it's capital city. I socialize with my male friends, which my bf does'nt like and whenever we meet it always turns into a fight. During my college graduation day, I was told not to participate which I did'nt agreed yet participated. During this my bf saw me with my friends around me and slapped me in public. This happened many times. Even though I have had quite a intimate time with one of my classmate and kissed another one. I never had real S*x with anyone. The intimacy was only to show my anger on my bf. Now I changed my location after graduation, broke with my bf and now I have a deeper understanding & relationship with a man of 42 aged-married-2 kids and a yet good being. We both had good time, no trust issues, no s*x, yet intimacies for couple of times. He keeps me happy, joyful, helping me towards my profession and goal, respects, looks me well and yet never forced me for penetration. He has plans to fly to UK after 3-5 years and promised to take me with him supporting my profession. I was really contented and happy with this relationship. He even assured that marriage can happen between us, If I agree and If I can wait until he gets divorced from his wife. But one day, my ex bf friend called and said that he has met with an accident and is in severed health issues like (piles, kidney stones). He is basically a drunkyard. Seeing this I got agitated. Now I wanted to breakup with the current man and go back to by ex-bf because he is left alone and we had 4.5 years of relation. I don't whether I am correct or not, Please advise.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am not sure if you are right either way. Being in a relationship with a married man, who is yet to get divorce, is ethically incorrect, whether there is physical intimacy or not. At the same time going back to your ex merely because you feel sad for him is also not the right choice. You are yourself admitting that he is a drunkard and he was also controlling and above all he slapped you; there's no excuse for any form of physical abuse in a relationship. Being in love does not make it okay to hit your partner. Please understand that.

In my opinion, you should take some time to reflect on the choices you are making. I truly believe you deserve better than a man who hits you, tries to control you, and a man who is already committed to someone else. Please think about it and make better choices that will allow you to feel true happiness.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |144 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jun 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Mam, me and my bestfriend were in a relation for 2 years. everything was going smooth until he asked me to send video of my chest. When i denied he became emotional and asked- we are going to marry right? then whats the problem in sharing those. everyone does that. I'm not that kind of a girl. whenever i said no he used every ways to make me do that despite my discomfort. I told him many times I am uncomfortable but he chose to ignore them. he was the one who promised me that he will never make me uncomfortable. Since then I started to not like his touches. I loved him truly and he was there with me during my dark times . when i was at hostel which allowed phone only 2 days a week because I was planning to write CLAT that year, i seriously felt distant from him. he said he would wait just to hear my voice. i was allowed phone for only 30 minutes and he wanted me to talk to him more than my parents when i needed them most. I gradually started losing hope and i didnt want to create a scene which will affect my exam. But the thing is after gradually losing trust in him i developed a crush at my centre. i never knew his name, never talked , nothing. My mental health was completely messed up. I passed my CLAT exam last year and i never acted upon the crush i had, i broke up with my bf right after the exam because I couldnt handle that relation anymore. to be clear i never broke up with him because i had a crush, even though i was guilty. i broke up because of how he forced me into things he liked and how he never valued my opinions and how i lost trust eventually when he said he had photos of me with him. I broke up for my peace but why do i feel like I've cheated on my ex because i had a crush even though i never acted upon it. Please help me. Was I cheating on him. When we broke up he said I'm like other girls always playing the victim card, he called me names and said he lost respect and felt petty about me when I said I had nothing else to talk on this matter.
Ans: this has been responded to

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |534 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I was in a relationship with my bestfriend for 1 and half years. Eventually I got to know that he liked physical intimacy more than emotional connection which is opposite to my concept. My feelings started to fade but I couldn't muster up courage to break up with him. While all this was going on I started to develop a crush on someone else but I never knew his name or never approached him in any ways and always kept my distance. Now it's been months since I broke up with my bf and about the crush I had I still hadn't approached it and I'm never planning to. I'm feeling that as I had a crush while being in a relation I cheated on my bf even though I hadn't approached or talked to the other person. Please clear it out. Have I cheated. I have never intended to hurt anyone but now I think I'm a cheater and I'm not able to sleep. I had to undergo therapy sessions right after break up due to the guilty and I've been diagnosed with depression too. Please tell me was I a cheater. I need a clear cut answer otherwise I won't able to live peacefully. Please help me
Ans: let me assure you that you're not a cheater. Having a crush or being attracted to someone else, especially when you're in a relationship where your emotional needs aren't fully met, is a natural human experience. What defines cheating is action—whether you pursued or acted on those feelings in a way that would break the trust and commitment of the relationship.

From what you described, you never approached or engaged with this person, and your feelings of guilt stem from the internal conflict of having a crush while still with your partner. It’s important to recognize that you didn’t cross any boundaries of betrayal. Emotional distance from your boyfriend due to differing needs is something that naturally can cause feelings to shift. Your realization that the relationship wasn’t aligned with your values speaks more to your integrity and self-awareness than to any notion of cheating.

The fact that you're struggling with these feelings shows how much you value honesty and loyalty. Sometimes, our minds create unnecessary guilt because we hold ourselves to very high standards. What you’re going through emotionally is tough, but it's important to differentiate between unintentional thoughts and intentional actions. You haven't betrayed anyone, and I hope this understanding helps you find some peace as you continue working on healing and your well-being.

It's clear you care deeply about not wanting to hurt others, but you also deserve self-compassion

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7947 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 12, 2025

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investing 10 lakhs in Mutual Funds: what fund option should I consider for 3 Years?
Ans: Investing for three years requires balancing returns and safety. Your choice should depend on risk tolerance, taxation, and liquidity needs.

Key Factors to Consider
A three-year horizon is short for equity investments.
Volatility in equities can impact returns if markets decline near redemption.
Debt funds provide stability but may have lower returns than equity funds.
Hybrid funds balance risk and returns better than pure equity or debt funds.
Taxation on mutual funds should be considered before making a choice.
Investment Options Based on Risk Profile
For Conservative Investors
Capital safety is a priority for conservative investors.
Debt mutual funds are suitable due to lower risk.
Short-duration and corporate bond funds offer better returns than fixed deposits.
Dynamic bond funds can work if comfortable with some interest rate risk.
Returns may be lower, but capital protection is higher.
For Moderate Investors
A mix of debt and equity is ideal.
Hybrid funds help balance stability and growth.
Aggressive hybrid funds invest around 65% in equity and 35% in debt.
Conservative hybrid funds invest more in debt and less in equity.
These funds can generate better returns than pure debt funds.
For Aggressive Investors
Equity funds can provide higher returns but come with risk.
Large-cap or flexi-cap funds are better than mid-cap or small-cap for three years.
Equity savings funds reduce risk by holding debt and arbitrage components.
Investors should be ready for short-term volatility in equity investments.
A systematic withdrawal plan (SWP) after three years can help manage risks.
Mutual Fund Taxation for 3-Year Investment
Equity fund LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
Equity STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt funds are taxed as per the investor’s income tax slab.
Hybrid funds taxation depends on their equity component.
Investors in high tax brackets may prefer equity-oriented funds for tax efficiency.
Regular Funds vs Direct Funds
Regular funds provide Certified Financial Planner (CFP) support and expert guidance.
Direct funds may appear cheaper but lack personalized financial advice.
Market conditions change, and professional guidance helps navigate investments.
Investors often make emotional decisions, which a CFP helps avoid.
Long-term returns may be higher with proper advisory support.
Actively Managed Funds vs Index Funds
Actively managed funds aim to beat market returns.
Fund managers adjust portfolios based on market conditions.
Index funds simply follow market indices and lack flexibility.
Actively managed funds can protect during market downturns.
A three-year horizon does not favor passive investing due to short-term volatility.
When to Choose a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
A lump sum investment is ideal when markets are low.
SIP helps reduce risk in volatile markets.
If investing in equity or hybrid funds, staggered investment through SIP can help.
Debt funds are better suited for lump sum investments.
SWP can be used for gradual withdrawal after three years.
Liquidity and Exit Strategy
Some funds have exit loads if redeemed before a certain period.
Hybrid and debt funds often have lower exit loads than equity funds.
Ensure liquidity by choosing funds with flexible redemption options.
Plan redemptions at least 3-6 months before the end of the investment period.
Final Insights
Debt funds are safer for conservative investors.
Hybrid funds offer a balance of risk and reward.
Equity funds suit aggressive investors but require risk tolerance.
Mutual fund taxation should be considered before investing.
Regular funds with CFP guidance provide better long-term benefits.
Would you like help in selecting specific categories within these options?

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7947 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 12, 2025

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Hi Team, I have been investing 5percent of my sip in Nasdaq but now unable to do sip. Could you please let me know whichother mf house are accepting sip for global investment
Ans: It seems you were investing in Nasdaq through a mutual fund SIP but are now unable to continue. You are looking for mutual fund houses that still accept SIPs for global investments.

There are multiple factors to consider before continuing with global investments.

Understanding Restrictions on Global SIPs
Many mutual funds had to pause fresh investments in international schemes.
This was due to regulatory restrictions on overseas investment limits.
Some fund houses have reopened investments, but availability changes frequently.
The acceptance of SIPs depends on whether they have room within the limits.
Mutual Fund Houses Offering Global Investments
Some Indian fund houses continue to accept SIPs for international funds.
They may invest in US markets, European markets, or emerging economies.
Some focus on technology stocks, while others cover broader sectors.
The availability of SIPs can change based on fund house policies.
You should check with the fund house or an expert before investing.
Should You Continue Global Investments?
The US market has given strong returns in the long term.
However, global investing comes with risks like currency fluctuations.
The rupee’s movement against the dollar impacts your returns.
The US market is expensive compared to Indian equities.
Diversification is good, but overexposure to a single market is risky.
Actively Managed Funds vs Index Funds
Many global funds track indices like Nasdaq or S&P 500.
Index funds may seem cost-effective, but they lack flexibility.
Actively managed global funds adjust portfolios based on market conditions.
Professional fund managers help manage risks in different economies.
Actively managed funds can outperform during market downturns.
Evaluating Your Investment Strategy
If you were investing 5% in Nasdaq, consider how it fits your overall plan.
Stopping SIPs should not disrupt your long-term goals.
If you cannot continue, ensure other investments balance your portfolio.
Look for options that align with your risk appetite and investment horizon.
Taxation of Global Mutual Funds
Global equity funds are taxed like debt funds.
There is no benefit of lower taxation like domestic equity funds.
Gains are taxed based on your income tax slab.
If you hold for more than three years, taxation remains the same.
Keep tax efficiency in mind while choosing investment options.
What Should You Do Next?
Check with mutual fund houses about SIP availability in global schemes.
If SIP is unavailable, you can still invest through lump sum when the window opens.
Consider balancing global and Indian investments for better diversification.
Review your financial plan to ensure your goals stay on track.
Finally
Investing in global markets can be beneficial, but not without risks.
Active management is preferable over index-based global funds.
Ensure you are aware of taxation before investing.
Focus on a diversified portfolio instead of chasing one market.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7947 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 12, 2025

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Money
I HAVE RECIEVED A SUM OF RS 10 LACS FROM FRIEND TO PURCHASE A HOUSE - HE HAS STATED I CAN RETURN MONEY AFTER MY DAUGHTER IS EARNING ENOUGH MONEY TO REPAY . I HAVE NOT BEEN FILING RETURNS SINCE I DONT HAVE TAXABLE INCOME . SHOULD I FILE I T RETURN FOR THIS AMOUNT - UNDER WHICH HEAD OF INCOME WILL I HAVE TO SHOW - SHOULD I MENTION IT AS GIFT OR LOAN
Ans: You have received Rs. 10 lakh from a friend for purchasing a house. The friend has stated that you can return it when your daughter starts earning. Since you have not been filing tax returns, let’s assess whether you should file a return and how to declare this amount.

Is Filing an ITR Necessary?
You don’t have taxable income, so filing is usually not required.
However, Rs. 10 lakh in your account can attract scrutiny.
To avoid future issues, filing an ITR is advisable.
It helps maintain transparency with the tax department.
How to Declare This Amount?
This is not a gift because a gift from a friend is taxable if above Rs. 50,000.
It is best to treat this as a loan.
Loans from friends do not attract tax but should be documented.
Declaring It Under the Right Income Head
A personal loan is not income, so it does not fall under "Income from Other Sources."
It is not taxable, but should be disclosed as "Loan Taken" in the balance sheet section of ITR.
If interest is paid on the loan, that interest will be taxable for the lender.
Steps to Ensure No Future Tax Issues
Keep a written agreement mentioning the loan terms.
The agreement should mention that repayment will be made after your daughter starts earning.
Ideally, the friend should transfer funds through a bank and not in cash.
If the tax department questions the transaction, you can show this agreement.
Final Insights
Filing an ITR is recommended for clarity.
Declare the amount as a loan, not a gift.
Maintain proper documentation to avoid future issues.
Ensure transactions happen through a bank for transparency.


Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7947 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 02, 2025Hindi
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Money
I am an employee. My company pays my rent amount to my house owners account. the amount is 9000. but my house rent is 4900 and I asked to return the remaining amount to return to me. My house owner is a senior citizen and has 5 houses. remaining houses pay rent in cash. He said I get taxed on the amount so I am deducting the tax amount. I feel he is cheating me in the name of tax. please help me in this issue.
Ans: Your house owner is deducting tax from the extra rent you asked him to return. It is important to assess whether this is a fair deduction or if he is keeping a part of your money unfairly.

Understanding Taxation on Rental Income
Your house owner is a senior citizen and has five rental properties.
He receives rent from other tenants in cash, which may not be reported as income.
The rent he receives from you is directly deposited into his bank account. This means it is officially recorded.
He may be liable to pay tax on this recorded income.
Why Is He Deducting Tax?
If he is filing income tax returns properly, he should pay tax on total rental income.
The tax he pays depends on his total income, including all rental earnings.
If he has no other income, rental income is taxed as per his slab.
If his total taxable income exceeds the exemption limit, tax is applicable.
Assessing If He Is Cheating You
Your employer is paying Rs 9,000 rent, but your actual rent is Rs 4,900.
The extra Rs 4,100 should be returned to you in full.
He is deducting a tax amount before refunding, which raises concerns.
The tax rate he claims to deduct should be verified.
If he is keeping a significant portion, he may be misusing tax as a reason.
Steps to Verify the Tax Deduction
Ask him to provide a written explanation of the tax deduction.
Request a receipt or breakdown of how much tax he is paying on rental income.
Check his income tax return (if he agrees) to see if he is genuinely paying tax.
If he is hesitant, he may be deducting more than required.
What Can You Do?
Ask your employer to pay only Rs 4,900 directly to him instead of Rs 9,000.
If the employer insists on paying Rs 9,000, ask for an official agreement with the owner.
Clarify in the agreement that extra rent paid will be refunded without deductions.
If he refuses, inform him that you will consult a tax expert.
You can also ask him to show proof of tax paid on the deducted amount.
Handling This in a Legal Way
There is no rule that allows a landlord to deduct tax from refunded rent.
Rental income tax is the landlord’s responsibility, not yours.
He should pay tax on his total income, not on your refund.
If he is deducting an unusually high amount, it is unfair.
Alternative Options
Consider renting a different house where the rent payment process is straightforward.
If your employer allows, request them to revise the rent agreement.
Check if your company can provide a direct reimbursement to you instead.
Final Insights
Your landlord is responsible for paying tax on his rental income.
He cannot deduct tax from the amount he is refunding to you.
If he insists on deducting tax, ask for proof and clarification.
If he refuses to return the full extra amount, he may be misusing tax as an excuse.
You can take steps to ensure you receive the rightful refund.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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