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Kanchan Rai  |287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Pallavi Question by Pallavi on Apr 25, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Im 23 years old girl , my boyfriend is 35 year old , my father feels i should get married to my boyfriend at 25 26 when i have job and more maturity that i can manage with an elder person.. Whereas my boyfriend is in a hurry as his age is increasing and there is societal pressure

Ans: Dear Pallavi
Navigating your father's and boyfriend's differing opinions about marriage is challenging. It's crucial to consider your own readiness, goals, and feelings.

At 23, personal growth and career development are important. Reflect on whether you're ready for marriage now or if you'd benefit from a few more years to mature and establish your career. Your father wants you to be stable and mature enough to handle a relationship with someone older, which is a valid concern. Your boyfriend, at 35, feels societal pressure to marry soon, which is also understandable.

Have open conversations with both. Explain to your father that you understand his concerns and value his perspective. Share your feelings about your relationship and your readiness for marriage. Communicate with your boyfriend about your need for time and suggest a compromise or timeline that respects both your needs and his concerns.

Consider an engagement period as a middle ground, giving you both a sense of commitment without immediate marriage pressure. Seeking advice from a relationship counselor could also help navigate these discussions.

Ultimately, the decision should be based on your readiness and mutual agreement, not external pressures. Ensure you feel confident and prepared for marriage, fostering a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1044 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 30 years old girl and for the past three years, I have been in relationship with a guy who is two years younger to me. He is Marwadi and his parents are not agreeing to our marriage. I have tried breaking up with the guy several times and tried moving on but he always keeps saying that his parents need some time. My BF is a genuine guy and he loves me a lot.My parents on the other hand want me to get married by the end of this year. I am really confused if I should wait for my BF or listen to my parents and get married by their choice. I am unable to understand what to do. I am really depressed. Will it be really late if I get married after 30 or is it okay to wait for my BF?Please help me out.
Ans:

Dear AY,

And is your boyfriend also really depressed like you are?

Is he also desperate to get married?

Is he afraid of talking to his parents?

Does he also want to get married and settle down?

Is there a future for the two of you?

If the answer to each is a YES, please have that ‘uncomfortable yet firm’ conversation with your boyfriend.

Being in a limbo isn’t great, so please ask him how much time he needs to talk to his parents and when he is going to talk to them and how serious is he in this relationship?

Else, it will be an endless wait and that is what seems to be getting to you, the uncertainty.

So, by getting a clear commitment on the WHEN, will eliminate this stress that is eating you away. Things will get clearer, and you will know what to do!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |253 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Mar 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 24 years old and i have a sister who is 23 years old. I am dating a boy for 4 years and he is of same age. My bf has some finincial crunches and he is willing to marry at the age of 28. My parents are constantly pressurizing me to marry at the age of 25 which is next year. I don't know what to do at this time. I am working in IT sector and earning 4lpa and my bf is earning 7lpa. I am telling my bf to marry me next year but he is not ready as he also has a sister 1 year younger to him. What should i do in this situation? My sister has some issue with eye so definitely we will not get boy easily for her and my dad wants me to marry early so that he can focus on her marriage too. What should i do in this situation as i don't want to upset my family and i don't want to marry someone else too.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are facing such an issue. It isn't fair to put so much weight on your shoulders, especially at such a young age. But simultaneously I understand where your parents' concerns stem from; it is indeed a tough situation. Managing conflicting desires, especially with parents, is difficult.

Here is my two cents-
Talk to your boyfriend. While he is not being unreasonable in wanting to marry at 28, which seems like a fairly mature decision, you can try to make him understand the pressure you are under, and if possible, marry sooner rather than later. It does not mean you should get married next year. Things like marriage should never be rushed into. Find a middle ground that can work for both of you.

While it's natural to want to fulfill your family's expectations, it's also essential to consider your own desires and aspirations. Take the time to understand what it is that you want. Are you ready to be married at the age of 25? Does it align with your personal goals? Marriage is not everything in life, just so you know.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1044 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi there, I have many things going in my life right now and I’m confused what to do, first thing I’m in a relationship with a man who’s 7 years older than me and is also not earning much, we are from different religions. Now as I’m 25 my parents are asking me to get married but some how I’m avoiding it, I’m currently living with them and I’m constant with growth in my career so they also want me to look for better opportunities. The thing is my boyfriend is also in the same city and I’m sad about going far away. He’s very supportive and motivates me to look further opportunities. But again my parents want an answer from me about marriage. And I discussed with my boyfriend as well and he understands that too but he doesn’t want to marry me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When he does not want to marry you, then what makes you waste so much time on him?
Move on with your life; it's not about getting married like the way your parents intend BUT more a signal to yourself to stop in your tracks and focus on what's important to you; your life...

He can be a good friend still supporting you (If the two of you can find that maturity) and you will both be able to walk on your own paths which isn't happening now. When he is clear that he is not going to commit to it, it should be enough data for you to look into yourself and know that you are trying hard to make something happen that does not want to happen. Making sense here?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1044 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hie I need an advice about marriage, I am 28 years old and wants to marry a guy who is younger than me, however earns good salary. Also we are from different caste. I am afraid of having conversation about this with my parents and also I am confused that how to have this conversation with my parents. He loves me a lot and always support me. Also i got engaged with different person (arranged marriage), however that person broke the engagement and now I wont be able to trust and give chance to a new person to come into my life.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Why exactly did you get engaged with someone else when you say that you are in love with another person?
I don't get this...Have the conversation with you parents stating clearly what you want. Yes, your parents will and might oppose it for whatever reason, but if you and the boy are serious, then pursue it...
Then where is the question of a new person coming and your trusting etc. From your email/letter, one thing is clear to me is that: you have no idea what you want. You love someone and say that you want to marry him and then you go and get engaged to someone else and now you are wondering if you can trust someone new.
What is going on? What happens to your 'guy'? Are you serious about that relationship at all?
I think you really need to first sit and have a conversation with yourself and then talk to your parents, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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