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My Boyfriend is Perfect but My Dad Doesn't Approve - What Should I Do?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1403 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2024Hindi
Relationship

I have a relationship,he is a good guy, understanding,caring,and perfect at every aspect howI want my partner to be.But my father isn't agreeing to the marriage ,just because he earns less,and eant delay marriage by two years.My boyfriend is trying is trying his oevel best to cope up ,even had agreed to talk to my parents,also comvinced his family. The only problem lies is with my father. What shall I do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I have mentioned in many of my responses to similar questions that: convincing someone against what they believe or wish to believe is an uphill task. Instead, learn to accept that your father may never want to agree to this marriage and if you and your partner are adults and if you have figured out compatibility between the two of you, then you know you can decide.

But I am sure that your father has his concerns, try and address those and who knows he may happily bless the two of you. Request your partner to talk to your father and make him understand why he is the right person for you. At the end of the day, obviously your father wants the best for his daughter, right?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1403 Answers  |Ask -

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Asked by Anonymous - Oct 17, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hello I am having a relationship with my boyfriend for 12 years. We both have been maintaining long distance for the last 6 years. He comes to visit once in a year. He is very caring and loves me a lot. His actions prove that no doubt. He has not completed his graduation yet but works for a very good company in usa and earns well. We both want to get married but my father is not agreeing to it. My father thinks without the degree he is nothing, he can never keep me happy and he also thinks these type of less educated people might even torture physically and mentally. My boyfriend’s father financial condition is not good as well which is creating another hindrance as my father thinks i have no financial security. His parents have no problem with the marriage. They all stay abroad and i think my father dont want me to settle there. He wants his daughter to stay close to him. Now, i am in a dilemma of what should i do so that my father agrees to the marriage. I have totally decided that he will be the one i will be getting married to. Also i dont want to hurt my father and break the ties with him. I want my father to approve the marriage and he whole heartedly accept this marriage. How should i proceed on with everything?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You don't want this but this and that, that is okay but only if this happens. You can't solve a problem by putting so many constraints. You will reach a dead end.
Instead, be ready for some compromises that are inevitable given the outcome that you wish for.

What I mean is:
If you have decided to marry this person, be ready to accept that your father may never approve of the marriage and you may have to go through it without his approval
OR
You may have to go through the task of making both families meet and then ironing out their challenges with one another

Everything may not go as per plan so, do what's you can and then if things still don't work out, accept it...ultimately if you know your decision is right, well...

Okay, I am curious...if your boyfriend has not finished his graduation, how old is he and how old are you? Your father is then fully justified worrying about this as you two are quite young. Also, why are you going to depend on your boyfriend for your financial stability, Do you not have a job? Or do you not plan on working in the future?
Don't skirt around these questions as you know that doing anything rash and foolish can impact your entire life.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1403 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
Relationship
will soon be 25 yrs old but havent got a job yet and my partner is 29 yrs old. We know each other for the past 7-8 years and we are in a very healthy relationship so much happy with each other. We hv told about us in our families. They are willing to let their son marry the girl of his choice and in my family except my father everyone is happy for us. My mom likes him so much. He met my mom few times even came to home but havent met my father yet. I hv told my mom about us since march & my father in july. Since then me and my father are having heated arguments whenever i am trying to explain why i cant marry anyone by his choice. And i wish to marry this person. His issues are- Patriarchal thinking that how can a girl choose a guy for her marriage, its their parents job. Who told me to find a guy on her own. Secondly, Him being a maharashtrian. We belong to UP but living in mumbai for more than 25 years and my father has plans to shift back in UP after his retirement which is after 4 years. So he doesnt want me to leave here all alone by myself. Also he doesnt like maharashtrians, not even a bit. Thirdly, he is doing a private job but he is earning 70-80k monthly since my father is a govt employee. Hence he has got issues. What issues i am facing- he is giving all kinds of threats he can to stop me fir even dreaming about to get marry this person. He says even if the earth ends tomorrow i will not let you marry the person of your choice. It is our job to find a groom not yours. My elder brother who is 4 years older than me and my sister who is one year younger than me both are studying in delhi. It is just me and my mom and my younger brother who is in 8th std living here. And none of our relatives lives here. So he is verbally and physically abusing us. Even threatened me to put my partner and his family behind bars if they forces us to get marry. Since our (my and my mom) convincing and explaining to him is falling on deaf ears , we (my & my partner) are willing to take drastic step and get married in court. We are hoping that now only police intervention can help us to be with each other. But we are not taking this step right now cz many things are holding me back but we are willing to take if things goes even more worse later. Since we are not finding it worth to wait for his approval. Nor he wants to listen why i want to marry this person and what are my reasons to refuse any guy my father chooses for me. Neither willing to see or meet my partner. My mother is on my side. She even asked my partner to meet some of our relatives and family friends everyone liked him and us. Its just my father who is having and creating so many issues. Everyone wants to hlp us but jst because of my father's nature (him being a true narcissist perdon) all are hesitating about how to even start a conversation with him unless he doesnt talks abt this with them. My father is also avoiding to talk about this situation with anyone since it will bring down his reputation, what will the society and relatives think about us. Noone will marry my siblings if they get to know about this that their sister has forcefully left the house to marry the guy of her own choice. Please suggest me something what else i can do to make him understand and should i stop making efforts and do whatever i want to not now but after sometime. Take drastic step and leave the house. I also know what will be the consequences of my actions but can i do if he doesnt want me to see me happy or believing in my decisions. Atleast he should listen and see him personally that what i saw in this person. But he doesnt want. Please guide me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What can you do if your father has a rigid thinking like this? Like you yourself have mentioned: that your father must see what you saw in this person.
So, how much effort has gone into that? It seems that all of you are quick to judge that your father is strict and that he does not like people from certain states etc...Okay, he is who he is, right? So, now tune your efforts from complaining about him to what you can do to make him see the good in your partner.
Also, I hope that your partner is in a reasonably good financial state for his age else this will become an issue with your father.
Address your father's concerns and that will help you and your partner actually move things further. You becoming financially independent also will give your father confidence that you are old enough to make certain decisions of your life.

Also, your mother supporting you is of little use; if your father has always been in charge, she will have little say in the matter, so do not depend on anyone right now. Take it upon yourselves now to address what your father finds worrisome and take each point and build something useful to counter that.
It will not be possible or wise to force him to agree as that may not happen, so work on actually making him see what you see in your partner.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Dr Nagarajan Jsk

Dr Nagarajan Jsk   |183 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 19, 2024Hindi
Career
Hello sir I am mbbs graduated from russia in 2020,n passed with my fmge exam in india in 2021, I want to ask if i want to practice medicine or work as doctor in uk ? Is it necessary for me to pass plab exam exam? Or if i get sponsorship from any uk i will be able to work there and simultaneously i will give plab exam?? Please guide me i m so confused?
Ans: Hi, I understand that you pursued a medicine course in Russia (a non-European country) and, since you are from India, you have completed the FMGE. Now you want to practice or work in the UK as a doctor?

Based on your question, you are eligible to practice in India after completing your internship (which you haven't mentioned, but I assume you have completed it). The FMGE is essentially a licensure exam for Indian students who have completed their medical studies abroad, so you are eligible to practice in India only.

If you want to practice medicine in the UK, you need to complete the PLAB test, as you are from outside the UK/Switzerland/European countries (Austria, Belgium, Bulgaria, Croatia, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Iceland, Ireland, Italy, Latvia, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Malta, Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Slovakia, Slovenia, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland).

You also inquired about sponsorship. Here is the information related to sponsorship for practicing medicine in the UK.
(Extracted from general medical council, uk org. )Applying for registration using sponsorship
If you apply through sponsorship, you will have to satisfy the sponsor that you possess the knowledge, skills and experience required for practising as a fully registered medical practitioner in the UK. Each sponsor has their own scheme which we have pre-approved. If you can satisfy the requirements of their scheme, they will issue you with a Sponsorship Registration Certificate (SRC) which you will need for your application with us. Please ensure this is a Sponsorship Registration Certificate for GMC registration, as we can’t accept UK visa sponsorship certificates for your application for registration.
Please note that a core part of all sponsors' criteria is that a doctor applying for an offer of sponsorship must have been engaged in medical practice for three out of the last five years including the most recent 12 months. If you cannot meet these minimum criteria, it is unlikely that you'll be able to supply sufficient evidence to support your application for sponsorship.
Doctors applying through sponsorship are required to demonstrate their English language skills by achieving our current minimum scores in the academic version of the IELTS test or the OET (medicine version).
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• Oxford University Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust – The Oxford International Neonatal and Paediatric Fellowship Programme
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KINDLY NOTE: If your sponsor is not on this list then you cannot apply using sponsorship.
If you have any further questions, please visit the GMC website for more information.

WISH YOU ALL THE VERY BEST.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7290 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 21, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Sir, I follow your articles regularly and your detailed assessment is really awesome.I am 47yrs Male with wife, 20&18 years kids, elder one is in B.Tech and younger one is 12th. My wife is a home maker. Coming to financials. I have 4 houses including the one residing worth 10cr(total) and getting rental income of 70k per month, invested in stocks and MFs worth 60L, have foreign stocks of worth 1.7cr, accumulated pf around 1.3cr. I have farm lands worth 5cr. Have 1.2cr loan and salary of ~4L (net). current sips in equity 70k/month, have 5Cr term plan, health insurance for family 50L. How do I plan my retirement at 52-53years assuming 80 years life expectancy. Don't want to depend on kids and need regular income ~3-4L per month.
Ans: Asset Evaluation
Real Estate:
You own four houses worth Rs 10 crore, generating Rs 70,000 monthly rental income. This is a solid base for passive income. However, real estate can have fluctuating maintenance costs, tenant issues, and varying rental yields over time.

Stocks and Mutual Funds:
Your Rs 60 lakh investment in stocks and mutual funds is a commendable step. Active mutual funds offer professional fund management and can outperform index funds over time.

Foreign Stocks:
Your Rs 1.7 crore portfolio in foreign stocks adds geographical diversification. Monitor currency exchange fluctuations and global market trends.

Provident Fund (PF):
With Rs 1.3 crore in PF, this is a reliable retirement corpus. The fund provides fixed returns and tax benefits, adding stability.

Farm Lands:
Farm lands worth Rs 5 crore are an illiquid but valuable asset. They might not generate consistent income unless leased or developed.

Loans:
A loan liability of Rs 1.2 crore needs prioritised repayment. Focus on loans with higher interest rates first.

Insurance Coverage:
A Rs 5 crore term plan is robust. Your Rs 50 lakh health insurance is sufficient for unexpected medical emergencies.

Retirement Goals
You need Rs 3–4 lakh monthly for 27–28 years post-retirement.
The portfolio must generate steady, inflation-adjusted returns.
Action Plan for Retirement
Debt Management
Prepay High-Interest Loans:
Use a portion of your surplus income to prepay loans. This reduces interest outflow and increases your cash flow.

Avoid New Loans:
Focus on reducing existing liabilities instead of taking on new ones.

Portfolio Restructuring
Real Estate:
Retain essential properties. Sell underperforming or non-essential properties to reduce concentration in real estate. Invest proceeds in mutual funds or debt instruments for diversification.

Mutual Funds (MFs):
Increase SIPs in actively managed funds. They outperform direct funds due to guidance from Certified Financial Planners and MFDs. Regular funds offer better tracking and professional assistance.

Stocks:
Monitor direct equity investments closely. Consider reallocating underperforming stocks to mutual funds for better management.

Debt Instruments:
Invest in high-quality debt funds or fixed-income securities for stability. These instruments balance equity volatility and ensure steady returns.

SIP Strategy
Increase SIPs from Rs 70,000 to Rs 1 lakh/month.
Allocate 70% to equity funds for long-term growth.
Invest 30% in debt funds for stability and liquidity.
Emergency Fund
Maintain a 12-month expense reserve in liquid funds or fixed deposits.
This covers unexpected expenses without disturbing investments.
Income During Retirement
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
Use SWPs in mutual funds to generate regular income.
Withdraw 6–8% annually from your mutual fund portfolio for a steady income stream.
Rental Income Optimisation
Review property rents regularly.
Invest part of rental income in equity or debt mutual funds for compounding.
Dividend Stocks
Retain high-dividend-yield stocks for regular income.
Reinvest surplus dividends for long-term growth.
Tax Efficiency
Equity Funds Taxation:
Long-term gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

Debt Funds Taxation:
Both short- and long-term gains are taxed per your income slab.

Real Estate Capital Gains:
Use exemptions under Sections 54 or 54F to save tax on property sales.

Inflation Protection
Allocate 60–70% of your portfolio to equity investments.

Equity provides inflation-adjusted returns over time.

Debt funds and fixed instruments safeguard against equity market volatility.

Estate Planning
Draft a will to allocate assets transparently among family members.
Use nomination and joint ownership to avoid legal complications.
Consider a family trust for farm lands to avoid disputes.
Periodic Review
Review your financial plan every six months.
Adjust investments based on market conditions, goals, and needs.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner regularly for updates.
Finally
A well-diversified portfolio ensures financial independence post-retirement. Focus on debt repayment, portfolio balance, and tax-efficient withdrawals. Your assets can comfortably generate Rs 3–4 lakh monthly income, adjusted for inflation.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |444 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

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Relationship
I am the eldest sibling in our families and aged 51. Normally, whenever anyone in the family has a problem - financial, mental, psychological, issue with people or anything else, they come up to discuss with me and share. Well, many would say I am lucky as people look up to me when they are in any kind of a problem. But that is not the case. Sadly no one is around with whom I can discuss or even think to share my issues, my problems. I do not have any friends. Sadly, yes, that is a fact and at my age, I dont expect that here we have a culture where we can get to making friends, at least the kind of friends with whom you can confide, share your feelings, problems. I tried and failed. Maybe because I am introvert or maybe I am too cautious. To make it more complicated, I dont work in the regular kind of job. I am a lone person who works as a freelance from home. This limits my outreach when it comes to interacting with real people. I have clients, business contacts, but I cannot get personal with them. It will never be a good choice. My wife is busy with her job + we do not have any relation beyond the daily matters related to household and it has been more than 10 years now that we live this way. Tried to sort out things with her but she just does not have time and interest (after all who wants to add on to tensions, stress). My daughter is after all my daughter - I cannot share these with her, and definitely at 10 she is too young to be one to discuss such stuff. I am not sure how far this issue can be fixed but I am hopeful to find some path here.
Ans: Dear Kevin,
Starting small can be helpful. Consider connecting with people through shared interests or hobbies, either online or in person, where the pressure to immediately open up is minimal. Online communities, local meetups, or volunteer activities can create low-stakes opportunities to connect with like-minded individuals. The goal isn’t to instantly find someone to confide in but to slowly build a sense of belonging and companionship.

Your relationship with your wife appears to be another significant source of emotional distance. While her lack of interest in deep conversations may seem like a barrier, it’s worth exploring other ways to reconnect—perhaps by spending time together in shared activities or revisiting moments that once brought you closer. Sometimes, relationships stuck in routines benefit from new experiences or even professional counseling to navigate the underlying dynamics.

Regarding your daughter, while it’s clear she cannot shoulder your emotional burdens, she can still be a source of joy and connection. Investing time in activities with her can provide a sense of fulfillment and grounding that counters loneliness.

Above all, remember that reaching out for professional support, such as therapy, is not a sign of weakness but an act of self-care. A therapist can provide a safe space to express your feelings and help you develop strategies to foster deeper connections and manage emotional isolation.

You deserve to feel supported and connected, and even if the journey to finding that seems long, every step you take toward opening up or seeking out others is a move toward a more fulfilling and less lonely existence.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7290 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Listen
Money
Top4 sips with 15k amount suggest me
Ans: Here’s an updated strategy for your Rs. 15,000 SIP allocation, replacing the sectoral/thematic fund with a small-cap fund for better long-term growth potential.

Suggested SIP Allocation (Rs. 15,000)
Large-Cap Fund

Allocation: Rs. 4,000/month
Objective: Stability and steady growth by investing in India’s top 100 companies.
Why Choose: Provides consistent returns and low volatility in your portfolio.
Flexi-Cap Fund

Allocation: Rs. 4,000/month
Objective: Diversified exposure across large, mid, and small-cap stocks.
Why Choose: Offers balanced risk and returns with flexibility during market cycles.
Mid-Cap Fund

Allocation: Rs. 3,500/month
Objective: Tap into the growth potential of medium-sized companies.
Why Choose: Higher returns with manageable risk compared to small caps.
Small-Cap Fund

Allocation: Rs. 3,500/month
Objective: Focus on fast-growing small-cap companies.
Why Choose: High-growth potential over the long term, though with higher volatility.
Why Include Small-Cap Funds?
Long-Term Growth: Small-cap companies have immense potential to grow significantly over time.
Diversification: Adds exposure to an underrepresented segment, complementing large and mid-caps.
High Returns: Potential for higher returns compared to other categories, albeit with higher risk.
Key Considerations
Investment Horizon: Stay invested for at least 7-10 years to mitigate short-term volatility.
Active Fund Management: Avoid direct or index funds to leverage professional expertise.
Regular Monitoring: Review fund performance periodically with a Certified Financial Planner.
Tax Implications
Equity Funds:
LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh/year taxed at 12.5%.
STCG (held less than 1 year) taxed at 20%.
Final Insights
This updated allocation ensures a mix of stability, moderate risk, and high growth. With consistent SIPs and periodic reviews, you can achieve robust wealth creation over the long term. A Certified Financial Planner can assist in optimising your investment strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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