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Torn between Love and Career: Can I Have It All?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1794 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi there, I have many things going in my life right now and I’m confused what to do, first thing I’m in a relationship with a man who’s 7 years older than me and is also not earning much, we are from different religions. Now as I’m 25 my parents are asking me to get married but some how I’m avoiding it, I’m currently living with them and I’m constant with growth in my career so they also want me to look for better opportunities. The thing is my boyfriend is also in the same city and I’m sad about going far away. He’s very supportive and motivates me to look further opportunities. But again my parents want an answer from me about marriage. And I discussed with my boyfriend as well and he understands that too but he doesn’t want to marry me.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When he does not want to marry you, then what makes you waste so much time on him?
Move on with your life; it's not about getting married like the way your parents intend BUT more a signal to yourself to stop in your tracks and focus on what's important to you; your life...

He can be a good friend still supporting you (If the two of you can find that maturity) and you will both be able to walk on your own paths which isn't happening now. When he is clear that he is not going to commit to it, it should be enough data for you to look into yourself and know that you are trying hard to make something happen that does not want to happen. Making sense here?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1794 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2022

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Hi Anu, I am 30 years old girl and for the past three years, I have been in relationship with a guy who is two years younger to me. He is Marwadi and his parents are not agreeing to our marriage. I have tried breaking up with the guy several times and tried moving on but he always keeps saying that his parents need some time. My BF is a genuine guy and he loves me a lot.My parents on the other hand want me to get married by the end of this year. I am really confused if I should wait for my BF or listen to my parents and get married by their choice. I am unable to understand what to do. I am really depressed. Will it be really late if I get married after 30 or is it okay to wait for my BF?Please help me out.
Ans:

Dear AY,

And is your boyfriend also really depressed like you are?

Is he also desperate to get married?

Is he afraid of talking to his parents?

Does he also want to get married and settle down?

Is there a future for the two of you?

If the answer to each is a YES, please have that ‘uncomfortable yet firm’ conversation with your boyfriend.

Being in a limbo isn’t great, so please ask him how much time he needs to talk to his parents and when he is going to talk to them and how serious is he in this relationship?

Else, it will be an endless wait and that is what seems to be getting to you, the uncertainty.

So, by getting a clear commitment on the WHEN, will eliminate this stress that is eating you away. Things will get clearer, and you will know what to do!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |722 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello sir, I have been in relationship for 4 years, once my cousin elder caught me with my bf and told my parent. I told my parents that I wanted to get marry with him. But they denied. Due to my brother listening. Now it's been 4 years from that period. My bf is asking me for marriage. I wanted to convience my parents. But I m not able to tell them. And my Bf is less educated and I am employed graduate person. He works as a driver,but loves me a core. What shall I do to convience my parent. As Im of 25 years old and he is one year elder then me
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you are in a challenging situation. If you want to convince your parents, the first thing is to acknowledge their concerns. It is normal for parents to be worried about their child's future. You mentioned your partner is comparatively less educated than you and works as a driver; while every profession is equally important and as long as he is honest and hardworking and puts food on the table, he is doing well, parents can find the financial situation a little concerning. Instead of avoiding or being defensive about these concerns, address them. Let them know how you plan on tackling these differences in your relationship. Emphasize his character, personality, and all the qualities that drew you to him. Tell them how you have been in a stable relationship for 4 years, despite all the odds. In today's day and age, that is a huge thing. Convincing them would also require you to show that you are mature enough to make this decision so have the discussion once you and your partner have a solid plan and have the nitty-gritty all sorted.

Be practical and do not expect them to be onboard immediately. They have your best interest at heart and you know that your situation isn't ideal. Give them time to come around. It might take some compromises as well.

In the end, I would also urge you to think this through before introducing the relationship to your parents. Marriage is a big decision. Ultimately, it's your happiness and life at stake. Don't rush.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Shalini

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Asked by Anonymous - Aug 18, 2024Hindi
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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2024Hindi
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I am a 25 year old girl. I have good job and happy career wise. I am in a relationship with a boy who is very career oriented, and runs from the marriage topic also. My parents are now behind to me to get married. I am also interested in getting married and settle in my. When I told my boyfriend about this. He gets furious. He don’t want to communicate with me on this. He don’t give any attention to my problem. He says if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done. Now everything is on me.I am very confused what to do. I can’t tell my parents about him, as he is not ready. I also have a fear, that this boy is not going to marry me, so am I leaving good boys which my parents are showing me. Am I already late...what if I don’t get anyone, will I have to compromise in my life If I will delay. Please help!!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let me start with the most important thing- you are far from late. You are only 25; I would say this is your time to focus on your career and live a little. But if you are ready for marriage, then that is great too. But do not ever think that it's too late. It isn't even a little late. If anything, in today's day and age, it's early.

Now coming to your boyfriend- have you ever asked him if he has any plans to get married or if he intends to continue this relationship without ever committing to marriage? It's important that you discuss this. And his dialogue, "if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done" doesn't make any sense because you can tell him the same. I suggest you speak to him openly and let him know that you want to get married- if not right now, but somewhere down the line you want marriage. If his intentions are not the same, he should let you know so that you can move on and find someone who shares the same outlook as you. And, to be honest, not paying attention to your problems is concerning. In a relationship, two people should help each other out in times of trouble.

Please have the talk and reconsider the relationship according to how it goes.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1794 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 03, 2024Hindi
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11161 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 04, 2026

Money
I am 61 self Disciplined minimalist. I am now in SWP segment. 4% SWP and step up SWP are all okay and understandable but much worried on flip side which am often not thinking much. Considering next 30 years block 1. Inflation may also shoot up from 6% to 15% 2. Normally market crash once in 10 years assuming 30% crash 3. Recovery phase may take slow say 5 to 7 years 4. War natural calamities etc influence market once in 7 year 5.expected return may hit bottom from 10% With all this sequential risk, the worry is will my corpus empty earlier should I be with half starving and my SWP is good only in paper or any corrections needs to be done? Because when age grows, expenses can't be reduced, only rebalance the ratio from travel to utility like that So please guide me will my SWP corpus empty earlier, and should I do now as preparedness
Ans: Your concern is very valid and very mature. Most people focus only on returns, but you are thinking about risks like inflation, crashes, and long recovery. This is exactly what protects a retirement plan.

» The Real Risk – Sequence of Returns
Your worry is not wrong.

If market falls early in retirement and you keep withdrawing
Then recovery is slow
Corpus can reduce faster than expected

This is called sequence risk
And yes, this can impact SWP sustainability

But this can be managed with structure, not by stopping SWP

» Inflation Risk – Bigger Than Market Risk

If inflation moves from 6% to even 10–12%, pressure increases
Expenses rise continuously, but corpus may not match

Reality:

Inflation risk is permanent
Market crash is temporary

So your plan must protect against inflation first

» Is 4% SWP Safe?

4% is generally considered reasonable
But not “guaranteed safe” in all conditions

In your scenario (high inflation + poor returns):

4% may become slightly aggressive

Better approach:

Keep flexibility between 3.5% to 4%
Reduce withdrawal slightly during bad market years

» Biggest Protection – Bucket Strategy
This is the most important correction

Divide your corpus into 3 buckets:

Bucket 1 (0–5 years expenses)
Keep in safe instruments (liquid / low risk)
This funds your SWP
Bucket 2 (5–10 years)
Hybrid or balanced funds
Bucket 3 (10+ years)
Equity funds for growth

How this helps:

During crash, you do not touch equity
You spend from Bucket 1
Equity gets time to recover

This directly reduces sequence risk

» Dynamic SWP – Very Important Adjustment
Instead of fixed thinking:

In good years → continue or increase SWP
In bad years → pause increase or reduce slightly

Even a small 5–10% temporary cut:

Greatly increases corpus life

This is practical, not theoretical

» Rebalancing Discipline

Once a year, review allocation
When equity grows → shift some to safe bucket
This “locks gains”

This creates a natural buffer for future crashes

» Extreme Scenario Planning (Your Concern)
You mentioned:

30% crash
5–7 year recovery
High inflation

In such case:

Bucket 1 should cover at least 5–7 years expenses
This is your survival shield

If this is in place:

You will not be forced to sell at loss
Corpus will not empty early

» Expense Behaviour – Practical Reality
You are right:

Expenses don’t reduce easily with age
They only shift (travel → medical, lifestyle → essentials)

So plan should:

Keep medical buffer separately
Not depend on cutting expenses

» Mental Model Shift
Do not think:
“Will my corpus finish?”

Think:
“How do I protect withdrawals during bad phases?”

Because:

Markets recover
But wrong withdrawals during crash cause damage

» Final Adjustments You Should Do Now

Maintain 5–7 years expenses in safe bucket
Keep equity allocation for long-term growth
Use flexible SWP (not rigid)
Rebalance yearly
Be ready to reduce withdrawal slightly in extreme conditions

» Finally

Your fear is not overthinking, it is intelligent thinking
SWP does not fail because of market alone
It fails due to poor withdrawal strategy during bad years

If you structure your buckets and keep flexibility, your corpus can comfortably last 30 years and more without “half starving” situations.

You are already ahead because you are asking the right question at the right time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |11302 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 04, 2026

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