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Crushed by friendzone: How to move on after confessing feelings?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 04, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello sir. Recently I told my feelings to my friend that I like her. I even told her that I am expecting anything right now. May be one year, two year or three years down the line we might have a future together. She then told me that she loves someone else and didn't thought of it. Now even she told me to say away as it would be good for both of us. Now I regret that why I told her that. I shouldn't have told her my feelings. Now I regret more that I lost a valuable friend and friendship. Now I even think that I am not good looking as her, so that might be the case of rejection. Can you please tell what should I do now as I am not able to focus on anything and the regret is very heavy on me. I am always thinking that I shouldn't have told her about my feelings.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are hurting but if she has asked for space, you should respect it. Confessing your feelings for her did not deserve such a harsh reaction, but at the same time, she might have been looking at it from a different perspective where she didn't want you to assume the continued friendship as any form of interest and indulgence. Please focus on yourself- I am sure you have other friends who want you in their lives. Focus on those friendships.

Best Wishes.
Asked on - Dec 04, 2024 | Not Answered yet
Thankyou

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Love Guru

Love Guru   | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 30, 2022

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Hello Sir or Madam. Please keep me as anonymous only. Let me tell my story. I am 29 now. Work for an MNC for the past six years. From middle class family with big circle. Before going to speak out on my problem, let me tell my nature, how I was brought up, studies and attitude. Since we are middle class family with no financial crisis, I never seen ups and downs in Life accordingly. In the case of studies, I was topper at all levels of education till MBA from reputed institute. I was like love is trash n waste of time. When I used to hear all love stories, I used to feel pity on them. But I did maintain very good relationship with many, many girls (not GF type). But now I am going through the hell just because of one girl whom I was forcibly loved her and later I addicted to her with true love. During COVID I had to go WFH for two years. She visited her granny’s house and stayed back for few weeks. They live in Bangalore. I have never seen her face or noticed her during the time when she stayed. But she noticed, observed and enquired about me. So once she left to Bangalore, she sent FB request and I accepted. Immediately we have exchanged numbers and started texting ‘n’ talking. Initially I rejected her since she is eight years junior to me. Later she emotionally told once as she lost her father very recently and she just don’t want to go into depression again if I reject her. I got convinced and started loving truly. I replaced her father in her life which she used to tell. One day, she got caught by her brother while she was on call with me. Since we belong to different castes, they rejected me. She got house arrested. There was no connection between us. First time in life I fell into depression. I lost my job after just three weeks when she got separated from me. I was unable to speak anyone in the world. My family ‘n’ circle was afraid as I may do harm to myself for her. On December 16, 2021, I tried to commit suicide by writing a letter in laptop to her telling how I was missing her ‘n’ needed her. Took print and left to railway track to die. I took alcohol and was on the track. Someone rescued me and took me to hometown from Bangalore with PAN card address which was in my purse. Every day I was losing hope on my life. Finally I got call from her number in the first week of Jan. I was happy and cried like anything with her on call. She told that she would never leave me alone whatever happens ‘n’ who ever tries to separate us. Again, I took my energy ‘n’ hopes back and started job searching. There was 1 month gap again until Feb 8, 2022. After that she used to call me whenever it is possible. From March 15 to March 31, she kept fighting with me over call and spoken mercilessly. There was no kindness or love or concern on me. Again, I lost hope on my life. She kept asking me to stay away from her. She knew that I cannot initiate contact from my end, since she only should do whenever she able to do. Day by day, I am losing interest on my Life. I left the job. Now I’m alone with her thoughts and words spoken by her. My family n circle knew all this drama what’s going on. They hate me for losing self-respect for a girl. But I have never seen that girl as a girl. I am addicted to alcohol, day ‘n’ night drinking and surviving. I knew she won’t come back if I ruin my life like this by drinking ‘n’ all. But I just can’t control myself over her. The promises which she made me were gone... But still I stand for her, for what I promised. I begged the girl like anything not to leave me alone. I just can’t digest that she won’t be no more for me. N number of the times I used to tell her that You are my first priority over all in my life, like family, siblings, money, career and what not. Most of the times I told her that I’ll commit suicide for you if I come to know that you are not there for me. It doesn’t mean that I am an emotional fool who does not know how to live or unable to get another girl. But you have such significance in my life. I elaborated as much as I can. But she never listened me. I am just wonder where was her sweet words ‘n’ promises, what’s the reality now? I am upset with me -- where was original me and who I am now without self-respect. My parents ‘n’ siblings are forcing me to give up on her. As per them, she is just a golddigger and cheater without love and trust... My mind n heart never ever forgets her. Don’t know the future. But many times I pray God to kill me in sleep itself without pain so I can reach Venkateshwara... Entire world is against that girl, but I am defending her at every passing moment. Human beings invented many amazing things. My wish is we should be available with tablets or injection which can erase memories which belongs to particular person or for particular time in life... The real enemy to the human beings is LOVE.... Finally I am just waiting for my death... I knew that she won’t realise even if I die also. But I should sleep forever and ever just because for the crime I did love her.... Dear Bujji, it’s for you. I am also a human being as like U. As like your mother, even my mother has given birth to me. Finally, no words.... I am alone... Memories are hunting me.... chasing me... Love Guru, please publish this story as it is. Because someone may going through hell with similar story at least they will read the Q&A as well. Love Guru... I hate me... I do have all with me -- good health, 21 LPA job now, stabilised family and friends ‘n’ family circle... But this bloody struggling to get her love amongst the 7 billion people on this Earth... Love Guru, I feel that I lost. I am feeling low... I got cheated by her... Finally I am nothing to her. Dear readers, don’t think that why this fool is suffering for a girl like this.... I have seen her my GODDESS... Thank you... Have a nice day…
Ans:

You’ve needlessly wound yourself up over a silly girl.

You don’t even sound like you’ve had a physical relationship, it was only long distance, so what are you getting so out of joint for? A few intimate conversations with someone who said one thing but meant another?

If things in your life are spiralling so much out of control, I’d suggest therapy.

Stop drinking before it becomes a real problem. It sounds like you’re doing this to yourself deliberately, so that you receive some attention from her.

But the more you do this, the worse the situation will get. And no woman wants an out-of-control, desperate, alcoholic lover!

For heavens’ sake, man, get a hold of yourself and, if you can’t, then get the professional help you need. 

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Anu

Anu Krishna  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hello Ma'am, Recently I told my feelings to my friend that I like her. I even told her that I am not expecting anything right now. May be one year, two year or three years down the line we might have a future together. She then told me that she loves someone else and didn't thought of it. Now even she told me to say away as it would be good for both of us. Now I regret that why I told her that. I shouldn't have told her my feelings. Now I regret more that I lost a valuable friend and friendship. Now I even think that I am not good looking as her, so that might be the case of rejection. Can you please tell what should I do now as I am not able to focus on anything and the regret is very heavy on me. I am always thinking that I shouldn't have told her about my feelings.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What is done, is done; you can't go back in time and change any of that!
And you were just being honest with her; it's sad that she could not appreciate your honesty BUT she also fears that being friends with you, may also hurt you; so staying away seems to be the best option...
Move on; it's hard doing that but not impossible...change is the only constant in life and people come and go just as feelings come and go...It's a big beautiful world out there; expand your social circle and give time to your personal growth. Focus on yourself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 08, 2025
Career
Sir my son got 1449 rank in jee mains and 5430 in jee advance pls suggest whether he should opt foe nitk cse or lower branches in tier 1 and tier 2 iits
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