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Crushed by friendzone: How to move on after confessing feelings?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |701 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 04, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello sir. Recently I told my feelings to my friend that I like her. I even told her that I am expecting anything right now. May be one year, two year or three years down the line we might have a future together. She then told me that she loves someone else and didn't thought of it. Now even she told me to say away as it would be good for both of us. Now I regret that why I told her that. I shouldn't have told her my feelings. Now I regret more that I lost a valuable friend and friendship. Now I even think that I am not good looking as her, so that might be the case of rejection. Can you please tell what should I do now as I am not able to focus on anything and the regret is very heavy on me. I am always thinking that I shouldn't have told her about my feelings.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are hurting but if she has asked for space, you should respect it. Confessing your feelings for her did not deserve such a harsh reaction, but at the same time, she might have been looking at it from a different perspective where she didn't want you to assume the continued friendship as any form of interest and indulgence. Please focus on yourself- I am sure you have other friends who want you in their lives. Focus on those friendships.

Best Wishes.
Asked on - Dec 04, 2024 | Not Answered yet
Thankyou

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |217 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on May 30, 2022

Relationship
Hello Sir or Madam. Please keep me as anonymous only. Let me tell my story. I am 29 now. Work for an MNC for the past six years. From middle class family with big circle. Before going to speak out on my problem, let me tell my nature, how I was brought up, studies and attitude. Since we are middle class family with no financial crisis, I never seen ups and downs in Life accordingly. In the case of studies, I was topper at all levels of education till MBA from reputed institute. I was like love is trash n waste of time. When I used to hear all love stories, I used to feel pity on them. But I did maintain very good relationship with many, many girls (not GF type). But now I am going through the hell just because of one girl whom I was forcibly loved her and later I addicted to her with true love. During COVID I had to go WFH for two years. She visited her granny’s house and stayed back for few weeks. They live in Bangalore. I have never seen her face or noticed her during the time when she stayed. But she noticed, observed and enquired about me. So once she left to Bangalore, she sent FB request and I accepted. Immediately we have exchanged numbers and started texting ‘n’ talking. Initially I rejected her since she is eight years junior to me. Later she emotionally told once as she lost her father very recently and she just don’t want to go into depression again if I reject her. I got convinced and started loving truly. I replaced her father in her life which she used to tell. One day, she got caught by her brother while she was on call with me. Since we belong to different castes, they rejected me. She got house arrested. There was no connection between us. First time in life I fell into depression. I lost my job after just three weeks when she got separated from me. I was unable to speak anyone in the world. My family ‘n’ circle was afraid as I may do harm to myself for her. On December 16, 2021, I tried to commit suicide by writing a letter in laptop to her telling how I was missing her ‘n’ needed her. Took print and left to railway track to die. I took alcohol and was on the track. Someone rescued me and took me to hometown from Bangalore with PAN card address which was in my purse. Every day I was losing hope on my life. Finally I got call from her number in the first week of Jan. I was happy and cried like anything with her on call. She told that she would never leave me alone whatever happens ‘n’ who ever tries to separate us. Again, I took my energy ‘n’ hopes back and started job searching. There was 1 month gap again until Feb 8, 2022. After that she used to call me whenever it is possible. From March 15 to March 31, she kept fighting with me over call and spoken mercilessly. There was no kindness or love or concern on me. Again, I lost hope on my life. She kept asking me to stay away from her. She knew that I cannot initiate contact from my end, since she only should do whenever she able to do. Day by day, I am losing interest on my Life. I left the job. Now I’m alone with her thoughts and words spoken by her. My family n circle knew all this drama what’s going on. They hate me for losing self-respect for a girl. But I have never seen that girl as a girl. I am addicted to alcohol, day ‘n’ night drinking and surviving. I knew she won’t come back if I ruin my life like this by drinking ‘n’ all. But I just can’t control myself over her. The promises which she made me were gone... But still I stand for her, for what I promised. I begged the girl like anything not to leave me alone. I just can’t digest that she won’t be no more for me. N number of the times I used to tell her that You are my first priority over all in my life, like family, siblings, money, career and what not. Most of the times I told her that I’ll commit suicide for you if I come to know that you are not there for me. It doesn’t mean that I am an emotional fool who does not know how to live or unable to get another girl. But you have such significance in my life. I elaborated as much as I can. But she never listened me. I am just wonder where was her sweet words ‘n’ promises, what’s the reality now? I am upset with me -- where was original me and who I am now without self-respect. My parents ‘n’ siblings are forcing me to give up on her. As per them, she is just a golddigger and cheater without love and trust... My mind n heart never ever forgets her. Don’t know the future. But many times I pray God to kill me in sleep itself without pain so I can reach Venkateshwara... Entire world is against that girl, but I am defending her at every passing moment. Human beings invented many amazing things. My wish is we should be available with tablets or injection which can erase memories which belongs to particular person or for particular time in life... The real enemy to the human beings is LOVE.... Finally I am just waiting for my death... I knew that she won’t realise even if I die also. But I should sleep forever and ever just because for the crime I did love her.... Dear Bujji, it’s for you. I am also a human being as like U. As like your mother, even my mother has given birth to me. Finally, no words.... I am alone... Memories are hunting me.... chasing me... Love Guru, please publish this story as it is. Because someone may going through hell with similar story at least they will read the Q&A as well. Love Guru... I hate me... I do have all with me -- good health, 21 LPA job now, stabilised family and friends ‘n’ family circle... But this bloody struggling to get her love amongst the 7 billion people on this Earth... Love Guru, I feel that I lost. I am feeling low... I got cheated by her... Finally I am nothing to her. Dear readers, don’t think that why this fool is suffering for a girl like this.... I have seen her my GODDESS... Thank you... Have a nice day…
Ans:

You’ve needlessly wound yourself up over a silly girl.

You don’t even sound like you’ve had a physical relationship, it was only long distance, so what are you getting so out of joint for? A few intimate conversations with someone who said one thing but meant another?

If things in your life are spiralling so much out of control, I’d suggest therapy.

Stop drinking before it becomes a real problem. It sounds like you’re doing this to yourself deliberately, so that you receive some attention from her.

But the more you do this, the worse the situation will get. And no woman wants an out-of-control, desperate, alcoholic lover!

For heavens’ sake, man, get a hold of yourself and, if you can’t, then get the professional help you need. 

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1766 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hello Ma'am, Recently I told my feelings to my friend that I like her. I even told her that I am not expecting anything right now. May be one year, two year or three years down the line we might have a future together. She then told me that she loves someone else and didn't thought of it. Now even she told me to say away as it would be good for both of us. Now I regret that why I told her that. I shouldn't have told her my feelings. Now I regret more that I lost a valuable friend and friendship. Now I even think that I am not good looking as her, so that might be the case of rejection. Can you please tell what should I do now as I am not able to focus on anything and the regret is very heavy on me. I am always thinking that I shouldn't have told her about my feelings.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What is done, is done; you can't go back in time and change any of that!
And you were just being honest with her; it's sad that she could not appreciate your honesty BUT she also fears that being friends with you, may also hurt you; so staying away seems to be the best option...
Move on; it's hard doing that but not impossible...change is the only constant in life and people come and go just as feelings come and go...It's a big beautiful world out there; expand your social circle and give time to your personal growth. Focus on yourself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |185 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

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Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |541 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Feb 12, 2026

Money
Sir, How can we reduce the Commision on Regular MF ?What is Steps to avoid the Tax if wants to Switch from Regular to Direct?.
Ans: Hi Amit,

Your concern regarding commision in regular funds is quite genuine and common these days due to the misleading content shared by some people.
You should understand that a whilst regular funds have comparatively lower expense ratio than direct funds, and this has risen to the direct fund popularity. But in actual a direct fund portfolio is only good if you know all ins and out of the market, have proper knowledge and knows the correct way to invest perse your individual profile.

There are few benefits of regular fund portfolio which is highly overlooked:
- a professional builds your portfolio keeping in mind your detailed profile, funds selction are done based on your risk profile
- a professional knows the best time to invrease your investments, to hold and to shift. They constantly monitor the same and periodically review them

And a regular fund portfolio definitely beats the direct fund portfolio made with random tips and zero or less knowledge.
Hence I would not suggest you to switch from regular to direct funds if you are working with a professional.

Also switching from regular funds to direct will attract tax, there is no way to avoid the taxation.

However, you can get your portfolio reviewed from another advisor and ask them to guide you to make necessary changes.

If you do not have an advisor, connect with a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

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https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

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Naveenn

Naveenn Kummar  |249 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF, Insurance Expert - Answered on Feb 11, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2025Hindi
Money
Hi there, I am 53 years and retiring on 31/12/2025. I hvae a daughter and son, both studing and un-married. I am curently holding mutual fund (investment only) of around 15lacs. I am doing a SIP of 12000/- PM. Beside this, i have an equity investment of 15.50 lacs. I do have 65lacs in FD and the same amunt is expected upon retirement. I have a own house and there is no loan obligations currently. i have another 50lacs given to relatives and there is no timeline when I will be receiving this amount. I have around 100000 monthly expense and ofcourse the marriage expenses of my daughter and son in next 3-4 years. Kindly advise the best strategy and utilization of funds. Thank you.
Ans: Hi sir ,
You are entering a very sensitive financial phase where protection of capital becomes more important than aggressive growth. At the same time, you still have 30 plus years of life expectancy to fund, along with two large near-term goals children’s marriages and ongoing household expenses. So the strategy has to balance income, liquidity, and moderate growth.

Let me break this down in a practical way.

1. Where you stand today

Assets available / expected

Mutual Funds approx 15 lakh

Direct Equity approx 15.5 lakh

FD 65 lakh

Retirement proceeds expected approx 65 lakh

Money given to relatives 50 lakh uncertain timeline

Own house no loan

Total financial assets (excluding relatives money)
~160 lakh

If relatives repay, corpus rises to ~210 lakh but we should not depend on it for planning.

2. Monthly expense reality check

You mentioned ?1,00,000 per month = ?12 lakh per year.

Assuming 6 percent inflation, this expense will double in ~12 years.

So retirement planning must create income + growth, not just fixed income.

3. Immediate financial buckets to create

Think in 4 separate buckets instead of one pool.

A. Emergency + Liquidity bucket

Keep 18–24 months expenses.

?20–25 lakh
Park in:

Savings + sweep FD

Liquid / money market funds

Purpose: medical, family, urgent needs without breaking investments.

B. Marriage funding bucket (3–4 years)

Do not keep this in equity markets due to time risk.

Estimate requirement realistically. Suppose:

Daughter marriage 25–30 lakh

Son marriage 20–25 lakh

Total say 50 lakh

Park in:

Short duration debt funds

Bank FD ladder

RBI bonds

Capital safety is priority here.

C. Income generation bucket

This is the most critical post-retirement engine.

From your corpus, allocate ~70–80 lakh.

Options mix:

Senior Citizen Saving Scheme (SCSS)

Post Office MIS

RBI Floating Rate Bonds

High quality Corporate FD

Debt mutual funds with SWP

Target blended return: 7–8 percent.

This can generate ?45k–?55k monthly income.

D. Growth bucket (Long term)

You still need equity to beat inflation.

Allocate 25–30 lakh minimum.

Continue SIP (even post retirement if possible).

Suitable allocation:

Large Cap funds

Balanced Advantage / Dynamic Asset Allocation

Multi Asset funds

Time horizon: 10–20 years.

This bucket funds late retirement and healthcare inflation.

4. What to do with existing investments
Mutual Funds (15 lakh)

Keep invested. Review fund quality. Shift to:

Balanced Advantage

Large Cap / Flexi Cap

Avoid small cap concentration now.

Direct Equity (15.5 lakh)

Gradually reduce risk.

Move profits into hybrid funds or debt over 12–18 months. Do not exit in one shot to avoid tax and timing risk.

5. Retirement corpus deployment illustration

Here is a simple structure using your ~160 lakh corpus:

Bucket Amount Purpose
Emergency 25 L Liquidity
Marriage 50 L 3–4 yr goals
Income 60 L Monthly cashflow
Growth 25 L Inflation hedge

If relatives repay 50 lakh later:

Add 20 lakh to growth

Add 15 lakh to medical reserve

Add 15 lakh to income bucket

6. Monthly income gap

Expense: ?1,00,000

Income possible:

SCSS + MIS + Bonds: ~?50,000

SWP from debt / hybrid: ~?20,000

Equity dividends / growth withdrawal later: ~?10,000–?15,000

Gap may still exist initially.

So you may need:

Part time income / consulting (even ?25k helps)

Delay large withdrawals till age 60 when senior schemes expand

7. Important risks to manage
Healthcare

Take a family floater + super top up if not already.

Longevity risk

Plan till age 90, not 75.

Relatives money

Treat as “bonus”, not retirement funding.

Document repayment if possible.

Inflation

Do not over-allocate to FD.

That is the biggest mistake retirees make.

8. Action checklist

Finalize marriage budget realistically

Create 2-year emergency fund

Invest in SCSS immediately after retirement

Restructure equity to hybrid orientation

Continue SIP from surplus if feasible

Arrange health insurance buffer

Write a will and nominations

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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