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Friend Zone Blues: I Regret Telling My Crush How I Feel

Shalini Singh | Answer |Ask -Follow

Dating Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024Hindi

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Hello Ma'am, Recently I told my feelings to my friend that I like her. I even told her that I am not expecting anything right now. May be one year, two year or three years down the line we might have a future together. She then told me that she loves someone else and didn't thought of it. Now even she told me to say away as it would be good for both of us. Now I regret that why I told her that. I shouldn't have told her my feelings. Now I regret more that I lost a valuable friend and friendship. Now I even think that I am not good looking as her, so that might be the case of rejection. Can you please tell what should I do now as I am not able to focus on anything and the regret is very heavy on me. I am always thinking that I shouldn't have told her about my feelings.

Ans: She had become more than a friend, please accept it - you did nothing wrong by expressing your feelings, the important bit here is not what you conveyed but her response. It is best you maintain your distance as you have romantic feelings which is byond friendship - keeping away will be good for both.

And stop overthinking about why she declined - it is simple - that she likes someone else and not you so it is best to hear what she is saying vs getting into a overthinking mode. Your looks has nothing to do with her declining your gesture.

All the best

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Anu Krishna |1622 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Question by AK - Aug 05, 2022Hindi

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Hi Anu, I have one question in mind need suggestion from you, please guide me.I am 42 year old and married I have two kids as well. My married life is all good and peaceful and I love my family lot.20 years ago when I was in college I was in love with a girl, she did not like me that time but from my side it was very pure love. I loved her so much.She was aware of that. We lost touch in 2004. Now she is also 42 and married with two kids.During Covid in 2020, we again got connected on LinkedIn and started talking. I expressed my love. she understood, respected and valued it now.She is still waiting for someone else and doesn’t feel complete with me. She is honest about her feelings and communication.She told me she considers me only as a friend but above all and everything in life.But many times she shows love and lots of affection, caring attitude. She always says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well.She wants me to remain with her as she feels I am her strong support system.She shares everything with me and I do the same. Sometimes I feel I shall come out from this but at times I feel I don’t want to leave her as she looks very depressed.May be from her past break up or something else but I do not have the courage to ask her.What shall I do here? Please guide. What is your best suggestion?

Ans:

Dear AK,

It’s a nice convenient connection.

Why don’t you stick to the way it is rather than expect it to be something different? Expectations can be disappointing and may spoil what already exists.

As humans, we fail to see and experience what we have and constantly crave for the things that we don’t have, don’t we?

The two of you are fond of each other but to project your feelings from the past onto the current scenario might unnecessarily cause a ruffling of feathers.

Will it be wise for you to accept things the way they are now? Enjoy the company and chats/calls the way they are? And be grateful that you can be a good support system to one another?

Is it possible for you to do this?

Respect her wishes when she says that she wants you as a friend and try not to read much into her actions.

If the fact that she is getting close to you is going to be decoded as being more than a friend, you need to watch out as your thoughts could lead to a major letdown for yourself and for her as well.

Pause, take it all in the way it is and accept it gracefully…

All the best!

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