I have had my heart broken severely a couple of years ago. I used to be a fun person, but I have become angry and bitter. I don't think about the person a lot, but I feel being dumped after a long relationship is cruel. I don't want to grow old and bitter. Please tell me the best way to move on and go back to being my old jovial self. Don't tell me to discover love again because that is not possible.

Ans:

Dear D,

Emotional maturity is what is in question here. He still is at an age where commitment is not something he is aware of.

It’s like try this relationship, if it doesn’t work, try another one and so on….

Give him time to settle his emotions till he is ready for a committed relationship; which does not mean, you wait around for ever.

Now that you are ‘friends’ or not, please surround yourself with people your age and if an interesting person comes along, see where that goes.

As far as being attached to him goes, do you really want to continue to inflict pain on yourself by basing your entire emotional world with him?

The world is huge and so are your sights…. Focus on yourself and what you love and be in that space to find yourself again.

Be kind to yourself, all the best! 

Ans: Breakups are not fun - here are tips on how to move on
1) given we are living in a hyper connected world - we tend to stalk the person - so the 1st thing that needs to be done is block the person from your phone and social media handles...

2) its ok to think about reasons that lead to break-up more so when you are the one who has not called for it - but avoid going in a overthinking mode - talk to yourself and say it's over

3) cry it out - its ok too

4) you will go through emotions of sadness, anger - let them come but in these times avoid reaching out to the ex- and do not let these emotions prolong

5) you may end up eating junk which would act as a comfort food - its ok too - having said this this is an excellent time to invest in outdoor activities - like going for a long walk or a run or playing a sport - doing this will help you getting over a break up,

Do keep these things in mind too
- getting over a break up can take time - anything from 60 days to 6 months, so dont fight it
- during this time - tell yourself that you deserve to be with someone who values you and that you will find the person
- do not enter a new relationship till you are over your breakup
- you might being friends with your ex once you get over the break up (you need to get over the break up to be friends)

hope this is helpful.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A breakup that affected you so badly, is it worth going back? I cannot comment much further without knowing the entire scenario but I would suggest focusing on looking ahead and moving on.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that it can be difficult to move on from a relationship you put effort into building. But this will pass. You have to let time do its thing. For now, allow yourself to feel the pain. If you bottle it up, it will be harder to move on. Once you feel all the emotions that you are experiencing right now, slowly you'll notice that those sad emotions are passing. Grab onto that. Focus on your studies, hangout with your friends, and soon you will feel a lot better.

Hope this helps.