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Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 29, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I have had my heart broken severely a couple of years ago. I used to be a fun person, but I have become angry and bitter. I don't think about the person a lot, but I feel being dumped after a long relationship is cruel. I don't want to grow old and bitter. Please tell me the best way to move on and go back to being my old jovial self. Don't tell me to discover love again because that is not possible.

Ans: You’re holding on to the past instead of looking to the future. The more you dwell on the memories, no matter how much you have been wronged, the worse it will be for you and the situation won’t change. Time to stop nursing your wounds and block your thoughts, unless they involve your present and future situations. Yoga and meditation may also help immensely in this regard.

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Hi I am 23 years old and had a first relationship with 4 years younger boy. Everything between us was picture perfect. He was everything I ever dreamt of, but after 1 year our relationship turned toxic.He's acting like he wasn’t aware that ups and downs come but we should stick to each other. He asked to break up twice and we again came together but now it’s been months we aren’t together anymore. I’m emotionally attached to him but tired of bearing this pain and constantly fearing he will leave me when conditions aren’t favourable. But after break up he still wants to be friends. I even agreed that. Even in friendship he's talking and roaming as per only his convenience. Guide me how to come out of pain as I’m pursuing one of the renowned career course and also this also is affecting my mental health.
Ans:

Dear D,

Emotional maturity is what is in question here. He still is at an age where commitment is not something he is aware of.

It’s like try this relationship, if it doesn’t work, try another one and so on….

Give him time to settle his emotions till he is ready for a committed relationship; which does not mean, you wait around for ever.

Now that you are ‘friends’ or not, please surround yourself with people your age and if an interesting person comes along, see where that goes.

As far as being attached to him goes, do you really want to continue to inflict pain on yourself by basing your entire emotional world with him?

The world is huge and so are your sights…. Focus on yourself and what you love and be in that space to find yourself again.

Be kind to yourself, all the best! 

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I am 29 years old. I work as a software engineer. During Covid time I broke up with my girlfriend and I feel very bad about it. She was just passing her time with me but I really loved her and I am now struggling to move on. I even had suicidal thoughts sometime back.I feel like nothing is happening in my life. I feel like I'm stuck in my past. Life is boring like hell, no interest in any activities.I have 7 years of experience but only getting paid 12 lakhs per annum, this also bothers me every time. Everyone I meet acts good with me only for their advantage. No one is available when I need them. None of my friends take me seriously.Any advice from you will be really helpful.
Ans:

Dear SR,

When you don’t value yourself, why expect anyone to value you?

Thinking of attempting to take your life just because of a failed relationship only means that your life is always in someone else’s hands.

Obviously, your earning capacity is the way it is as you are not working to your full potential.

How can you with the way you think about yourself!

Your life is important and it counts. Value it; love yourself more.

Indulge in some hobby and treat your friends the way you want them to treat you. And if you feel that people act good with you only to take advantage of you, ask yourself if you are giving them your full attention while you are with them.

Time to stop pitying yourself, smile a lot, reassure yourself that this moment is a new beginning and most importantly: Love yourself even more.

All the best!

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