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Should I marry someone I'm not attracted to?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 25, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear madam, I am an educated, professionally successful 39 years old woman. I am blessed to have a very supportive family. I met a guy for 5-6 times for marriage purpose and i understand that we both made a mistake by involving our families. However there isn't any commitment given from either side. He is a good person and well settled. I don't feel attracted to him at all. I want to take time over this thought but his family is in a hurry to get us engaged. Is it me who is thinking wrong? Can u please guide? I don't want to hurt anyone by my actions

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No, you are not wrong...I am sure that if you don't feel attracted, then it must be so...
But there are a lot of other check-boxes to be ticked when it comes to choosing a life partner. What I can suggest is spend more time with this person. Genuinely get to know him better, his tastes, likes and dislikes, what he values in life, what makes him happy, angry, sad...basically whatever you need to know about a person before you make a decision.
It's possible that over a period, you may start to appreciate the finer aspects of this person OR you maybe even more sure that he is not the one for you. Either way, it makes the case stronger for you.
So, simply don't go by attraction but take that one step ahead and then decide for yourself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 30, 2022

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Relationship
I am a 25-year-old woman who is still not settled in life. I loved my relative who is 10 years older than me. He also not settled in life. He doesn't have property, no good family (his brothers are not good). When he asks about marriage I used to delay because of my career. At one point of time, he lost interest because of this delay. He is a good person but when we are spending time I am not much comfortable and excited as I was in the initial days of love – be it chats or calls. Recently I chatted with a stranger in Facebook and felt happier chatting with him than with my boyfriend. Somewhere I feel like I want to cut this relationship but I can't imagine him with our girls. If I marry him I won't get good family (relatives). He is not looking as good as he did before. Will I suffer any sexual issues with him in the future? He is still waiting for me.
Ans:

Dear Unknown,

It seems like you have moved away in mind and heart.

It does happen in few relationships as there might have not been a strong emotion attached when the relationship began, or the emotion ceases to exist as you have moved on and changed.

Good or bad? Neither…it happens.

Be rightful and do not lead him on.

It is not his fault that you feel the way that you do. But you do owe it to him to tell him how you feel now, so that he is not living in a love bubble.

So, break it to him gently and wait for his response. It maybe anger, sadness, disappointment.

Be with him through the process. He may not want to speak with you for a while till he gets a chance to process it fully; accept that. He may blame you; accept that as well.

It is not your fault, but he will not have any other safe space to vent out his feelings. And once this stage has passed, discuss it very maturely together as to what the next steps can be.

Till then, it will be only you dealing with this in the relationship when it has to be the business of both.

And as far as sexual issues go, I don’t find any relevance of it as age gap never hurt anyone’s sex life.

And what do his relatives have to do in your relationship? It’s the two of you (if you choose to be together mutually) and anyone else is just an unnecessary add-on piling on to make more mischief. Draw boundaries and live happy.

Now, time to come out clean and then maturely process and decide the future course of action.

My best wishes to you!

..Read more

Mohit

Mohit Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jan 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am struck in a morally complicated situation right now. Kindly guide me . I'm a modern woman yet who believes in culture. I am 24years old female from South India. Currently arrange marriage alliance process is going on and it is almost about to be finalized if i say yes. I have had a 3 serious relationship s in my past and the last one i was physically involved because i believed we would end up together. Even our families were involved we were about to get engaged. everything went fine until one day we had a huge fight and later as a result he didn't want to continue it anymore. He broke it off. This happened 1.5 years back and I loved him too much that I wanted him to comeback. Deep down i know he was not right guy for me yet i wanted him. About 2 months back I had a sudden realisation that hit me very bad I realised I need to move on and mentally I was able to disconnect myself from him, not completely but yeah i did. Now in the current situation the guy who is my potential fiance, I want to be transparent with him but I am not sure how well he will take it as we barely know each other. I met him only twice. He seems interested to marry me. I do not want to ruin his trust or feelings. The problem is I am not sure if he is open minded enough to accept my past. I'm willing to put in my efforts to make things work in marriage and keep my past behind me. If I tell him about my past and he is not interested to proceed and reject us my family will be upset ( they liked this match cuz the guy was nice and decent, his family and everything was convenient to them). I am totally stressed out as my family is waiting for my response to proceed further. The guy doesn't seem to be very particular about anything. I don't know what to do and how to do it.
Ans: I totally understand your concern. My advise is not to get into arrange marriage in the first place. Because that's a very transactional relationship. Go out, meet more guys and then see if you find someone you love. You are too young to give into the pressure of arrange marriage. However if you still want to proceed, then whether you tell him or not doesn't really matter. It depends on his mindset and value system which i have no idea about and probably you too. So even if you don't tell him, it doesn't matter. If you want to be honest which is a good thing, then you embrace that uncertainty of his reaction to it.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1746 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 05, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ma'am, thank you so much for helping people with your answers. My question Im 27, F I met a guy through arranged marrage proposal, initially was not very ok because of which I postponed telling my decision for 2 weeks. Then we both spoke and i said yes, next week he called my father and said he is looking to get married to someone who is financially rich, I was totally taken back because when he spoke he seemed very genuine and promising i called and spoke to him he says he is still in growing state so he needs some financial aid from his inlaws, i said I have a job I can support him, he said give me a weeks time to decide, next week he called me and said he is ok with the marriage in the ground that I will work and support, I SAID HIM PLS ALLOW ME SOMETIME TO DECIDE, AS THIS IS NOt SCHOOL, COLLEGE OR JOB DECISIONS. When I called after 1 week he is not taking my calls, by my sentance i meant school, college or job can be left if not interested but marriage is not like that. Am wondering if he understood this as what if this girl has multiple relationship in school/college/job... And am assuming he did not take my call for this statement of mine? Please help me come out of this confusion, are my words very stupid? My family is scolded and blaming me because I delayed it for 2 week.. Mentally exhausted with all the arranged marriage rejection...and is it worth to get married at 27?? Awaiting for your answers
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am glad that he is out of this equation...
Which mature man will act the way that he did simply because you requested for time? And then now, you are wondering if it was your fault?
What sort of condition was that about wanting financial aid from his future in-laws? A marriage under any condition will not work as it depends on things external. Where is the time to build trust and love when there are superficial conditions present?
You have not been rejected, you have rescued yourself from a relationship with an immature man. So, pat yourself in the back and value yourself first.
The right person who will appreciate you will come along...start to appreciate yourself...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |677 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I am 29 year old F dating a 27 year old M. I have always been very conservative and emotional with respect to love. Before him, i never dated anyone, nor allowed anyone to touch me because I wanted only one man in my life. We both have failed to crack a gov job. He has lost all hopes in life and somehow wants to fix his career. On the other hand, My family is pressurising me to get married and even I think that I have reached that stage where I should get married in a year or two. Meanwhile his parents too wants him to get married by next year. However, he refuses to give me any commitment unless he has a stable career i.e government job. And if he failed to do so, then he will marry any girl whom his parents choses because without a gov job, he won't be able to take a stand for me. I his mind he thinks that my family is of high standards than his. (which is partially true) I want some form of commitment from him, but all he says that he wants to marry me, and wants me to stay with him as friend untill he is ready. He has also not given me the tag of a gf, he says that because of that tag I will be emotionally attached to him and if things didnt worked out than I will be devastated. He had also not made any sexual advances towards me. He asked for 6 months to fix everything. However, this undefined relationship without a commitment is emotionally exhausting me. Because of my family pressure, I am in delema whether I should look for someone else or believe someone who has not yet defined anything? I dont want to look for anyone else becase than it is against my personal ideology of being with only one man. Yet, I am scared. What if I ended up being with no one. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand your dilemma. Your partner has asked for six months. That might seem and feel very long, given the situation, but it will pass in a heartbeat. You can, only if you want, give him that time and see where things go. Having said that, let me also mention that if you decide to quit this relationship, if it is too exhausting and it's putting you through more emotional turmoil than giving you happiness, you would not be wrong. You have every right to choose peace. After all, why do we love someone? Because they, the relationship with them, makes us happy. There will indeed be ups and downs in a relationship, but if there are only downs, and only more downs to come in the future, it wouldn't be wrong to reconsider that relationship.

Evaluate your needs. Take a little time for yourself to reflect- weigh the pros against the cons. You will have your answer.

Your ideology is commendable. But make sure it doesn't affect your emotional well-being. While your beliefs are admirable, there is also nothing wrong with finding love more than once. Not every love story is bound to succeed, and a single failure should not define your entire life.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10899 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 17, 2025

Money
Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Your honesty and clarity deserve appreciation.
You have explained everything openly.
That itself shows responsibility and courage.
Your concern for family security is clear.
This situation is stressful but not hopeless.

» Current Financial Snapshot
– You are 32 years old.
– Married with a young daughter.
– Family income is Rs 86,000 monthly.
– Total EMIs exceed total income.
– Monthly deficit exists every month.

» Debt Position Reality
– Total loans exceed Rs 52 lakhs.
– Multiple banks and lenders involved.
– Average interest is very high.
– Private lender interest is dangerous.
– Gold loan exposure is large.

» Cash Flow Mismatch
– Monthly EMIs are around Rs 1 lakh.
– Monthly income is only Rs 86,000.
– Father supports household expenses.
– Still a monthly shortage exists.
– This gap is unsustainable long term.

» Interest Drain Assessment
– Around Rs 50,000 goes as interest monthly.
– Interest gives zero future benefit.
– Half your income is lost to interest.
– This is the core problem.
– Capital is not reducing meaningfully.

» Gold Purchase Thought Analysis
– Fear of rising gold prices is natural.
– Emotional thinking is influencing decisions.
– Buying gold using loans is risky.
– Pledging gold increases debt cycle.
– This strategy already created stress earlier.

» Gold Loan Trap Explanation
– Buying gold using borrowed money is leverage.
– Leverage increases risk in personal finance.
– Gold does not generate income.
– Loan interest keeps accumulating.
– Emotional comfort hides financial damage.

» Clear Answer on Gold Buying
– Do not buy more gold now.
– Do not take fresh loans for gold.
– This will worsen debt burden.
– Price rise fear should be ignored.
– Survival is more important than assets.

» Priority Reset Required
– Debt freedom comes before investments.
– Cash flow stability comes before wealth.
– Insurance comes before gold.
– Family safety comes before emotions.
– Discipline is needed now.

» Private Lender Loan Danger
– 18 percent interest is destructive.
– This loan must be closed first.
– It gives no flexibility.
– It increases stress constantly.
– It affects mental health also.

» Strategy for Private Loan
– Use any possible support to close it.
– Ask family help if possible.
– Sell unused items if required.
– Temporary embarrassment is better than long stress.
– Closing this gives immediate relief.

» Gold Loan Strategy
– Do not increase gold loan amount.
– Avoid rollover behaviour.
– Use bonuses or gifts to reduce principal.
– Do not top up gold loans.
– Reduce dependency gradually.

» Bank Loan Lock Period Reality
– You cannot restructure for one year.
– This period must be survived carefully.
– No new liabilities should be added.
– Expenses must stay minimal.
– Emotional spending must stop.

» Expense Control Measures
– Track every rupee monthly.
– Avoid eating outside.
– Avoid subscriptions and upgrades.
– Delay lifestyle expenses fully.
– Treat this as recovery phase.

» Role of Father’s Support
– Parental support is a blessing.
– Use this support wisely.
– Do not misuse the relief.
– Focus on debt reduction.
– This support is temporary.

» SIP Investment Assessment
– SIP of Rs 2,000 is symbolic.
– It gives psychological comfort only.
– It does not change financial position.
– Debt interest is much higher.
– Pause SIP temporarily if needed.

» Investment Versus Debt Reality
– Paying debt gives guaranteed returns.
– Interest saved equals investment gain.
– No mutual fund can beat 18 percent interest.
– Debt repayment is priority investment now.
– Wealth creation starts after stability.

» Insurance Hesitation Reality
– Term insurance is not optional.
– Health insurance is essential.
– One medical emergency will destroy finances.
– Insurance prevents future debt.
– Low premium options exist.

» Insurance Action Plan
– Take basic term insurance immediately.
– Take basic family health insurance.
– Choose lowest premium coverage.
– Avoid investment linked policies.
– Protection matters more than returns.

» Child Responsibility Perspective
– Your daughter depends fully on you.
– Her education needs future planning.
– But first ensure family survival.
– Debt stress affects parenting quality.
– Stability helps emotional health.

» Psychological Pressure Management
– Fear is driving wrong decisions.
– Gold fear is emotional.
– Loan fear is real.
– Focus on controllable actions.
– Ignore market noise completely.

» What Not To Do Now
– Do not take new loans.
– Do not buy gold or silver.
– Do not lend money to anyone.
– Do not chase investments.
– Do not hide problems.

» What To Do Immediately
– List all loans clearly.
– Mark highest interest loans.
– Target private lender loan first.
– Reduce any discretionary spending.
– Communicate with family honestly.

» One Year Survival Plan
– Focus on EMI discipline.
– Avoid defaults at all costs.
– Build small emergency buffer slowly.
– Accept temporary discomfort.
– One year will change options.

» After One Year Options
– Approach banks for restructuring.
– Request tenure extension.
– Reduce EMI burden.
– Consolidate loans if possible.
– Negotiate interest rates.

» Long Term Recovery Vision
– Debt free life is possible.
– Income will increase with experience.
– Expenses will stabilise.
– This phase will pass.
– Discipline will shape your future.

» Emotional Bond With Gold
– Gold feels like safety.
– But debt is unsafe.
– True security is cash flow.
– True wealth is peace.
– True protection is insurance.

» Family Communication Importance
– Discuss openly with your wife.
– Take joint decisions.
– Avoid blame or guilt.
– Team effort reduces stress.
– You are partners.

» Self Worth Reminder
– Debt does not define character.
– Mistakes happen in life.
– Learning matters more.
– You are responsible and aware.
– That is strength.

» Final Insights
– Do not buy gold now.
– Do not take new loans.
– Focus fully on debt reduction.
– Close private lender loan first.
– Take basic term and health insurance.
– Pause investments if required.
– Control expenses strictly.
– Survive one year patiently.
– Stability will return gradually.
– Your situation is difficult but solvable.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10899 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 17, 2025

Money
FINANANCE MINISTER SAYS INDIAN ECONMY IS WELL DEVELOPMENT, EVEN GDP ASLO GROW, THEN WHY SENSEX AND NIFTY NOT INCREASE LAST 15 MONTH?
Ans: Your question shows awareness and maturity.
Many investors think the same way.
Your doubt is valid and practical.
Markets confuse even experienced people.
Let us understand this calmly.

» Economy Growth And Market Movement
– Economy and stock markets are different.
– GDP measures production and services.
– Stock markets measure company profits.
– Both move on different timelines.
– Both react to different triggers.

» What GDP Growth Really Means
– GDP shows overall economic activity.
– It includes government spending.
– It includes consumption and exports.
– It includes informal sectors also.
– Stock markets do not track all these.

» Stock Markets Track Corporate Earnings
– Markets look at listed company profits.
– Only limited companies are listed.
– Many growing sectors are unlisted.
– GDP growth may not reach listed firms.
– Hence market movement differs.

» Timing Difference Between GDP And Markets
– GDP is backward looking data.
– It shows past quarter performance.
– Markets are forward looking.
– Markets price future expectations.
– Expectations may already be priced.

» Valuations Were Already High
– Markets rallied strongly earlier.
– Many stocks became expensive.
– High valuation limits future returns.
– Good news was already discounted.
– Hence sideways movement happened.

» Interest Rates Impact Markets
– Global interest rates increased sharply.
– Higher rates reduce company profits.
– Borrowing becomes costly for businesses.
– Investors prefer safer instruments.
– Equity demand reduces temporarily.

» Global Factors Affect Indian Markets
– Indian markets are not isolated.
– Global fund flows matter.
– Foreign investors moved money out.
– Global uncertainty affects sentiments.
– Markets respond instantly to this.

» Inflation Pressure On Companies
– Inflation increased input costs.
– Raw material prices rose.
– Profit margins got squeezed.
– Revenue growth did not convert to profits.
– Markets react to profit margins.

» Consumption Growth Is Uneven
– Rural demand stayed weak.
– Urban demand was selective.
– Not all sectors benefited equally.
– Some companies struggled to grow.
– Index reflects this mixed picture.

» Government Spending Versus Private Profits
– GDP growth had government support.
– Infrastructure spending boosted numbers.
– Private companies may not benefit immediately.
– Profits lag behind spending.
– Markets wait for confirmation.

» Index Structure Matters
– Sensex and Nifty have limited stocks.
– Heavy weight stocks dominate movement.
– If few large stocks stagnate, index stagnates.
– Many small companies may still grow.
– Index hides internal action.

» Banking And Financial Sector Impact
– Banks carry heavy index weight.
– Credit growth faced challenges.
– Asset quality concerns existed.
– Margin pressure impacted profitability.
– Index movement slowed due to banks.

» IT Sector Headwinds
– IT stocks faced global slowdown.
– Clients reduced technology spending.
– Currency movement affected margins.
– IT has large index weight.
– This dragged overall indices.

» Manufacturing Growth Reality
– Manufacturing growth was uneven.
– Some sectors grew well.
– Others faced cost pressure.
– Capacity utilisation stayed moderate.
– Markets waited for consistency.

» Earnings Growth Matters Most
– Markets follow earnings growth closely.
– GDP growth without earnings disappoints markets.
– Revenue growth alone is insufficient.
– Profit growth must be visible.
– That takes time.

» Political And Policy Expectations
– Markets price policy expectations early.
– When policies are stable, surprise reduces.
– Stability is good for economy.
– But markets need surprises.
– Lack of surprises causes sideways movement.

» Liquidity Cycle Impact
– Liquidity drives market momentum.
– Central banks tightened liquidity.
– Easy money phase ended.
– Markets adjusted to new reality.
– This caused consolidation.

» Retail Investor Behaviour
– Retail participation increased strongly.
– Many investors entered at high levels.
– Markets need digestion time.
– Excess optimism cools down.
– Sideways movement cleans excesses.

» Sensex And Nifty Are Not Economy
– Indices represent limited sectors.
– Economy is much broader.
– MSMEs are not represented.
– Agriculture is not represented.
– Services are partly represented.

» Media Headlines Versus Market Reality
– Media simplifies economic news.
– Positive GDP creates optimism.
– Markets analyse deeper data.
– Profit margins matter more.
– Balance sheets matter more.

» Why Markets Pause During Growth
– Growth phases are not linear.
– Markets move in cycles.
– Pause is healthy.
– It avoids bubbles.
– It creates future opportunity.

» Long Term Market Behaviour
– Markets reward patience.
– Short term stagnation is normal.
– Long term trend follows earnings.
– India’s growth story remains strong.
– Markets will reflect eventually.

» What Investors Should Understand
– Do not link GDP headlines to returns.
– Markets may remain flat despite growth.
– Volatility is part of equity.
– Discipline matters more than timing.
– Asset allocation matters more.

» Index Funds Limitation In Such Phases
– Index funds mirror index movement.
– When index stagnates, returns stagnate.
– No flexibility to avoid weak sectors.
– No active stock selection.
– Investors feel disappointed.

» Why Active Funds Help Here
– Active funds can shift allocations.
– Fund managers avoid weak sectors.
– They identify emerging opportunities.
– They manage downside risk better.
– They add value in sideways markets.

» Role Of Fund Manager Judgment
– Markets need analysis during uncertainty.
– Fund managers study earnings deeply.
– They track sector rotation.
– Index funds lack this intelligence.
– Active approach helps investors.

» Regular Funds Advantage
– Regular funds offer guidance support.
– Certified Financial Planner helps discipline.
– Behaviour management is crucial.
– Panic decisions reduce returns.
– Guidance adds real value.

» Emotional Gap Between Economy And Markets
– Economy gives comfort.
– Markets give anxiety.
– Both are normal reactions.
– Investors must separate emotions.
– Rational thinking is essential.

» What This Phase Actually Signals
– Markets are consolidating gains.
– Valuations are becoming reasonable.
– Earnings visibility is improving slowly.
– This phase builds foundation.
– Next growth phase emerges later.

» Lessons From Past Market Cycles
– Markets never move in straight lines.
– Long flat periods are common.
– Strong rallies follow consolidation.
– Patience rewarded historically.
– Panic punished historically.

» How Investors Should Respond
– Continue disciplined investing.
– Avoid reacting to headlines.
– Focus on long term goals.
– Review asset allocation.
– Stay invested wisely.

» Economy And Market Relationship Summary
– Economy supports long term markets.
– Markets price future profits.
– Timing mismatch creates confusion.
– Both align over longer periods.
– Understanding reduces fear.

» Final Insights
– GDP growth does not guarantee market rise.
– Sensex and Nifty reflect profits, not emotions.
– High valuations limited recent returns.
– Global factors slowed momentum.
– Sideways markets are healthy phases.
– Long term investors should stay disciplined.
– Active management helps during consolidation.
– Patience and clarity create wealth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10899 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Money
I have taken 1Cr personal loan and started a teading business. My personal loan EMI is Rs 2.6laks. 25 laks top line business in trading with 4 % margin. After this successful completion of 3 years Took a business loan of 2cr and invested in a stone manufacturing took this plant on lease ,this unit run for a six months and because of land dispute it is stopped producing. Through this new investment nothing coming as return moreover now I am paying EMI OF 7.61 lakhs from my 1cr trading business. Right now my creditors is Rs 1.5 cr and debtors is 1.3 cr. New manufacturing debtors recovery only is Rs1cr but takes 6months time. Pls give your valuable suggestions to handle the loans ,EMI and business and cash flow.
Ans: Your courage in sharing full details deserves appreciation.
You took bold risks to grow business scale.
Your intent was growth, not speculation.
Now control and survival matter more than expansion.

» Current Situation Snapshot
– Multiple loans with heavy EMIs exist.
– Cash flow stress is severe.
– One business is active.
– One business is stalled.
– Recovery timing mismatch is hurting liquidity.

» Understanding the Core Problem
– EMI outflow is very high.
– Cash inflow is delayed.
– Capital is blocked in receivables.
– One unit produces zero income.
– Debt servicing depends on one business.

» Emotional Stability First
– Stress clouds financial judgement.
– Panic decisions worsen outcomes.
– Calm thinking improves options.
– Problems are solvable step by step.
– You still have working businesses.

» Trading Business Reality Check
– Trading business generates steady turnover.
– Margin is predictable.
– Cash cycle is shorter.
– This is your lifeline currently.
– Protect this business at any cost.

» Manufacturing Unit Reality Check
– Unit is currently non operational.
– Legal issue stopped production.
– Fixed costs may still continue.
– Loan obligation remains active.
– This unit is draining cash.

» Immediate Priority Definition
– Survival over growth.
– Liquidity over profitability.
– Debt control over expansion.
– Stability over optimism.
– Time is your biggest ally now.

» EMI Burden Assessment
– Personal loan EMI is heavy.
– Business loan EMI is heavier.
– Combined EMI exceeds comfortable cash flow.
– This imbalance cannot continue long.
– Intervention is required urgently.

» Creditor and Debtor Position
– Creditors amount is Rs 1.5 Cr.
– Debtors amount is Rs 1.3 Cr.
– Recovery is delayed.
– Timing mismatch causes pressure.
– Working capital is blocked.

» Recovery From Manufacturing Debtors
– Rs 1 Cr expected in six months.
– This is critical cash inflow.
– Recovery certainty matters.
– Legal enforceability must be checked.
– Follow up must be aggressive.

» Cash Flow Timing Mismatch
– EMIs are monthly fixed.
– Receivables are uncertain and delayed.
– This gap creates default risk.
– Managing timing is crucial.
– Income alone is not enough.

» First Action: Stop All New Investments
– No new business expansion now.
– No additional borrowing.
– No fresh capital deployment.
– Preserve every rupee.
– Focus only on stability.

» Second Action: Ring Fence Trading Business
– Separate trading cash flows clearly.
– Do not divert trading funds.
– Trading business pays EMIs currently.
– Protect working capital strictly.
– This business keeps you alive.

» Third Action: Manufacturing Unit Decision
– Assess legal resolution timeline.
– If delay exceeds viability, exit planning starts.
– Emotional attachment must be avoided.
– Sunk cost should not guide decisions.
– Cash bleeding must stop.

» Manufacturing Unit Exit Strategy
– Explore lease termination options.
– Negotiate with lender for restructuring.
– Offer temporary moratorium if possible.
– Present genuine hardship facts.
– Banks prefer resolution over default.

» Loan Restructuring Importance
– Restructuring is not failure.
– It is a survival tool.
– Approach lenders proactively.
– Show recovery plan clearly.
– Silence worsens lender trust.

» Personal Loan Restructuring
– Personal loans carry highest interest.
– EMI is choking cash flow.
– Request tenure extension.
– Request EMI reduction temporarily.
– Partial prepayment later can be planned.

» Business Loan Restructuring
– Business loan is large.
– Manufacturing stoppage justifies relief.
– Seek moratorium or reduced EMI.
– Submit legal dispute documents.
– Banks understand external disruptions.

» Using Expected Rs 1 Cr Recovery
– Do not spend emotionally.
– Allocate wisely before receipt.
– Priority is EMI reduction.
– Second priority is creditor settlement.
– Third priority is liquidity buffer.

» Allocation Discipline for Recovery Amount
– Clear highest interest dues first.
– Reduce monthly EMI burden permanently.
– Avoid reinvestment temptation.
– Keep cash buffer intact.
– Stability comes before growth.

» Creditor Negotiation Strategy
– Creditors prefer payment certainty.
– Open communication builds trust.
– Offer structured settlement timelines.
– Avoid hiding information.
– Transparency reduces legal escalation.

» Debtor Recovery Acceleration
– Follow up weekly.
– Use legal notices if required.
– Offer small discounts for early payment.
– Faster cash is better than delayed full amount.
– Liquidity beats accounting profits.

» Expense Control Measures
– Reduce personal expenses temporarily.
– Avoid lifestyle inflation.
– Delay non essential purchases.
– Family support is important now.
– This phase is temporary.

» Psychological Trap to Avoid
– Do not chase losses.
– Do not over trade.
– Do not take fresh high interest loans.
– Do not rely on hope alone.
– Discipline beats optimism.

» Risk Management Going Forward
– Avoid concentration in one income source.
– Avoid leverage driven expansion.
– Build cash buffers always.
– Scale only after stabilisation.
– Lessons here are valuable.

» Role of Insurance Policies
– If any investment linked policies exist.
– Review surrender values carefully.
– Liquidity may matter more now.
– Policy loans increase stress.
– Protection and investment must be separated.

» Long Term Financial Health Vision
– First goal is debt reduction.
– Second goal is cash stability.
– Third goal is controlled growth.
– Wealth creation comes later.
– Survival creates future opportunities.

» Family Communication
– Share situation honestly with family.
– Emotional support improves resilience.
– Joint decisions reduce stress.
– Isolation worsens burden.
– You are not alone.

» Time Based Plan Approach
– Next three months focus on liquidity.
– Next six months focus on restructuring.
– Next year focus on debt reduction.
– Growth planning comes later.
– Structured thinking reduces anxiety.

» What Success Looks Like Now
– EMIs aligned with cash flow.
– No overdue payments.
– Trading business protected.
– Manufacturing exposure limited.
– Stress levels reduced.

» Final Insights
– You are facing a cash flow crisis.
– This is not a failure.
– Your assets and skills still exist.
– Immediate control actions can stabilise.
– Restructuring is essential, not optional.
– Protect your profitable business first.
– Use recoveries wisely, not emotionally.
– Patience with discipline will restore balance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10899 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Money
Dear sir, i have choose sbi retire smart plus 10 years policy. Premium 6lak per annum for 4 years i paid. What happened if i complete the Premium should i wait till maturity. Or surrender after 5 years lock in period. Is it good to be patience till maturity or i will loss money due to inflation.
Ans: Your honesty in asking this question deserves appreciation.
You already paid large premiums with discipline.
That shows commitment to retirement planning.
Now clarity is more important than patience alone.

» Understanding What You Have Chosen
– This is an investment linked insurance policy.
– Insurance and investment are combined here.
– Charges are high in early years.
– Transparency is limited.
– Returns depend on internal fund performance.

» Premium Commitment Review
– You committed Rs.6 lakhs yearly.
– You already paid for four years.
– Total paid amount is significant.
– Cash flow pressure matters here.
– Every rupee must work efficiently.

» Lock-in and Surrender Reality
– Lock-in period is five years.
– Surrender before lock-in causes heavy loss.
– After lock-in, surrender value improves.
– However charges still continue.
– Patience alone does not remove inefficiency.

» Cost Structure Impact
– Mortality charges reduce returns yearly.
– Policy administration charges continue.
– Fund management charges apply separately.
– These reduce compounding power.
– Inflation impact becomes severe.

» Inflation Risk Explanation
– Inflation reduces real value yearly.
– Long holding needs strong growth.
– Such policies give moderate growth.
– Real returns may become negative.
– Retirement needs inflation beating growth.

» Return Expectation Reality
– Projected returns often look attractive.
– Actual returns depend on net allocation.
– Charges reduce effective returns.
– Volatility affects maturity value.
– Expectations must be realistic.

» Insurance and Investment Mixing Issue
– Insurance needs certainty.
– Investments need flexibility.
– Mixing both creates compromise.
– Neither objective is fully met.
– This is a structural weakness.

» Maturity Waiting Option Assessment
– Waiting till maturity avoids surrender loss.
– But opportunity cost remains high.
– Funds remain locked inefficiently.
– Growth may not beat inflation.
– Time lost cannot be recovered.

» Surrender After Lock-in Assessment
– Surrender after five years reduces penalty.
– You regain flexibility of funds.
– Capital can be reallocated better.
– Long term efficiency improves.
– This option deserves serious thought.

» Emotional Attachment Trap
– Past payments create attachment.
– This is a sunk cost.
– Future decisions should be rational.
– Focus on remaining years.
– Do not protect wrong choices.

» Comparison With Pure Investment Options
– Pure investments have lower costs.
– Flexibility is higher.
– Transparency is better.
– Goal alignment is clearer.
– Long term outcomes improve.

» Role of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
– Professional fund managers manage risk.
– Portfolio is reviewed continuously.
– Expenses are lower comparatively.
– Liquidity is superior.
– Compounding works better.

» Why Regular Mutual Fund Route Helps
– Guidance avoids emotional mistakes.
– Asset allocation stays aligned.
– Reviews happen systematically.
– Behavioural discipline improves.
– Long term results stabilise.

» Tax Efficiency Perspective
– Insurance tax benefit looks attractive.
– But returns matter more.
– Low returns waste tax advantage.
– Efficient growth offsets tax cost.
– Net outcome matters finally.

» Retirement Time Horizon Consideration
– Retirement corpus needs growth now.
– Capital protection comes later.
– Inefficient products delay growth.
– Time is precious.
– Every year counts.

» Cash Flow Stress Check
– High premium affects liquidity.
– Emergencies need ready funds.
– Lock-in restricts access.
– Stress impacts peace of mind.
– Simpler structure reduces stress.

» What Patience Really Means
– Patience is good with right products.
– Patience cannot fix poor structure.
– Long holding does not guarantee success.
– Quality matters more than duration.
– Review is wisdom, not impatience.

» When Continuing May Make Sense
– If surrender value is very low.
– If nearing maturity period.
– If cash flow is comfortable.
– If goals are already funded.
– Otherwise review is essential.

» When Exit Is Better
– If inflation erosion is clear.
– If returns lag alternatives.
– If flexibility is needed.
– If retirement gap exists.
– If charges dominate growth.

» 360 Degree Recommendation Thought Process
– Protect what is already paid.
– Avoid further inefficiency.
– Improve future return potential.
– Maintain adequate insurance separately.
– Align investments with retirement goal.

» Insurance Planning Clarity
– Insurance should cover risk only.
– Sum assured must be adequate.
– Premium should be minimal.
– Investment should remain separate.
– This gives clarity and control.

» Behavioural Discipline Going Forward
– Avoid pressure selling products.
– Ask cost related questions.
– Demand transparency.
– Review annually.
– Stay goal focused.

» Final Insights
– You acted responsibly by asking now.
– Product structure is not ideal.
– Inflation risk is real.
– Waiting till maturity may disappoint.
– Surrender after lock-in deserves evaluation.
– Reallocation can improve outcomes.
– Retirement planning needs efficiency.
– Timely correction shows maturity.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10899 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 17, 2025

Money
Dear rediffGuru, I am 48 year having private job, I have started MF investment from 2017 and currently monthly SIP 50K as below. I want to have corpus of 2.5 Cr at the age of 58. Please advice me if any changes/increase need in below SIP. 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3.ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Your discipline since 2017 deserves real appreciation.
You stayed invested for many years.
You already think long term.
This habit creates wealth over time.

» Your Goal Clarity
– You want Rs.2.5 Crores by age fifty-eight.
– You have ten years left.
– Time is still supportive.
– Regular investing helps greatly.
– Clarity itself improves outcomes.

» Present Investment Effort
– Monthly SIP is Rs.50,000.
– Investments are fully market linked.
– Exposure is mainly equity oriented.
– Risk appetite looks high.
– Commitment level is good.

» Portfolio Structure Observation
– Too many funds exist.
– Categories are repeating often.
– Small companies exposure is heavy.
– Sector exposure is present.
– Portfolio looks cluttered.

» Small Company Funds Concentration
– Many funds invest in smaller businesses.
– These funds give high returns sometimes.
– They also fall sharply during stress.
– Volatility increases with age.
– This needs careful control.

» Mid and Large Company Exposure
– Mid company exposure is moderate.
– Large company exposure looks limited.
– Large companies provide stability.
– Stability matters nearing retirement.
– Balance is essential now.

» Sector Focus Risks
– Sector funds depend on one theme.
– Performance cycles are unpredictable.
– Long underperformance periods happen.
– SIP discipline becomes difficult.
– Allocation should be limited.

» Dynamic Allocation Exposure
– Asset allocation funds manage equity levels.
– They help reduce downside risk.
– They suit late career investors.
– Allocation size matters.
– One such fund is enough.

» Over Diversification Concern
– Many funds dilute impact.
– Monitoring becomes difficult.
– Overlap increases silently.
– Returns may disappoint.
– Simplicity improves control.

» Suitability for Ten Year Horizon
– Ten years is medium term.
– Aggressive risk needs moderation.
– Capital protection gains importance.
– Drawdowns hurt goals.
– Adjustments are timely now.

» Expected Corpus Reality Check
– Rs.50,000 SIP alone may fall short.
– Market returns are uncertain.
– Inflation eats purchasing power.
– Increasing SIP helps.
– Step-up becomes very important.

» Importance of SIP Increase
– Income generally rises with age.
– SIP should rise yearly.
– Even small increases help.
– This supports target achievement.
– Discipline matters more than returns.

» Asset Allocation Improvement
– Equity should remain primary.
– Debt exposure should slowly increase.
– Stability increases closer to goal.
– This reduces panic risk.
– Allocation needs yearly review.

» Why Active Management Matters
– Actively managed funds adjust portfolios.
– Fund managers handle valuation risks.
– They exit overheated stocks.
– Index funds fall fully with markets.
– Passive funds offer no protection.

» Disadvantages of Index Investing
– No downside control exists.
– Full market falls are painful.
– Retirement timing risk increases.
– Investor emotions suffer.
– Active funds suit your stage better.

» Why Regular Plans Help
– Guidance improves behaviour.
– Rebalancing happens on time.
– Panic decisions reduce.
– Long term discipline strengthens.
– Cost difference is justified.

» Monitoring and Review Discipline
– Annual review is essential.
– Performance alone is insufficient.
– Risk alignment must be checked.
– Goal progress should be tracked.
– Reviews avoid surprises later.

» Tax Awareness During Accumulation
– Equity gains face capital gains tax.
– Long-term gains have exemptions.
– Short-term gains cost more.
– Holding period matters.
– Churning should be avoided.

» Emergency and Protection Planning
– Emergency fund is important.
– Job risk always exists.
– Insurance coverage should be adequate.
– Medical costs rise fast.
– Protection safeguards investments.

» Retirement Age Shift Possibility
– Retirement may shift slightly.
– Working longer reduces pressure.
– Even two extra years help.
– Flexibility increases success.
– Keep this option open.

» Behavioural Discipline Importance
– Market falls test patience.
– SIP continuity builds wealth.
– Stopping SIP hurts goals.
– Emotions damage returns.
– Discipline protects outcomes.

» Key Portfolio Refinement Direction
– Reduce fund count gradually.
– Avoid repeated category exposure.
– Increase large company allocation.
– Limit sector exposure.
– Maintain one dynamic allocation option.

» SIP Amount Enhancement Guidance
– Increase SIP annually.
– Use bonuses wisely.
– Direct increments into SIPs.
– This bridges corpus gap.
– Consistency beats timing.

» Goal Tracking Approach
– Review goal progress yearly.
– Adjust SIP if needed.
– Markets change yearly.
– Plans must adapt.
– Static plans fail often.

» Role of a Certified Financial Planner
– Helps align risk with age.
– Simplifies portfolio structure.
– Ensures tax efficiency.
– Supports emotional discipline.
– Improves goal probability.

» Final Insights
– Your investing habit is strong.
– Goal clarity is impressive.
– Portfolio needs simplification.
– Risk needs gradual control.
– SIP increase is necessary.
– Active funds suit your stage.
– Discipline will decide success.
– Time is still on your side.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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