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Anu Krishna1026 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 30, 2022

Asked on - Nov 30, 2022Hindi

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Relationship
I am a 25-year-old woman who is still not settled in life.
I loved my relative who is 10 years older than me. He also not settled in life. He doesn't have property, no good family (his brothers are not good).
When he asks about marriage I used to delay because of my career.
At one point of time, he lost interest because of this delay. He is a good person but when we are spending time I am not much comfortable and excited as I was in the initial days of love – be it chats or calls. Recently I chatted with a stranger in Facebook and felt happier chatting with him than with my boyfriend.
Somewhere I feel like I want to cut this relationship but I can't imagine him with our girls.
If I marry him I won't get good family (relatives). He is not looking as good as he did before.
 Will I suffer any sexual issues with him in the future? He is still waiting for me.

Ans:

Dear Unknown,

It seems like you have moved away in mind and heart.

It does happen in few relationships as there might have not been a strong emotion attached when the relationship began, or the emotion ceases to exist as you have moved on and changed.

Good or bad? Neither…it happens.

Be rightful and do not lead him on.

It is not his fault that you feel the way that you do. But you do owe it to him to tell him how you feel now, so that he is not living in a love bubble.

So, break it to him gently and wait for his response. It maybe anger, sadness, disappointment.

Be with him through the process. He may not want to speak with you for a while till he gets a chance to process it fully; accept that. He may blame you; accept that as well.

It is not your fault, but he will not have any other safe space to vent out his feelings. And once this stage has passed, discuss it very maturely together as to what the next steps can be.

Till then, it will be only you dealing with this in the relationship when it has to be the business of both.

And as far as sexual issues go, I don’t find any relevance of it as age gap never hurt anyone’s sex life.

And what do his relatives have to do in your relationship? It’s the two of you (if you choose to be together mutually) and anyone else is just an unnecessary add-on piling on to make more mischief. Draw boundaries and live happy.

Now, time to come out clean and then maturely process and decide the future course of action.

My best wishes to you!

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