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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1014 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 11, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 05, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi ma'am, thank you so much for helping people with your answers. My question Im 27, F I met a guy through arranged marrage proposal, initially was not very ok because of which I postponed telling my decision for 2 weeks. Then we both spoke and i said yes, next week he called my father and said he is looking to get married to someone who is financially rich, I was totally taken back because when he spoke he seemed very genuine and promising i called and spoke to him he says he is still in growing state so he needs some financial aid from his inlaws, i said I have a job I can support him, he said give me a weeks time to decide, next week he called me and said he is ok with the marriage in the ground that I will work and support, I SAID HIM PLS ALLOW ME SOMETIME TO DECIDE, AS THIS IS NOt SCHOOL, COLLEGE OR JOB DECISIONS. When I called after 1 week he is not taking my calls, by my sentance i meant school, college or job can be left if not interested but marriage is not like that. Am wondering if he understood this as what if this girl has multiple relationship in school/college/job... And am assuming he did not take my call for this statement of mine? Please help me come out of this confusion, are my words very stupid? My family is scolded and blaming me because I delayed it for 2 week.. Mentally exhausted with all the arranged marriage rejection...and is it worth to get married at 27?? Awaiting for your answers

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am glad that he is out of this equation...
Which mature man will act the way that he did simply because you requested for time? And then now, you are wondering if it was your fault?
What sort of condition was that about wanting financial aid from his future in-laws? A marriage under any condition will not work as it depends on things external. Where is the time to build trust and love when there are superficial conditions present?
You have not been rejected, you have rescued yourself from a relationship with an immature man. So, pat yourself in the back and value yourself first.
The right person who will appreciate you will come along...start to appreciate yourself...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Hi Mam, I wanted to keep it anonymous. I am 26years old female, my parents are looking for a suitable alliance for me. They came with a proposal from a guy's family and they wanted to have a formal meet in a temple. We all met in the temple the guy's family looked good they talked in a nice manner myself and the guy had a seperate conversation. Before going his parents told that he is an introvert and wont speak much. while we went to talk i was the one asking him questions and he only replied for that and inturn asked me the same question. I am an extrovert so i did the most of the talking part i didnt wanted to make the convo boring without answering anything so i was coming up with new questions. We spoke for around 10-15mins and then went to the place where our parents were sitting, his parents asked me to tell the answer immediately but i told them that i will tell the decision once i reach home. His parnets talked to him seperately and asked him the decision and he said yes it seems. We left the temple then, after two days when my parents asked me what was my decision i told them that though he is a nice guy i cant see him as my partner and if were to marry him that would be for your happiness i will not be able to marry him whole heartedly was my answer, then my parents spoke to his parents and told that if you want to talk to him again meet him somewhere and then talk and decide. I thought okay lets give it a try and said yes, we met after a week in a cafe. He initially asked me about my work and then i asked the same after that again he didnt speak much, i always wanted my partner to speak and have fun conversation with me. Though its our second meet i wanted him to atleast talk little bit that the first one but he didnt do much talking part. I was again talking and we left after 30mins. My parents were trying to convince me a lot, i told them that my intuition doesn't work with this guy(I am firm believer of intuition i have been doing things based on my intuition only) but my parents were trying to convince me telling you dont know what you want we will only know what you want, you will be happy if you marry this guy. But my soul doesnt want to marry this guy it seems im not able to accept my parents convincing words. If i were to marry him that will only be my parents choice and not my choice. What should i do now?
Ans: Well, this conversation requires a discussion - but I will attempt responding based on what you have shared. You should know introverts take time in opening up...and that should be respected. Its possible when you know each other, he may still not open up with others, but with you he is talkative. What is bothersome here is you intuition, your 6th sense - which makes you uncomfortable - question it, why do you think that is the case. If I was in a similar situation I would have asked to meet this gentleman 3-4 times more - and would observe more and talk less :)....maybe listen more and ask fewer questions. If you do meet him ask him what is making him say yes. Let him know that it bothers you that he responds in short sentences. But after that play games together - from board games to games like 3 things you wish to have in your partner to 3 qualities you wish you partner works upon. You need to answer this as well. Ask him his 3 strengths and share yours, share personality traits you need to work on and ask his.....keep the conversations light and fun....and then question your intuition again...and if it does not agree then do what works for you. Make parents sit down and explain it to them without getting emotional or raising your voice. Hope this helps.

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Ravi

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 29, 2024Hindi
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Around 2022, I got a marriage proposal from a mutual acquaintance of a guy who us also known to my family . At that time I was in a relationship with someone else so my family told that I am currently focusing on my studies . But recently , I am single and saw his account on social media . We started chatting with each other and I realised that we are conpatible in many aspects . But after some days ... my mother started pressuring me that they will start to see marriage prospects for me. Also I felt that he also feels the same for me because how he talked to me... So out of pressure ,I asked him and told about my feelings for him and told why it will be profitable if we consider ourselves as a couple .He told that he has a lot of pressure from his family to settle for a well paying job (though he is working in a private company)and also wants to focus on his passion too. Also he had brojen his heart 2 times. Although he assured that he is not saying no and also he would think over this proposal and would give me an answer . But the next day I saw he blocked me from social media . I would have appreciated if he had an open communication with me as I had the same . Btw now he is 27 and I am 23 .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am very sorry to hear that you had to go through this. Some people do not have the emotional maturity to say a simple no or speak their truth. He might not have wanted to make things awkward or thought he was sparing you some pain but ultimately that isn't the case. But the important thing to remember here is that his action reflects on him and what kind of a person he is; it does not highlight your worth. I know it hurts right now, but it will get better and you will find someone who loves you.

Best Wishes.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |1381 Answers  |Ask -

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Hi, I m a CA & 49 years old now, have been in a PSB since 2008. I have been workaholic since inception & I thought why not I should quit & start my practice, which is my dream since I qualified as a CA. Due to economic conditions, I took employment & have been in Bank till now. I know for sure it will take at least 1 to 2 years to achieve break even. With this 15 years of PF & other retirement benefits would back me & my family till my income gets stabilised. Please suggest me.
Ans: You have mentioned you have been with PSB since 2008 i.e. for the last 16-years (from your age of 33-years. This is your 1st job or you used to work before 33-years of age? Secondly, you have not mentioned about your children, how many children you have? what they are studying now & what about their future education goals? In near future, what all financial obligations you have for your children's studies? You have additional qualifications / certifications related to CA after you joined PSB? Before starting your practice, you should decide what all specailized services you can provide? How to get clients? Through Bank's Networks, will you be able to get clients? Where to set up your office? Finance Required to register your Firm & to meet other expenses? Life & Medical Insurance Coverage for you & for your family members? Please take time & think over all these factors. Once you are confident & have planned well, after taking into consideration these factors, you can go ahead. It is suggested, NOT to resign your current job from PSB, UNTIL you fully set up your CA Firm. All the BEST Sir.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |1381 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 05, 2024

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Sir, My son is getting in Honour Maths in University of Waterloo, Electrical Engg in NUS Singapore. Here, In india he ia getting Civil in IIT Ghandhi nagar. Any suggestions?
Ans: Ronak Sir, (1) It is advisable to pursue Graduation in India and work for 2-3 years. (2) Or on the basis of his Academic Performance, His Interest, Co & Extra-curricular Activities, His Personality Traits & Soft Skills Development (during his BTech), you can decide for his Masters Abroad, after his Graduation. (3) Or he can work for 2-3 years and then think about Abroad Education. (4) Just to study abroad, some students / parents choose wrong Streams and spend a lot of money without knowing the job prospects there and / or blindly accept the admission, recommended by the Abroad Education Consultants / Firms (5) Before approaching any Abroad Education Consultant, it is always ideal to make a thorough Research (at least basic research) about the Abroad Universities / its QS Ranking / Job Prosects / Work Permit Rules etc. at the same time, keeping in view the Children's Interest / Personality Traits. (6) Regarding his Civil in IIT-Gandhi Nagar, I suggest not to accept the seat, only because he is getting confirmed admission UNLESS he is very much interested in Civil. (7) Please wait for some more rounds in JOSAA Counselling for any other Streams, he is interested in or prefers. (8) Or alternately, you can try to get admission through Management Quota (MQ ) with any one of the reputed / top-ranked College either in your State or anywhere in India you prefer. Donation / Yearly fees depends upon the College / Stream your son prefers / chooses. (9) If still abroad education is preferred by you / by your Son, you can go ahead with any one of the 2-options based on your preferences of Country / Location / University / Fees Structure / Stream. Ronak Sir, I have clarified your doubts. All the BEST for your Son's Bright Future.

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