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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Question by AS on Oct 04, 2022Hindi

Don’t name me please
Hello Anu ma'am, love your work.
I am attracted to women and have never shared this with anyone else. I have fallen head over heels to my best friend for more than 5 years now. But I have never able to express. She always gave me a lot of hints that she likes me and I think she kinda knows that I like her. But a few days ago she revealed that her sexual orientation is straight. However she always acts/behaves with me like she is more than a friend. She says that I am more than a friend and also expresses how she wants to live her life with me, but never confesses that she likes me. Is she afraid?
How do I deal with this? What should be the approach?
Please respond
Sincerely waiting for your reply!
Thank you in advance, have a nice day.

Ans:

Dear AS,

Thank you for your kind words on the work that I do.

You might be correct in assessing your sexual orientation, but your friend is still confused about it.

Give her some time to get past the confusions else what might happen is that she will give in to your advances and since both of you share a great relationship, she might be inclined to believe that she is into women.

Allow her to figure out her sexual orientation and where she leans more into…Support her through her journey and when she finally decides, respect her decision whatever that maybe.

Yes, it’s highly possible that she is afraid given that society and the world doesn’t accept what’s called ‘not normal’ by their standards.

The judgement from families and friends and their non-acceptance is also something that she might not be willing to compromise on.

That is why, give her time to process all of this and then choose what’s best for her.

Till then, you can focus on yourself and living life every moment.

I don’t know how old you are but pay attention to your career or academics or whatever that will help you create a wonderful future and most importantly, be happy with what is.

All the best!

Relationship1Reply

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Question by AK - Aug 05, 2022Hindi

Hi Anu, I have one question in mind need suggestion from you, please guide me.I am 42 year old and married I have two kids as well. My married life is all good and peaceful and I love my family lot.20 years ago when I was in college I was in love with a girl, she did not like me that time but from my side it was very pure love. I loved her so much.She was aware of that. We lost touch in 2004. Now she is also 42 and married with two kids.During Covid in 2020, we again got connected on LinkedIn and started talking. I expressed my love. she understood, respected and valued it now.She is still waiting for someone else and doesn’t feel complete with me. She is honest about her feelings and communication.She told me she considers me only as a friend but above all and everything in life.But many times she shows love and lots of affection, caring attitude. She always says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well.She wants me to remain with her as she feels I am her strong support system.She shares everything with me and I do the same. Sometimes I feel I shall come out from this but at times I feel I don’t want to leave her as she looks very depressed.May be from her past break up or something else but I do not have the courage to ask her.What shall I do here? Please guide. What is your best suggestion?

Ans:

Dear AK,

It’s a nice convenient connection.

Why don’t you stick to the way it is rather than expect it to be something different? Expectations can be disappointing and may spoil what already exists.

As humans, we fail to see and experience what we have and constantly crave for the things that we don’t have, don’t we?

The two of you are fond of each other but to project your feelings from the past onto the current scenario might unnecessarily cause a ruffling of feathers.

Will it be wise for you to accept things the way they are now? Enjoy the company and chats/calls the way they are? And be grateful that you can be a good support system to one another?

Is it possible for you to do this?

Respect her wishes when she says that she wants you as a friend and try not to read much into her actions.

If the fact that she is getting close to you is going to be decoded as being more than a friend, you need to watch out as your thoughts could lead to a major letdown for yourself and for her as well.

Pause, take it all in the way it is and accept it gracefully…

All the best!

Relationship

Anu Krishna | Answer |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 05, 2022

Question by AK - Aug 05, 2022Hindi

Ans:

Dear AK,

It’s a nice convenient connection.

Why don’t you stick to the way it is rather than expect it to be something different? Expectations can be disappointing and may spoil what already exists.

As humans, we fail to see and experience what we have and constantly crave for the things that we don’t have, don’t we?

The two of you are fond of each other but to project your feelings from the past onto the current scenario might unnecessarily cause a ruffling of feathers.

Will it be wise for you to accept things the way they are now? Enjoy the company and chats/calls the way they are? And be grateful that you can be a good support system to one another?

Is it possible for you to do this?

Respect her wishes when she says that she wants you as a friend and try not to read much into her actions.

If the fact that she is getting close to you is going to be decoded as being more than a friend, you need to watch out as your thoughts could lead to a major letdown for yourself and for her as well.

Pause, take it all in the way it is and accept it gracefully…

All the best!

Relationship

Anu Krishna | Answer |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 27, 2022

Question by E - Dec 27, 2022Hindi

Hi Anu,I am a 16 year old teenage girl who just a couple of months ago realised that she was a bisexual. When I was in seventh grade I made a friend, let's call her A. I started having feelings for her but just pushed them away because then I thought it was wrong to feel that way for the same sex. I started crushing on guys too but in 10th grade I realised that I was actually in love with my best friend A. I started accepting this and I have finally come to terms with who I am. I haven't come out yet because my family doesn't support this. Coming to the point, towards the end of 10th grade I confessed to A and she told me that she saw me only as her best friend and did not feel the same way despite the fact that she was bi too. I was broken. I started ignoring her completely. When I saw her hugging her friends I felt jealous. I think I really love her but when I talked about this with our common friend she told me that it was just a phase and stuff but I know that it isn't. I really love her. So recently A told me that she felt that something was up with me and that I was not behaving in the way I used to. I told her that I was fine but she thinks that I'll break this friendship of 4 and half years. I assured her that I won't and she is fine now. But the thing is that in the future when she gets a bf or gf, I don’t know how will I face them, meet them and see her with them. I feel awful. I can't move on. I am not able to study well at all. I have started daydreaming to just escape the truth that she doesn't love me the way I do. My dreams are beautiful but this reality sucks. And this is affecting our relationship. I feel that I don't want to be just a friend anymore. I also think that I don't matter to her a lot. Recently she asked me out for a movie. I told her that I wasn't interested and that she and our common best friend could go and watch it. Since I didn't wish to come she decided to invite one of her friends whom I find extremely repulsive due to her closeness with A. Now they are all going together. This is my birthday month, I feel like the surprises have just started. I don't know what damage these surprises would have done to me by my birthday. I really need your help. What am I supposed to do?

Ans:

Dear E,

Usual periods of confusions start just before puberty and goes on for a few years thereon. And it’s also normal to feel confused and question your sexual orientation.

I feel you can surprise yourself by accepting your confusions.

Rather than obsessing over what your friend will do or should do, can you instead focus on exploring your mind and clearing your confusions.

You can seek the help of an expert to help you figure out your sexual orientation which will help you channelise your energies more meaningfully.

So instead of jealousies and insecurities, try to move into confidence and happiness.

This gap can be filled by focusing on easing the confusions in the mind. So, the birthday month can be a gift to yourself rather in a very useful way.

At 16, turn your friends’ circle into something more as a powerful tool rather than weaken your resolve.

Utilise your strengths to better yourself and move towards clarity to create the best life as yet!

All the best!

Relationship

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