E 7336 - Rediff Gurus

Hi Anu,
I am a 16 year old teenage girl who just a couple of months ago realised that she was a bisexual. When I was in seventh grade I made a friend, let's call her A.
I started having feelings for her but just pushed them away because then I thought it was wrong to feel that way for the same sex.
I started crushing on guys too but in 10th grade I realised that I was actually in love with my best friend A.
I started accepting this and I have finally come to terms with who I am.
I haven't come out yet because my family doesn't support this. Coming to the point, towards the end of 10th grade I confessed to A and she told me that she saw me only as her best friend and did not feel the same way despite the fact that she was bi too.
I was broken. I started ignoring her completely.
When I saw her hugging her friends I felt jealous. I think I really love her but when I talked about this with our common friend she told me that it was just a phase and stuff but I know that it isn't. I really love her.
So recently A told me that she felt that something was up with me and that I was not behaving in the way I used to. I told her that I was fine but she thinks that I'll break this friendship of 4 and half years.
I assured her that I won't and she is fine now. But the thing is that in the future when she gets a bf or gf, I don’t know how will I face them, meet them and see her with them. I feel awful. I can't move on. I am not able to study well at all.
I have started daydreaming to just escape the truth that she doesn't love me the way I do.
My dreams are beautiful but this reality sucks. And this is affecting our relationship. I feel that I don't want to be just a friend anymore.
I also think that I don't matter to her a lot.
Recently she asked me out for a movie. I told her that I wasn't interested and that she and our common best friend could go and watch it. Since I didn't wish to come she decided to invite one of her friends whom I find extremely repulsive due to her closeness with A. Now they are all going together.
This is my birthday month, I feel like the surprises have just started.
I don't know what damage these surprises would have done to me by my birthday.
I really need your help. What am I supposed to do?

Ans:

Dear E,

Usual periods of confusions start just before puberty and goes on for a few years thereon. And it’s also normal to feel confused and question your sexual orientation.

I feel you can surprise yourself by accepting your confusions.

Rather than obsessing over what your friend will do or should do, can you instead focus on exploring your mind and clearing your confusions.

You can seek the help of an expert to help you figure out your sexual orientation which will help you channelise your energies more meaningfully.

So instead of jealousies and insecurities, try to move into confidence and happiness.

This gap can be filled by focusing on easing the confusions in the mind. So, the birthday month can be a gift to yourself rather in a very useful way.

At 16, turn your friends’ circle into something more as a powerful tool rather than weaken your resolve.

Utilise your strengths to better yourself and move towards clarity to create the best life as yet!

All the best!

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