Hi Anu,
I am a 16 year old teenage girl who just a couple of months ago realised that she was a bisexual. When I was in seventh grade I made a friend, let's call her A.
I started having feelings for her but just pushed them away because then I thought it was wrong to feel that way for the same sex.
I started crushing on guys too but in 10th grade I realised that I was actually in love with my best friend A.
I started accepting this and I have finally come to terms with who I am.
I haven't come out yet because my family doesn't support this. Coming to the point, towards the end of 10th grade I confessed to A and she told me that she saw me only as her best friend and did not feel the same way despite the fact that she was bi too.
I was broken. I started ignoring her completely.
When I saw her hugging her friends I felt jealous. I think I really love her but when I talked about this with our common friend she told me that it was just a phase and stuff but I know that it isn't. I really love her.
So recently A told me that she felt that something was up with me and that I was not behaving in the way I used to. I told her that I was fine but she thinks that I'll break this friendship of 4 and half years.
I assured her that I won't and she is fine now. But the thing is that in the future when she gets a bf or gf, I don’t know how will I face them, meet them and see her with them. I feel awful. I can't move on. I am not able to study well at all.
I have started daydreaming to just escape the truth that she doesn't love me the way I do.
My dreams are beautiful but this reality sucks. And this is affecting our relationship. I feel that I don't want to be just a friend anymore.
I also think that I don't matter to her a lot.
Recently she asked me out for a movie. I told her that I wasn't interested and that she and our common best friend could go and watch it. Since I didn't wish to come she decided to invite one of her friends whom I find extremely repulsive due to her closeness with A. Now they are all going together.
This is my birthday month, I feel like the surprises have just started.
I don't know what damage these surprises would have done to me by my birthday.
I really need your help. What am I supposed to do?

I don’t know how old you are, but it seems to me that you have broken some unwritten Bro Code.

But honestly, from your story all I can fathom is that you are choosing to feel guilty simply because your ‘close’ friends as you call them, ignore you.

Isn’t it immature of you to actually not be able to make a decision in life that involves you and your relationships, or do you need the blessings of your so-called friends for it?

As far as you are concerned, things were over between your friend and the girl.

So, did you need to take their permission to date her?

Also, what about your other friends? Did they not bother to even hear from you once and choose to see things your way and patch thing between you and your friend?

Instead, they decided to play the judge and pronounce you guilty for an act that doesn’t seem to need that verdict.

So, do you still want to swim in the sea of guilt and see your relationship with the girl wash away with time OR do you want to go surf that tide and take charge of your decision? Get the drift here?

Step Up; all the best!

I don’t know how old you are, but it seems to me that you have broken some unwritten Bro Code.

But honestly, from your story all I can fathom is that you are choosing to feel guilty simply because your ‘close’ friends as you call them, ignore you.

Isn’t it immature of you to actually not be able to make a decision in life that involves you and your relationships, or do you need the blessings of your so-called friends for it?

As far as you are concerned, things were over between your friend and the girl.

So, did you need to take their permission to date her?

Also, what about your other friends? Did they not bother to even hear from you once and choose to see things your way and patch thing between you and your friend?

Instead, they decided to play the judge and pronounce you guilty for an act that doesn’t seem to need that verdict.

So, do you still want to swim in the sea of guilt and see your relationship with the girl wash away with time OR do you want to go surf that tide and take charge of your decision? Get the drift here?

Step Up; all the best!

Dear AS,

Thank you for your kind words on the work that I do.

You might be correct in assessing your sexual orientation, but your friend is still confused about it.

Give her some time to get past the confusions else what might happen is that she will give in to your advances and since both of you share a great relationship, she might be inclined to believe that she is into women.

Allow her to figure out her sexual orientation and where she leans more into…Support her through her journey and when she finally decides, respect her decision whatever that maybe.

Yes, it’s highly possible that she is afraid given that society and the world doesn’t accept what’s called ‘not normal’ by their standards.

The judgement from families and friends and their non-acceptance is also something that she might not be willing to compromise on.

That is why, give her time to process all of this and then choose what’s best for her.

Till then, you can focus on yourself and living life every moment.

I don’t know how old you are but pay attention to your career or academics or whatever that will help you create a wonderful future and most importantly, be happy with what is.

All the best!