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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 27, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Question by E on Dec 27, 2022Hindi

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Hi Anu,
I am a 16 year old teenage girl who just a couple of months ago realised that she was a bisexual. When I was in seventh grade I made a friend, let's call her A.
I started having feelings for her but just pushed them away because then I thought it was wrong to feel that way for the same sex.
I started crushing on guys too but in 10th grade I realised that I was actually in love with my best friend A.
I started accepting this and I have finally come to terms with who I am.
I haven't come out yet because my family doesn't support this. Coming to the point, towards the end of 10th grade I confessed to A and she told me that she saw me only as her best friend and did not feel the same way despite the fact that she was bi too.
I was broken. I started ignoring her completely.
When I saw her hugging her friends I felt jealous. I think I really love her but when I talked about this with our common friend she told me that it was just a phase and stuff but I know that it isn't. I really love her.
So recently A told me that she felt that something was up with me and that I was not behaving in the way I used to. I told her that I was fine but she thinks that I'll break this friendship of 4 and half years.
I assured her that I won't and she is fine now. But the thing is that in the future when she gets a bf or gf, I don’t know how will I face them, meet them and see her with them. I feel awful. I can't move on. I am not able to study well at all.
I have started daydreaming to just escape the truth that she doesn't love me the way I do.
My dreams are beautiful but this reality sucks. And this is affecting our relationship. I feel that I don't want to be just a friend anymore.
I also think that I don't matter to her a lot.
Recently she asked me out for a movie. I told her that I wasn't interested and that she and our common best friend could go and watch it. Since I didn't wish to come she decided to invite one of her friends whom I find extremely repulsive due to her closeness with A. Now they are all going together.
This is my birthday month, I feel like the surprises have just started.
I don't know what damage these surprises would have done to me by my birthday.
I really need your help. What am I supposed to do?

Ans:

Dear E,

Usual periods of confusions start just before puberty and goes on for a few years thereon. And it’s also normal to feel confused and question your sexual orientation.

I feel you can surprise yourself by accepting your confusions.

Rather than obsessing over what your friend will do or should do, can you instead focus on exploring your mind and clearing your confusions.

You can seek the help of an expert to help you figure out your sexual orientation which will help you channelise your energies more meaningfully.

So instead of jealousies and insecurities, try to move into confidence and happiness.

This gap can be filled by focusing on easing the confusions in the mind. So, the birthday month can be a gift to yourself rather in a very useful way.

At 16, turn your friends’ circle into something more as a powerful tool rather than weaken your resolve.

Utilise your strengths to better yourself and move towards clarity to create the best life as yet!

All the best!

RelationshipReply

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 04, 2022

Question by AS - Oct 04, 2022Hindi

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Don’t name me pleaseHello Anu ma'am, love your work.I am attracted to women and have never shared this with anyone else. I have fallen head over heels to my best friend for more than 5 years now. But I have never able to express. She always gave me a lot of hints that she likes me and I think she kinda knows that I like her. But a few days ago she revealed that her sexual orientation is straight. However she always acts/behaves with me like she is more than a friend. She says that I am more than a friend and also expresses how she wants to live her life with me, but never confesses that she likes me. Is she afraid?How do I deal with this? What should be the approach?Please respond Sincerely waiting for your reply!Thank you in advance, have a nice day.

Ans:

Dear AS,

Thank you for your kind words on the work that I do.

You might be correct in assessing your sexual orientation, but your friend is still confused about it.

Give her some time to get past the confusions else what might happen is that she will give in to your advances and since both of you share a great relationship, she might be inclined to believe that she is into women.

Allow her to figure out her sexual orientation and where she leans more into…Support her through her journey and when she finally decides, respect her decision whatever that maybe.

Yes, it’s highly possible that she is afraid given that society and the world doesn’t accept what’s called ‘not normal’ by their standards.

The judgement from families and friends and their non-acceptance is also something that she might not be willing to compromise on.

That is why, give her time to process all of this and then choose what’s best for her.

Till then, you can focus on yourself and living life every moment.

I don’t know how old you are but pay attention to your career or academics or whatever that will help you create a wonderful future and most importantly, be happy with what is.

All the best!

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