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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |172 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 04, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2023Hindi
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Hi! I want to declutter my mind . Please help me. I am a working married women. One of married collegue in office started appreciating me and i took notice of him. Initially I felt it awkward but later I started enjoying the attention. It went in and I started feeling good. I started to give more time to myself to look good. Then that person is very handsome, and uses slangs that are not appropriate in office. I overlooked everything as he became my favorite. I even overlooked his mistakes. He started coming late , going early also. He helped me in my office work a lot. I felt very comfortable in his company. He was like work spouse for me. He became a habit for me. Than one day there came a situation, one should take responsibility for the wrong decision in office.it was his call and he could have avoided it being reported to my seniors as I helped him previously for same situation but he reported. I still had feelings for him. Now I felt bad. But it was ok. Than one or two times he accidentally touched me , It was not acceptable to me as if I am being taken for granted.i even don't know if it was intentional ... Some other junior also tried to outsmart me. Than I went to my senior and asked the solution for smooth Functioning in office and asked office to sensitize employees for appropriate behaviour. Now that person has for whom I still have crush , took it personally and stopped talking to me properly. Where was I wrong , also I took this step as reminder of sexual harrasment to avoid any further advancement of touching and all . The problem is I still like him and it's a void I am feeling and I feel I miss that happy vibe in office. Things are not normal. I am stressed ...I know I did nothing wrong. How to calm myself and stop longing for him when I see him everyday. I feel like I should talk to him to behave normally but can not do that. What should I do. I am ok when I don't see him but I feel bad when he is talking with others normally . he used to be coordinating with me for all office things but now he does not do that.he does with other. He used to wish me on festival.he stopped doing that too. I really feel bad. Please help me with my thought process.

Ans: It seems like you've been through a challenging situation at work, and it's completely normal to have mixed feelings and experience stress in such circumstances. It's important to address your feelings and find a way to navigate this situation in a healthy manner. Here are some steps you can consider:

Reflect on the situation: Take some time to reflect on your feelings and the events that have transpired. Consider why you started to enjoy the attention and what it meant to you. Understand that it's natural to develop feelings for someone when you spend a lot of time together.
Maintain professional boundaries: It's crucial to maintain professional boundaries at the workplace. While it's okay to have friendly relationships with colleagues, it's important not to cross the line into unprofessional behavior. Recognize the importance of professionalism and how it can impact your work environment.
Focus on self-improvement: Instead of seeking validation or attention from your coworker, channel your energy into self-improvement. Continue taking care of yourself and striving for personal and professional growth.
Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your feelings and concerns. They can provide emotional support and an outside perspective on the situation. Venting to someone you trust can help relieve some of your stress.
Speak to a manager or HR: It's commendable that you took the step to approach your senior about the need for sensitivity in the workplace. Continue to communicate your concerns about inappropriate behavior, whether it's from your coworker or anyone else in the office, to your HR department or a higher-up. They should be able to address these issues appropriately.
Accept that people change: It's possible that your coworker's behavior changed after you raised the issue with your senior. People's actions can be influenced by various factors, and it's essential to accept that he might have his reasons for acting differently.
Create a support network: Build strong relationships with other colleagues who share your values and provide a positive work environment. This can help reduce the impact of missing the interactions with your previous work spouse.
Manage your expectations: Understand that things might not go back to the way they were before. Colleagues change, and your coworker may have chosen to distance himself for personal or professional reasons.
Focus on your well-being: Prioritize self-care, both physically and mentally. Engage in activities that make you happy and help reduce stress. A healthy work-life balance can greatly improve your overall mood and well-being.
Seek professional help if necessary: If your stress and emotional struggles persist, consider talking to a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and support for your emotional well-being.
Remember, it's important to prioritize your mental and emotional health. It may take time to adjust to the changes in your workplace dynamics, but with the right approach and support, you can find a way to navigate this situation and move forward positively.

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Anu Krishna  |830 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 01, 2022

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I am very stressed these days. I am in love with a married man. He happens to be my colleague whom I met in 2020.Initially it was just a senior junior relation where he would help me in official matters. At the same time, I was recovering from a break up followed by severe health complications. Slowly, I started spending time with him, in the office only talking about office issues then my personal life. He too shared some of his and eventually I started developing feelings for him. But since I knew he was married I would always maintain that distance. I just wanted a healthy friendship but may be my personal turmoil was to the extent that I needed an emotional support and so I confided in him. He too would understand me, give me support and I could feel that he likes me. One day I confessed my feelings and he too reciprocated. He had told me earlier that he is living a compromised married life where there is no emotional connection. However, he will continue with it as his wife is dependent on him and I said I don’t want to break a family. But I have fallen in love with him. His presence has given me such solace I cannot describe. I don’t want to break a home. So, I have started maintaining distance as well but I really miss him. I feel I lost a friend in the process.
Ans:

Dear SJ,

This is something that I have been seeing lately with a lot of people.

Something lacks within your current relationship and to fulfil that you look for it elsewhere only to realise that things have gotten out of hands.

In your case, love has blossomed in and suddenly now you have realized that it might cause a flutter within two relationships.

He has made it clear that he wants to be with his wife which should give you an idea not to make any more emotional investment. You will end up getting hurt even more if you do.

Time for you to start feeling solace and gaining better self-esteem by valuing yourself more. You don’t need anyone for you to love yourself, do you?

So, stop giving this so much importance. He was there when you needed him and vice-versa. Now, that things are getting a little complicated, time to revise the way you think and act.

You don’t need to lose a friend if the feelings that you have for him can be healthier and not draining on either of you.

If not, maybe you need to think how you can handle this agony better. Be your own friend first and then you start making better choices on who to let into your life.

Possible? Yes, start now…

All the best!

(more)
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |177 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 01, 2023

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Hi, i am 47 yrs, married & blessed with twin babies. Off late, my relationship with my wife is not good. She started avoiding me and very often blames, fights with me with misguidance of her mother. I advised my MIL too not to do so as you are playing with her life and my life too. She acts very innocent. Coz of this, i started feeling very lonely and stressed. No happiness or peace of mind in life. Now, i started to get attracted to my subordinate colleague who is 37 yrs not married, who is very caring, always watching me, following me. Now we communicate very freely. I sense that she likes me a lot but very afraid to express coz 1. i am her boss. 2. I am married with twin babies..... I am also very attached to her. I feel i started to love her. but practically, i cannot express as i know my limits. Kindly advise what to do. I don't want to lose my colleague also....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If you think your wife has been acting mean because of the misguidance of her mother, the right course of action is to have a clear-cut discussion with both your wife and her mother. Getting attached to a colleague is not a solution, nor is it absolutely ethical. Moreover, there is a good possibility that your wife is bothered about something else, or maybe handling two kids of the same age is taking a toll on her. If you did not discuss these with her yet, then it's high time you do so. Also, try to spend more time together, not just as parents of your babies, but as a couple. In any case, starting to develop feelings, whether it is in your control or not, is never the answer.

Best Wishes!
(more)
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |177 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 17, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 17, 2023Hindi
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I am married working women .supportive hubby & my lovely children complete my family . I have been feeling intense infatuation with one of my married collegue.he used to help me a lot in office related issues. He used to complement me a lot for very normal things in front of others, not for looks but my working & way oc handling things. I was uneasy about that initially but started enjoying the attention later. But I dont know when I started liking him & Always wanted to be around ...He is younger to me and I am fully aware that nothing can happen between us. Than one day He bypassed me and for his own fault at work , he manipulated things and asked a favor for me from our team leader showing he is helping me...While in same situation when he was wrong I once sorted things on my own and did not make conplaint to team leader. Now i am feeling cheated and while working I have to see him everyday. What to do? How to remain and look normal. I feel weak in front of him and I dont want to keep any relation with him. But I still feel good & comfortable when he is around. its so weird.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult situation. It's not uncommon for people who have been married for a long time to feel this way. It mostly happens because the marriage is now part of your routine while your colleague seems like a breath of fresh air. But as you yourself mentioned, it is nothing but mere infatuation.

Do not beat yourself up for it. It will pass as all infatuations do. I suggest establishing some boundaries so that, even unintentionally, you do not cross them. Maintain a professional demeanor. But most importantly, take some time to reflect on what is missing from your marriage that led you to develop feelings for someone else. A loving and healthy marriage would keep you emotionally fulfilled enough to never look for happiness outside of it. Lastly, remind yourself why you fell in love with your husband and remember that love and commitment are not based on a mere choice; it is a conscious decision you make every day.

Best Wishes!
(more)
Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello madam, i m 32 year married women, my husband love me more than anything, he is good in everything, he take care of me, he bring me whatever i want, he is very good in bed also. We dont have kids because i never loved my husband. Before marriage i had boyfriend, he never accepted me and assured me that he will marry me, so i decided to marry my husband in 2019. Till oct 2022, i used to communicate with my ex boyfriend, but when he got married he stopped calling me and i also stoped thinking about him. Lately, in Sept 2023, i meet guy in my office he is 23, music teacher, not so good looking, not completed graduation, not financial strong but i developed feeling for him. I lied to him, told i am not married, to get close to him. Once my husband caught me cheating with him in whatsapp messages, told me to not do. But still i went ahead to continue my relationship with this young guy and want to live with this guy. I want to divorce and live with young guy. My parents and family love and respect my husband like their own son. I am doing correct or not please suggest me.
Ans: No you certainly are not “doing correct”! Here’s a good man who loves you and treats you well and has forgiven your indiscretions and still you want someone else? You agreed to marry, right - no one put a gun to your head. Now honour that commitment and stop being so fickle-minded. At 23, your boyfriend is really young and immature. Right now you’re all hot and heavy, but give it a minute; realistically your relationship is unlikely to survive in the long run. And you want to hurt your husband and walk out on your marriage for nothing…he’s only ever treated you right. Don’t be a fool!
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Hi, I am David, 32, a graphic designer working with an advertising agency in Gurgaon. While I have enjoyed working in the creative field, I am currently feeling a bit disillusioned with the corporate world. I am interested and passionate about travel and photography. I have some savings I want to set up a travel agency of my own so I can retire early, by around 45 or 50. I want to go on a solo journey around the world and tell stories. Can you guide me how to achieve this?
Ans: Hey David, sounds like you've got some exciting dreams brewing there! Stepping away from the corporate hustle to pursue your passion for travel and photography sounds like the plot of a blockbuster movie—except this one's starring you!

First off, kudos to you for recognizing what truly sets your soul on fire. It takes guts to break away from the status quo and chase your dreams. So, let's plot out your roadmap to entrepreneurial bliss:

1. Craft Your Vision:

Picture yourself as the captain of your own travel ship. What kind of experiences do you want to offer? Adventure tours, cultural immersions, photography workshops? Get crystal clear on your vision and what sets your travel agency apart.

2. Do Your Homework:

Dive headfirst into the world of travel entrepreneurship. Research market trends, identify your target audience, and study successful travel startups. Learn the ropes of running a business, from budgeting to marketing strategies.

3. Build Your Brand:

Give your travel agency a personality that reflects your passion for exploration and storytelling. Design a killer logo, create a captivating website, and brew up some irresistible travel packages that make wanderlusters weak at the knees.

4. Network Like a Boss:

Forge connections with fellow adventurers, photographers, and travel influencers. Attend industry events, join online communities, and don't be shy about sharing your journey and expertise. Who knows? Your next collaborator or client might be just a handshake away.

5. Secure Your Finances:

Your savings will be your launchpad, but you'll need to crunch the numbers and create a solid financial plan. Factor in startup costs, operational expenses, and a buffer for those inevitable rainy days. And hey, consider seeking advice from a financial advisor to ensure you're on the right track to that early retirement goal.

6. Take the Leap:

When the time feels right and your plans are polished to perfection, it's time to take that leap of faith. Embrace the uncertainty, trust in your vision, and dive into the exhilarating world of entrepreneurship with all the gusto of a seasoned explorer.

Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither will your travel empire be. Stay patient, stay persistent, and most importantly, stay true to yourself and your passion for travel and storytelling. The world is waiting for your adventures—so go on, David, and write your own epic tale!
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1039 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 16, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am 40 years old (current allocation is 61% equity and 39% debt+cash in a 2.52 cr portfolio) and used to do SIPs in mutual funds until March 23, 2020 when market crashed. I used to follow someone on YouTube and he was of the opinion that Nifty will touch 6000 and it is better to wait for those levels and then continue investing in direct stocks/MFs. However, that level never came and the market rebounded and since then I've been parking funds in FDs which give around 7% returns pre tax. As on today, I realised Nifty is at all time high now. How can I invest the 70 lakhs parked in FDs in mutual funds now? Should I do lumpsum in HDFC Sensex index fund/Quant smallcap fund/Quant midcap fund since although the market is at all time high, but eventually the money will grow at 12% CAGR (in case of index fund, more in case of active funds like Quant smallcap or Quant midcap) or should I go the SIP route and invest this 70 lakhs in HDFC Sensex index fund/Quant smallcap fund/Quant midcap fund over a period of 3-5 years in equal SIP instalments?
Ans: It sounds like you've had quite the journey navigating the market's ups and downs. Given your current situation and the substantial amount parked in FDs, it's understandable to seek guidance on how to deploy those funds effectively.

Since the market is currently at an all-time high, lump-sum investing might seem daunting. However, attempting to time the market based on past predictions can be risky and challenging. Instead, consider a systematic approach to gradually deploy your funds over time.

One option is to allocate the 70 lakhs into mutual funds using a systematic transfer plan (STP) or a phased approach through SIPs. This approach allows you to spread your investments over a period of time, reducing the impact of short-term market fluctuations.

You mentioned considering HDFC Sensex index fund, Quant smallcap fund, and Quant midcap fund. These are indeed viable options, each with its own risk-return profile. While index funds offer broad market exposure with lower expenses, actively managed funds like Quant smallcap and Quant midcap have the potential for higher returns but also come with increased risk.

Ultimately, the choice between lump-sum investing and SIPs depends on your risk tolerance, investment goals, and time horizon. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can help you devise a strategy tailored to your specific circumstances, ensuring your investments align with your objectives and provide a path to long-term growth and financial security.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1039 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 17, 2024Hindi
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Money
Dear Sir, please advise corpus needed for a sixty year old to retire in Delhi area assuming no loans and all children settled with own housing. My monthly expense now is Rs 1.75L
Ans: Planning for retirement is a significant milestone, and I commend your foresight in considering your financial needs for the future. To estimate the corpus needed for retirement, we must first analyze your current expenses, lifestyle expectations, and potential sources of income.

Given your monthly expenses of Rs 1.75 lakh, we can project your annual expenses and account for inflation to determine your future financial requirements. Additionally, consider any healthcare costs or other unforeseen expenses that may arise during retirement.

Since your children are settled with their own housing and assuming no outstanding loans, your focus should be on maintaining your current standard of living and covering essential expenses, including healthcare and leisure activities.

Considering your location in Delhi, where the cost of living may be higher, it's essential to factor in any regional variations in expenses.

Once we have a clearer picture of your financial needs, we can calculate the corpus required to generate a steady income stream during retirement. This corpus can come from various sources, including retirement accounts, investments, and pension plans.

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner will provide personalized guidance tailored to your specific circumstances and help you plan effectively for a comfortable and secure retirement. With careful planning and diligent saving, you can embark on this new chapter of life with confidence and peace of mind.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1039 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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