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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |179 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 16, 2023

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 15, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I am the one with the colleague issue. We started as good friends.Before the intimate episode,he left no stone unturned to talk with me. He always interacted everytime we met during the office hours. Even though he already mentioned he not wanted to be in a romantic relationship in general and i respect his decision and supported him since he already had a bad breakup.But after the moment,as i mentioned already,he hardly interacts with me and freely talks with other colleagues. Earlier he used to call me his solace/sukoon. He used to feel relief with me according to him.and now i hardly exist. What did i do wrong? I am not trying to be clingy.However he kind of guessed that i am upset with this present behaviour.But flirting in front of me and ignoring me all of a sudden.why this behavior ?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

You did nothing wrong. There's really no answer to why he is acting this way. Some people are like that. Since he did not commit to you, you can not blame him directly, but if you really want closure, you can directly ask him about his sudden shift in behavior. If he denies it, let it be. You cannot force someone to accept their mistakes.

I suggest you focus on yourself, and your work, go out with other friends, and put him out of your mind. Again I am reminding you that you deserve better than this. It's better that it ended before you could get even more emotionally attached to a man who does not feel the same way about you.

Best Wishes!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |175 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 28, 2023

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Relationship
In the starting me and my boyfriend couldn't stop talking to each other but because of some exams i wasn't able to talk to him often .. in the starting he asked me whether I need any help or how am i doing but now he barely communicates and he is not romantic as usual on texts and even replies me late .... I tried to communicate but his replies are getting shorter day by day ....
Ans: It's understandable that exams can take up a lot of your time and energy, but it's also important to make sure you're still maintaining a healthy level of communication with your partner.

It sounds like your boyfriend's behavior has changed recently, and you're feeling concerned about it. It's possible that he is preoccupied with something else, such as his own exams or other personal issues, which could explain why he's not communicating as much or as often as he used to.

However, it's important to have an open and honest conversation with him about how you're feeling. Express your concerns and ask him if everything is okay on his end. It's possible that he may not even realize that his behavior has changed and that it's affecting you.

When you talk to him, try to approach the conversation in a non-confrontational way. Use "I" statements to express your own feelings and avoid blaming or accusing him. For example, you might say something like, "I've noticed that we haven't been communicating as much as we used to, and I'm feeling a little disconnected from you. Is everything okay on your end?"

If he doesn't respond positively or seems unwilling to talk about the issue, it may be a sign that he's not as invested in the relationship as you are. In that case, it's important to take care of yourself and consider whether this relationship is meeting your needs and making you happy. it might be best to give him some space for a while. It's important to respect his boundaries and not push him to communicate if he's not ready or willing to do so.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |835 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 03, 2023

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Relationship
I am married since 2010 but me and my wife do not get along.We live together for the sake of our 8 year old son.Last year I fell in love with a new female colleague who joined our office. We used to speak very warmly to each other and she shared a lot of details with me about her past life such as her childhood.We would flirt with each other playfully and share details of our daily life.She is also married with a child but she doesn't spend too much time with her husband and seems very independent.I felt like she liked me too. However after 4 months she suddenly said that she looked at me as her office colleague and was not interested in personal conversations. I have sent her many messages on Whatsapp asking her about the reason behind her indifference and she reads everyone of them. She hasn't blocked me but she doesn't respond. Even when I go to her directly she talks to me in a cold manner.But she also asked me about my mother's health when she heard that my mother was undergoing cancer treatment.I am unable to understand why is she acting like this and I also cannot let go of her.Can you please explain what is going on
Ans: Dear Boudhayan,
Office romances are fleeting ones that offer some respite from the routine home environment.

Obviously being married, it comes with it's own set of challenges with having to hide text messages, calls...it's stressful for you and her as well. Did you consider that her being cold now maybe because her husband might have found out OR that she is having a hard time juggling two lives. Out of marriage experiences can be draining...

Instead of seeking solace elsewhere, have you made an honest attempt to work on your marriage? Give that a fair chance first...Stepping out of marriage is an easy thing than working on a marriage which has a clot of challenges...but since you have decided to stay together for the sake of your 8-year old, you might as well work on your relationship with your wife...start with basic communication and seek the help of a professional if necessary...you maybe surprised that things have worked out...if not, then you can see, what can be done...

Intense connections like marriage or a relationship require a lot of time and energy...
Respect what the other lady might be going through...give her time and space to sort out what is happening at her home...also, she cares enough to ask you about your wellbeing...Be happy with what IS and do give your marriage an honest rebuilding...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |835 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 10, 2023

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Relationship
Hi Anu; I had an altercation with a friend which was followed by him apologising about the same. The next day he stopped all communications completely. However when we met a month later he was absolutely sweet as if nothing had happened. At the same time he didn't keep much contact at all. He is very nice and courteous on watsapp and at other times when ee meet in person looks through me as if I dont exists at all. On phone whenever we have spoken with each other; he is absolutely charming. It is obvious that he doesnt want to be in touch. Let me add that there is no romance involved. Why do people behave the way they do? Hot one moment and cold the next? Its obvious he cannot stand me; but I wish he would stop playing games and be his normal self at all times. Keeping watsapp conversations charming but not interacting face to face is pretty confusing for me since I am straightforward person. Can you give your opinion regarding the same? Frankly speaking I feel he is a drama king and thrives on it. And honestly I dont really want to keep in touch but sometimes we do meet because of common friends. Just thought of asking you about this. Do some people always like to play mind games? Take care!
Ans: Dear Rajani,
Firstly let me put all your thoughts (assumptions) in one place. Assumptions are statements based on perceptions and not facts which sour connections and breaks relationships.
These have been picked from your question to me.
1. It is obvious that he doesn't want to be in touch
2. I wish he would stop playing games
3. I feel he is a drama king and thrives on it

This is your reading of the situations based on the way you have understood it. How much of this is true? Could it be your version of the truth?
Also, you have stated that you don't want to keep in touch; then why are you?
And if you really didn't want to, why is his playing games bothering you?
My suggestions:
1. Be clear if you want an association with him. If Yes, please clear out the air, so that there is no room for assumptions anymore.
2. Do understand that sometimes people are on eggshells after an altercation; he possibly is also carrying a lot of assumptions about you in his mind and that's why he's hot and cold alternatively.
3. Give the benefit of doubt to people; they might be going through something that you makes them behave in an odd way.
3. Drama King or not, there's a lot of unsaid discomfort between the two of you; do get into a non-judgemental space so even if the two of you don't patch up, it can be an amicable goodbye.

Steer away from assumptions and it makes room for either rebuilding a relationship or part ways on a good note.

All the best!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |179 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 15, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 15, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I need some clarity. I have a colleague at work. We started off as good friends. Daily chats spending free time as much as possible. It was all good. Healthy flirting,friendly banters and being there for each other. He held my hand a little longer while shaking hands.A week ago,during one evening stroll, we shared a passionate kiss which i sort of visualized.and the next day after work,we got intimate. We spent a lot of time at his place. He took care of me a lot. That every thing was fine. I was also aware of the fact that he will get engrossed in his work since a review meeting of his department is next in line.I respect his work and wait for him for one text. No use. Its always me who is initiating the conversation. I know men feel different after sex. I understand. So i was waiting for him. But yesterday he did something,which made me burst into tears. He came in my department to meet our manager. While waiting,he complimented another female colleague for her lipstick colour. That to in front of me!Is it my overreacting or something else. Because it hurt me a lot! I was like "You are saying that you don't have time for me ,you are too busy in your work. But you got the time to notice the lip colour!" So i wanted to see further,i didn't call or text him,and as predicted he did not call or text me at all. I had hopes from him,he will be by my side. A good friend .a solace. I feel betrayed and i need some clarity for the next steps. I don’t know what to do next?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand you are feeling hurt and confused. Let me start by telling you something that you must already know- a relationship, be it any kind of relationship, is a two-way street. You cannot be the one initiating every conversation in a relationship. Second, any relationship that makes you feel unwanted and keeps you wondering what's going to happen next is not worth your time or effort. Free yourself of such unnecessary burdens.

You two were not exclusive or did not define your relationship at any point in time. At least that's what I understood from your question. Given this, technically he can flirt with others and he can stop wanting to spend time with you. But morally, should he be doing so? No. I'd suggest you spend less time thinking about him and more time taking care of yourself. You deserve better than being treated as discarded. If he decides to come back, you can be civil with him, but being friendly or flirty no longer seems like an ideal option, given how he is treating you now.

Best Wishes!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |175 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 04, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi! I want to declutter my mind . Please help me. I am a working married women. One of married collegue in office started appreciating me and i took notice of him. Initially I felt it awkward but later I started enjoying the attention. It went in and I started feeling good. I started to give more time to myself to look good. Then that person is very handsome, and uses slangs that are not appropriate in office. I overlooked everything as he became my favorite. I even overlooked his mistakes. He started coming late , going early also. He helped me in my office work a lot. I felt very comfortable in his company. He was like work spouse for me. He became a habit for me. Than one day there came a situation, one should take responsibility for the wrong decision in office.it was his call and he could have avoided it being reported to my seniors as I helped him previously for same situation but he reported. I still had feelings for him. Now I felt bad. But it was ok. Than one or two times he accidentally touched me , It was not acceptable to me as if I am being taken for granted.i even don't know if it was intentional ... Some other junior also tried to outsmart me. Than I went to my senior and asked the solution for smooth Functioning in office and asked office to sensitize employees for appropriate behaviour. Now that person has for whom I still have crush , took it personally and stopped talking to me properly. Where was I wrong , also I took this step as reminder of sexual harrasment to avoid any further advancement of touching and all . The problem is I still like him and it's a void I am feeling and I feel I miss that happy vibe in office. Things are not normal. I am stressed ...I know I did nothing wrong. How to calm myself and stop longing for him when I see him everyday. I feel like I should talk to him to behave normally but can not do that. What should I do. I am ok when I don't see him but I feel bad when he is talking with others normally . he used to be coordinating with me for all office things but now he does not do that.he does with other. He used to wish me on festival.he stopped doing that too. I really feel bad. Please help me with my thought process.
Ans: It seems like you've been through a challenging situation at work, and it's completely normal to have mixed feelings and experience stress in such circumstances. It's important to address your feelings and find a way to navigate this situation in a healthy manner. Here are some steps you can consider:

Reflect on the situation: Take some time to reflect on your feelings and the events that have transpired. Consider why you started to enjoy the attention and what it meant to you. Understand that it's natural to develop feelings for someone when you spend a lot of time together.
Maintain professional boundaries: It's crucial to maintain professional boundaries at the workplace. While it's okay to have friendly relationships with colleagues, it's important not to cross the line into unprofessional behavior. Recognize the importance of professionalism and how it can impact your work environment.
Focus on self-improvement: Instead of seeking validation or attention from your coworker, channel your energy into self-improvement. Continue taking care of yourself and striving for personal and professional growth.
Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your feelings and concerns. They can provide emotional support and an outside perspective on the situation. Venting to someone you trust can help relieve some of your stress.
Speak to a manager or HR: It's commendable that you took the step to approach your senior about the need for sensitivity in the workplace. Continue to communicate your concerns about inappropriate behavior, whether it's from your coworker or anyone else in the office, to your HR department or a higher-up. They should be able to address these issues appropriately.
Accept that people change: It's possible that your coworker's behavior changed after you raised the issue with your senior. People's actions can be influenced by various factors, and it's essential to accept that he might have his reasons for acting differently.
Create a support network: Build strong relationships with other colleagues who share your values and provide a positive work environment. This can help reduce the impact of missing the interactions with your previous work spouse.
Manage your expectations: Understand that things might not go back to the way they were before. Colleagues change, and your coworker may have chosen to distance himself for personal or professional reasons.
Focus on your well-being: Prioritize self-care, both physically and mentally. Engage in activities that make you happy and help reduce stress. A healthy work-life balance can greatly improve your overall mood and well-being.
Seek professional help if necessary: If your stress and emotional struggles persist, consider talking to a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and support for your emotional well-being.
Remember, it's important to prioritize your mental and emotional health. It may take time to adjust to the changes in your workplace dynamics, but with the right approach and support, you can find a way to navigate this situation and move forward positively.

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Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |330 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 01, 2024Hindi
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Career
My doughter completed mbbs internship in india Karnataka she wants. Study pg in outside india
Ans: Hello,

To begin with, thank you for contacting us. I am glad to hear that your daughter has completed her MBBS internship in Karnataka, India and now wishes to pursue her postgraduate (PG) studies abroad. Based on her choices, professional objectives, as well as the programs that are offered in her chosen field of expertise, I would like to tell you that she can apply to countries viz., the USA, Canada, the UK, Ireland, Germany, Australia, and Singapore for the same. Besides the ones mentioned above, there are a number of other nations that provide outstanding programs for postgraduate medical education. I would recommend that your daughter takes into account these steps:

Firstly, she should conduct a comprehensive study on countries and universities offering postgraduate medical programs, taking into account variables viz., the reputation, course offerings, experience of the faculty members, clinical placements, as well as the specializations that are available. Next, she should look into the entry prerequisites for overseas students applying to PG medical programs in the country she has chosen. Remember that prerequisites may differ, including academic credentials, language competency (viz., scores of the TOEFL or IELTS tests), and perhaps even medical licensing exams like the PLAB or USMLE. Next, as part of the application procedure, your daughter will need to submit her academic marksheets, a statement of purpose (SOP), endorsement letters, and at times, scores of standardized tests. Make sure she adheres to all the prerequisites and deadlines for every program that she applies to. I would suggest that your daughter takes into account the cost of studying overseas, including costs of living, healthcare, tuition, as well as any prospective scholarships or possibilities for monetary assistance. She should look into scholarships available to overseas students. In addition, help her locate appropriate housing, be it private rentals, university accommodation, or homestays whilst taking into account variables viz., safety, closeness to the university, and the cost. Not just that, also make sure that your daughter possesses adequate medical insurance coverage that satisfies the university and host country's criteria. I would recommend that your daughter gets in touch with alumni, former and current international students, faculty members, as well as experts in her academic field. Remember that developing a robust network can offer advice, invaluable assistance, as well as chances to collaborate. I would suggest that your daughter learns about the visa prerequisites and immigration procedures for the nation she has chosen. Ensure that she applies for the right visa on schedule and completes all the required paperwork. I would recommend that you assist your daughter in preparing for her study abroad experience, including adjusting to a new culture, adapting to a new academic setting, as well as overcoming any possible homesickness. Lastly, keep abreast on any updates or advancements pertaining to travel abroad, immigration laws, and healthcare rules. I would like to tell you that by adhering to these steps and examining her possibilities, your daughter can successfully pursue her postgraduate medical education abroad.

For more information, you can visit our website.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1280 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1280 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1280 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

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Money
I recently received 10 lakhs which was invested earlier. Currently i invest 18k in parag parekh flexi, 15k in Navi nifty50, 15k ICICI pru s&p index, 8k quant mid, 8 k quant small,8k Motilal Oswal mid, 8k Nippon India small, 12.5k elss quant, 7.5k gold, 20k debt. Will be doing this for next 20yrs. How do I put my lumpsum of 10lakhs in this? Should I bulk invest or slowly put money in to these over next 6 months
Ans: Congratulations on receiving the 10 lakhs! That's a great opportunity to boost your investments for the next 20 years. Here's a breakdown of the two approaches for your lump sum:

Bulk Invest:

Pros: Takes advantage of rupee-cost averaging. The market fluctuates, so by investing everything at once, you capture some units at potentially lower prices. It's also simpler to manage, requiring just one investment decision.
Cons: If the market takes a dip right after you invest, your entire sum goes in at a potentially higher price.
SIP over 6 Months:

Pros: Provides a form of averaging as you invest across different market conditions. Offers some peace of mind if you're concerned about market volatility.
Cons: Misses out on the potential benefit of rupee-cost averaging if the market trends upwards. Requires more discipline to consistently invest each month.
Choosing the Right Approach:

There's no one-size-fits-all answer. It depends on your risk tolerance:

Comfortable with some risk? A bulk investment might be suitable.
Prefer to spread the risk? Consider SIPs over 6 months.
Here's a suggestion: Talk to a certified financial planner. They can analyze your existing portfolio (diversified across equity, debt, and gold - that's good!) and risk profile to recommend the best way to deploy your lump sum. They can even suggest a hybrid approach, investing a portion upfront and the rest via SIPs.

Remember, you've got a long investment horizon of 20 years. Stay focused and make well-informed decisions to grow your wealth!

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1280 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 16, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am an NRI, 60 years old. Trying for the first time to invest in India. My friend suggest I do invest in SIP and recommend 4 funds - Nippon India large cap, DSP small cap, HDFC flexi cap and ICICI Pru multi assest funds. What do you recommend? How much should I start with? Is 5 k in each fund is ok and monitor? Pl.let mr know. Thank you.
Ans: Ah, coming back to invest in India after all these years, must be a wonderful feeling! It's like reconnecting with a piece of your history. But times change, and so do investments. SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) are a brilliant way to build your nest egg over time, a bit by bit, just like that proverbial rice bag!

Your friend's suggestion of diversifying across large, small, and flexi-cap funds makes perfect sense. Think of it as having a well-rounded meal – you wouldn't want just dal, would you? You want the whole thali! Diversification helps spread the risk, just like having a strong support system in life.

Now, 5k in each fund is a good starting point. But remember, the amount depends on your overall financial goals. How much do you want this nest egg to be? Visualize it - a comfortable retirement by the beach? Helping your grandchildren with their education? Once you have that vision, a Certified Financial Planner can help you tailor your SIP contributions to reach it.

So, take that first step! It's like planting a sapling – it might seem small now, but with careful nurturing, it can grow into a magnificent tree. Happy investing!

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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