Betrayed by My Partner: Should I Forgive or Move On?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Your concern is absolutely reasonable. He did break your trust once, and even though you have forgiven him, it must not be easy to forget how he made you feel. Rebuilding trust after infidelity is not easy and the entire burden of it should not fall on you. The onus is on your partner to make you trust him again. Open communication is the only way through the residual suspicion that you are experiencing. Let your boyfriend know how you are feeling. Before you make big commitments, set some boundaries, like promising to never cheat on one another, even if times are difficult. It goes without saying in any relationship, but still, it's better to have a verbal agreement.

One more thing, if you have been having doubts, it is important to re-evaluate your relationship. Are there reasons to feel this way? Introspect on that first. Sometimes, despite love, a relationship might not be healthy. Consider it and think thoroughly before you commit for a lifetime.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Rather than just experimenting with your sexual life this way and attracting men who want just your body, why not focus on your strengths? When you base your self-esteem on how others treat you, you will always find yourself down and out and defeated.
Build character that hold you and your identity in a manner that you become a person that can overcome anything. For that, you need to stop throwing yourself at boys/men.
First discover yourself, build self-esteem that relies on your strengths and then venture into relationships so that heartbreaks are not so heavy but you understand it as part of growing up. Also, before indulging in sex, judge the situation and decide to go ahead only when you know that the person is safe for you and not someone who is using you. A real man will not USE you but will keep you safe and respect you as a woman.

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It sounds like you are going through a rough time and I am sorry for it. Here's a thought and I am sure you have thought of it too, try to see things from his perspective. While you know that you never cheated nor meant to, it is important to acknowledge that your boyfriend's feelings are valid. He is feeling betrayed and that's a fact. Now, our goal should be to fix this issue. How do we do it? Communication is the only way. Tell him that you understand his perspective but it is important that he sees yours too. If he wants to vent, listen to him. Do not interrupt or become defensive. Understand whatever he says is coming from his insecurity. I know it's difficult not to take it personally, but his statements will be a reflection of his feelings and not your character. Remember this during the conversation. Once he is done speaking, reassure him that you had no intention of cheating. You can also reassure him of your commitment. Promise to be more transparent and point out that you were honest with him from the beginning. If you had any intention to cheat, you could have easily not shared with him your past. But you did and that shows that you are committed to this relationship. Tell him that you understand the need for boundaries and it is not okay to be in touch with people who make your partner uncomfortable.

Look, rebuilding trust needs work and it also takes time. Both of you need to work on it. You will have to work on making him trust you and he will have to work on letting go of his misconception (which might be his reality) and trust you wholly again. Relationships don't work till two people trust each other completely. If he continues to say that he can't trust you again, it might be best to reconsider this relationship. Even though your words hurt him, you did not cheat on him in reality. Why should you have to live in fear that he will cheat on you merely to take revenge?

After you put in all the effort, see where it goes. If things do not get better, rethinking the relationship would be best. Everyone deserves someone who can trust and be trusted.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Ritika,

Please understand that you did nothing wrong. Why would you even question yourself? You know you never cheated. It's his issue that he cannot trust. Yes, in a relationship we all try to comfort our partners but that too should be to a certain extent. And, in that process, if your mental health is being compromised, I don't see how it's a healthy relationship.

I don't want to tell you what to do, but I would reassure you that YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. You don't need to prove yourself anymore. And I can also assure you that no matter what you do, he will still manage to find some flaws and doubt you. It's a typical behavior we see in some partners. You deserve peace, love, and above all, to be trusted.

Best Wishes.