I need advice on how to keep my wife and mom from fighting so much. We are currently staying with my mom due to her having so many health issues. It doesnt help that 3 people are living in a small camper with no privacy. I know most of that is the issue but im afraid to leave my mom alone but she doesn't want to move to a bigger place. I work about 50 hours a week and cannot mediate between them. Ive tried both talking to them separately and together. My mom says my wife does things to intentionally annoy her and my wife says my mom is to controlling. Im trapped in the middle because no matter what i do or say im defending someone. Help please..

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If your own home is just 10 mins, why not actually shift out and manage things from there.
Every growing family like yours need space in terms of mind and physical space. And you do have the option of being close to your parents and caring for them as well, then why not?
Yes, your mother will emotionally blackmail and hold you to ransom, but never ever yield to it as that becomes a template for life whenever she wants something from you. So, take a wise decision, and consider that your wife needs your love, care and support for her to be able to stand by you.
Most often relationships grow and flourish maintaining a distance; being on the face all through the day and being available 24/7 does not mean that you are fulfilling your duties as a son. You can still do what you need to by engaging a nurse (if needed) and explain to your mother that you are going to be around, but just that you need to do that from your own home.
Initially, it will be met with resistance, but do the right thing. You will be successful at not only caring for your father but also forge healthier relationships between your family and your parents. Long-term thinking is necessary as well...
All the best!

Ans: Dear Debajit,
A challenge that many homes have!
Well, you can't ignore both, yet you can't support either of them.
Aren't they both adults? So, why are you getting in the middle of things caused by them? The more you try and mediate, the more they get dependent on you to play the mediator but unfairly wanting you to support only them.
Grow out of this and the next time, they come to you complaining about the other, politely tell them to deal with it themselves. Initially, they will protest and accuse you of not being on their side...stick to it...
By enabling them to deal with their dirt themselves, they will also realize how draining it has become and some of the pettiness might go away. What remains is the bigger issues which they will come to an understanding as well.
Will all this take time? Yes, and it requires no interference from you whatsoever even if they don't talk to each other for days and weeks.
Relationships are unique and they belong to the people involved and under no duress must you be made to suffer, as this will become the norm and you can go through it for a long, long time. So, act wisely...enable them to handle their issues...

All the best!

Ans: Hi there. Thank you for writing in.

I can see that you're feeling distressed, caught between the two most important women in your life. This situation requires delicate navigating, open communication and prioritising your own well-being.

Every family is unique and there's no one-size-fits-all solution. Focus on understanding, respect and finding common ground.
Remember that your wife has come from a different family and is trying to become a part of her new one. She is readjusting every aspect of her life.

At the same time, be respectful of your mother’s beliefs and needs.

Remain patient, communicate openly and seek support when needed.

Here are some suggestions that might help:

a. Open and honest communication

1. Talk to your wife calmly about the situation.

Share your concerns about the tension and express your desire for peace and happiness.

See if she's willing to try to build a more amicable relationship with your mother, even if they don't become best friends.

Encourage her to show respect to your mother while maintaining her own boundaries and identity.

2. Do the same with your mother. Express your love and gratitude for her efforts but also your discomfort with the ongoing conflict.

Encourage her to try understanding your wife's perspective and consider setting boundaries to allow each other space.

b. Focus on respect and understanding

Encourage both your wife and mother to recognise each other's strengths and differences.

Remind them that while everyone does not need to get along perfectly, respect is essential.

Encourage them to focus on appreciating each other's qualities and contributions to the family.

A harmonious family environment benefits everyone, including the next generation (if any).

c. Setting boundaries

Discuss and establish clear boundaries with both your wife and mother regarding acceptable interaction and communication styles.

This could involve avoiding certain topics or having separate conversations when tension arises.

d. Consider involving a trusted elder to mediate between your wife and mother.

e. Remain open to finding compromises that consider everyone's needs and comfort levels.

This may involve adjusting living arrangements, sharing household responsibilities differently or finding common ground about shared activities.

f. This situation won’t have a quick fix so be patient and consistent in your efforts.

Focus on individual accountability; encourage both your wife and mother to take responsibility for their actions and communication styles.

Prioritise respectful co-existence. While a close relationship may not be possible, respectful co-existence is crucial for a peaceful family environment.

Remember, you cannot control their behaviour, but you can control how you react.

Ans: Dear Savendra,
I am sure this can throw you off balance when you don't understand the reason as to what is it that makes her upset. It is possible that she is at that age where her hormones are all over the place and this can cause mood related changes. Kindly visit a doctor who will be able to advice further on this.
As a couple, I would suggest spending more time together on holidays or date nights...you are never old to party or go on dates or simply catch up a cup of coffee together. This makes your bond stronger and newer as well.
Sometimes emotional challenges or lack of closeness can show up as anger or sadness...
Try newer ways of connecting...it will surely help you two get closer!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: What if the real issue isn’t the fights themselves, but the pattern they keep following? Every argument seems to have the same players, the same reactions, and the same outcome. But if nothing changes, where does that leave you? When emotions take over, who holds the power in the conversation - you or the reaction? If external voices are shaping your marriage, how much space is left for your own voice?
You can’t control how others behave, but you do control how you respond. If the same approach keeps leading to conflict, what would happen if you changed the way you engage? Would setting boundaries feel different if they came from a place of clarity rather than frustration? Would communication shift if the goal was to understand rather than to win?
The question isn’t just how to stop the fights - it’s how to break the cycle. Where do you start?
Wishing you success,
Aamish Dhingra
ICF-PCC Certified Life Coach
Co-Founder, Cocoweave Coaching International, Delhi