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How can I manage family conflict with a stubborn wife, interfering in-laws, and constant fights?

Aamish

Aamish Dhingra  |15 Answers  |Ask -

Life Coach - Answered on Mar 10, 2025

Aamish Dhingra is a life coach, educationalist and founder of Cocoweave Coaching International, which provides professional training to empower individuals and organisations.
With over seven years of experience in human resources, he specialises in corporate training, life coaching services and team coaching. His expertise lies in solving complex problems, leading innovative projects and delivering impactful solutions that drive growth and transformation.
Aamish completed his BBA (bachelor of business administration) from Amity University and MBA from Jamia Hamdard University, both in Noida.
He holds a PCC (professional certified coach) certification from the International Coaching Federation, USA, and a credentialed practitioner of coaching certification from the International Coach Guild, Australia.... more
Ajay Question by Ajay on Mar 07, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

I am 30 years old, I don't have a father. I have a family consisting of a brother, mother, wife and a 1 year old daughter. My wife and I always fight. In every fight my brother in law and mother in law interfere in every matter. They keep my wife's ego high. My wife also doesn't listen to me and listens to her mother. I am fed up with the fights. My wife behaves stubbornly. What should I do? Please tell me a solution...

Ans: What if the real issue isn’t the fights themselves, but the pattern they keep following? Every argument seems to have the same players, the same reactions, and the same outcome. But if nothing changes, where does that leave you? When emotions take over, who holds the power in the conversation - you or the reaction? If external voices are shaping your marriage, how much space is left for your own voice?
You can’t control how others behave, but you do control how you respond. If the same approach keeps leading to conflict, what would happen if you changed the way you engage? Would setting boundaries feel different if they came from a place of clarity rather than frustration? Would communication shift if the goal was to understand rather than to win?
The question isn’t just how to stop the fights - it’s how to break the cycle. Where do you start?
Wishing you success,
Aamish Dhingra
ICF-PCC Certified Life Coach
Co-Founder, Cocoweave Coaching International, Delhi

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, I am 45 year old and married from last 16 years and having 15 year old daughter . My Wife and I didn't have a good relation, We fight a lot, not sure what ever I speak she didn't like it and some how converted into argument , My wife is 10 year younger to me , I used to have good sex life at-least few year back, but relation was not good that time too, some how she is either having feeling of superiority or not sure what , She always blames me or my daughter if any things happen, she didn't ready to accept that she can be wrong . Previously even we used to have fight but overall things was fine , she used to generally fight but some how we do makeup after fight , now situation is out of control, she didn't accept her mistake and try to blame me for all the problem , she do over spend and if I try to control she start fighting, I think she just fight for what ever things she need for her selves , but always criticized / blame other , She pick up fight very easily with any one , She even fight a lot with our daughter . Even daughter some time suggest to go separate road than only she will understand , I try to go for concealing but no help , there also when used to discuss problem she hardly listen , even Councilor told her she must develop habit to listen others but nothing improve, I am not sure how to tackle this , She always sleep alone and if any disturbance she create ruckus , she want the things her own way if not than she can't tolerate . I am not sure but I need help here and problem after covid is more now , I try to manage these things previously but looks I don't have patience to handle this any more, I didn't like people blaming for no reason, it looks some time after doing so much for family I am nothing for my family and it is hurting me more. I will not say that I didn't fight , I do and mainly when I feel broken I shout on her and some time asked her to live the house , This may be as she always says she is looking for some one once she find she will leave the house , She always give threat and always say she didn't love me , She didn't find me attractive enough . She try to create environment where I should feel that I am not important person as well as social , I can write 10 more page around this but wanted to have some solution , not sure what could be best here . I wrote previously too but have not got any response yet.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I suggest that the two of you go and see a marriage therapist. This is not simply the job of a counselor; there is clearly a breakdown in the way your marriage is functioning...it needs both of you to build the marriage back again and the therapist will be able to see and review both sides and suggest/guide you two correctly.

10 or 20 pages are not going to help; what will help is that both of you sit down and think of why you are married and what you can do to rebuild it. Blaming her or yourself isn't anyway going to help...Rather than listing down each others' faults, try to work at this.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |581 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Relationship
Hi I am a married man with 2.4 years old daughter and my wife regularly fights with me and puts an allegation on me and blames me a thief and says I take out all her things and she also abuses my mother and at present my mother is staying alone some where and says that my mother should not come back and she fights with me in front of my daughter and uses abusive language and what ever is the situation she brings my mother in between the conversation and starts blaming me. She has thrown her out of the house and always keeps on fighting. I have a fear, that she might leave me or my daughter as I cannot stay without my daughter and she keeps on saying that I do not want to stay with you and after a heated moment she turns normal and again starts abusing me and my mother, and due to this I am not able to concentrate on my job as I keep on thinking all the times about what will happen. Kindly suggest me what should I do as I do not want to keep my daughter’s future on risk as she always keeps on saying that her brother will take care of her and her brother says he will take a different house for her somewhere else and will keep her there as I would also want to highlight that her brothers wife relation is also not good and she does not allows my wife to enter into her house and my mother is law is also disturbed. Kindly suggest me a solution...?
Ans: Dear Amit,
First, recognize that you need to establish a calm and safe environment for your daughter. Witnessing regular fights and hearing abusive language can affect her emotional development. Ensuring her well-being should be your top priority. When disagreements arise, try to de-escalate the situation, even if that means temporarily walking away to avoid heated exchanges. Protecting her from these conflicts will help create a more stable atmosphere.

Your wife's behavior—shifting between anger and normalcy—indicates that there might be underlying issues driving her actions. It could be unresolved frustrations, unmet expectations, or even external stressors affecting her emotions. While her way of expressing these feelings is not constructive, it's important to find a way to understand what’s fueling her anger. Having an open, non-confrontational conversation during a calm moment can be a starting point. Express your concerns about the impact of these fights on your relationship and your daughter, and make it clear that you want to work together to find solutions.

It may also be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor or family mediator. A professional can provide a safe space for both of you to express your grievances and work on resolving them constructively. It sounds like trust and respect have eroded in your relationship, and rebuilding them requires mutual effort and clear communication.

At the same time, focus on managing your stress and mental health. The constant worry about the future and your daughter's well-being is understandably affecting your ability to concentrate on work. Practice self-care through activities that help you stay grounded, whether it’s exercise, meditation, or speaking with a trusted friend or counselor about your feelings. Taking care of yourself will help you approach these challenges with a clearer mind.

If your wife continues to threaten to leave or involve her family in ways that disrupt your peace, it’s important to consider all legal and practical options to protect your rights and ensure the best for your daughter. Consult a legal advisor to understand your rights as a father and the steps you can take to secure your daughter’s future if separation becomes unavoidable.

Ultimately, resolving this situation will require patience, empathy, and, most importantly, a focus on what’s best for your child. If both you and your wife are willing to work on the relationship, there is hope for improvement. However, if the environment remains toxic despite your efforts, prioritizing your daughter's emotional and physical safety should guide your decisions moving forward.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |581 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, my wife always fights and swears at me on every small discussion, she ran away from our house 3 times after arguing. She also likes to talk to other guys after starting a fight with me and always compares me with them as she think those boys can take Good care of her while they just wanna use her, I've tried talking to her mother but the mother always supports and listens to my wife. We have 2 daughters aged 7 and 3. Please advice me on way forward because i am seriously fed up with her behaviour
Ans: Start by setting aside a calm moment to have a serious discussion with your wife about how her behavior affects you and the children. Use "I" statements to express your feelings, like "I feel hurt when you compare me to other men" or "I feel stressed when our discussions turn into arguments." This approach can help her see your perspective without feeling attacked.

Next, it might be helpful to set some boundaries. Explain that while you're committed to your marriage, you can't tolerate behavior that is disrespectful or harmful to the family. Clearly define what is acceptable and what is not, and let her know that continuous conflicts will have consequences for your relationship.

Consider seeking professional help through couples therapy or counseling. A neutral third party can help facilitate conversations, address underlying issues, and improve communication between you two. If your wife is resistant, you might still consider going alone to seek support and strategies for yourself.

When discussing her conversations with other men, emphasize your concerns for her safety and emotional well-being. Let her know that these interactions can create more significant issues in your relationship, especially with children involved. Encourage her to focus on building a strong family foundation rather than seeking validation from others.

Lastly, prioritize your daughters' well-being. Make sure they feel secure and loved, regardless of the challenges you're facing. If necessary, seek support from trusted friends or family members to help you navigate this situation.

Remember that you deserve respect and support in your relationship. If things do not improve despite your efforts, you may need to consider your options moving forward for your happiness and the well-being of your children.

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8296 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 28, 2025
Money
Dear Sir/Madam, I am considering investing in a commercial property located approximately 3-5 kilometers from the upcoming Navi Mumbai International Airport. I have identified a few commercial areas priced around Rs. 40 lakhs, offering a carpet area between 100-200 square feet. The anticipated average monthly rental yield is approximately Rs. 15,000. I plan to invest Rs. 25 lakhs of my own funds and would like to secure a bank loan for the remaining Rs. 15 lakhs. Currently, I have no existing loan liabilities and am employed in a salaried position. However, I am uncertain if this is a wise investment decision, especially since my bank EMI would exceed the expected monthly rental yield, and I may face additional expenses related to the property purchase. I would greatly appreciate your guidance on this matter. Thank you in advance for your assistance.
Ans: You have rightly thought about growing your wealth.

Investing with careful assessment is always a smart and disciplined move.

You are trying to create an extra income source, which is a wonderful financial habit.

However, your current investment plan needs careful re-evaluation.

Your concern about EMI being higher than rent is very valid.

You are already spotting possible cash flow risks at an early stage.

That shows your awareness and maturity towards financial planning.

Three cheers for this clarity at the beginning itself.

Analysis of Your Commercial Property Plan

Property near a new airport can seem attractive to many investors.

However, real estate investments have hidden risks and complexities.

Your rental yield expected is Rs. 15,000 per month.

But your EMI for Rs. 15 lakh loan will be higher than Rs. 15,000.

Thus, there will be a cash shortfall every month.

Also, maintenance charges, property taxes, brokerage fees will further eat into returns.

Finding a tenant immediately after purchase is also not guaranteed.

There could be long vacancy periods with no rent income.

Repairs, legal paperwork, society charges will cause unexpected additional expenses.

If tenant defaults, the recovery process is complicated and stressful.

Selling commercial property in future can also take a lot of time.

Real estate resale value depends on market cycles, which are not predictable.

Commercial spaces sometimes stay unsold or unrented for many months.

Hence, your investment capital will be locked and liquidity will become poor.

You will not be able to exit easily during an emergency.

Further, real estate price growth is slow and sometimes stagnant.

Even in prime locations, commercial properties carry such risks.

Thus, it is not ideal for generating safe monthly income.

Assessing Your Monthly Cash Flow Stability

You are a salaried person without any loan burden now.

Taking a new loan when EMI exceeds income from asset is risky.

It can cause high financial stress if job loss or salary cut happens.

Debt without guaranteed cash inflow weakens your financial strength.

Financial freedom comes by reducing liabilities, not by increasing EMIs unnecessarily.

Right now, you should focus on strengthening your cash flow safety.

Ensure your investments earn stable and predictable income for you.

Avoid entering into investments where outflows are bigger than inflows.

A mismatch in cash flow can derail your future financial goals.

Alternative and Safer Investment Strategy

You have a wonderful opportunity to invest Rs. 40 lakh wisely.

Instead of commercial property, choose safer and smarter options.

Invest in a diversified portfolio of debt mutual funds and hybrid mutual funds.

Opt for regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner for guided support.

Debt mutual funds provide stable returns and monthly income through SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan).

Hybrid mutual funds (Balanced Advantage Funds) can protect against inflation better.

Actively managed funds perform better than index funds in tough markets.

In index funds, you are tied to market ups and downs with no professional edge.

Hence, actively managed funds through a CFP offer better risk-managed growth.

Debt mutual funds taxation is reasonable under the new rules from April 2024.

Long-term capital gains are taxed as per income slab in debt funds.

For equity mutual funds, LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5% now.

Overall, the post-tax returns in mutual funds are attractive compared to property rentals.

Also, mutual fund portfolios are far more liquid than real estate.

You can sell or redeem easily whenever needed without heavy expenses.

Emergency Fund Creation Should be Priority

Before thinking about monthly income investments, secure an emergency fund.

Park 6 to 12 months of your expenses in liquid mutual funds.

Liquid funds are safe, low-risk, and can be withdrawn anytime within 1-2 days.

Never depend only on salary or investment income without a backup emergency fund.

Emergency funds give huge mental peace and financial confidence.

Health and Life Insurance Check

Ensure you have adequate health insurance cover for you and your family.

Minimum Rs. 10-15 lakh health cover is recommended individually.

Without health cover, one hospitalization can destroy your savings.

Also, take a pure term life insurance cover if dependents exist.

Avoid ULIP and endowment policies for insurance, they are not cost effective.

Pure term plan provides large cover at low premium, ensuring financial protection.

Retirement Planning Should Also Be Balanced

While creating monthly income now, plan for future retirement too.

Allocate some portion to long-term equity mutual funds through SIP.

This ensures you beat inflation and create a good retirement corpus.

Today’s Rs. 15,000 monthly expenses will be Rs. 50,000 after 20 years.

Hence, balancing current income needs and future corpus building is very important.

Important Risks If You Invest in Property Now

Cash flow mismatch (EMI greater than rent)

Long periods of vacancy

High transaction cost in buying and selling property

Maintenance cost, repairs, tenant-related legal issues

Property market volatility and slow appreciation

Difficulty in exiting when urgently needed funds

Poor liquidity compared to mutual funds

Simple Action Plan for You Now

Do not invest in commercial property at this stage

Invest in diversified mutual funds portfolio (Debt + Hybrid funds)

Start SWP for monthly income after proper fund selection with CFP guidance

Build emergency fund in liquid mutual funds (Rs. 4 to 6 lakh)

Take health insurance and term insurance cover without delay

Keep small allocation for long-term SIPs for retirement corpus

Review portfolio every 6-12 months with a Certified Financial Planner

Finally

Your goal of building a stable monthly income is very good.

However, investing in commercial property near airport is risky and unsuitable now.

Focus on low-risk, liquid and inflation-beating mutual funds for regular income.

Have a well-rounded 360-degree financial plan covering income, emergency, insurance, and retirement.

Your financial journey will be much safer, stronger, and stress-free.

Right strategy today will help you achieve real financial freedom tomorrow.

You are already thinking smartly, now just align execution with a structured plan.

If you wish to reach out personally, you can connect through my website mentioned below.

This platform restricts direct personal contact sharing. Hope you understand.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8296 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 28, 2025
Money
Sir, I am an NRI (aus), 40 years old. I am aiming for 10cr in 10 years with 20L per year investment. I zeroed in the following, are they good? Assuming 15% growth per annum. Parag Parekh flexi cap direct Axis flexi cap direct g HDFC mid cap opportunities direct g SBI small cap fund direct g ICICI pru technology direct g.
Ans: You want to build Rs 10 crore in 10 years.

You plan to invest Rs 20 lakh per year.

Your target is very inspiring and focused.

You assume 15% growth per year from investments.

This ambition is achievable but needs careful planning and right execution.

At 40 years, you still have time, but need to be very disciplined.

It is good that you are thinking seriously about long-term wealth creation.

However, we need to assess the investment choices deeply.

Evaluation of Your Current Selection
You have selected 5 direct mutual fund schemes.

You selected flexi cap, mid cap, small cap and technology sector funds.

Your selection shows you are willing to take higher equity risk.

Still, few important points must be considered before proceeding.

I will explain the strengths and risks clearly below.

Problems with Direct Mutual Funds
Direct mutual funds are cheaper but not automatically better.

Without Certified Financial Planner guidance, wrong direct fund choices can happen.

Direct funds need constant monitoring and periodic rebalancing.

If you miss reviewing, risk will increase over years.

Investing through a Certified Financial Planner + MFD gives full 360-degree service.

A regular plan managed through MFD with CFP ensures disciplined monitoring.

Professional rebalancing keeps your portfolio healthy against market ups and downs.

Saving 1% expense ratio is not useful if you lose 20% capital by wrong strategy.

Thus, direct funds are not recommended for serious wealth building goals like yours.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Although you have not mentioned Index funds, still important to highlight here.

Index funds blindly follow the market, they do not aim to beat it.

They invest even in poor companies just because they are in index.

No active decision-making to protect during market fall.

In India, actively managed funds have consistently outperformed index funds.

Index funds are good only in developed countries, not in India yet.

Thus, actively managed mutual funds are better for your 10 crore goal.

Analysis of Your Selected Categories
Now let's look at each category you have selected.

Flexi Cap Funds
Flexi cap funds are very versatile and flexible.

They invest across large, mid, and small cap companies.

They are core funds and suitable for long term investing.

Having two different flexi cap funds is slightly overlapping.

One good flexi cap fund is enough.

Select based on strong consistent performance under Certified Financial Planner guidance.

Mid Cap Fund
Mid caps offer higher growth potential compared to large caps.

They also carry higher volatility risk.

Mid cap exposure must be limited to 20-25% of portfolio.

Selection of quality midcap fund is critical.

Blind selection can backfire badly during market corrections.

Small Cap Fund
Small caps are even more volatile than mid caps.

They give high returns only when market is extremely strong.

In down markets, they can fall 60-70%.

Small cap exposure should not exceed 10-15% of total portfolio.

Handling small caps requires experienced monitoring.

Not suitable for very aggressive allocation unless monitored monthly by CFP.

Technology Sector Fund
Sector funds like technology funds are very risky.

If sector performs, gains will be big.

If sector underperforms, losses will be severe.

Sector exposure should be maximum 5-10% of your portfolio.

Technology sector is very cyclical and policy dependent.

Too much sector allocation can derail your 10 crore goal.

Ideal Structure for You
Now, based on your inputs, here is a better structure for you.

Again, no scheme names are suggested, as per your instruction.

Core Portfolio (65% to 70%)
One strong Flexi Cap fund (managed by good fund manager).

One Large and Mid Cap fund (balanced approach towards large caps and midcaps).

One Conservative Hybrid Equity Fund (for stability during market volatility).

Satellite Portfolio (30% to 35%)
One focused Mid Cap fund with proven track record.

One selected Small Cap fund but with strict monitoring.

Minimal sector exposure like Technology, not more than 5%.

Regular review of sector allocation every quarter.

Important Points to Consider
Maintain proper diversification across sectors and market caps.

Avoid duplication of same category funds.

Choose only consistent long-term performers.

Annual rebalancing is a must.

Review fund performance once in 6 months minimum.

Align investments based on market valuations with CFP guidance.

Managing Risk and Returns
When aiming for Rs 10 crore, managing risk is as important as earning returns.

Never keep 100% equity exposure throughout 10 years.

Move part of profits to safer instruments as you near 10 years.

Create an asset allocation roadmap now itself.

Follow the roadmap strictly under Certified Financial Planner supervision.

Use Systematic Transfer Plans (STPs) whenever shifting money between categories.

Inflation and Taxes
Inflation is your biggest enemy, bigger than taxes.

At 6% inflation, Rs 10 crore after 10 years will feel like Rs 5.5 crore today.

Thus, you must keep wealth creation target a little higher than 10 crore.

New MF Capital Gain Tax rules must be kept in mind:

Equity fund LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains taxed at 20%.

Debt funds fully taxed as per your income slab.

Plan withdrawals carefully to minimise tax impact.

Importance of Certified Financial Planner Support
Since you are serious about wealth creation, professional support is very important.

A Certified Financial Planner will give you:

Proper asset allocation based on your risk capacity.

Right fund selection based on 360-degree analysis.

Regular portfolio review and timely rebalancing.

Tax efficient withdrawal planning.

Contingency planning in case of emergencies.

Alignment of investments with your long term goals.

Emotional discipline during market volatility.

Peace of mind that your future is well protected.

Final Insights
You have shown excellent clarity and commitment towards your financial goals.

However, building Rs 10 crore is a serious, full-time task needing expert care.

Your fund selection direction is good but needs fine-tuning for stability and efficiency.

Direct mutual funds without professional guidance can expose you to unnecessary risks.

Active management, regular reviews, dynamic rebalancing will increase your success chances.

Focus on wealth preservation as much as on wealth creation over next 10 years.

Please make sure your family is also aware of your plans and investments.

I sincerely appreciate your proactive and visionary thinking for your future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Nagarajan Jsk

Dr Nagarajan Jsk   |350 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Apr 28, 2025

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