I need advice on how to keep my wife and mom from fighting so much. We are currently staying with my mom due to her having so many health issues. It doesnt help that 3 people are living in a small camper with no privacy. I know most of that is the issue but im afraid to leave my mom alone but she doesn't want to move to a bigger place. I work about 50 hours a week and cannot mediate between them. Ive tried both talking to them separately and together. My mom says my wife does things to intentionally annoy her and my wife says my mom is to controlling. Im trapped in the middle because no matter what i do or say im defending someone. Help please..
Ans: Dear Jay,
Two grown-ups must be allowed to deal with their unique relationship their way. The responsibility of how it turns out is theirs and not yours. So, honestly step back. The reason you possibly might want to play the peacemaker is you feel responsible towards your wife and your mother; please don't and stay off of it. The more you play this role, the more you make them dependent on you.
Yes, it's a difficult thing as a son to leave your mother especially with so many health issues, BUT is she physically incapable of caring for herself? Is it possible that she can live with a sibling of yours or any other family member for a few weeks? This gives you some breathing space and some time with your wife where you connect without the external challenges that are creeping into your relationship with her.
Also, this space will allow both the women to appreciate one another and also learn the valuable presence each has on the family. So, no more mediation BUT time to do something different with less talk and more results. Try this...of course, you need to be prepared to move on from this fear of leaving your mother alone which you are not...it's just requesting her to live with another family member (your sibling OR her sibling).
Slowly, you can bring up the topic of shifting to a larger space whereby each of you have some space from one another. First things first is to diffuse the tension between the two before suggesting any big changes. You can give this a shot, yeah?
All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
